COFFEE FOR TWO

i. Coffee Stains

1 of 7

 

You we’re sitting at the edge of the bed feeling like the world was toppling over to whichever way you lean your head. You weren’t hangover for once in days but the nausea was immediate as soon as you opened your eyes. The flu like feeling clamored around your skin as you try to pop a joint or two. Awake again, you sighed begrudgingly. The whitewashed walls decried for your attention and you did give it too much. It has always been the same boring impersonal partition but you find it interesting because it’s better to stare at that instead.

 

 

Not on the pieces of everything lying all over your space that annoyingly reminds you of her. Those tiny pieces of soul she has left on the places you wished badly that she hasn’t reached because it was burning you. The memories that were relentless, cruelly so and on the middle of the mess you’ve made at your bedroom you can still see her vividly in your mind’s eye.

 

 

It was years ago and she was standing right there on the same spot where your old LA cap was lying haphazardly now. You remembered clearly that she was squinting at you with her head tilting slightly to the side. Her hands were on her waist looking like an adult ready to reprimand you. Neither of you were speaking while Lana del Rey’s young and beautiful coated the room with warmth and it felt like it was yesterday.

 

 

You never forget that moment.

 

 

She was still on her uniform the tie hanging loosely and her hair was slightly disheveled probably from the ride there. It was a perfectly normal afternoon after summer break, but it felt like you missed her a lifetime and it made your skin crawl with too much warmth as you try to take her in, all of her, until your gaze rested on her eyes.

 

 

The colors around you shifted, burning brighter but never as bright as those pitch black orbs. It was the same shade of onyx but that day it was glinting with something akin to longing. You never knew for sure, all you knew was that it made your insides squirm with your heart dancing on your throat.

 

 

A car honking irritatingly loud saved you from skinny dipping on the memories. You forcefully pulled yourself up from bed, not bothering to fix the covers as you made a beeline for the kitchen. Your throat was burning painfully, the after taste of longing made it dryer than it usually was. Your heart was still in it. Pumping feebly like the first tamiya you have owned when it was running out of batteries.

 

 

Left, right, left, you murmured to yourself as you concentrated on not falling face first to the floor. It almost surprised you that you reached the immaculately neat kitchen in one piece. It was a feat of your day because it usually took you until pass 3 in the afternoon before you manage to get out of your den. It made you feel accomplished in a sense, and you reached the fridge with less effort.

 

 

A bright neon green sticky note greeted you when you got face to face with the fridge door. You ignored it, addressing the burning first. It didn’t go away even after you finished the carton of orange juice. You scowled at the poor container, shifting it in your palm until you got bored.

 

 

 

You kept on standing there, staring at the empty carton, contemplating about how you could make your day more interesting. No creative idea came up. Unwillingly your eyes focused on her hand writing. Pizza in the fridge, Jessica will come over at 12, WE ARE OKAY.

 

 

 

You took it off of the surface almost hurriedly. The note felt colder than it’s supposed to be in your palm and you pondered whether to crumple it or keep it with the stack underneath your bed. Krystal has barely said a word to you for quite some time now. At least these notes were constant – you consoled yourself trudging to the kitchen stool.

 

 

Your eyes trailed on her handwriting again, the almost messy scrawl indicated that she was in a hurry when she wrote it. The have never changed even the different way she wrote her small ‘t’s and ‘a’s. It made you smile bitterly to yourself because a part of you foolishly wished that she stayed the same as her penmanship.

 

 

That was an irrational thought, you knew it was but it didn’t stop your mind from thinking thousands of other possibilities if you’re still with the same girl you moved in with years ago. Your hands fisted the paper in your palm as you stare at it dumbly.

 

 

 

The heavy feeling in your chest pressed on, and it felt like there were rocks in there. It was definitely hard to breathe with those damned rocks but it was cemented there. Krystal buried it all over, or it was you. It was hard to tell for certain.

 

 

 

The grandfather clock on the hallway resounded hauntingly as if to taunt you more. It was already twelve; Krystal and her sister will be there soon. You weren’t excited. No more nice squirming stomach, no more championship ping pong matches in your chest. There were only rocks pilling and it was pilling fast. You’ve only managed to throw the carton properly when the Jung sisters walk in.

