The room was solemn, peach dark, and shrouded with white noise, Xiaotang drowned herself in her sadness as she rolled herself in her blanket. She woke up earlier than her alarm clock; she couldn't sleep well at all. It's Wednesday, she also plans to skip school today. When her alarm clock rang, she automatically dismissed it. She tried sleeping again; maybe this time she can have a proper sleep. An hour later, her mother barged into her room and opened the curtains. She purposely used the vacuum cleaner to clean the room and to wake her. She was awoken by the loud and irritating noise of the vacuum, she pulled the pillow and covered it on her face to lessen the noise, but it was no use. Her mother pulled the blanket off her. "Xiaotang, get up it's time for breakfast, dear!" Xiaotang was groaning in protest because she's still sleepy. "Oh, wow, you're cranky. It's your third-day for skipping school. I already talked to the principal about your behavior at school," The day before yesterday, she went to school because she was called about the matter. There has been a report about them cutting classes. The principal was worried about the behavior of the students influencing other students to cut class with them. Yuyan, Lu Keran, and Lin Fan claimed that it was their fault that they persuaded the others to cut class with them, even though it wasn't the whole truth; they just don't want them to get involved. The school admin didn't know about the incident between them and the North Jade All-Girls High School; they didn't tell them about it to save themselves from the punishment. It's a big problem for the school if they knew their students had violence with other schools. If they knew about it they could be suspended or worse, they can be expelled from school. "Just to tell you, I'm not fine with it. We need to talk," She wasn't surprised that Xiaotang would be doing something mischievous, but she never had expected that she would be the type to get into serious trouble that could cause harm.

Xiaotang didn't come out of her room last Sunday after she had a sleepover at Dai Yanni's. Xiaotang's mother didn't see her daughter or was greeted by her daughter when the latter came home last Saturday. She wouldn't have known about her bruise if she hadn't checked up on Xiaotang. She understood why she went to Dai Yanni's condo instead of coming home last Friday. She looked at Xiaotang who wasn't listening to her; she was still lying on the bed, covering her face with a pillow. She pulled the pillow off her face. "Don't do that you'll suffocate," She looked at her face, she noticed her bruise had lessened but her eyes were puffy; she knew Xiaotang had been crying, she wanted to know why. "Xiaotang, I don't like that attitude, sit up let's talk," Xiaotang was hiding her face, embarrassed that her mother would notice her puffy eyes. "I just want to know where did that bruise came from? I want to know the truth."

Xiaotang was reluctant to face her mother but she doesn't want to lie about it either. "We got into a fight from the North Jade High School. Mama, I swear, we didn't seek for a fight, that punka*ss chupacabra punched my face."

"Xiaotang, don't say mean things," Her mother warned her for her use of words.

"She does look like a chupacabra," She said but she pursed when her mother was giving her a scary reprimanding look. "I decided to cut class with my friends. I wasn't impelled if that's what they said to the principal."

"Then what happened?" She was open to hearing Xiaotang's story, she was bracing herself in case her daughter did something bad.

"We skipped classes to play basketball with the North Jades. Mama, I swear, we never initiated the fight. I even wanted to quit the game when they were playing rough and they got pissed for losing. We didn't fight them back, my other friends arrived in time just to scare them off. There was no beating. I was the only one beaten badly," Xiaotang looked at her in the eyes directly, telling the whole truth. Her mother was just glad her daughter didn't fight back but she was disappointed when Dai Yanni called her last Friday but she didn't tell her about it. "Well, I did expect Dai Yanni to cover up for you, you two are best friends after all."

Xiaotang flinched when she heard Dai Yanni's name. "No, Dai Yanni didn't know. I didn't tell her either. I told her I got into an accident and told her not to tell you. She didn't know what happened," She didn't want her mother to get angry with Dai Yanni. "Please, don't get mad at her. I'm the one who begged her not to tell you."

Her mother noticed Xiaotang's teary eyes; she was curious why she was crying. Was it because she was scared of getting punished? "Then why were you crying?"

