Hospitals are terrible.

At times they were awfully quiet, at others times they were incredibly noisy. The smell was terrible, the long white halls where erie. The food was tasteless and the chairs where uncomfortable as .

Chaeyoung kept staring at the chocolate bar in front of her, the stupid chocolate bar she wanted to eat and didn’t have change to get and then she did after asking around for some change but now the stupid chocolate bar was stuck in the vending machine. She kept looking at it, hanging from the corner not falling no matter how hard she kicked the machine. It was mocking her.

Huffing she glared at the chocolate and kicked the vending machine one last time before she turned around and sat back on the uncomfortable metal chair. She placed her hands inside her hoodie’s pocket, her leg bouncing up and down as she stared at the floor, her loose hair covering her face.

She’s exhausted, both mentally and physically. She has been here for awhile although she’s not sure for how long. All she remembers was getting a call late at night. She doesn’t know she managed to change from her pajamas to the leggings and hoodie she had on now, doesn’t know how she was able to get her keys, her phone and wallet before leaving, nor does she remember how she drove herself here.

At this point she only had three things on her mind. Jennie. Accident. Amnesia. That’s all, she doesn’t know what happened after that, she doesn’t really know what the doctor said, all she knows is Jisoo made her sit down on the uncomfortable chair and said she’d be back.

“Chaeyoung.”

Speaking of, she thought. Jisoo crouches in front of her and softly asks. “How are you doing?” She pulls out a chocolate bar from her pocket and opens it up for the blonde.

Chaeyoung takes in a breath and exhales, eyes getting watery “I don’t know how am I supposed to feel. Jennie’s is in that room and she doesn’t remember who I am.” She says her voice breaking. And...and they don’t know...” She clears before continuing. “If her memory will come back it might, it might not. Who knows. But right now she hasn’t a clue of who I am.”

Jisoo then moves onto the seat next to Chaeyoung and puts an arm around her shoulders. “Then you make her remember.”

“What if she can’t?”

“Then you make new memories with her.”

Chaeyoung nods and sniffles. “Okay.” And then she takes the chocolate bar and nibbles on it, resting her head on Jisoo’s shoulder.

“Lisa?” She asked quietly after a while.

“The only flight she could get on such short notice was until tomorrow, or I guess today in about 3 hours.”

“She hates airports.” She says taking another bite of her chocolate.

“She’ll be okay.” Jisoo said her hand rubbing Chaeyoung’s shoulder. “We will all be okay.”

—————————--

Chaeyoung stands outside of the room where her girlfriend is… former girlfriend? Was she still considered a girlfriend if said girlfriend didn’t remember who she is?

She stares at the door as she takes some deep breaths because apparently that’s supposed to be calming, though right now she feels anything but calm and heavily doubts that some air intake is going to change that.

Chaeyoung things about her current predicament and wonders how should she tackle it, should she run? Jennie doesn’t remember her anyway, though if she does Mr. Kim would send and entire search party to bring her back and kill her himself, should she just go in and say, ‘Hi love’ and kiss her as she usually did? Nah that was to forward, Jennie would probably freak out.

“I need to see her.” She mumbled. And Jisoo who has been staring at her from the side walks closer and places a hand on her lower back.

“You do. I’m pretty sure her parents would like that too.”

“I can do this.” She says, although her legs aren’t moving.

“Yes you can.” Jisoo agrees and gently pushes her forward making her legs move.

When she walks into the room she’s once again reminded of the awful smell of hospitals and how much she hates them. She also calls out to Jennie and finds herself actually surprised at the fact that her voice does not crack.

The brunette in question was already looking at her as soon as she entered the room, she was sitting up in bed, wires everywhere, bruises and cuts on her skin, a particular big bruise on the side of her face, but other than she looks good and most importantly alive and Chaeyoung thanks God for that.

“Hi.” She says. “I’m, uh…” your girlfriend? your friend? your acquaintance? “I’m…”

“Chaeyoung, right?” Jennie thankfully answers for her, her voice is hoarse but it’s still her voice and once again Chaeyoung finds herself thanking the big dude up there that she still has the chance to hear it again.

Rosie to you.

Chaeyoung sighs, hearing her Korean name come out of Jennie´s lips seems so...wrong, it feels both familiar and also sad in a way. Because to Jennie she was Rosie, her calling Chaeyoung when she wasn't mad made them see like strangers... which they are. And the blonde feels a sense of dread fall into her as the reality of their situation makes itself know again.