 

 

As always, Jessica’s girly laugh announced their presence and you almost sprinted back to your room when the older Jung started looking for you. Your ears strained waiting for Krystal’s response but none came. A door opened and closed instead, then a call for your name. It was demanding. She doesn’t call you by your nickname anymore. Just plain Amber and it made you feel bad like the kid you were. You missed her calling you stupid.

 

 

Another one opened and closed as you sat unmoving, firmly holding on to the edge of the kitchen island for support, your stomach was starting to sink quickly as the telltale sound of stilettos came closer. Her head peeked in.

 

 

“Hey.” was the only word she said before pulling away, leaving you alone again. You heaved a sigh once her stilettos can’t be heard anymore. The trembling of your hands won’t stop as you made your way to the den to at least look presentable according to their standards.

 

 

***

 

They were sharing a laugh when you walked in. Jessica pulled you as soon as she saw you, playfully placing wet kisses on all over your face. You bite your lip hard to stop yourself from saying anything inappropriate. Jessica’s actions weren’t unusual but it made the rocks pilling inside your chest weigh heavier, probably because Krystal was just eyeing the two of you with a blank expression. No more glaring daggers. You sighed to yourself missing the feeling of getting close to dying whenever she looked at you like she wanted to rip you to pieces.

 

 

 

When Jessica let you go, you were immediately tugged to the couch. Krystal was leaning too close to you in a heartbeat. It made your chest heave badly, as her head slowly pressed closer to you until it was buried on your neck and her nose was brushing to your skin. The goose bumps were immediately there, crawling all over the places you thought did not exist anymore. To make things harder those thin arms wrapped around your torso possessively. The familiarity of the action made you choke back a sob as you breathe in the scent of her hair. It was foreign, too sweet and it was suffocating you but you didn’t pull away.

 

 

 

You were not up for acting feigning pretend at the moment. Jessica was oblivious to your struggle, cooing at the sides. She was saying something about how cute the two of you were and other things that have barely registered on your preoccupied mind. If she only knew swirled around your head but it was put to a halting stop when Krystal decided to raise her acting a higher level.

 

 

 

 

She initiated a kiss in front of her sister. It was just a slight brush, a fleeting one but the ping pong started in a quick phase within you. The kiss was the first in months, the last one was probably eight or nine months ago, you’ve lost count, but it was there and you haven’t even felt it before it was gone. You sighed again unwittingly with your head leaning in dangerously closer to hers, chasing the kiss with your eyes closed.

 

 

 

 

Jessica was laughing merrily now, scrambling loudly to the kitchen. Krystal’s warmth was gone even before the cupboard doors started moving. She cleared forcefully, looking away from you. It was painfully awkward. It wasn’t at all surprising though, you’ve moved to different rooms almost a year ago, and the two of you have been functioning in a routine where you avoid any type of skinship for months now.

 

 

 

Jessica’s presence in the apartment you share rent with Krystal just meant people were starting to get concerned about the two of you. They were getting suspicious.

 

 

They were aching to rub it in your faces that they knew this won’t end up well and they were right. They were damn right for more than a year now. Krystal was just too prideful to give them satisfaction and you were too hanged up on her to voice out even the slightest opposition. Besides you love her, you loved who she was before the whole ordeal started, before it became apparent that you were just too different from each other and not even sweet kisses can make it stop tearing the two of you apart.

 

 

You’ve tried compromise, hell you’ve tried changing for her even if you promised to never change just like she how she promised the same. You changed the way you dress, because it’s embarrassing her and her high nosed friends. You even drank tea on Friday afternoons to keep up with them. You stopped smoking pot, too. She hated it, so you’re supposed to just hate it and you did for a while.

 

 

You even stayed sober for years. Not even saying a single cuss word out loud because apparently it was inappropriate, and it was okay with you because it made her smile while looking to your eyes like the whole universe was there and only the two of you existed.

 

 

Those days were the happiest of your life and you wished so hard you could stay locked up on those moments but of course you can’t. Krystal shifted beside you uneasily and you chose to ignore her. It’s the safest thing to do, to avoid complications the two of you both can’t afford with her sister present. You opt to play host instead. It’ll be easier.