Xiaotang was fazed by the question. She hasn't thought of any excuses to tell her mother. Did she think her mother wouldn't notice her puffy eyes? She has to come up with something even if it's stupid. Her mother noticed the hesitation; she understood that her daughter didn't want to tell her. She didn't want to pry, she respects her privacy. She could feel it's about Dai Yanni. This wasn't the first time Xiaotang acted like this. Maybe they had a best friend fight again. "Ok, fine I won't ask you. You should go to school tomorrow," She told Xiaotang and kissed her cheek. Xiaotang nodded, she watched her mother leave the room. As soon as the door was closed, she immediately lay down on her bed. She was tired of crying and thinking about last Friday. Dai Yanni's words keep playing on a loop inside her head.

She wondered.

What is it?

What is it about her?

What does she like about her?

Her mind was running around of the thoughts about Dai Yanni that she didn't realize she was slowly drifting off to sleep.

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They were in their second year of junior high school. Xiaotang was studying hard for the upcoming test. She couldn't get past one problem and stuck for fifteen minutes of pondering how to arrive at the answer. "Ugh! Why can't I get it?" She lay down on the carpeted-floor feeling defeated by all those numbers. She hated seeing numbers in an equation, she despises them. The only number she loves is when she sees her money in her bank account given by her father. She grumbled on the floor like a whiny brat and when Dai Yanni came into the living room, she asked Xiaotang what problem-solving she was stuck at. Xiaotang sat down properly when she saw her brought food and drinks. She always likes it when Dai Yanni makes some food for her.

"I'll teach you later, I made some sandwiches," She told Xiaotang to set aside the notebooks and books so she could put the tray on the coffee table.

Xiaotang told her parents that she would sleep over at Dai Yanni's house because she wanted to study for the test. Her parents were glad to let her since they could see their daughter studying and she has been influenced by Dai Yanni to do her best in school.

They were polar opposite; Xiaotang is hard-headed and reckless while Dai Yanni is well-behaved and gentle. Nobody would have thought that they would quite mix well. They don't quite talk a lot in school since they were in different classes and they have different circles of friends. Still, they insert time to hang out after school or during the weekends. They also visit each other's houses often.

When Xiaotang took a bite of the sandwich, she praised Dai Yanni for its taste. She even asked if she could have some more, Dai Yanni told her to not eat a lot so she wouldn't be stuffed when they eat dinner later. Xiaotang just didn't protest. She never protests what Dai Yanni tells her. Her parents can tell that Xiaotang is more obedient to Dai Yanni than to them. That's why they were happy that Dai Yanni plays a good role model for their daughter.

After finishing eating their snack, Dai Yanni put the plate and glasses in the sink to wash them. Then, she went back into the living room to continue studying with Xiaotang. She picked the foam and put it on the floor to sit beside Xiaotang, and started teaching her how to solve the math problem step-by-step. "Listen, you have to do this way," She pointed to the numbers with her pen and started explaining.

While Dai Yanni was explaining how to solve the math problem, Xiaotang couldn't help stare at Dai Yanni's face. She noticed that Dai Yanni has become prettier, not that she's not pretty, she just didn't find her attractive before. She remembered how chubby Dai Yanni was when they were in elementary and slowly losing weight when they started junior high school. She couldn't help to look at Dai Yanni's long eyelashes, her alluring dark ocean eyes, her perfect idol-like-nose, her sharp jaw, and her pink lips.

She wondered why she just notices it now.

Dai Yanni noticed Xiaotang was staring at her, she stopped writing. "Is there something in my face?" She wiped her face in case there was dirt.

Xiaotang was startled when she was caught staring at her. She felt weirded by her actions but she cannot help not notice some changes in her. "No, it's just... " She paused when she suddenly smelled something nice. "Wait, are you wearing perfume?" She smelled Dai Yanni playfully.

"What are you doing?" Dai Yanni shoved off Xiaotang's face from her, annoyed by her demeanor.

"I knew it! You're wearing perfume, aren't you?"

Dai Yanni looked at her in a grimace. "Why would I wear perfume when I'm at home? You're crazy," She shook her head. "I know you're just killing time. Finish this one problem," She passed the notebook for her to answer.

"Oh, hahaha," Xiaotang just laughed it off, but she was sure Dai Yanni smelled like a lilac flower – sweet and nice.

She loves her scent.

