White

Kina felt wonderful as she glided from arm to arm dancing the night away. It was a ball unlike ‘dinner’ that Sehun had said some weeks back but it was a wonderful ball and it did a great job in taking her mind off some pressuring things.

And she also might have had a drink or two and she was just feeling wonderful. Baekhyun had been right… wasn’t he, when he said you will feel like you’re on top of your world… Indeed, right now nothing can bring her down.

The song ends and she lets out a little whine making the older man chuckle fondly at her.

“Don’t worry, child. We can always dance together again.” This was one of her grandpapa’s clients when she was younger. He was a Chinese man and would always bring sweets for her. Meeting him again after so many years brought back all the memories.

“Uncle…” She grinned brightly at him speaking in fluent Chinese. “It was so good to see you again.”

“Me too, little goat…” He says fondly as he took her to the side of the room with her hand in his arms. “You know Han still talks about you all the time. If only he came today he would have met you.”

Kina lets out a little gasp. “Luhan Ge?”

The old man nods and grins. “My youngest son is already a man now… He recently got married and now have a son.”

Then he lets out a huge sigh not noticing how Kina was now standing rigidly. Right… the reality always comes back to bite you in the . She can never escape for long.

“How time flies…” He says with a fond smile. “Alright then little goat, this old man is going to walk over and greet some friends. It is not every day that an old man can fly from one country to another. Might as well greet all my Korean friends.”

Kina smiled brightly and greeted him as he walked away feeling emptiness wash all over her again.

It was just some days back when Jongin and Hyorin announced their expectancy and Sehun had been the one over the moon and true to her expectations, he had not stopped talking about children.

She feels the alcohol get to her head and all of a sudden she is feeling suffocated. Sehun had asked her while coming here that if it was alright if they could also start working on children… He says he understands… but does he?

Besides can’t he wait at least until she graduates? But is she cruel as well? Shouldn’t she be voicing out her woes to him? He was her husband after all… so why was she holding back and suffering alone?

But then he had been so happy! He had run to her that night, hugged her, and lifted her up while twirling her around.

“JONGIN’S HAVING A BABY!” He shouted happily and she knew she could never have the heart to tell him… No.

“Our children would be best of friends as well,” He was dreaming and narrating it all, “I will let them all attend the same schools and let them grow together. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”

Of course, Kina knows that Sehun did not mean they would have children immediately and that she shouldn’t actually stress about it but the truth was something else entirely.

The truth was that Kina was not really into having children. Sure, having a child with Sehun seemed like a dream… but she sort of wishes it remains a dream and nothing more. She knows she liked children but if they’re not her responsibility for more than an hour or two.

Maybe she will change her mind and so she was not saying anything however, it was getting harder and harder every single day. Would she ever want to have children? What if she deprived the person she loved of something he wanted so dearly only because she was selfish and thought only about herself? But then again… motherhood, parenthood was not an easy nor a trivial thing.

A waiter passes by with glasses of champagne and she took a glass. Just until college is over she would it up and deal with it… it was okay. She was sure that after graduating, she would have a change of mind… she would want to have children and it would all be okay. She was just stressed right now so she was thinking of things like that…

She drinks a glass and then another and then another until she lost count of it.

She lets out a small hic and giggled at how silly everything was. People were ridiculous and she was the most ridiculous.

It was just so simple… the way out was just so simple… Just tell Sehun about it! Sure, he would be upset about it for some time but that was better than living like this…

All she got to do is find her husband in the crowd of hazy people and tell him straight up about how she doesn’t want children… not now and maybe not ever.

“Oh Sehun…” She mumbles and rubbed her eye to get a better look at all the people standing around. “Where are you?”

She was leaning against the wall knowing she would probably fall down if she leaves it but hasn’t she been going around the room looking for him or has she been standing here all night long? Where was she even in any way? Maybe if she just stands there he will come and find her.

And sure enough, some long minutes later his musky smell reaches her nose making her lean towards him unconsciously followed by his warm voice.

“Kina!” His hands come to cradle her face and she lets out a happy giggle knowing he was here. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Why are you standing here at the drinks table? You don’t even drink… wait a minute… you’re drunk?”

Maybe she was but she definitely heard the amusement in his voice. “Why are you drinking so much? Are you thirsty? I’ll get you some water… wait here.”

“No!” She snaps and grips his arm tightly. “NO! Don’t leave me. You can't leave me...”

Sehun might have been laughing but she was already leaning against his chest to see his handsome face. Besides she was already so sleepy and her legs were giving away already.

“Alright my drunk baby…” His voice was certainly amused, “I will take you home.”

She nods her head as much as she could and decided to drift off to sleep before she is jerked awake by the realization that she had to tell him something important.

“Hun?” She suddenly leaves his embrace and nearly falls down if he had not had his arms still wrapped around her. Wait a minute. When did they already come out here? “I have important... something... important to say…”

She tells him with firm resolution and absolute rigidity. She has to tell him now or she can never tell him.

“What is it darling?” Sehun asked her, rubbing her cheeks with his thumb making her feel so loved.

“I…” What was the thing that she wanted to tell him? “I don’t... know... don't-don't remember it anymore… but important...”

Sehun chuckles and kisses her on her lips making her want for more.

“I can’t believe you would be so cute when you are drunk.”

She whines a little and tries to remember what it was before their car pulls up. Sehun gently puts her down on the passenger seat, strapped her into the seatbelt, and kisses her before moving to the driver’s seat.

“I still can’t believe my wife is drunk. Do I need to get a video for such a historic night as this?’

Kina did not know why but she feels like giggling a lot and so she giggled and relaxed into the seat while yawning. She also felt really sleepy… Perhaps it was the wine or it could also have been because she hasn’t had a good night's sleep in a long time.

She gives a giant yawn when Sehun started his car and pulled them out onto the highway. Sleep was pulling her into its giant arms although there was still the nagging feeling somewhere in her mind that she should tell Sehun something very important.

Kina would rate the sleep as one of the most wonderful sleep she’s ever had. It was blissful… there was nothing in her mind and she