 

 

 

Jessica has always gotten along with you better than the entire Jung clan. You stood up lazily stretching your limbs to try to get rid of Krystal’s effects on you. The light-headedness was still there and the rocks were still piling albeit a little too slow now. It made you frown because hoping has always been dangerous with Krystal. She was just...

 

 

 

You didn’t got to finish the thought in your head because a soft hand held on to your wrist. It was weakly tugging. You turned to Krystal with a raised eyebrow, avoiding her eyes. It’ll just make the rock piling worst because Krystal doesn’t look at you the same anymore.

 

 

“Amber...” She whispered you just kept on looking at her forehead.

 

 

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

 

 

A snort almost choked you but you managed to stop making a sound. You just shook your head once, turning away from her before she can say anything else. The irritation building in your chest made you want to bang your head on the nearest wall because you knew it was pointless. It was just the way it usually was and she still got under your skin even until now.

 

 

***

 

The sleeping arrangements that night made you seriously consider sleeping on the bathtub. Jessica was staying for the night because her flight back to Japan got rescheduled due to a thunderstorm. She has already locked herself in Krystal’s room, the used to be guestroom, which left you stuck in the living room while Krystal took your room hostage.

 

 

 

You’ve been staring at the TV for a good 20 minutes weighing your options. Sleeping on the couch was one, since Jess has always been a heavy sleeper but her flight was scheduled early and you weren’t up to taking your chances on that.

 

 

 

You already knew it was foolish to consider the couch. The most important thing about this whole visit as Krystal insisted was that the two of you convince Jessica that all is well. It was amusing how hell bent the younger Jung was to make the whole make believe work, probably because she doesn’t want to live with her parents again or whatever her reasons were. It was hard to tell these days.

 

 

You stretched your legs on the sickly green carpet with your arms dangling at the back rest. The whole room was already transformed into something unrecognizable from the moment Krystal started to share your space.

 

 

 

The walls weren’t bare anymore. There were paintings and picture frames everywhere. Even the lone vase that used to be empty, looked brighter with lilies on them. It was painfully foreign to you and you have an unnerving urge to tear the whole place apart because it looked so bright and beautiful and functionable but the relationship of the occupants were definitely nowhere near that.

 

 

 

 

It was a lie. You wanted to scream it to the paintings or to throw a fit at the annoying wood accent of the furnace, anything, to force Krystal to acknowledge how ed up your relationship was but that will just make her upset. You hate making her upset specially with Jessica visiting so you the overwhelming urge to start the long standing confrontation.

 

 

 

The effort of breathing evenly was proving to be a challenge and the vent over range was brewing inside you for lots of reason, suffocating you, tightening your air hole. Your hand fisted your chest where your heart was supposed to be, willing it to stop ing. You cussed whenever you can just to get away with it these days and it’s starting to make you sick. She has definitely rubbed on you.

 

 

 

 

Your feet carried you to your bedroom door without you noticing. It felt stupid but you knocked on your own door. She opened it immediately with a bored expression she was always wearing around you these days.

 

 

 

 

You noticed that her hair was still wet and she was wearing one of your sweatshirts. The basketball shorts she has on looked odd on her but she still looked adorable in it. You have to hold back a smile wondering how long did it took for her to it up and just wear your clothes because she obviously couldn’t just barge in her room. It’ll raise suspicions.

 

 

 

Her eyebrows were raised, challenging you to make a comment on her clothes but she didn’t say a word. You kept silent as you went inside the room with calculated footsteps. Neither of you spoke as you rummaged your closet for your warmest jacket.

 

 

The room was already unrecognizable considering you didn’t trip on anything on the floor. Your eyes roamed, the hamper basket was full and your bed sheets were different. Of course she changed that too. You chuckled darkly as you pulled one of the shoeboxes on top of your drawers. This made her break the oddly comfortable silence.

 

 

“Where are you going?”

 

It wasn’t demanding for once.

 

Your head snapped to her direction. She was sitting on the floor beside the bed with her knees covering her face. Her eyes were glinting with the lampshade on the bedside table. The illumination from the bathroom dimmed compared to the glint on her onyx eyes. Your eyebrows furrowed.