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Xiaotang saw her male upperclassman confessing to Dai Yanni at the school's botanical garden. She noticed that there were many guys in their school confessing to her friend lately. She wasn't surprised, to be honest; Dai Yanni has gotten prettier as days go by. She wanted to tell her that, but part of her doesn't want to, and she doesn't know why.

She was thinking Dai Yanni would probably reject the guy. Dai Yanni has no time for boyfriends as she's always focused on her academics. But when she saw the guy was holding Dai Yanni's hand, she could feel something weird the way she felt about it. She couldn't explain what it was, so she turned around and walked away from the area.

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Xiaotang had lunch with Dai Yanni and her boyfriend at the cafeteria. She was told by Dai Yanni that she wanted to introduce her boyfriend to her, so she agreed to have lunch with them. She couldn't help herself not being rude to the guy every time he opened his mouth. He kept showing off that it pissed Xiaotang. She could smell the guy was being pretentious even from kilometers away. He talks about stuff that he clearly doesn't know for the sake of impressing them. Xiaotang was baffled why Dai Yanni would date a guy like him. Yeah sure, he is handsome but he is a dimwitted person that needs a handful of beating because he is so full of himself.

Xiaotang has a chauffeur that drives her to school. Her house and Dai Yanni's house were in a different direction, so she couldn't pick up Dai Yanni every morning because she sometimes gets late for school; Dai Yanni takes the train in the morning and after school, but sometimes she rides along with Xiaotang and drops her off at her house. Xiaotang gets pissed whenever the guy goes home with Dai Yanni because she already made plans for the two of them but gets canceled and she couldn't have time with her anymore. They barely talk at all at school because they weren't classmates and Dai Yanni is busy since she's part of the student council officers. She wanted to tell Dai Yanni about it but she couldn't tell her that because she's not in the position to say so.

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Xiaotang scoffed at the idea that the guy has stayed that long and she blames him that she and Dai Yanni weren't talking anymore for four months now. She misses Dai Yanni, she doesn't want to admit it but she really does. She misses talking to her, taking her home, going out with her during the weekends, and going to her house whenever she wants to. She wanted to tear off her pride and make the first move. She just wanted to be with Dai Yanni the way they used to be.

After school, she stayed longer than usual and waited for Dai Yanni to finish her work at the student council office. When Dai Yanni was finished, she was surprised Xiaotang was waiting for her outside the office.

"What are you doing here?" Dai Yanni asked her, just to be sure.

"What kind of question is that?"

Dai Yanni rolled her eyes, as usual, Xiaotang always talks like that, and sometimes it pisses her off; she walks past Xiaotang saying nothing. Xiaotang couldn't hold it any longer; she hated what she was feeling when their relationship had turned like this. It panged her heart that they don't talk and hang out like they used to. She grabbed her hand to stop her from walking away from her.

"What?" Dai Yanni asked, looking directly in her eyes.

Xiaotang wanted to tell her she misses her so much that it's hard to be away with her. Her lips were trembling to say it. The words wouldn't come out of . She didn't realize how close they were until she noticed Dai Yanni's lips like it was tempting her to kiss her, and then she thought, maybe, the guy has already kissed her. She wondered how the guy felt every time he kisses Dai Yanni's lips.

Was it soft?

How does it taste like?

She got angry at the thought that he might have done something lewd to Dai Yanni. She couldn't take it. She doesn't want anyone to touch her.

She's jealous.

She knew it.

She was jealous all along.

"Break up with him," She told Dai Yanni in all seriousness. Her gaze was focused on her.

"Ok." Dai Yanni answered without hesitation.

Xiaotang was surprised by Dai Yanni's reply, she wasn't expecting it. She even realized what she said was selfish. "I'm sorry... I..." She let go of her hand. "I didn't mean to say that... It's just... You don't have to dump him," She didn't know why she said something like that.

"I understand."

When she heard Dai Yanni she understood her, she couldn't help but hug her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. I'm so selfish. It's just..."

"It's just, what?"

Xiaotang looked into Dai Yanni's alluring dark ocean eyes, they were drawing her to tell what she really wanted to say. "I miss my best friend." Xiaotang felt home when Dai Yanni hugged her back, even tighter. It was a comforting feeling like all of her worries were gone in an instant.

