US

i. Us.

3 of 3

The view ahead was arresting, it was blue a tad bit shy towards the color of the sea near the shore infested by algae and lonelier than Amber has ever seen. She was looking ahead, at the breathtaking herculean as she waited for the silence to break itself.

Amber and Krystal were at the top of Gangnam, seated on a wooden swing, and surrounded by ornamental plants Amber would probably not be able to pronounce the names in Korean. The surroundings was full of colors, but everything seemed to be too sad to look at, and if Amber will be perfectly honest it was really because Krystal was beside her, in flesh.

The iridescence of colors and shapes, everything that was beautiful to Amber was there in the lines, edges and shadows that made up the girl sitting beside her. It was fitting that Amber’s seatmate was named of a solid material that generally reflects kaleidoscope when struck by light, comparable to a diamond perhaps, although diamond will only seem like a broken glass if it would even compare to Krystal.

Amber could only stare intently at Krystal. The frailty and tiredness made she could see made Amber choke as her eyes feasts on her favorite face. The angles have changed, Krystal seemed to have aged since the day she rode the white van without looking back, but it's the sadness in those deep brown eyes that made Amber stare.

Perhaps it was the sky that reflected on them, Amber thought as she cracked slowly because of the silence that just won't break itself.

Krystal was looking back at her with the expressionless face. It was flawless as always, passive, a mask that will just ripple like a liquid surface but will just revert back to the blankness if Amber says the wrong words. Amber wondered what will be the right phrases to say. Amber has been rehearsing the meeting on her mind every night before Amber retires to her room, but she can't seem to make it work and now that it was happening Amber was as speechless as she has always been during her sleepless nights.

Amber was still wondering how it all went wrong, still second guessing herself for all her faults and short comings, for her stupidity and selfishness and pointing fingers on Krystal's indifference, and lack of words, of her great ability to shut herself down from the world while pretending that nothing was wrong.

It was their (Krystal’s and hers) fault that Amber blamed, their childishness, their weakness and their dreams and Amber has come up with all the available excuses she could think of but never the right things to say. The words were almost dizzying and Amber was lost in Krystal's eyes, choking on helplessness, confusion and longing.

I miss you so much strained on Amber’s throat but Amber can't voice it out. Not yet. Not when her favorite deep brown eyes were looking at her in a clouded pool, and certainly not when Amber can see Krystal's slender fingers shaking slightly as a paper bag was placed gently on her lap.

Amber took a strangled breathe and swallowed the lump in forcefully, looking away to stare helpless at the sky. Krystal was giving Amber a present, after all that has been said and done. Amber glanced at the black paper bag in front of her. It was plain, minimalist as Krystal will put it, but Amber didn't dare peek inside, Amber was afraid to see realities even without words.

Amber blinked a couple of times, before deciding on a simple thanks. Finally an excuse to break the silence, Amber thought with a sigh before shifting to face right.

Krystal was looking away from her with the indifferent mask still present though Amber caught the little twitch on the younger girls left eye. Amber can almost hear the silent huff coming from the girl beside her and it made her smile sadly as Amber mimics her seatmate. The sky was still sad and blue and the colors still seemed pastel but Krystal was near and to Amber it was solace. Bliss, Amber corrected herself as the words thank you started to swim from within the depths of her hopes.

"Do you love her?"

It was genuine, a curious question, and it broke the string of words that Amber was about to say.

The breeze was cradling the loose hairs from Krystal's messy bun. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, picturesque like the pastel in front of them. The side profile Amber wished she could draw as perfectly as it has always been was like a statue, unmoving. Amber wondered if it'll feel like marble if she touched and Amber marveled on that thought, distracted.

The question hanged, not really registering to Amber’s senses until it was rephrased.

" Elin, Are you in love with her?"

Krystal turned to Amber when she whispered Elin’s name and Amber swore she can see her favorite deep brown eyes turn dimmer with each syllable. Suddenly the blue was closing in on Amber and the scent of the flowers were dizzying because Amber knew she broke something she promised she never would, and Amber was still speechless with the sinking feeling on her stomach.

The reality was hitting Amber like waves, angry and bigger than her. I am in love with you, Amber shouted from the point where it hurts the most but no sound came and Krystal was speaking again.

"Don't lie to me Amber. I know you, I mean I used too, but trust me I would know if you lie. Stop, just stop sparing my feelings because it's obviously too late for that now. I just need you to be honest with me, so we can both move on from this so please tell me stupid, are you in love with her?"

Krystal pleaded with glassy eyes and quivering lips like the fifteen year old girl who used to ask Amber if everything will be alright the next day when they can't seem to get the routines right and it felt like someone was peeling off the skin that was covering Amber’s ribs. It was raw, and painful and Amber just wanted it to stop. Amber wanted to stop Krystal from hurting.

There was a long agonizing pause and the solace cling on to Amber slowly as the traces of bliss fade away too quickly. Amber choked on her answer before the bliss was gone completely.

"I think I am."

"Thought so too, Uh, Thanks I guess...for everything and all. I'm happy for you stupid."

Krystal smiled after she said that, the brave smile of the girl Amber fell in love with many years ago and Amber can only force a toothless smile in return. Amber can hear her heart shattering loudly as it echoes at the back of her ears but Amber kept smiling and even offered her own words gratitude.

Amber unconsciously reached out for Krystal's hair but her hand was slapped harshly.

"You left that under my bed, it’s already washed and for the record I don't love yelling at you, I just like the startled clueless look you have, it's so cute but don't overdo it. You always tend to overdo it."

There was another pause that felt like bricks were weighing down on Amber's shoulders as she felt and eyes burn but Amber wished that the silence will not ever be broken because then it would be over. Amber wished that she can take back the lies that Krystal wanted to hear, but she just want it to stop hurting.

Amber bowed her head down to keep her tears at bay. Amber accidentally peeked on the inside of the paper bag on her lap. It suddenly felt like her body was quickly and completely getting submerged in an ice cold water and Amber was drowning on it. It was her the plain red t shirt that they steal from each other when they were younger.

Amber bit the insides of her cheeks to stop the sounds from escaping as her favorite intones reverberates on her ears after a while. Krystal's voice sounded like it came from the end of a very long tunnel.

"Anyway Sulli invited us to a ramen party on the next fortnight. Should I make excuses or will you be free? Elin wouldn’t mind right or do you want to go there with her?"

"..."

“Am?”

“I-Krys, I’m sorry.”

"Okayyyyy. You know what just text me your answer or whatever, I’m going back, you know I hate long flights. Bye Amber, see you when I see you."
 

“Bye Krystal.”

I miss you was barely heard on the stillness of the night as another breeze pass by a few minutes after Krystal left with a kiss on Amber’s cheek. The old wood and iron moaned as it sways slowly with the light-weight of the one who left to watch the sad and the blue fade into the darkness.

They meet again
she hates her and she miss her
she gives in and talk
the talk didn’t go well
the princess did something stupid
she did something stupid too
she left when everything got settled
she get back to the other half
the other half got depressed and left


Broken again
You are there for her
You thought the two of you will be together, TOGETHER again
the other half comes back
she chooses the other half
You kissed her goodbye
Krystal held on the longest way possible
it’s too late, the spark is gone
she watched Amber leave
Princess still waited for her
Stupid never comes back.