 

 

 

She mostly allowed you to get on with your business like you did with hers. It was probably because of Jessi though. You just shrugged, joining her on the floor to tie your shoes more easily.

 

 

“There’s a thunderstorm, the weather lady said it’ll pour till the morning.”

 

You almost didn’t hear the end of her sentence because she said it lowly. The sleepy drawl made you raise your eyebrow. She was actually making an effort to this conversation.

 

 

“Jessi will wonder if you know. I mean, isn’t it odd for you to leave me in the middle of the night on her perspective.”

 

 

That was the longest sentence she has said to you this week and it made you stare at her confused. Only Jessica’s name registered though, of course it’s because of Jessica, you chided yourself as you tried to swallow the lump that was starting to form in your throat.

 

 

“She won’t know. I’ll be back before three. “

 

 

The tone of your own voice surprised you. It sounded like it came from a different person and it made you nervous for whatever reason as you counted in your head, impatiently waiting for a response that never came. She just stood up, nodding once in acknowledgment before going under the covers. The illumination of the lamp died, you were dismissed. The conversation was over.

 

 

Standing up on shaky legs, you went to the bathroom to fix your hair. Her toothbrush immediately caught your attention because it looked foreign. Her hair products which were a lot were dangling by one of the hooks near the light switch. Krystal placed them on one of your shoe bags. You stared at it with your head shaking incredulously.

 

 

A few more hours llama. You assured yourself in the mirror, shuddering slightly when you recognized the wet towel hanging near the shower curtain. It was yours and the onslaught of feelings almost knocked you out cold. Stop hoping idiot. It’ll just make this harder than it already is. You mumbled to your reflection as you held on the lavatory. Your knuckles were white from the tension within you. This was too much already.

 

 

 

“I need vodka.” You said out loud, turning the lights off because you just can’t look at what you’ve become anymore.

 

 

 

Quiet engulfed you as quickly as the darkness ate the entirety of the room. The lump in your bed caught your eyes as soon as you’ve adjusted your sight to the dark. You closed the bathroom door as silently as you could before walking slowly to get out of the suffocating space. The urge to look back was almost physically making it hard to step out of your den but you managed to reach the door.

 

 

 

It was almost possible to get away from her suffocating presence. You were already closing the mahogany when you heard her sniff. It rang clearly in your ears as you mentally went through the whole day, remembering if she has cold this afternoon. She was fine even bubbly.

 

 

 

Krystal was crying. The thought sank in slowly as you hurriedly went back to the bedroom. The steps were too easy with your heart pumping loudly at the back of your ears. It was as if what you’re doing was a reflex but you stopped when your knees touched the edge of the bed. You stepped back twice, over thinking the situation. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. You whined in your head helplessly.

 

 

She would never admit that she was crying. She’ll probably snap at you and kick you out of the room, like she usually does. It won’t help either of you considering how sharp tongued she is when stressed. A commotion was the last thing you need with the thin walls separating the two of you from reality.

 

 

 

You argued with yourself as you stared helplessly at the lump in your bed, opting to just sit it off. The tension that has been winding up inside you was threatening to snap but your senses seemed more agitated that Krystal was crying more than anything else that you’re feeling bad about. The whole situation be damned, your subconscious declared as you sat there crossed legs, observing her.

 

 

The tingling thought of downing a bottle of vodka was slowly floating away from your mind as you went through the things that could possibly made her cry herself to sleep.

 

 

 

Her firm had just finished building an extension of the national museum so it’s obviously not work related. You went over through her long list of relatives and try to remember if any of them were having a hard time but that was making you sleepy so you stopped at the thought that Jessi's clothing store actually launched another branch in the UK and she have just got engaged three months ago.

 

 

It scratched the family problems off the list easily which brought you to the relationship part. You have to swallow again and again just to distract yourself. It wasn’t your favorite for a very long time now. Of course, you are her problem. You said out loud absentmindedly wiping your face forcefully with your hands.

 

 

 

Krystal didn’t stir even if she heard you. She just remained under the covers, sniffing every now and then. The every now and then squeezed your heart the entire time. It hurts more than you thought it would, you kept wishing it would stop.

