Authors note: First of all, I want to say thank you for making up on to this point. It means a lot to me that you read a crappy dramatic story and you stayed HAHA thank you so much. Second, I'm sorry. It took longer to get back. Comeback distraction happens. And lastly, this is the last chapter before the final update so prepare your hearts. This was written way long after the fourth chapter dropped. Yeah, it was planned but a lot of things changed as I write every chapter. The characters wrote for themselves HAHA

Let me know your thoughts if you have the time. I'll be more than glad to read all of them. Again, thank you so much and let's remember to live!

- shia

Songs used:  Compas and Falling asleep again by GFRIEND (Listen to it while you read the third part. Highly recommended :3)

–xoxo–

"이거 하나만 약속해,
변치 않기를 바랄게.
그때도 지금처럼 날 향해 웃어줘."

"Promise me this one thing,
I hope you don't change.
Smile at me then like you do now."

/ 25 / Memento Vivere
[ S O J U N G ]

I love the stars. It's the illusion of permanence. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend... I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Worlds don't last and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust. But I can pretend... I can pretend.

"Sojung... c'mon it's already late. Take a rest. The girls will be back tomorrow morning." I heard mom calling me at the back. I bit back a sigh and watched the night sky once again.

"Mom?" I turned around and smiled a little. "Do you think stars grant wishes?" I saw the confusion on her eyes, but in a split second, she beamed a smile.

"Of course, if you'll tell them what your heart desires and you solemnly believe in them? They will."

I know it's a childish question. An impossible wish in the universe. But is it wrong to believe just for a moment? I want to believe. I don't want to pretend. I am tired to pretend.

I did not reply, but mom reassured me by patting my shoulder. I looked up and forced a smile. "I talked to them, mom. I hope they could hear me. I hope dad could hear me." She walked closer to me, enveloped me with a warm hug and stayed by my side to watch the night sky.

I glanced once again at the open window and stared at the shining orbs above me. I whispered my wish, hoping it will hear my heart's desire.

Let me stay a little more longer.

Mom guides me to my bed and carefully tucked me in. I closed my eyes as she started to caressed my now bald head. I wonder if I will be able to feel this again.

"Sweetheart..." Mom called me with her soothing voice. "You know that I trust you, right?"

I cracked an eye open to see her face. I thought she's mad but all I can see in her eyes were love and understanding.

"Mom..."

She leaned over and kissed me in the forehead. "I trust you and I believe in you. You don't know how grateful I am that you came into my life. But if you want to rest, sweetheart.... you can. You've done enough."

I am surprised by what she said. I want to ask why. I want to hear an explanation. But does it matter? Mom already gave me the words I needed to hear. She finally accepted and gave me a go signal.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow. But no matter what happens, somehow–I believe we will be okay.

__________

I woke up late the next morning. The sun was high up on the clear sky, I can even see the light streaks from the window. Everything was pretty much quiet and peaceful.

I assessed my condition and knew by then, I am not getting better. My body is screaming every time I move. But still, I am thankful to see the morning again, because whenever I close my eyes, I am always afraid that I couldn't get to wake up the next day to say goodbye. So I am grateful when I woke up this morning with little Eunbi on my side. I don't know how she got here but all I can think of now is how beautiful she is when she smiles.

"Hey, pretty unnie." She greeted. "How are you feeling?" Her smiles make my heart flutter.

"You dyed your hair. It's beautiful." I don't wanna lie nor tell the truth so I avoided her question. There's a glint of sadness in her eyes but she refused to let it show.

"Unnie..." I stared at our hands that's clasp together. It feels like years since I hold her. How much time did I miss?

I took the initiative and kissed the back of her hand. "Where are the others, Bi?"

She seems flustered on what I did. So I let out a chuckle. "Hmm?"

"They're finishing something for the surprise–"

"–surprise?"

"Oh," She muttered. "Did I say surprise?"

"Yes," I let out a laugh and she can't do anything but to laugh with me.

Her cheeks went red. "M-my bad. Just pretend you didn't hear anything." She scratched her head and whispered something to herself. I mentally shake my head. This kid. She never changes.

"And why are you here?"

"I uhm..." She avoided my stares and her cheeks become redder. "I just... wait–I am not allowed to spend time with you?!"

She's adorable. I want to save this image on my head. Her reactions are always amusing. "Just say that you missed me..."

I heard her sigh as she looked down. "I miss you..." She said in a small voice.

I blinked, "Excuse me?"

"I won't say it again." She put her arms on her chest, trying to hide her embarrassment. I chuckled at the sight in front of me.

She pouted her lips and avoided my stares. I want to keep teasing her. But as much as I want to, I can't ignore the heavy feeling on my chest, because behind those smiles and strong demeanour, I see sadness. She's not fine. And I know it's because of me. So I held her hand and pulled her closer.

"Unnie..."

"You can take your 'I'm okay' mask off now." I looked at her in the eyes. "I know you're forcing yourself to look happy in front of me. It's okay."

"No," Eunbi slowly shakes her head, "I am–we... we are happy that you came back to us."

"I made a promise right? I won't leave without saying goodbye."

Her lips started to tremble and she's trying to break away from my stares. It's hard for me to see her like this, but she needs to be brave.

"Don't cry so easily. I can't comfort you when I'm gone." I mustered a smiled and wiped the stray tear in her cheeks.

"I hate you," she whispered. "Sojung, I hate you. I hate you for teaching me to stand on my own and leaves me afterwards. I hate your smiles and the secrets you hid from me. I hate you for saving us without saving yourself. I hate you for being okay despite everything. Why can't you cry like everybody else? Why can't you be afraid? Unnie, you're not okay and it's okay. When will you be brave?"

I sat up to hold her in my arms. I let her cry all her hidden frustrations in me. I'm so sorry, Eunbi.

"I am afraid, Eunbi," I whispered as I hug her tighter. I don't care about the physical pain I'm feeling right now.  "I am afraid that I will not wake up tomorrow. I am terrified that all the conversations, laughter, and even the voices I heard will be the last. What will happen to me when I'm gone? What will happen to our group? Will you cry? Until when? Are you going to perform again? Are you going to reach our dreams? Will you stay together until the end? Will you still remember me?"

She breaks the hug and cupped my face in her trembling hands. I closed my eyes and let the emotions pour down. "I am afraid of many things. Whenever I close my eyes, I keep thinking, I keep wondering, did I really live?"

"Unnie..."

"I won't see the sunrise and sunset, I won't feel the raindrops on my skin... or even watch the stars again. All the things we've taken for granted when we have the time. In the end, those are still the things we are afraid not to feel anymore."

Silence enveloped us, but I did not let my sadness take over me.

"I'm terrified, Sojung unnie. I don't want to lose you."

I opened my eyes and give her the warmest smile I could muster. "If the universe would let me live a second life, I'd find you sooner."

"Please don't say it. You promised to wait for me to be brave, to show you who I want to be."

"But you already are," I said. "This is the Eunbi I want to see."

Tears streamed down her face. The worry, the confusion, the anxiousness, I can see it all in her eyes.

"Gfriend will always be my family. You guys made it hard for me to leave and gave meaning to my remaining days. But this time, you need to be braver. Live, Eunbi."

"...but I want you to be part of it."

"I am. I will. Always."

She nodded her head with tears in her eyes. I envelop her in my arms ag