"...because lonely in a fire
there is a girl crying out
and you can't tell from her voice whether she wants
to be left there
or saved."

/11/ Uncertainty

"Eat healthy foods and take your medicines on time, okay? And don't forget to get enough rest."

"I know. I know. No need to remind me every day."

"Don't be childish, Sojung-ah. Or else-"

"What? You'll tell Mom?"

"Or else I will take you home– whether you like it or not. And you will not see your girls and perform for buddies ever again."

"Unnie..."

"Hear that Kim Sojung?!"

"Alright. Alright! I'm just kiddin' unnie."

"Make sure. I'm watching you."

Sowon smiled to herself after her phone call with her older sister. Her unnie, Sohyun, is always checking her condition every now and then. And even though she acts like she doesn't like it, Sowon really loves when her sister nags her to take her medicines on time. It's like a reminder for her to keep going, that there are still people who are counting on her. And so she needs to be strong for them–for herself.

Sowon takes a deep breath and relaxes a bit before going to bed. Another day had passed, and she made it extra amazing for spending quality time with her girls. They ate a lot of food and sang their hearts out in the karaoke bar. It was one of the best nights she could ever dream of. Only she hoped that it lasted longer. If not only for her weak body, she'll make more memories with them. Sowon holds the pendant on her chest and closes her eyes. "Give me strength, dad."

Sowon would lie if she told anyone that she didn't think of ending her life once, where in fact it haunts her every time. Because every day becomes harder and harder to breathe. Life is a constant battle; to wake up alone and feel your body deteriorating, and still push yourself to keep going was physically and mentally exhausting. If not only for her loved ones, she would end this pain.

"Tomorrow will be better. I'll make it." She forced a smile to reassure herself.

"Unnie,"

Sowon turns her back and sees Yerin still drying up her hair, fresh from the bath. "Who were you talking to the phone a while ago, unnie? Is it Joon-Oppa? I forgot something to tell him."

"It's my Sohyun-unnie." She answered, walking over to help Yerin with her hair. "But do you want me to message Joon-Oppa?"

"Thanks," Yerin smiled. "Uhm, no. I'll see him tomorrow anyway."

Sowon just hummed an answer and led Yerin to her bed. "Your hair is getting longer, Yennie. Don't cut it yet okay?"

"Sure, unnie... if the stylists decided to spare my hair again next comeback," She tossed the towel somewhere and sat beside Sowon.

"Just don't cut it yet. I love seeing you in this style."

"Alright," she poked Sowon's cheeks. "Anything for my lovely unnie."

Sowon gave her sweetest smile and nudged Yerin's arms.

"Anyways, what did Sohyun unnie said?" Yerin remembered the scene earlier.

"Nothi–"

"–wait is she the one who's always calling you?"

"Yeah. She made a new habit to annoy me." Sowon chuckled, "She just misses her little sister, nothing much."

"Oh. I hope my Oppa is also like that." Yerin pouted her lips.

"Pabo- if you miss him, call him by yourself." Sowon pokes her forehead, and Yerin just brushes her off.

"Right, if he answers my calls, unnie. He's busier than me." She answered frowning, "That's why I'm so lucky I have you!"

Sowon chuckled a bit, shaking her head out of Yerin's way of thinking.

"Oh, Sowonie!"

"What? Why are you yelling all of a sudden? I'm just here."

"Now that you mention Sohyun-unnie, is she the one calling you too at midnight? I just noticed that someone calls you at certain times of the day. Like every morning at 6, after lunch, 8 at night..." Yerin trails off, she tilts her head, remembering the times she caught Sowon talking to the phone. It's not like she wants to interfere with her unnie's private life. Yerin just feels uneasy, her gut feeling is telling her that something is wrong with her unnie. She can't just tell what it is.

"Huh? Maybe it's just a coincidence. Sohyun-unnie and the managers always call whenever they want." Sowon answered frowning, she sighed," I t-thought you'd remember something else..." She needs to bite her lip to stop herself from stuttering.

"Oh," Yerin looked at her with amused eyes. "Like what?"

"N-nothing," Sowon shifted her eyes and looked at anything else aside from Yerin.

Yerin held her hands and forced her unnie to look at her in the eye, "Is there something I need to remember, unnie?"

"Nothing." She answered blankly, standing up from her seat. "It's late now, we should sleep."

Yerin looked at her with worried eyes, confused about why Sowon suddenly acted that way. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Good night, Yennie." Sowon kissed the younger's forehead then walked to her bed.

Yerin was frozen on her seat. She followed her with her eyes, still confused. She decided to shrug it off, thinking she just triggered Sowon's mood swings. Looking at how Sowon slumped on her bed, Yerin thought of leaving her unnie alone for now.

"Maybe she's just tired."

______

It was past midnight when Yerin suddenly woke up from her deep slumber. She had a nightmare about Sowon being in grave danger. She's sweating, hands trembling, and still in a state of shock, but her mind is trying to process everything.

"It was just a dream." She closed her eyes, "Sowon unnie is okay, she's right here with me."

She shifted her eyes to her right side, where Sowon's bed was. But to her surprise, her unnie is not there. She clearly remembered that they'd sleep together last night. She starts to panic and gets down from her bed. Sowon's bed cover was untidy, which just adds to Yerin's anxiety.

"No no no... Unnie where are you?"