 

 

 

It did some time later. The vodka forgotten as you watch her form with your mind surprisingly silent. Disturbing thoughts went off with the sound of her crying. Eventually, you grew tired of just watching her unmoving and feeling like someone was choking you while there was a ping pong match on your chest so you just laid down on the floor.

 

 

Thunder boomed somewhere but you didn’t bother with it. Tomorrow, after Jessi leaves you’re ending it with Krystal once and for all. She could have the house. You can’t afford it by yourself anyway. You’d just, go with the flow. Nothing could possibly hurt more than this anyway. You decided as you stare at the glow in the dark stickers at your ceiling. Love the KRYSTAL JUNG it said vertically at your vantage point. The letter ‘I’ was missing and you stared at the placed it was supposed to be until you fall asleep.

 

 

***

 

“Amber, wake up.”

 

 

You shifted to your side. Ignoring Krystal, you were too tired to deal with whatever demand she has for you. She could easily write it off like she usually does anyway.

 

 

“Amber come on. I can’t allow Jessica to kill you on the floor, at least move to the bed.”

 

 

The mention of Jessica’s name made you groan loudly as you try to stretch your body. You did not say a word to Krystal who was already walking out of the door, you just laid there, unmoving. You were feeling worse than yesterday if that was even possible, everything was aching and it’s pulsating with your head. Turning to lay on your stomach, you let go of an annoyed huff at yourself for still feeling bad that she just let you sleep on the floor.

 

 

 

After you were certain that the pulsating was tamed, you untangled your feet from the blanket that was restraining them before walking to the bathroom to get ready. There was a fleeting thought in your head about wearing shoes to sleep the whole time you did your business but you shrug it off, rushing out of the door to cook breakfast because people with functional relationships do that.

 

Krystal on your oversized sweatshirt sans basketball shorts greeted you when you reached the kitchen. It made you stare stupidly, distracting you from all the aching in your body until the pulsating started again at the end of your toes. You realized that you walked straight to the corner of the kitchen island without even noticing.

 

 

The pain on your toes made your eyes tear up a little. It was not helping that you were palpitating too early for your liking so you turned your back on her, going straight to the fridge were you reached for a carton of orange juice. The absence of sticky note on the refrigerator door made you frown with your heartbeat slowing down a bit.

 

 

You downed the OJ routinely, as you cautiously walk back to the kitchen stool. Krystal was standing at the other side of the kitchen island watching you. Her eyebrows were furrowed. She was staring at you intently with the sides of her lips tugged a little downwards. It made the after taste of the orange juice in your mouth turn more sour than usual. You swallowed uncomfortably. Your heart never listened to you when it came to Krystal, it’s wringing to dizzying point.

 

 

 

“We need to talk after we drop Jessica off. Are you free today?” You asked nonchalantly to stop her from staring as you played with the rims of the orange juice carton. She didn't answer immediately, intent on just staring at you.

 

 

 

You looked away from her to stop yourself from losing it. It has been so long since you’ve seen that look. There were dead butterflies on your empty stomach.

 

 

 

It was taking too long for her  to respond so you looked up to take it back. That was crass. You reprimanded yourself as your eyes trailed on her flawless face.

 

"I-"

 

 

“Yeah, sure. I don’t have any until 2.”

 

 

Krystal tilted her head to the side when your gaze reached her eyes (a curious habit), as she recited her response to your question. She was still blatantly staring at you with a solemn expression. Her eyes were sad, pitying. It made the ping pong die down quickly to be replaced by heavy prickling.

 

 

“Great. Thanks, uh- Jess still eats peanut butter and jelly right?” your voice was shaking slightly with the hurried response. She ignored it as expected.

 

 

“She hates the after tastes of peanut butter remember?”

 

 

“Sorry, yeah, yeah, I was thinking about someone else, anyway, bacon?”

 

 

 

You turned your back on her to walk the fridge, reaching for the pack of bacon at the right corner of the freezer. Krystal stood up too, not really answering just humming softly to voice out her agreement. When you turned back to her, you noticed that there were two stains of coffee cup on the countertop and Krystal was sipping from her plain white mug silently.

 

 

There were really two stains though the other one was barely there. You frowned at the stains, its shapes made it odd. The one in the left was slightly bigger circle than the other. Krystal’s cup was slender as she put it.

