If I only have one smile left,
I will give it to you.

/ SC 4 / Smile
[ Y E R I N ]

Sometimes all that left to me is the urge to cry. The reason is either, I feel everything and it's all too heavy, or I feel nothing at all—as if I am hollow and empty. Most of the time I feel both. And I don't understand why. I'm a difficult person. I know. But if there is someone who knows me more than I know myself, it's Sowon unnie. She doesn't say it, but I know she's trying to understand every little thing about me. Maybe that's why I also tried hard to hide my emotions from her; by means of smiling.

I stared at her, my one and only unnie, lying unconscious on the hospital bed. My head is cloudy, my heart is pounding, and my hands keep on sweating, seeing the things connected to her body. And until now, I can't still process the doctor's words. '...let her rest?' What does it even mean? Is she gonna lea– 

–no, it can't be.

"Yerin sweetie?" I looked up to see eomeonim's worried face. "Are you okay?"

There's a glint of sadness from her voice. I sighed, I don't know how to answer that question. "I'm fine, eomeonim." But of course, I still smiled.

She hesitantly nods and smiled back at me. I bet she knows I'm lying, yet she still respected me. Of course, she understands my situation more than anyone. There's nothing we can do but to keep holding on with a smile.

"Thank you, Yerin." She said suddenly. "Thank you for being strong, for staying and for being here with my daughter."

I can't reply from her words. Why is she telling me this?

"I've never seen Sojung's real smiles since her father passed away. She even abandoned playing the piano ever since. But whenever she's with you, I see the sparks in her eyes again. I see joy. I see her doing the things that made her happy." I slowly looked up with blurry eyes. "Thank you for giving her a reason to live again."

"Eomeonim..." I bit my lips as blinked my tears away. I need to be strong. But once again, I can't answer. I can't find the right words to tell her that there's nothing to thank me for. I love Sowon unnie like a real sister and she does the same for me–for us. Eomeonim sadly smiled at me and offered me a hug. I didn't hesitate as I ran towards her. 

"If the heavens will give Sojung one more chance to live again. I knew she will still choose to be with you girls... and I will happily accept that. Because I also love you like how Sojung loves you." She caressed my back and I couldn't help but sob on her shoulder. "So don't lose hope. Sojung is strong. She will come back." 

I nodded my head as I cried harder. I want to believe that too. I want to believe that there's still hope, there's still light in this darkness.

The night passed and Sowon unnie's condition did not change. Morning came and the nurses need to check Sowon unnie so we need to head outside the room. The sun is just about to set outside. I sighed and put my hands on my jacket. I excused myself and walked on the hallways of the hospital. I need some time to breathe... to recollect myself. I found a coffee vending machine at the end of the hallway. I get a cold canned coffee and sat on one of the waiting chairs.

I leaned my head on the wall behind me and closed my eyes. It's been a rough night. Hell, I guess. It's hard to absorb everything. How could I cope up with all of these things happening aroun