It was already an hour passed since I went here to the balcony of Jongin-oppa’s house. It was cold since it was already in wee hours of the morning but I couldn’t care less. I was lying down my bed for few hours ago since Sehun dropped me off but I still can’t sleep. So I decided to go here to at least clear my mind.

The scene from the back seat of his car kept on replaying inside my mind and my tears won’t stop falling. It is painful to see Sehun cry like that but it is more painful to me because I know I was the reason behind those tears. My only wish for him is nothing but happiness and that his smile would never leave his face because he is always there to me. But here I am, the person who made my best friend cry.

“You should sleep now Hye Joon-ah.” I heard Jongin-oppa said then felt a thick blanket was placed over my shoulders. I turned to looked at him and saw him went over the railings beside me, looking down at their small garden. I whispered a soft thank you to him which he just nodded in response.

“How are you?” he asked quietly as he turned to me. His eyes soften at the sight of me. I’m sure my eyes and nose were in red color due to crying and my lips looked pale because of the weather. He sighed at me and adjusted the blanket he draped over me to cover me more.

“S-since when did you k-know?” I asked him instead. He looked briefly at me before he looked back down over their garden.

“Does it really matter how? You guys are with me as long as I can remember. It’s easy to see things the two of you can’t clearly see.”

“So why didn’t you tell me those things?” I said, but I didn’t intentionally want my question to sound like I was blaming him for what happened. But I somehow felt betrayed. I saw him pressed his lips together in firm line before answering me.

“Will things change in any case I tell you that he have feelings for you? Or if in any case I have called you out last summer when you still have feelings for Sehun?” he asked me back instead. My lips parted in surprise with his question. Will things change? I don’t know the answer to that question.

“You two were all grown up now. I don’t want to interfere since that’s your feelings. I don’t want to spell it out to you guys because the magic of your feelings will disappear. It would looked like I dictated what you guys feel because I said those things that suddenly the two of you are feeling those. You don’t know hard it is to see you crying right now but life without ups and downs are not life at all! It doesn’t work that way in life Hye Joon-ah.” He said as he paused a bit since his voice was slowly getting louder. I flinched a little when he said my name, suddenly looking scared that he quickly mumbled a sorry. I have never seen Jongin-oppa like this, he had never raised his voice on me. He took a deep breath before continuing again, this time, his voice was softer and calmer.

“It won’t be counted as an experience if I told you those. Sometimes we need to taste the bitterness of pain to appreciate the sweetness of happiness in life. Besides, you guys already decided what role you two want to play on each other’s lives even before seeing things through your feelings. You kept on convincing yourself that you are only his best friend, you don’t want to go over that because he is important to you. That’s why you decided to let go of your feelings for him last summer because you are afraid of losing him if ever he finds out your feelings. I’m just an outsider to both of your feelings Hye Joon-ah. So whatever I say will not change the decision you two already have, even if I would try to talk to you guys over and over again. Because I know you two, whatever you decided, that’s already final.” He said as he cupped my face with his two hands, gently caressing my cheeks. He gave me a small smile of encouragement before speaking again.

“So my not so favorite cousin, stop crying okay? Sehun won’t be happy if he knows that you are crying at his expense. Remember, this was his choice. He doesn’t want you to choose between him and Kyungsoo-hyung so he gave way already because he knows you will be caught in between. And that is something neither I wanted because we don’t want you to get hurt more okay? We love you so stop crying.” he added sweetly while patting my head like I am a kid. I nodded my head in response however I stopped and my eyes widen the moment I realized what he fully said.

“You knew that also?!” I exclaimed, suddenly feeling rushed inside. I suddenly felt warm all over my body and I know my cheeks were burning so madly. How did he knew?! He chuckled at my reaction as he winked at me teasingly.

“I told you it is easy to see things when you are an observer.” He answered as he ruffled my hair this time. I pouted back at him but he just laughed at my reaction and pinched my already burning cheek.

“H-how?” I asked, feeling defeated, tapping his hand away. I’ve tried so hard to keep it with myself. I mean, I just realized it by the end of last semester. So how could he possibly knew when I haven’t told anyone too about what happened during the winter vacation? I saw him shrugged his shoulders before answering me.

“Hye Joon-ah, even Sehun knew right from the start, so what makes you think that I would not know? The others might noticed or not, but you acted different when it comes to him. Your eyes were practically glued to him the moment he walk inside the room.” He said and I can’t helped but be embarrassed more at his statement.

“Yah…” I called him out as I buried and hide my face inside the blanket he had given me. I felt him patting my head tenderly, the ones that brothers give to their younger siblings.

“Anyway, I have already told you that Kyungsoo-hyung is complicated. I am not against whatever you are feeling because I know I cannot do anything to change that. And I’m sorry I cannot save you from the pain you are c