COFFEE FOR TWO

iv. Three Truths

4 of 7

The ride to Amber’s house is barely 5 minutes, but today the seconds seemed longer. Krystal’s calf muscles burn as she forced the pedal to turn around faster, propelling herself through the wide roads of their small town.
 

Summer has been fun.

Krystal met new friends on the family trip to another state and possibly a boy that finally caught her interest. Although there was an annoying tingling at the back of her head that it won't happen at all because there is someone else already.

‘Stupid subconscious’ Krystal mumbled to the wind skimming through her skin, the momentum of the bicycle pushing her towards Amber's house too slowly for her liking.

There has been an insistent feeling somewhere within her that she has been missing something, like she has forgotten to bring her contact lenses or something like that. Now, summer was over and she was still clueless what it was.

Amber’s driveway came into view, greeting Krystal with rows of dahlia and tall grasses. ‘Somebody conveniently forgot to do the lawn chores again’. Krystal thought as she skipped from the bike.

The Liu household's little white gate swung open with a slight push. Pebbles littered their path walk and it made crunching noise as Krystal pushed her bike forward impatiently. Lana del Rey’s voice was blasting from a room in the second story of the house. It made Krystal’s heart jump from excitement as adrenaline surged through her nerves.

Leaving the bike on the steps, she dashed through the remaining steps towards the door, then through the well-polished halls leading to where Amber was. It took three turns and an almost broken figurine but when Krystal was finally standing in front of the Amber, Krystal was still clueless but suddenly it didn’t matter anymore.

***

Krystal knew of three truths.

Amber was always kissing Krystal with a smile on her lips. Amber almost always have a soft smile whenever Krystal will break the kiss. Amber rarely ever breaks it herself, no matter how adamantly Amber denies it every single time. They both know that Amber loves kissing Krystal. It was true.

Amber loves pancakes. Amber loves making her pancake towers. A layer for each month they’ve been together, Amber would say. Krystal thought it was ridiculous. It was almost bland and they were always out of maple syrup but Krystal ate her pancakes everyday anyway, smiling till her cheeks were aching because Amber loves pancakes so she did too. It was true.

Amber loves Krystal. That too was true. It really was, because Krystal knew of three truths and that was the first one and the most important.

****

Muted TV provided enough lighting for Krystal to see the lines clearly. Her reading glasses went lower on her nose bridge as she looked down squinting at the angles she was making. The fingers that were slowly raking through Krystal’s hair suddenly stopped its movements. Soft hands gently pushed Krystal’s eyeglasses up.

Krystal fought the smile threatening to stretch wider on her cheeks. Amber's fingers were back on massaging her scalp without missing another beat.

Krystal has been working in silence since she arrived from the office. Amber has been with her in the couch since she started working. It was normal for them. A typical Friday afternoon.

There was an insistent pounding at the back of Krystal’s head but she ignored it, pouring her concentration on the task at hand.

"Princess?"

"Hmmm."

"How about that short break?"

"Are you sleepy? It's okay don't wait for me, I'll just join you later."

"nah, but you do need a break. Come on, just five minutes, I'll set the timer."

“ . . .”

"Please."

"I need to present this to the team by 10 tomorrow Amber, I-"

"need to rest my eyes. Come here, I miss you."

"You see me every day."

"Yes I see you every day."

"Why are you being weird today?"

"It's-"

"hmmm"

"Nothing. Just five minutes then I won't bother you till you’re done. I might even give you a kiss if you'll ask nicely."

"Don't push it, I told you, I'm busy."

"You can't even make that corner fit anymore.”

"What do you know about this? Just stop please."

"Princess you're too tired for that, just five minutes. Is that really too much to ask? I'm-"

"I don't have time for this." Krystal replied, irritation was evident on her tone.

Krystal sighed frustratedly. She just stared at Amber for a few heartbeats waiting for Amber to tell her what she actually wanted to say, but Amber didn’t speak. Amber just looked away, contemplating. Amber’s hand stopped raking through Krystal’s her. Krystal belatedly wished it didn’t.

Krystal honestly knew there’s more to it than what Amber was saying, but she really need to finish the blueprint. They all have the time in the world to talk about it after the project is successfully. Krystal stood up from the couch walking toward the guest room without saying another word.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Come on."

"You are bothering me. Just go to bed Amber, you have a review class tomorrow."
 

"Princess..."

"Goodnight"

***

The orange led blinking on the sides of Krystal's laptop flickered on her periphery. It was the third time that hour due to the universe conspiring against her sanity in general perhaps or maybe because the world was still rubbing it on her face that…

Her thoughts halted immediately as her focus turns back to her annoying AutoCAD app that has stopped responding again. Deadline crept faster than she anticipated. She has been too distracted but at least she was trying. Frustration mixed with exhaustion dampened her already sour mood as a scowl etched itself deeper on her pale face.

