The water is cold, wind relentless, as you sit in front of the cafe you used to visit with her almost everyday. The sidewalk never changed, the same pavement patterns, eccentric. Years of afternoon talks with her were never enough to discuss all the swirls and turns and curves. It stayed the same regardless of being pounded strongly again and again by the rain.

Droplets make its own patterns, never the same one after another as it rolls down slowly with your tears. You are soaking wet and numb. How do you pick yourself up from the concrete when you just let go of the one you loved the most to make her happy anyway? Maybe the sky has an answer for you, so you stayed there, feeling the cold and the heavy beating of the rain, but not feeling anything at all at the same time.

You cupped the back of your head with both palms, the feel of your hair foreign to you. Everything feels foreign to you.

***

You remembered snorting incredulously at that movie when you watched it with her, cuddling under the black and white covers. Amnesia, seemed anti climatic, an overly used plot twist in romance stories that warm rainy day. It didn’t bother you because she is in your arms stealing kisses from your chapped lips every time you react dubiously at the screen. Amnesia is an abstract thought that goes at the back seat of your mind that day. A very very unlikely possibility, but then again there’s such thing as Murphy’s Law and no matter how perfectly imperfect your life with her is, some things will go on haunting you and her.

A test or challenge or divine intervention, an abstract overly used plot twist, after all anything that can go wrong will go wrong. It went terribly wrong.

The abstract destroys everything you knew of life. It robbed you of the only thing that makes you happy, living with purpose. Now you understood what loving fiercely means, and how loving fiercely sometimes is not enough.

***

The rain stopped assaulting the sidewalk but the pain is still there. The tears are still there, even the long ugly scar in your left arm is still there but she is no longer there.

Why can't the rain wash it all away? Not the pain, because it’s what keeps you grounded but your memories perhaps. It's no fun to be the only one who remembers.

No it’s not funny to look in awe on those eyes that you love too much every single time just to be met by a blank stare. It is definitely not humorous to see the girl you love so much hurting and sobbing uncontrollably because of the memories only you knew. It’s not facetious, it’s throbbing and tender and raw.

You both need to heal and love alone can’t patch the shattered so you keep on sitting there until the rain gets back to keep you company again.