 

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing… Is she awake?”

 

“Dunno, probably.” She whispered to the rim of her cup as she fished for her phone on the hoody pocket. Krystal was never a morning person. You could already hear the irritation coming so you left her alone, minding the bacon instead.

 

 

This will be over soon, you assured yourself. The routine you’ve developed through the years came in handy for your acting the whole morning. Jessica was grumpy from lack of sleep so she didn’t really pay attention to the two of you.

 

 

It was almost too easy, making you wonder what’s catch until the older Jung dragged you out of the SUV forcefully even before Krystal pulled the handbrake. She ordered Krystal to stay at the vehicle with a clip tone. The two of you did as Jessica asked without protesting. You didn’t do anything that will give the secret away. It was probably her usual goodbye talk anyway.

 

 

“What did you do?”

 

“uh-what? What did I do?”

 

“quit playing dumb with me. She looked off.”

 

“She’s just probably tired Jess. She’s great. She has the city bridge as her new baby she’s ecstatic.”

 

“yeah right, then why does she look like she wants to burst out crying every time she looks at you when you’re not looking?”

 

 

You laughed at that, sardonically, not even hiding the bitterness from your face. You knew it was rude, and it’ll probably got you beheaded, but you’re just done with the lies and the rocks stack piling in your chest.

 

 

“Jess please. She’s fine trust me. She’s just slightly unhappy these past few days, I’ll fix it. Promise.”

 

“You better, or you know what will happen.”

 

“Yes unnie.”

 

“You will fix it soon.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I love you berber. Thank you for putting up with her. I know she’s handful but she loves you never forget that.”

 

“uh- yes?”

 

“Amber?“

 

“hmmmm.”

“I’ll kill you if you break her heart.”

 

“Here I was wondering if that joke has gotten old.”

 

“It was not a joke.”

 

***

You were seated at the right corner of Krystal's favorite coffee shop when the two of you were still college students. It felt awkward that you and Krystal were dressed like the teenage couples you see around the campus every day. Both of you were wearing high cut converse shoes, and your university issued law school shirt.

 

 

 

She has your only yoga pants on and you were on your baggy pants. Krystal seemed oddly pleased that the two of you were turning heads with the way you were dressed. It was as if she was making a statement with her behavior and you just let her be, enjoying it more than you should whenever you would catch her glaring at the general direction of your international law classmates.

 

 

 

One of them has greeted you with an accidental kiss on the side of your lips since apparently your classmate missed you. You just let her be, doubting Krystal’s protest. She has seen girls do worse than that without batting her sinfully long eyelashes. The scar of her nonchalance was actually still there somewhere because she just watched as the lady molested you. It was never fun to be mistaken as the groom to be.

 

 

 

The not accident has happened approximately ten minutes ago and now you were sitting silently as you watch the coffee in front of you turn cold. It was easy to decide that this day you want it over.

 

 

 

You were done with all the lies and make believe because the two of you were obviously not fine anymore. It was not going the way it was supposed to and she was crying herself to sleep last night, probably the other nights too when you were off trying to melt the rocks piling on your chest because it won’t stop making your chest ache. Sometimes seeing her makes your chest ache so much you thought you’ll black out by merely looking at her for too long.

 

 

 

She held your hand with a start, breaking the train of your thoughts, stopping the neurons from relating to your heart to start hurting again because she was here; and she was real, looking at you, giving you a time of her day, proudly wearing your tshirt as she held on to your hand in public. The constrictions inside you rose rapidly as you bit your lip to stop it from trembling.

 

 

 

You just kept looking at the coffee turning cold.

 

 

“Stupid.”

 

It was gentle, sounding like it came from one of your dreams and you didn’t respond to it. Krystal was saying stupid the way she used to. The English drawl that made your skin crawl, with warmth. Your eyes were prickling with the bile on your mouth rising slowly. You needed coffee even if you rarely ever drink it.

 

 

 

“Stupid look at me, please.”

 

 

Perhaps it was the broken edge on her voice. It was probably the almost tripping emphasis on the word me that made you breathe in through your nose, steeling yourself. You’ve made up your mind you just can’t see her hurting anymore.