As she stands there, looking at Jennie and vice versa, Chaeyoung wonders how exactly can the world be this cruel. It was all fine this morning, they woke up, Jennie made pancakes, Chaeyoung played her a bit of her new composition and even made Jennie dance with her. They said their goodbyes with a kiss and Chaeyoung wished her good luck with the board meeting as she new how stressful those meetings where when being editor in chief of a fashion magazine.

Chaeyoung snaps out of it when the brunette awkwardly clears , so the blonde smiles at her although it's barely there and it doesn’t reach her eyes as it normally would, normally she’ll get tickled until it does, but not this time. This time there’s no one there to make her smile.

“Yeah, I’m Chaeyoung.” She replies, still standing there. Jennie’s eyes travel from her own to the chair besides the bed and the blonde takes it as an ‘ok’ to get closer so with another deep breath she wills her legs to move to sit on the chair.

“And we’re…” Jennie stops, gazing into space, the dreary hospital lights above them dancing in her eyes as she tries to draw the details out of the black. “And we’re together?”

“Yeah, we’re together,” Chaeyoung says, the quietness of the room makes her words sound so much louder and she cringes. Because what else was she supposed to say, there’s no manual, no script for this. I mean what exactly are you meant to say in this situations. It's not like she can lie to her and she can see in Jennie’s eyes how hard this is for her, as she seems to be looking at her so intently as if searching her memories for any hints as to who this person is.

“Last name?” Jennie asks and there’s a glint in her eyes that Chaeyoung recognises: Jennie’s amused. It makes her feel at ease for some reason.

“Park.”

“Park Chaeyoung.” Jennie says. And then nods in approval. “I like it. It suits you.”

“Um, thanks.”

“Am I...” The brunette hesitates for a second, although her parents told her everything she still wants to make sure. “Am I a Park too?”

Not yet.

Chaeyoung shakes her head once, bites down on her lip and reaches for Jennie’s free hand, looking up for consent first which is freely given with a slight tilt of Jennie’s head.

“We were introduced by a common friend, Jisoo.” Chaeyoung decides maybe telling her the story of how the met would be a good place to start again. “Um, we kinda circled around being friends and dating for a while, and then one Sunday we were just chilling at your house and in a spur of the moment idea we decided to go horse riding.

“Horse riding? Seriously?”

“Yep” Chaeyoung confirms with an easy smile. “I begged them to let me switch horses as the one they wanted to give me was too big. And then throughout the ride you made fun of me because the horse kept stopping to eat every two steps, said I picked one with the same appetite as me.” She says with a shaky laugh, her heart fluttering at the small laugh coming from the other girls mouth.

“Um, we then decided to walk along the sea shore to our favorite dinner to get some food and um, we didn’t even made it to the restaurant before you stopped and kissed me.” She finishes, a far away look in her eyes.

“That was um…” There’s a hint of fear in Jennie’s eyes when she says this. Like she knows what comes next and doesn’t really want to know the answer Chaeyoung thinks. Jennie wouldn’t be human if she wasn’t wounded by all of this.

“That was three years ago.” Chaeyoung answers honestly.

“I don’t remember,” Jennie admits in a tone that sounds a lot like sorrow, “I have no idea who you are but this..“ She pauses and although hearing those words hurt like hell, Chaeyoung manages to keep her emotions at bay. “I don’t know, I can’t explain it. Like it feels familiar somehow.”

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out,” She answers, “I...we always do.”

----------------------------

“We are not expecting anything from you, Jennie. No one is asking you to figure it out right now.”

Chaeyoung has an arm around Jennie’s back and waist, holding her up. Her body shakes as Jennie cries her frustrations out and Chaeyoung holds her tighter. There’s circles being rubbed on her back and then there’s fingers combing through her hair.

When Chaeyoung got here this morning she did not expect this to happen, but she knew something was wrong the moment she walked in. Jennie seemed on edge, anguish on her eyes and just that constant look of being lost seemed to multiplied tenfold. When the blonde asked what was wrong the shorter girl says she feels like she’s letting everyone down, she could tell in every visit how people were telling her things that she was supposed to know yet doesn’t, and yet she can hear it in people’s voice. And how it was so infuriating how she can’t seemed to remember anybody.

“You’re gonna remember.” Chaeyoung finally remarks after a few minutes. “I know you will.”