An empty cup raised on her lips was the last straw. She slapped the laptop's lid forcefully with a disgruntled growl. Her phone's lock screen says 2 am.

"Soojung-ah"

Krystal stole a glance towards the sleepy voice. Amber's left cheek was buried deep on the pillows as Amber looked at Krystal with furrowed brows.
 

"Hmmm." Krystal responded, looking away quickly. The battery warning glared at her more insistently.

Amber didn't say anything back but Krystal could hear the jersey shorts scuffing with the cotton sheets. It distracted Krystal enough for her to stop glaring at the laptop.

"Stupid antique machine"

Turning her swivel chair slowly, Krystal could already see Amber's arms stretched wide open. Amber was beaconing her to come close, abandon the work that was supposed to be turned over on approximately 5 hours or maybe less. It has always been hard resisting Amber's spooning.

Krystal sighed loudly, glaring at the heated machine first before limping towards the bed. It was colder than she could remember and the urge to get back to wasting her sleep time with an unproductive glaring at her laptop was tempting.

It was delusion, thousands of paper cuts like sting resurfaced as she swept her arms on the wide space beside her. ‘Stupid laptop, stupid Amber. ‘

****

It stopped raining as the voices in the room died down. Amber's temper has burst fiery hot and damaging seconds ago. She was breathing hard through her nose looking at the empty wall instead of Krystal.

Krystal didn't even know if she still wanted Amber to look at her. Everything was scattered into pieces around them. The room stayed intact, bright and beautiful as Amber has described it ages ago, but not them.

Krystal has never dreamt of it to be the way it was now. Not in a million light years, not even for a second. It was the worst nightmare she has got to be in, to think that she has already watched a little kid die. That was morbid, but morbid would have been preferable, even a bloody mess like that would.

‘Anything not this’, Krystal thought. ‘Anything not Amber fighting hard to get away from me’.

‘Anything not Amber staring at me with a withering look that was still tearing through the layers of my skin slowly even when she has looked away’.

Krystal was feeling it everywhere from the pads of her fingers to the tips of her toes. It makes her bones ache from the inside and god her chest hurts the most but she didn't want it to end because when the fighting stops Amber will be gone again.

They shared a deep breath just to prolong the silence.

Krystal was helplessly lost at the moment. Assuring herself that it wasn't anyone’s fault.

That everyone changes, people grow up and their relationship was going through a phase which every other relationship has gone through. That the glitches were reparable and they just need to compromise.  Work on it together, because Amber loves Krystal and Krystal loves Amber just as much.
 

No maybe Krystal loves Amber more, maybe Krystal was so much more in love with Amber that Krystal has fallen out of love with herself, especially now that Krystal was on the floor down on her knees begging.

Saying sorry again and again and again, anything that will make Amber change her mind but it was pointless.

Krystal has already lost Amber like how Krystal has lost herself.

It was both their faults and it was so unfair that Krystal was the only one choking on her sobs as Amber slowly trod her way out of Krystal’s life probably for the last time ---- without breaking sweat or looking back like how Krystal would have if she would ever leave the Amber.

****

It was only a matter of time.

The gnawing fear that has always been there, feeding on Krystal’s insecurities, drinking the bitterness of her jealousy. It was thriving through all the dark thoughts that started to swirl around her when everything fell apart. It was there and it came true.

It was not even a surprise. Krystal knew it would happen and it did.

The pain wasn't anything she has imagined though. It was tangible, but she can't reach it to ease it somehow. Krystal’s bones were aching, throbbing with her chest as she felt it sink slowly with her stomach.

A shudder run along her spine as the memories came pounding again. There were a lot of things Krystal wished she could have done differently, but she was never sorry she chose Amber that summer and admittedly she wished she could stay locked up on those days of cluelessness.

The remnants of the ache when they ended still resounded on the recess of Krystal’s brain as she stood in a foreign balcony where she could see Amber again after a very long time.

Amber is beautiful like always. No, the woman Krystal was staring at is beautiful. The woman has an uncanny resemblance of that Amber who has the entire universe in her eyes but the woman was not Krystal’s Amber. She was not that Amber who loves their pancake towers or the kisses or Krystal. That Amber was obviously in love with someone who is not-Krystal now and Krystal is not fine because Krystal knew of three truths.

Krystal loves pancakes.

Krystal loves kissing Amber.

Krystal loves Amber.