The next day, The male upperclassman was going to buy concert tickets for the two of them but he canceled buying it when Dai Yanni called it a quits, she reasoned that she was busy with her academics and her responsibility as a student council officer. He understood it anyway, he just felt devastated that the popular girl in school dumped him.

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During the school festival when they were in their third year of junior high school, an underclassman confessed to Xiaotang. It threw her off guard when the person who confessed to her was a girl. She never had expected someone would like her, especially not with a girl. Xiaotang doesn't know how to react to it; it was a new and fascinating feeling for her. The underclassman told her she wouldn't pressure anything if she's not into that kind of route. She told her female underclassman she doesn't know how to answer the confession but she was curious. Her underclassman told her wittily that she'll give her a free trial and she won't feel bad if it doesn't turn out well for both of them. She understood Xiaotang's worry since that kind of relationship is frowned upon by many, they have to keep it a secret from everyone. Especially for Xiaotang, from all the people she doesn't want to find out about them, she is most scared that Dai Yanni might find out that she's dating a female underclassman. She doesn't want her to know about it, she thinks Dai Yanni will oppose this kind of relationship. So, she tried her best to be subtle about them. They were dating but they didn't have a label.

Xiaotang has been hanging out most of her time with her underclassman for almost two months, exchanging written letters, watching each other's club practices, going out to watch movies, eating together after school, and last time, their Friday night was supposed to be Xiaotang and Dai Yanni's Movies and Chill at Xiaotang's house, but Xiaotang spent time with her underclassman going to the carnival. She forgot that she and Dai Yanni already made plans. When Dai Yanni called her to ask where she was since she's been waiting for her reply, Xiaotang had to cancel it at the last minute. She lied to Dai Yanni that she had an important matter to do with her father. She felt bad for forgetting about the plan and mostly for lying to her. And to compensate for what she did, she decided to spend the whole Saturday to be with her best friend; she went to her house the next day.

Dai Yanni raised her brow looking at Xiaotang who brought her a box of cake, a bouquet, and a medium-sized giraffe plushie. "What brought you here?" She just received Xiaotang's message that she was outside her house. She wasn't expecting Xiaotang, to be honest. She was curious about why she came to see her.

"It's... Um... Ahh, I'm sorry for not spending time with you," Xiaotang was trying her best to not drop the bouquet while she was holding the stuffed toy and the box of cake.

"And why is that?" She crossed her arms, hearing what Xiaotang has to say.

"It's... Um... Ahh..." Xiaotang couldn't think of any reason on the spot, she was just stuttering. She couldn't even focus on what to say when there were a lot of things she was carrying.

Dai Yanni was irritated looking at how Xiaotang was struggling with a lot of things that she was holding. "Come inside, I look like a coldhearted person for not letting you in."

Xiaotang laughed uncomfortably at Dai Yanni's remark as she entered the house.

"Do you know you act silly today?"

"It's... Um... Ahh–"

"Are you pregnant?"

"N-no! Of course not! Why would you think that?"

"Then, why are you acting like this? Wait, let's not talk here, let's talk in my room."

"Your room?"

"Where else do you want us to talk, in the bathroom?" She sighed. "Go to my room," Dai Yanni reached for the bouquet and the box of cake that Xiaotang was holding. She was going to put the bouquet in a vase and put the cake inside their fridge.

"Ah, right!" Xiaotang handed them and could only say he-he at her with unease on her face. She felt Dai Yanni already caught it since she was so suspicious. She walked to Dai Yanni's room and met her mother along the stairs, she greeted her. Dai Yanni's mother asked if she's going to sleepover which she answered yes. Dai Yanni's mother was glad so she would cook her a special hot pot from their province. After having a small talk, Xiaotang proceeded to go inside Dai Yanni's room and put the medium-sized giraffe plushie on Dai Yanni's bed. She sat on the sofa and the TV to watch a music show. She leaned back and played a game on her smartphone while waiting for Dai Yanni to come. She remembered she wanted to watch a movie but she hasn't decided which movie to watch. She Dai Yanni's laptop that was on the desk and search for a horror film. They love watching horror films even though they easily get scared.

A couple of minutes later, Dai Yanni arrived in the room. She sat on her bed, looking at Xiaotang searching for movies on the internet.

Xiaotang suddenly heard Dai Yanni clearing to call her attention. "Hm?"

