TWENTY.
Same But Not Quite Similar
“Your mother didn’t choose to leave you.” Lee Soo Man’s mellow voice speaks to his son who is sitting right in front of him by the armchair, absolutely out of function for staring at those papers on the desk is the only thing he could do. “She was kidnapped.”
Eunhyuk’s eyes widen with the creases along his forehead multiplying due to the hard frowning he did. Darker shade of brown interlocking with his father’s old and hazy one. Millions of questions flooding his mind. “W—what?”
“You and your brother; Hyukjae—,” As he says that name, Lee Soo Man is choked to tears although he keeps his composure well afterwards. He continues on, “You two were taken care by your mother all by herself in this house. “She refused to let me hire a babysitter, saying she’s strong enough to run along the corridors for a twins bawling their eyes out every 30 minutes. You two surely love to have things at the same time.” He chuckles, remembering the old days where the house is once filled with laughter and cries from babies. Unimaginable happiness exuding through the walls of this place they called as heaven. A fond yet sad expression plastered on his face when he mentions his dearest wife. “Min Jung loved both of you so much.”
Lee Soo Man looks at his son, who is by this point has no words left to utter. Ultimately stupefied with this unexpected discovery. His face is blank and eyes frozen to the estranged album lying there by the desk showing an unfamiliar picture of a woman holding two identical babies in her arms—such small frame with thin extremities yet strong enough to withstand two weights at the same time. Eunhyuk’s whole world spirals in constant echo inside his mind that even words unable to be made. He can only sit and hear what his father said.
“She was alone in the house with you two when he came; your mother former lover.” Eunhyuk’s eyes now back onto his father, taken aback fully by the unexpected words. “Former lover….?”
“Before we got married, she had a relationship with this man but it didn’t worked out well. So they went their separate ways. Your mother and I met a few years later, we got married and were blessed with you twins; Eunhyuk and Hyukjae.” Lee Soo Man’s eyes linger on the one document with Lee Hyukjae’s name written on it. His chin quivers looking at the pictures of his lost son. Inhaling deeply, he forces it to be drawn away from the document back to Eunhyuk sitting in front of him. “He came to this house and took both your mother and your brother away.”
“You said I was at home too. Why he took—” Eunhyuk’s words died down in his throat. He shakes his head, trying to calm his racing heart down albeit how difficult it seems to say the name. “He took Lee Hyukjae, but not me?”
“Both of you were in the nursery down the hallway and your mother in the kitchen. She panicked when she heard an intruder breaking into the house so she took you to the room upstairs. But your mother had a C-section when she delivered you two.” Eunhyuk understands what has happened when his father mentions the word, the whole scenery alike making sense to him. It’s no wonder since she’s giving birth to twins. “She was only able to bring each of you separately, not together. After she’d hid you, she went back downstairs but that man had found Hyukjae in the nursery when she barely made it in time for your brother.” Lee Soo Man’s voice choked with sobs, his face red holding back the tears. “He took both of them away.”
Eunhyuk has no words to say, still processing the whole things inside his jammed brain. Whilst he attempts on looking for the documents scattered over the desk does he realize his whole body is shaking. Fingers numb and heart palpitating since minutes ago. Overwhelming by shock and who wouldn’t be when one realizes his whole life is built up out of lies? Ever since a child, he believes he’s an only child and his mother left him and his father for another man. Then it turns out to be a lie? For ing 34 years?
However, in spite of the bitterness lingering inside mixing with the boiling anger couldn’t defeat the curiosity pricking vehemently within himself. The truth is still unseen to his eyes that Eunhyuk knows he should be tough to hear the rest of the story; be relevant and not emotional. “What had happened?”
A close to tears Lee Soo Man complies with his son’s demand, “He wanted some money in exchange for your mother and Hyukjae. So I gave it to him, but he escaped from the police. He took both of them too, threatening me to never come looking for them and threatened your mother to kill Hyukjae if she ever tried to escape.” As simply as that, the truth of his mother’s disappearance. So instead of running away, she’s taken over by someone else. Held captive for hers and his twin brother’s survival all because of a stranger that breaks their whole family apart by force, by evil deeds and hatred indulging in crimes. Another act of a criminal, derived from a deviant behavior implied by foolish people.
Eunhyuk’s eyes feel sore. He closes them finding the back of his orbs burning, his chest tight to the point even breathing normally seems difficult. The pounding headache isn’t helping him either, moreover in this situation. So he opts not to speak, not yet for knowing the attempt would make his whole stance break. He wishes to not cry in front of his father, not when he’s crying too right in front of Eunhyuk.
“Why didn’t you tell me all this before, father?” He opens his eyes, bloodshot red meeting his father’s similar one. The desperation can’t be concealed on his face anymore. “Why now? And why would you keep it a secret?” How could you lie to me?
The day isn’t supposed to turn out like this. This early morning when Eunhyuk wakes up from sleep, he has planned the day ahead visually. The usual morning routine, the works back at the hospital, attends one case of sports injury before meeting Heechul to discuss about the surgery incident—that’s all, a pretty harmless schedule all laid out in front of him, though he’s aware meeting up with the director won’t be any easy task. But still, for it to unfold into this exact event after seeing him is out of his imagination and wishful thinking. Too much isn’t enough to describe this bizarre situation. No words in his dictionary could define it.
The pain in his chest can’t possibly be elucidated.
“I did want to tell you everything when you were younger. But I was a coward and a mess, even remembering your mother’s name brought me into tears.” Started his father again, no longer holding back the ugly sobs to him with his whole body shaking as he speaks. “I—I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Until this day, I blame myself for not being home at that time. I blame myself for I’m too blind to see that man’s tricks. It’s all my fault that she and your brother are taken away. The pain, the guilt is too unbearable for me to handle.”
And you think I have no pain to feel? Eunhyuk thoughts to himself, keeping the painful wince deep inside without showing off the lid to his father.
“So I lied, simply because I don’t want you to ask about her again. In that way, I can learn to let her go, to stop myself from thinking about her.”
Eunhyuk can’t bear himself to do this anymore. He stands up with a hand supporting his weight by the desk. His legs feel wobbly and his surrounding is like a spiral of turbulence. The ache around his temples keep intensifying by each seconds. This is too much for me to take. “W—why didn’t you search for her, father?”
“I did.” Lee Soo Man replies. “Remember when I left for some medical con
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