THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS

i. To the one she loves next

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To the one she loves next,

The first thing you should always remember about Krystal Jung is that she can take care of herself. She'll prove that to you again and again to the point that you'll feel like you are useless in her life. Don't feel too bad about yourself, it happens to almost everyone. I've had a firsthand experience of that, I know it , but at least you experienced it. Besides you should not be fooled by that trait, because yes she can take care of herself but you should still be there for her, always.

I beg you to be there for her always.

Let me share to you a very classic example of just how stubborn baby jung is in the taking care of herself department. You will observe this every single time she rides any vehicle. She is not really fond of the idea that someone opens the doors for her. It's nothing really major but if you will pay attention to her facial expression, it really irks her when someone do this. 

Don't worry though since this does not always apply because if she really loves you, as she’s in love you not platonically, she’ll give you the honor of letting you do it for her with a pleased reaction. It's not a bluff, I swear I've seen it whenever my bestfriend opens his stupid pickup truck for her. You'll probably notice it too, the brightness that are dancing in her eyes when she's pleased is a scene to behold.

I hope you can keep the music going for those brightness to keep on shining.

Another thing about her is that she's an extremely shy type of person ---- that makes her really awkward in public. I bet you got ignored the first time you try to talk to her, the second, the third, and the forth she snapped at you. Again that's a normal Krystal habit and I know that the pissed off Jung looks adorably scary but don't forget that just her outlet of showing her discomfort. You should always assure her that you're there and everything will still be cool because you are there.

 You should really be there.

The telltale indications of her discomfort are closed fist and unfocused stare, don't ever let that get pass you because she's probably having mini panic attack inside that beautiful head already. The resulting breakdowns to those panic attacks are really terrible, it's hard to deal with it. I can barely manage to control what happens after one and how I wish I was my bestfriend that day. She was asking for him, but he can't be there and I can't be him so it's really bad. I will have to force hug her because she's sobbing to the point of hiccups and I really don't know what to do anymore. She struggled hard, and kicked me again and again in the shin because my embrace is another unfamiliar thing to her, but I hold on to her harder which is the wrong thing to do and… 

Sorry I'm blabbering but you get the picture right?

Take note of this, she'll push you away forcefully just like that, maybe not as hard because you're the one she loves next right, but whatever happens hold on to her harder. She's afraid of being in a crowded room with strangers, but she's also afraid of being alone after that, she's afraid of herself. No matter what she tells you, you are supposed to keep your hold, and keep it gentle please-----get this stuck in your head SHE.IS.A.LITTLE.PRINCESS.

I am warning you already she has a very sharp tongue. She rarely speaks but her words will always hit home so just keep your emotions in check. At least you can be sure that she's being perfectly honest with you. She may at keeping secrets so don't take it against her, she's just like that. Kindly return the favor of being honest to her though, I know it's never easy but you should always try being honest with her. She knows anyway, she always knows.

It must be the woman instinct that I think I don't have but be warned she knows when you're lying, she will know when it gets pass her. Lies brought about the break up between her and my bestfriend and it that I am part of those lies, don't imitate us please. It almost destroyed her because she's not really that good in coping up with pain. So I sincerely ask you, please don't do that to her, I promise I'll give you anything that you want if that's necessary, even all the gummy bears in the world. Just please don't break her heart like that.

The last but not the least important thing, give her breathing air. You know what I mean right? She is a very independent woman and she loves her freedom. She loves to have "me" time at least twice a month, please don't take that away from her. She'll do any reasonable thing for you because she loves you so don't be an by doing that. That's one of the best things about her, and you're one lucky guy to be with her because when she loves it's just so I don't know how to explain it, raw, pure, and warm. I've seen it how she does it for almost half my life though I never felt it but I promise you, you'll feel like you're the king of the world, or something better than that. Just don't waste your chance because somewhere out there are people like me, who wishes to be the one who she loves next.