"Xiaotang, I want you to tell me the truth."

Xiaotang flinched at the question, she saw this coming. "Is it because I came here?" She avoided looking at Dai Yanni and continued searching for movies. "I felt bad for canceling our plan yesterday."

But Dai Yanni didn't buy her excuse. "I know you're hiding something from me."

Xiaotang was shaking internally but she didn't want to tell her. She's scared of telling her. "Why would you think that I'm hiding something from you?"

"If you're not hiding anything from me, come here and look me directly in the eyes."

Xiaotang knew she was doomed when Dai Yanni told her that. She has no choice but to do what she was told. She stood up and sat on the bed beside her. She faced her and opened her eyes widely, jesting. "Do you think I know how to lie to you? Look at this face," She pointed at herself, making funny faces. Since she couldn't act well in front of her, why not do something silly to let the matter slide?

Dai Yanni wasn't amused, she knew her too well, she can't be fooled by Xiaotang's old antics. "Of course, you can't. Do you think I wouldn't know you're dating someone?"

Xiaotang's heart skipped a beat, she wanted to tell her in all honesty but she's afraid that Dai Yanni will stop being her friend when she knows that she's dating a girl. She couldn't hide it forever, eventually, Dai Yanni will always find out about it. She couldn't even look at her, scared that she might be judged or worse; avoid her for eternity if she tells her the truth. She couldn't fathom the thoughts that were running in her mind. She started drawing a distance between them. "Yes, I'm dating someone," She ducked her head down bracing herself from whatever Dai Yanni's reaction will be.

"I see..." Dai Yanni was quiet for a minute before she could continue. "Is it the girl from class 2B?"

Xiaotang was surprised, she looked at Dai Yanni. How could she know that she's dating the female underclassman? Were they very obvious?

"I bet you're thinking right now is why I know it's her."

Xiaotang was speechless, she didn't know how to react but she was curious how she found out about them.

"You thought I didn't notice those smiles of yours when you're on your phone? You stay longer at school to wait for her. I know because I saw you two together." Dai Yanni paused. "How long have you been dating her?"

"Wait, you're not mad at me for dating a girl?" Xiaotang tilted her head, wondering if she's really ok about it. She wasn't expecting her reaction, to be honest.

"Why would I be? Do you think I despise that kind of relationship?" Dai Yanni scoffed. "Zhao Xiaotang, of all people, you should know better."

Maybe Xiaotang was just overthinking the scenarios in her head. After all, she was just scared that she'll lose her best friend. Surprisingly, she had a different reaction from her. She thought Dai Yanni opposes that kind of relationship. Since the topic was opened, it's better to tell her the truth. "We're not really in a relationship, we're just dating to see where it goes."

"So, how is it going?"

"It's going pretty good, she's nice and patient with me."

"Do you love her?"

"I..." Does she love her underclassman? – She thought. She doesn't have a clear answer for it. Although, she really does like her. But love? Love is a deep word. She can't say she's in love with her underclassman. She's not on that level yet. She's just enjoying what they have and she hasn't thought about the label. She forgot about it. But what's intriguing is, Dai Yanni cared to ask about these things to her.

Why?

Is Dai Yanni jealous that she spent time with others aside from her?

But Dai Yanni is the only special person for Zhao Xiaotang. Nobody could top that.

She loves h–

Love?

Isn't love a confusing word?

Love can be in all forms.

She doesn't want to think about it. It's a scary realization that she's been pushing aside. It's not possible for her to be...

"No, I'm not in love with her," Xiaotang told Dai Yanni in all honesty. She wasn't really in love, she just loves the thought of doing those cute and sweet things but not with the person. It's been two months and she still hasn't felt anything special for her.

"Don't you think what you're doing is wrong?"

"But we don't have a label."

"That's the point, she's expecting you'd feel something after all those dates. If you were in her shoe, how would you feel?"

Xiaotang looked at Dai Yanni who was just silent but giving her a look that compels her to answer.

"Disappointed."

Still, Dai Yanni was giving her the look.

"Sad."

Persuading her to speak more.

"Brokenhearted."

And more.

"I know, I know! Stop looking at me like that like I'm a bad person." Xiaotang pursed her lips. Every time she looks into Dai Yanni's eyes and her silence makes her say more, drawing to speak all her thoughts. "Ugh! Fine, I'll tell her this Monday."