Jennie seems to shuffle closer to her and hides her face on her shoulder, yet Chaeyoung is able to hear and understand what she says next. “It’s different with you.” Jennie confesses. “It’s not as scary when you’re with me.”

Chaeyoung sighs and rests her chin on Jennie’s shoulder, their bodies are pressed closely together and for the first time in a while she starts to believe that they will be okay.

--------------------------

A couple of days pass and Chaeyoung instead of driving to the hospital, she finds herself waking up in it. She now has a newfound hatred for the chair besides Jennie’s bed. The brunette had called last night as she was feeling uneasy although she didn’t know why something was telling her to call Chaeyoung and so she did.

The blonde didn’t mind, she would gladly stay awake forever is Jennie needed it. She stayed on the phone with her and talked about their first date, then the second, then the third until the blonde made her way to the hospital, when she got there she continued talking until the brunette was able to fall back to sleep.

When she woke up, she saw Jennie peacefully sleeping and the itch to press a kiss to her forehead was almost too much resist. So much so she’s sure her tights had fingernail marks from how hard she was restraining herself to do so. Because she misses her, and it sounds crazy because Jennie is right there, but it’s just not the same..

Instead of dwelling on it, because she cannot break right now, the blonde goes to the cafeteria to get some pancakes for Jennie and her. That was the last meal they had together before the accident and Chaeyoung thinks it’s appropriate, it was something in between like starting over and moving forward from where they paused.

“Sometimes when I’m with you,” Jennie says later once they start to eat, sitting up on the bed while digging into her pancakes. “I find things familiar to me.”

The blonde looks at her midchew. “You remember things?”

“No. No, it’s not that. It’s like uh…” She pauses searching her brain for the right word “An echo, maybe” She shrugs adding more honey to her plate. “I’m supposed to call them ‘connectors’. Like I don’t know why or how but this...” Her finger going back and forth between Chaeyoung and herself. “Us eating pancakes somehow connects me to you and something from the past?.” She frowns while explaining.

“I get it.” Chaeyoung says. “Like deja vu right?”

“Yeah!” Jennie nods vigorously. “Exactly!”

Chaeyoung smiles, it felt good to see her lover in a good mood. “It’s a start, Jen. It’ll all come back to you, we just have to be a little patient.”

Chaeyoung can see Jennie doesn’t believe it yet, and that’s okay she can’t really blame her either but the blonde has always found that it’s better to think positively rather than negatively or you’ll end up down the never ending tunnel of doom and quite frankly she can’t afford to go down there right now or she might never come back.

-------------------------------------

A week passed and now Jennie found herself being driven back to her house, or at least what they say is her house. Chaeyoung told her they lived together so it was only logical she chose that place. Her choice was surprising to everyone, because Jennie instead of choosing to go back to a place she remembered she decided to go back to her and Chaeyoung’s place, a place she had no recollection of.

It was daunting, but the truth was that Chaeyoung made Jennie feel… safe. She doesn’t feel as lost, is like she had a guiding light amongst the darkness whenever the blonde was around. Unlike everyone else the blonde doesn’t get inpatient with her, she repeats things calmly, she tells her stories of them together, sometimes involving her friends, of her parents, of her life in general. She doesn’t show her frustration nor does she remind her she already knows something when Jennie is telling a story but rather listens. And right now that means the world to Jennie.

She’s started to realize her parents were not wrong when they told her Chaeyoung was an absolute angel, her dad told her the day she met Chaeyoung was the day her heart started living in the clouds and she’s starting to see why.

As Jennie watches the houses pass by she can’t help but smile, the blonde told her she had made sure to label everything in the house, every cabinet, every closet, every drawer just so she doesn’t feel lost and knows just exactly where everything is without having to ask for help, she figures Jennie deserves to not feel lost in her own home.

Chaeyoung also told her they bought a house instead of an apartment, because they had a big argument about it. She tells her they compromised and chose the house, though she didn’t tell her they bought the house because Jennie wanted the house, overtime she’ll realize Jennie can her way with Chaeyoung just with a pretty smile.

“This is it.”

Chaeyoung stops the car and gets out when she appears at the passenger side to help Jennie out, she notices how the brunette looks in absolute awe at the house. It’s not that impressive, but it was a really nice two story house, with a big backyard, the house was located on a hill so it gave them an amazing view of the city.

“Woah.” The girl mumbles. “What did you say we do for a living again?”

Chaeyoung chuckles as she closes the passenger door and heads to the trunk to take Jennie’s hospital bag. “I’m a musician and you are editor in chief in a magazine.”

