I wish this
isn't real
The reality
I know is not
like this.

/7/ This is reality

"You need to decide soon, Sojung. Your health is not getting better. If you want to continue your long term medication, you need to be more careful, but in your line of work, it's impossible. Being an idol needs a lot of energy and endurance–"

"–how long do I have?"

"If you'll continue your long term medication, a year and a half. Or maybe less–"

"–and if I agree on the treatment?"

"There's a 50-50 chance of risks. Either the cancer cells will completely vanish or it'll get worse. If it becomes successful, you'll be cancer-free and you can continue the life you leave before everything came."

"What if it doesn't?"

"I'm afraid, I cannot answer that. It's still on you. We can try other treatments if it's possible. But I repeat, it's up to you, I'm a doctor, and I respect my patient's decisions."

Sojung lies on her bed, thinking of the conversation she had with Dr. Weker. There are so many what-ifs going on in her mind. But still, she can't decide what to do, drown on her own thoughts.

Sojung was now on her family's house with her mom and sister. She decided to stay with them for a few days after she got discharged from the hospital. Her unnie, Sohyun, keeps nagging her to stay with them and while her mom was silent, she knows that her mom wanted it too and would be happy if she'd go home for a while.

She stared at the ceiling above her, trying to figure out what she's going to do with all of this mess she started.

"–a year and a half. Or maybe less..." Dr. Weker's words keep ringing on her head. A year and a half–no maybe a year, what could she possibly do in that certain time? Sojung shut her eyes, trying to stop the whispers on her mind. "I can do this, I'm strong." She kept chanting on herself. "I am strong. I need to. I s–"

"Sojung?" A knock on the door interrupted her dark thoughts. Shutting down her inner demons from drowning her more. She mentally thanked her unnie for saving her—again.

Sohyun walks into Sojung's bedroom with a smile plastered on her face. "Are you done packing?" Sojung looked up and gave a small smile, "Done."

"Joon said he will be here in an hour." She added, settling herself beside Sojung who was still laying down on her bed.

Sojung just hummed and tugged the hem of her shirt, motioning her to lie down with her. "What a big baby," she thought.

"Are you sure you want to go back to the girls today? Joon said he can still give you a week off, so you can rest more." Sohyun asked, still trying to persuade her sister to stay longer at them. Sojung moved closer and snuggled on Sohyun's welcoming arms. Sohyun smiled secretly at her sister's sudden clinginess. "Hmm?"

"I want to, but they need me there." Sojung answered in a small voice.

"Mmm, I understand," Sohyun said as she starts patting her back lightly. "But please be more careful, okay? Don't overwork yourself again." She said with a hint of sadness on her voice.

Sojung hugged her tighter, trying to get away from the question. She just want to run away. She was tired, fed up with all the things happening around her but she wants to keep going. She wants to continue, to keep moving forward without getting weaker. But is it possible? Is it possible to become relentless at this point?

"I'm sorry..." Sojung whispered as she starts to cry silently at her unnie's embrace.

Sohyun got alarmed by this, it is the first time Sojung cry after their late father's funeral. All this time, her sister stood strong and became the woman their father wants her to be. "If dad was here, she'll be more proud o