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In the corner area of the library where students don't usually visit to search for some books, Xiaotang decided to talk to her underclassman there. The atmosphere between them was unusual. They get along well and laugh at things, but this time they were silent. Xiaotang had a hard time telling her. She didn't want to hurt her even though it was inevitable.

"Why do I feel you're breaking up with me even though we don't have a label to begin with?" The underclassman broke the ice and laughed uncomfortably, trying to ease herself because she already knew what Xiaotang was about to say.

"I'm sorry," Xiaotang couldn't find the right words to say. She felt guilty and bad for prolonging their dates even though she couldn't love her in return.

"Hey don't be sorry, as I said before, subscription trial," The underclassman joked even though she was undeniably hurt but she can't do anything about it. She can't force Xiaotang to like her back. "Xiaotang Shijie, don't worry, I saw this coming," Her eyes were starting to glisten, she was hurt but she did expect it sooner or later Xiaotang will realize her feelings.

Xiaotang was angry at herself, she couldn't do anything to console her. She knew she was at fault. She groaned as she covered her face with her palms and drag them down in frustration for being so dumb and insensitive. "I'm sorry, Dai Yanni was right. I shouldn't have done that if I knew I couldn't return your feelings in the end. I thought I could like you the way you like me. I'm sorry," She squatted down, ducking her head down in embarrassment and annoyance to herself. She was being selfish, she knows that.

She heard her underclassman sighed heavily.

"Dai Yanni this, Dai Yanni that, are you sure you're not in love with her?"

The statement caught her off guard. She looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?... We... She's my best friend."

The underclassman squatted down to talk to her in eye to eye. "I'm not sure if you realize it but I think you have feelings for Yanni Shijie."

Xiaotang flinched; she didn't expect her underclassman would say that. How could she think that she likes Dai Yanni? She's just her best friend and nothing more.

There's nothing between them.

She doesn't have that kind of feelings for Dai Yanni – She keeps telling herself over and over.

She convinced herself she doesn't feel that way.

"Why would you say that?" Xiaotang's lips quivered.

She couldn't possibly...

She stopped at the thought.

She doesn't want to entertain it. She has to push back the absurd thoughts.

"Every time when we're together, you might not notice it but you keep talking about her as if you're sharing about her like a proud girlfriend," The underclassman observed Xiaotang's perplexed expression. "I bet you didn't realize that, did you? All along you're in love with your best friend," She laughed bitterly. She felt she made a bad move into making her realize her feelings. But it was also nice to help someone realize their inner conflicts. It was better that way, she wanted Xiaotang to be honest with herself.

Xiaotang was in silence, contemplating everything about her repressed feelings for Dai Yanni. She remembered the times when she steals glances of her, feeling giddy at times when they touch, weirdly liking her scent, and getting jealous of someone getting flirty with her. The signs were there, she just pushed them away.

"Xiaotang Shijie," She patted her head. "I like you so much, I really do. Hanging out with you was fun. It made me happy but I guess all along your heart is already taken and I can't compete with Dai Yanni Shijie. I just hope you can be honest with yourself," She kissed her cheeks. "Goodbye," She stood up and walked away, ducking her head.

Xiaotang sat on the floor, feeling lost. She doesn't know what to do with the realization. Maybe everything will turn out fine if she just switches off her feelings and acts like she usually does around her.

She will still be the same Zhao Xiaotang who is Dai Yanni's caring, funny, hard-headed, and reckless best friend.

She promised herself that she wouldn't change around her.

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Second-year of middle school in Qingchun Youni All-Girls High School.

It's been almost two years that she's been trying her best to keep her feelings at bay. She even had dated three girls in their school. She dated them because they confessed to her and it was hard to refuse when they were a catch. She thought that maybe if she dated them, it might shove off her feelings for her best friend. Of course, they didn't last because of the same reason, she doesn't love them like how she loves Dai Yanni. One of her ex-girlfriends had suspicions that she might be in love with her best friend because she always inserts Dai Yanni's name in their conversation; Dai Yanni this and Dai Yanni that, although she tries her best to be aware of it and stop mentioning her name, sometimes it's just noticeable. And whenever Dai Yanni messages or calls her to come over or needs her help, Xiaotang is always there for her in a snap, like Superman to Lois Lane whenever she's in trouble. They broke up with Xiaotang because they could feel that her attention wasn't a hundred percent with them. Sometimes they think Xiaotang just accepted the confession because she's bad at rejecting someone, even though that's not the case.