I stare at the ink that is starting to fade in the scented paper I am using. This is something important so I decided to write it instead of having it printed. It's the final draft of the letter I am supposed to give her today. She'll be here because she demands to know the whole truth. I don't even know why I agreed to meet up with her, but I think it’s mostly because it's just really hard to resist that pleading broken voice. So damn hard that since the moment I stepped inside this coffee shop, I am betraying my bestfriend and myself.

I folded the letter immediately when I spotted her. The only angel I've met face to face. She's wearing white button up shirt, denim shorts, and black sneakers that is the same as mine. I wonder if she even realizes that we have identical shoes. She makes a bee line for my table when she saw my hand.

I smiled sadly to myself as I watch her bow her head low while walking towards me. I know that she's getting uncomfortable with the stares of other patrons, the coffee shop is full. This maybe the last time I'll see that so I force myself to look away from her. My eyes travels around and I realize too late that the coffee shop is still decorated for Valentine’s Day. Stupid. I murmur to myself as I marvel on the amount of red paper hearts and cupids all over the place. That must've taken a lot of effort to make.

My attention shifts back to her when the chair makes a sound as she pulls it. Same indifferent expression, matches with the big bags under her eyes. She looks like she cried all night. I know everyone in this shop is probably thinking that this girl looks like hell but I beg to differ, she's still beautiful to me. Beauty is a subjective thing, and I still see her as beautiful even in days like this, because as what I have been saying every single time to anyone who will asks, "it's the expression".

Silence remains for more than a minute but I don't find it uncomfortable. There are just days like this that she doesn't feel like talking that much, I knew that from the moment she looks at me, but she demands this meeting, so I'll probably be the one who'll do all the talking.

I don't like that at all, but I am such a er for my bestfriend's ex-girlfriend so here I am under a sea of red cut offs, surrounded by lovers who are celebrating late Valentine’s Day.

In the neverland of my brain, this moment is yesterday, and I am the one she's celebrating Valentine’s Day with. I am being a terrible bestfriend, showing up here but she deserves the truth, and in the back of my mind, I wanted this, a chance. Just one single chance to make her feel that I do love her too, probably more than she'll ever know, so I swallowed the permanent lump in my throat and smile my biggest smile before starting my betrayal.

"What do you want to drink Krys?"

"We're not here for coffee. Spill so I can leave."

Her tone didn't faze me like before, but it still stings a little. We've been friends for long, or so I thought. I take a deep breath before speaking again.

"You will drink, I won't tell you if you won't, we agreed that we will do this in my terms remember?"

"Whatever."

"Okay, so here's the deal, you'll be celebrating valentine’s day with me today then I'll tell you every single thing you want to know. Everything."

"You gotta be kidding me."

"Fine, I'm leaving now. Have a nice day Krystal-ssi."

"Stoopid. I demand the truth pronto."

"Not so fast, Krystal, my terms remember."

"How would I even know you'll tell me if I do it?"

"I'll pinky promise."

"What?! what are you four?"

"I'm serious, have you ever seen me break a pinky promise."

"I don't pay attention."

"Of course you don't, ah let's see, you saw me having a pinky promise with him right? And the other day I really wore that pikachu costume to the dance. Is that enough proof that I take pinky promise seriously?"

"God Am, how hard it is to tell me simple details, why are you making this difficult?"

"Geez, because I'm not easy of course."

"Not funny. Seriously, just tell me okay, no need for pinky promise or "celebrating" "

"You're no fun. That's the only offer I can give. Sorry."

The glare that I am receiving looks achingly familiar and I almost gave in to her request, but of course I didn't. Just one day princess.

"I don't have all day."

"Fine an hour, but you'll pretend that I am your girlfriend."

"You're crazy."

"Yeah, maybe I am. Look, it's not that hard, you'll just have to sit there feign attention. Then after one hour you get what you want."

"I still don't trust your pinky promise thing."

"Yeah right, princess jung, your right pinky up."

"This is stupid."

"I thought you want to know the truth?"

"Shut up, let's just get this over with."

The moment our fingers locked I know I made the right choice. I'm perfectly aware this is a very douche move, and I should not be proud of it, but I just can't let this chance pass for me. It's the last anyway, I don't think neither my best friend nor I will be forgiven if she gets the truth she wants so badly.