 

 

 

She wasn’t crying. Krystal will never cry in public if she can help it. It was one of the traits that you’ve first learned about her and it choked you with nostalgia. It was as if the two of you were propelled back in time, to the moment when you first admitted to yourself that the Krystal Jung was actually the girl of your dreams.

 

 

Although unlike all the days you stared at your favorite eyes it held something you have never seen for the longest time you’ve known her. Her eyes were openly pleading, it scared you. Krystal doesn’t beg. She is the type to just let it be if it can’t be and it’s making the air around you thinner. The intensity and the swimming emotions you can hardly pick up one by one swirled locking you in a warp hole where only the two of you existed. You need to get away from it. She was suffocating you.

 

 

 

“Be honest. I will be too. We knew each other too well to know when one is lying anyway.” 

 

 

 

She said bravely, not looking away from your face. You can feel her eyes on you and you wished somehow that she will stop it. You just nodded in response, looking away from her eyes. The rocks were slowly piling. One damn heavy asphalt after another as you swallowed again and again to force your heart down from your throat. Krystal didn’t break the silence even after your cup stops steaming so you did.

 

 

 

“We are not working anymore.” You told the empty space, as you gently pry your hands away from her cold fingers.

 

 

 

“Amber, it’s not-“, she was protesting with lots of hand gesture. You can hear the hurt on her tone and you wished it wasn’t you that put it there, but you got to do what you got to do.

 

 

“Krystal please.”

 

 

“Oh -kay.”

 

 

 

“Thank you... We are not working anymore. Sleeping in different rooms is the least of the wrongs that was going on in our relationship.”

 

 

 

“We could fix this.” Krystal retorted, looking at you with her eyes shining with determination. The ghost of the tears yet to fall was already greeting you on the rims of her eyelids. You smiled at her sadly, as she bit her lower lip hard to stop it from falling. The brave little girl was still there, and it broke your heart more that you thought it would.

 

“We tried.”

 

 

“We didn’t try hard enough. Come on stupid. You said you will never leave me. You said...” Krystal Jung was crying like a kid and you could only stare at her feeling numb and dumb.

 

 

 

“It’s time to rest princess. You’re worn out. I’m worn out. We lost this time.”

 

 

 

You tried to explaining while you lean at the backrest to stop yourself from going to her side. She was trying to reach out for your hand on the table again. You pulled it away.

 

 

 

“Don’t. Just don’t. Stoopid don’t do this. I’ll drop the bridge project. I’ll- We we’re going on vacay. I’ll let you wear your snapback to this year’s Christmas dinner.”

 

 

 

Krystal was having a hard time breathing as she plead to you with unapologetic tears. You were itching to wipe it all off and promise that everything will be fine, but the mere thought that she was saying the words she had said at moment made it clear that it won’t be enough to just wipe it off. It’ll still stay, the ache and the sadness in her eyes.

 

 

“Stop it. It’s okay. You were so proud to have the bridge project. You don’t have to. Besides I have school, the semester’s starting soon.”

 

 

“We’ll compromise. I’ll cut my work hours. I’ll even help you do your case digests.”

 

 

“Soojungie...”

 

“Amber stop this madness, I’ll make you sleep on the porch for three days because of this prank. This isn’t funny anymore.”

 

 

“We don’t have porch Krys. Let’s get you home. I’m moving out tonight.”

 

 

“No!”

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

 

“No.” She insisted again in a very low tone, looking away from you now.

 

 

You just watched her, rememorizing her face, the arch of her eyebrows, the shape of her eyes, and the slight crook of her nose. Those well-defined lips, the perfectness of her jaw and the inviting looks of her cheeks. The years have never touched the beauty that has always been hers. It made your fingers tingle slightly at the memory of touching her face, but you have already drawn the dot. Her eyes that were looking through you right now will always be a haunting reminder of that.

 

“I still make coffee for two.” Krystal murmured while staring at you sadly after a while.

 

 

You wish you knew what she meant by that, but you don’t and you don’t trust your voice from not breaking or pleading her to take you back so you just stared at her; willing yourself to not breakdown or look at her the way you used to because it just don’t seem right anymore.