If conveying her feelings were that easy she could already have confessed to Dai Yanni but she couldn't. She's anxious that she might scare her best friend away. She couldn't just stay away from Dai Yanni to erase her feelings for her, it would be weird and suspicious. She couldn't also detach herself from her easily because of their family ties and they will probably ask a lot of things that she doesn't want to answer. She tried drawing a line between them by avoiding her but Dai Yanni would notice it, she even thought Xiaotang was not hanging out with her anymore because she was dating again. She even thought Xiaotang is the type of person who couldn't live without a girlfriend, even though it's not entirely true.

There are times that it baffles Xiaotang when Dai Yanni asks about her love life and gets a little moody when she tells her about it. But what she doesn't like is when Dai Yanni teases her for having many admirers at school. She denied liking their advances and it almost made her confess her feelings that she's the only one that she likes, but she held back. She couldn't tell her that. She knew it would ruin their friendship if she steps out of the line.

One day, Xiaotang received a message that Dai Yanni won't be going home with her since she's busy with student council activities; they were having a meeting in the student council office. She told Xiaotang to go home early because she has to finish with the club paperwork. Of course, Xiaotang didn't obey, she stayed to wait for Dai Yanni, and when she saw the other student council officers leaving the office except for Dai Yanni, she snuck in to surprise her. She stealthily walked behind her when she saw her compiling the folders, standing in front of the filing cabinet. She covered her eyes and pursed her lips to prevent herself from laughing.

"Xiaotang, I know it's you," Dai Yanni touched her hands, she looked behind and Xiaotang was laughing like an immature kid.

"How did you know?"

"What a dumb question. Didn't I tell you to go home first?" Dai Yanni stood up and walked past Xiaotang, going to the table to check the other files. She sat down and started checking the clubs' monthly report.

"I'll wait for you," Xiaotang sat beside her.

"This will take me another fifteen minutes, are you sure you can wait that long?"

"Of course, if it's you, I can always wait," Xiaotang showed a toothy smile.

Dai Yanni shook her head and chortled. "You're weird."

"Why? What's wrong? Did I say something?"

"Nothing, it's just..."

"What?"

"I said it's nothing... Nevermind."

"I thought we're best friends?"

"Yes, we are. That's why I said you're weird." Dai Yanni was quiet for a while, flipping the pages while she reads it. "How are you and Victoria Li?"

Xiaotang averted her eyes as she was hesitant to answer about Victoria, they broke up a month ago. "We're not dating anymore."

"She's good for you, why broke up?"

"Personal reasons..."

"I see..." Dai Yanni didn't pry anymore as she continued doing her work.

They were silent again. The only sound they can hear is the white noise of silence.

Xiaotang sighed in relief, she thought they were doing the cat and mouse game again when she asked about Victoria Li. She didn't want to spare her the details because she's uncomfortable telling her about it. She leaned back to the chair, her eyes were still pinned on her like she's an art piece. She thought, no wonder Dai Yanni is popular, not only in school but with many people who follow her on her social media. She bets all boys would die to date her. How can they not? Dai Yanni is the most beautiful girl she's ever seen. Dai Yanni doesn't even date because she doesn't have time for it. She feels men will get jealous that she's the only one who's close to Dai Yanni. She's the best friend after all.

Best friend.

Right.

She's only the best friend.

Dai Yanni doesn't have time to date, but what about in the future?

How lucky of the guy if he can capture Dai Yanni's heart.

It hurts to think that she can only be her best friend and nothing more.

"Stop staring as if I owe you money," Dai Yanni joked while writing on the paper. She noticed Xiaotang keeps sighing while she looks at her.

Xiaotang sighed again.

"I told you you'll get bored here. Go and have fun with your fangirls."

She hates it when Dai Yanni teases her with other girls. "I don't like it when you say that."

"Why not? They're more fun to be with than being here with me."

