Lee Eunhyuk is a guilt-ridden man; that’s all he knows after almost an hour quietly sitting inside Cho Kyuhyun’s ward room listening what he perceives unknown all these time. His breath quickens at one second, slim and taut muscled body slouching forward in an effort to gather more air into his constricted lungs. Overloaded with pressure that rendered his whole body numb to oxygen and mobility. He fights the nausea and looks up to meet the other three occupants inside the room, taking notice how all of them are much solemn than him yet calm. Too eerily calm.
“Eunhyuk-ah…” Heechul starts so soft and fragile, such a tone of voice he has never used in Eunhyuk’s presence. One does he ever get the opportunity to experience from the Director. In all honesty, it’s scary but soothing at the same time; and sad. So sad until Eunhyuk has to look down again, eyes staring back to his leather dress shoe with outmost regret and remorse.
He is not a saint, but never has he ever did things resulting in such guilt and stupidity to over-washing his entire being. The memory of all the negligence over the numerous phone calls by his father, all the lies and pretentious he’s showing Donghae—to which isn’t new, he feels guilty for his act since the beginning he’s confronting him as Lee Hyukjae his twin brother. Then Hyukjae, oh. He’s most shame with himself to never wanting to learn about him sooner. All the sufferings and struggles of the man which once had shared the same womb with him, the one who is unlucky—stolen and taken away all the luxury of a good life he had deserved. In spite of it here Eunhyuk stands, taking over his rightful place beside his fiancé, mocking his existence.
Eunhyuk feels stupid. Like a massive idiot he has always hated, yet it’s what exactly he has become. Selfish, idiot, heartless and a liar….
“Eunhyuk, talk to me.” Again Heechul calls out, sitting beside him by the couch. He looks real worried when Eunhyuk turns to him, pondering to himself of all the bad thoughts he has had think about the older. The Kim Heechul who has been a part of this suffering, hated only when he’s trying so hard to protect his loved one. To protect Donghae and Hyukjae when it’s not his responsibility in the first place.
“How did you do it?” Heechul is confused with his sudden question, eyes searching for answers in Eunhyuk’s cold remorseful dark orbs. He continues, “How can you let me work with you when you know all this? About Hyukjae—my twin, had a same face like me…..”
Heechul looks calm as he lets out a small smile, though he can’t hide the sadness behind it. “It’s never easy especially on the first few months. I honestly can’t see you in front of me without breaking down afterwards.” He looks at Eunhyuk with a hopeful look. “But I’ve moved on, and thought that at least a part belonged to Hyukjae is able to live a good life. That helps me so much to endure all these.” Eunhyuk is lost on what to say. All he knows is the guilt keeps growing inside him, feeling absolutely horrible for all the bad thoughts he thinks of Heechul.
That’s why Heechul is close to his father; both of them are trying to protect him. Protect whatever is left of his and Heechul’s family—Donghae, Kyuhyun and Sungmin.
He notices from the corner of his eyes a lone figure walking closer to him, standing there in a stance where anyone could see the turmoil residing inside the man, exuding from the slight tuft body. So clear his pained expression facing Eunhyuk and voice hoarse from all the crying. “I am so sorry, Eunhyuk-shii. I’m sorry that I can’t protect Hyukjae….that I—” Sungmin stops, a sob takes over his whole body. While Eunhyuk is sitting there wondering where all this wrong had come, that if it’s even right to put the blame to both Kyuhyun and Sungmin who in his eyes are equally victims as well. They are once teenagers; naïve and foolish, moreover with no guidance to show the way.
True things won’t go wrong if Kyuhyun didn’t associate himself with wrong people, or if Hyukjae isn’t taken away on that day when they are just little babies. But directing the blame towards them sound so wrong in Eunhyuk’s perception. They’re all victims—one that either falls into the consequences abyss with own wills or by force.
“Don’t blame yourself.” He has said, convincing the teary-eyed Sungmin and the silent Kyuhyun by the bed. Looking as solemn as his friend. He has stood by the couch, eyes closing towards the former. “This isn’t any of your faults.”
“Eunhyuk is right.” Added Heechul, taking a stand after Eunhyuk. “If Hyukjae is here, he would’ve said the same things too Min.”
Sniffles let out by Sungmin, as he wipes his fallen tears with the back of his hands roughly. So timid to show his tears more. “I don’t think that’s entirely true.” Face contorts in an absolute pain unable for anyone to derive. “After all, I’m the one that kills Hyukjae.”
Silence falls on all sides; Kyuhyun’s head’s down like he’s attempting on hiding his presence entirely from everybody. Heechul and Eunhyuk couldn’t utter anything to Sungmin. Because he is right; he had killed Lee Hyukjae.
The sky’s a hue of orange with tint of am