PENDULUM

i. Blank Spaces

1 of 10

You sat rigidly on the too comfortable chair. The room was eerily quiet except for the annoying sound of the lawyer’s pendulum display. It reverberates louder than the sound of your heart but still, you forced yourself to sit still. She was right there in front of you. Beautiful, always beautiful, though a tad bit more beautiful than the one in your nightmares and a tad bit sadder than you thought she would be. She wanted this, apparently she wanted this. Her lawyer’s email said clearly, concisely.

Krystal looked ethereal even when she was breaking you and your dreams and your future together, and it hurts mostly because she looked like she was breaking as much as you.

Each painful thud of your heart reminded you that you were there at the point where both of you swore to not be, where you were just blank spaces away from letting her go and all you can do is just sit still and stare at her, listen to the pendulum and your heart breaking as you watch them helplessly, they were just finalizing your death sentence. You get to keep the house and the car and the piano and all those useless mundane things that they have listed, but you don’t get to keep Krystal. You don’t mind losing the house the car the mundane but not Krystal, anything but your Krystal, and you didn’t even want to tell them that.

You knew in your heart that you still have a lot of promises to keep. You still have a lot of lazy Sunday afternoons to share, a lot more stupid thoughts to say, a lot more love to give but none of those were enough, none of those would let them let you keep Krystal so you sat still and just watch her for the last time, more than likely for the very last time.

She would not even look at you. She was staring at the damned pendulum probably counting the minutes she has to share the suffocating air with you. It felt like you were drowning but you sit still and watch her watch the pendulum. Krystal will always be your favorite dream and you will lose her here, now, in the pretentious office that looked too bland to be where your last day with her should be and you could only wish that the pendulum would keep still. A few more heartbeats, you just want to watch her side profile intently for a few more seconds.

Krystal has not even acknowledged your presence. She would not even look at you. Like you, she sat rigidly on her seat, though unlikely you she had the gall to look sad, even when she’s the one who wanted this. 7 years more or less, 7 years and the two of you were just a few blank spaces away from the finish line. You don’t even got to tell her how much you love her enough times for her not to be here, you don’t even got to tell her that you love her always one more time.

You sat up straight when her lawyer called for your name. “Mrs. Liu”

You don’t know how to respond, or if you can respond to that. You didn’t really look away from Krystal, as you waited for the verdict, your heart sinking. Your vision blurred when Krystal looked up from the pendulum. Krystal was looking at her lawyer dejectedly.

Of course, she was still Mrs. Liu. You blinked away the tears, still refusing to look away from Krystal.

“It’s done, I will just send to you the duplicate originals. Please sign above your name.”

You flinched as the sound of the pen scratching the paper joined the pendulum and your breaking heart. Her wrist flicked elegantly as she swiftly moved from one page to another. You didn’t have the strength to blink away the silent tears anymore so you let them blur your view of your favorite side profile. You can’t even swallow the lump in your throat. You just watch the anguish and the sadness on your favorite face drown you more.

A part of you wondered if she would offer her hand for you to shake like how she always does at the end of her business deals. A sob escaped from your chest at that thought and you were a few heartbeats away from breaking down when she stopped mid . You forcefully covered your mouth to stop more sound from escaping. She hesitated, or you thought she did, the pendulum swings.

Krystal did not even spare you a glace as she continued the graceful , signing away her life with you. Divorce sounded awful and tedious and pretentious, who would want to divorce someone you chose to spend the rest of your life with. You thought it was absurd. Divorce is a choice you never thought you would make, but then again it was not you who chose the tedious and the pretentious and the absurd. You were too selfish to actually make that choice for the two of you, but you knew why she was choosing herself instead, so you just watch her, Krystal Jung, Mrs. Liu or not, she will never stop being your favorite dream.