“Holy ..” She mumbles again when they walk in. She remains rooted in place, uncertain, like a part of her wants to explore but the other is scared of walking in, so she looks at Chaeyoung for support. The blonde nods with a small smile and signals with hands as if saying ‘Go ahead.’

Chaeyoung follows the girl quietly as she looks around the house, getting familiar with it, she watches as she takes in the view of the city from their backyard, how she traces with her hands the marble counters in the kitchen, how she heads up stairs and looks at the decorations. When she gets to Chaeyoung’s office she stays in the middle of the room amazed.

She walks towards the shelf and admires every award. “You fail to mention you were an award winning pianist.” Jennie said, and Chaeyoung shrugged from her spot in the door before walking to stand up next to her.

“If it was up to me these wouldn’t even be here, but you were adamant that these awards deserved to be displayed.” She tells her, and the blonde remembers simply coming back home one day to see a brand new shelf in her office and all her awards on it instead of the box where she kept them.

“You must be talented.” Jennie mumbles, as she paces gently across the room, where another door was. Behind the door was Jennie’s office, she had a few awards herself, but unlike Chaeyoung’s award the thing that calls Jennie the most is a rose, a rose within a glass case in the corner of her desk. Chaeyoung watches her as she runs her finger over it.

“Um…” Jennie clears . “Where is this from?” She croaks and there’s a clear break in her voice.

Chaeyoung sighs as she once again walks up to her. “The Rose of Remembrance, we went to New Zeland last year because a friend of yours got married so we decided to make a vacation out of it.” She says smiling and reaches across the desk where a picture of them both is located and shows it to Jennie. “We visited a beautiful garden and in there an old lady told us a story of these roses.”

“What was the story?”

“Legend has it an Elve planted a rose garden for his lover, his lover unfortunately was promised to someone else, one night when they were meeting his lover’s fiance followed her and killed them both in rage, it says they roses will wilt if not nourished with blood. But give it to someone you love and it’ll live forever.”

“You gave it to me?” Jennie asks with a small smile.

“Mhmm.” The blonde confirms. “The old lady gave this to me while you were in the bathroom, said if I really love you it should never wilt. I mean it’s probably a fake rose but the sentiment is what matters right?”

“Right.” Jennie says quietly her eyes looking at the rose as willing herself to remember, as if searching every corner of her brain for one little memory of the moment. “We seem happy.” She croaks, looking at the picture.

"We were.” The blonde says, because it was the truth, they were happy. “And we will be happy again, we just need…”

“A little patience.”

“Yeah, a little patience.”

After that the tour of the house continues until they get to their room, Jennie, just like she did in the other rooms, paces around the room observing every detail, she stopped at the balcony door where the soft rays of light of the setting sun illuminated the room, she stood there admiring the amazing view of the city.

Chaeyoung, just like she did in the other rooms, observes her from the where she leans against the doorframe. After some time Chaeyoung heads to their closet and starts taking some of her things, her pajams, a change of clothes for tomorrow…

“What are you doing?”

The blonde pauses and turns to look at the brunette. “Um I just figured you’d like to sleep here since you don’t um…” Know me.

“Please stay.” Jennie says, holding her hand.

“I really don’t think I…”

“Chaeyoung, please.” Jennie pleads again. “Things don’t make a lot of sense to me these days, but this?” She saids squeezing her hand. “This makes sense to me.”

The blonde clamps shut. She’s not gonna cry. She’s definitely not gonna cry. She’s absolutely not gonna cry.

“I… I want to remember what if feels like to fall asleep with you, to wake up with you, to...to be in your arms.” Jennie says softly,

Chaeyoung swallows and takes a deep breath as one of her hands slowly but surely finds it place on Jennie’s waist. “Okay, if it makes sense to you, it makes sense to me.”

“You’ll stay?’

“I’ll stay.”

-----------------------------------

It’s not until four months later that things change between them. That both of them seemed to be having a hard time understanding and dealing with the situation. For Jennie her situation as becoming more annoying to her because everytime she closes her eyes she wishes for everything to come back to her but it never happens. But instead of letting out she pretends she’s fine.

And Chaeyoung, Chaeyoung is just struggling with everything. She has been going to the studio for the past couple of weeks and arriving late. She’s struggling because having patience it’s a lot harder than it seems. Because she finds herself getting frustrated of having to tell stories and things than Jennie was supposed to know, because it takes everything inside of her to not kiss her, because that’s one of the things she wants the most.