It irritates her when Dai Yanni pushes her to other people. She doesn't want them, she wants Dai Yanni. She only wants her for her. Xiaotang grunted when she pounded the table with her fist; it startled Dai Yanni.

Dai Yanni looked at her best friend with a somber expression on her face. She didn't mean to say that, it was a joke. She didn't expect Xiaotang would get mad about it.

Xiaotang was trembling trying to hold her bottled feelings, it frustrates her that she has to keep it. It's difficult for her, being a teenager and her raging hormones to express herself. It should be a normal thing to let it out, but she couldn't do that because it will jeopardize their relationship. And for being so dormant in two years, she couldn't keep it any longer. She just wanted to be honest with herself and with her best friend.

When Dai Yanni touched Xiaotang to comfort her.

Zhao Xiaotang lost her restraint.

She couldn't think clearly at that very moment. She could've just sat there and talked it out, but she chose to act on it that was beyond the line.

She kissed Dai Yanni.

She kissed her best friend on her lips.

She was damn scared but she kissed her anyway.

But what she didn't expect was, Dai Yanni kissed her back.

She was surprised.

Why?

Why would she kiss her back?

She thought it didn't make sense but she couldn't stop at the moment. She felt like the time was slowed for them. She wanted it to last.

She wanted to feel Dai Yanni's soft lips against hers. It wasn't her first kiss but it felt like it's her first.

All happy moments have endings.

"Xiaotang, stop..." Dai Yanni gently pushed her back. "We can't..."

Both of them were panting as they parted their lips. They felt like they were back in the normal pace of time. It felt good but it felt wrong at the same time.

"Dai Yanni, I like you more than just a best friend," She blurted as she was carried by the moment.

"Xiaotang, no, no..." Dai Yanni shook her head as she said it softly. "Not this..."

Xiaotang covered her face and cried when she realized what she had done. She made a horrible mistake. She didn't think twice of her actions. She knew there was a consequence for it. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to... I don't know what to do with my feelings for you, I just like you for a long time now and..." She grunted in regret of saying the words.

"I'm sorry, Xiaotang..."

"I shouldn't have kissed you. I knew the consequences but I still did it!" She cried, regretting her actions, there was no turning back from it.

They were silent for a while, not knowing what to say to each other. There were gazillions of thoughts running through their minds but Xiaotang chose to speak out one when she remembered something to save her feelings, maybe, she did it because there was something that urged her. "Don't you like me, even just a bit?"

"Xiaotang, you're my best friend..."

"If I were a guy, would there be a chance?"

"You know it's not that easy..."

"Then, what's not easy?"

Dai Yanni was silent.

"You know, it just rang my bell. Whenever you know I'm in a relationship, you never congratulated me. Whenever I'm dating someone, you get curious all of a sudden and ask me a lot of things about how I feel for them. Whenever you know that I'm hanging out with someone, you message me and call for help, and when I'm there it's not even that serious. Whenever I talk to someone on the phone, your mood sometimes changes..." She looked at Dai Yanni who had the same guarded expression on her face; she couldn't tell what she was thinking. "Tell me if there's something or... Am I just imagining things?"

Dai Yanni looked at her directly in the eyes and told her. "Xiaotang, I love you as my best friend, but you're imagining things way too far."

"It's unfair that you get to ask about my relationships but I can't about yours."

"Because you already know that I'm not dating anyone and I never hide it from you."

"I barely share mine because you make me feel that I shouldn't tell you about them even though you're the one who keeps asking."

"Can I not be curious about you?"

"Why is that?"

"What do you mean why? You're my best friend, Zhao Xiaotang."

"Then, why did you kiss me back?"

"I admit that was a foolish mistake. I'm sorry I got carried away. I wasn't thinking of how you would feel. I guess I'm just as stupid as you."

--------------------------------------------------------

Xiaotang woke up from her slumber, she checked the time and it was six in the evening. She remembered her dream was just a recollection in the past and it made sense, maybe, she was just imagining things that Dai Yanni may have liked her more than just a friend. What happened in the past was just a stupid mistake. She regretted it, but it led her to a decision that she should move on from her. She was dumb for getting her hopes up that there might be a little chance that Dai Yanni would like her back. After all, she can't force a person's feelings.

Dai Yanni made it clear.

They are just friends and nothing more.