But she doesn’t say anything, because at the end it isn’t Jennie’s fault that she can’t remember anything, it’s not her fault that some ran a red light, it’s not her fault that Chaeyoung is having a hard time controlling herself around her.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Chaeyoung stops eating and looks down at her eggs, she doesn’t answer. Because it’s the truth. She has been avoiding her and she couldn’t lie to her about that.

“I…”

“I’m sorry I can’t seem to remember anything, but I’m trying Chae I promise you I am.”

The blonde looks up to see the brunette almost in tears as if every frustration was coming out in that moment. A desperate look in her eyes.

“Jen, no, that’s not…”

“Then why? Why are you avoiding in me? Are you… are you tired of it? Just tell me, please just tell me and I’ll…”

“No.” She repeats and walks around the counter to stand in front of the other girl. “I’m not tired, Jennie, I swear I’m not. I’m just...struggling.”

“So am I!” Jennie exclaims. “And you know what I don’t blame you, it’s been months and my memory is still the same so I get it if you are tired…:

“I’m not tired!” Chaeyoung exclaims. “It doesn’t matter to me if you remember or not, I want you Jennie, memories or not. “ She says, because is the truth. “I don’t ing care if you can’t remember which I like better gimbap or raymon! I don’t ing care if you still have trouble remembering the security code of the front gate. I don’t care Jennie. When you first came to the house I told you we would be happy again, and we will.”

“But then why are you avoiding me?” Jennie aks brokenly.

“Because I’m an idiot.” Chaeyoung says simply. “Because I wanted to keep this facade for you, so you could have someone to lean on, because you need someone strong to guide you, to support you to…”

“I don’t care if you are strong or not.” Jennie interrupts her. “You being here is enough, I told you once you made everything less daunting, less scary at that remains the truth. I don’t need you to act tough I just… need you here.”

“I’m sorry.” Chaeyoung says quietly.

Jennie holds her breath as if gathering courage and then runs her hands over the curves of Chaeyoung’s hips and then up over the muscles of her lean back before settling around her neck. She wraps herself around Chaeyoung in a hug and lays her head on her shoulder.

“I promise I have been trying, I’ve been writing every single thing I know about you, like how you like your pancakes, what your favorite sweater is, the fact you need natural sunlight to wake you up, I just…” Jennie looks down then and then tears keep spilling. “I just don’t want to forget again.”

“Ba...Jennie.” Chaeyoung closes her arms around her holding her close. “You’re not gonna forget again.”

“Please don’t avoid me again, it hurts to much.”

“I’m sorry.” Chaeyoung repeats. “I’m an idiot.”

The brunette raises her head a little and looks at the blonde, looks at her brown eyes that radiate honesty and most of love she presses the palm of her hand to Chaeyoungs cheek and leans forward.

The kiss is gentle; it’s encouraged by honesty and want and attraction. But most of all it feels like coming home,

An hour late and the brunette is a quivering disaster underneath the blonde, said blonde has one of her hands doing wonders in between Jennie’s legs and is against the brunette’s neck. Jennie rocks her hips along Chaeyoung’s thruts, placing one hand over Chaeyoung’s own between her legs, squeezing tight. The other one around her back pulling her closer as she nears her .

“Let go, Jen.” The blonde whispers. “I’ve got you, just let go.”

And she does.

----------------------------------

It happens out of nowhere almost six months since the accident. Jennie is in their kitchen making breakfast, while Chaeyoung sits on the counter and pulls her in between her legs when the brunette is near her reach. The blonde pulls her in for a kiss which the brunette is more than happy to reciprocate.

“Breakfast…” She says in between kisses.

“It can wait.”

“Rosie..” She says as the blonde pulls away in surprise. The brunette instead is looking at her tight her finger tracing over a small mark.

“What did you call me?” The blonde asks, because Jennie hasn’t called her that since they met again.

“I think… I think I know how you got this.” Jennie says ignoring her question, frowning slightly as she keeps going over the mark. “You, you were running to the canteen at your school and you fell over.”

She remembers something, Chaeyoung realizes. She remembers.

“Jennie, you remembered something!” She said excitedly.

Jennie smiles and throws herself into the blonde’s arms, giggling as happy tears start forming, happy that for the first time something came back to her as meaningless as it was, something came back and the hope of her memories returning one day was reignited.

“You were right.” She said sniffing. “All we need is just…”

“A little patience.”