Muted fireworks erupted in the back of my ears as I tightened my grip on her thin arms. It didn't please the crowd around her but we both ignored them as we walked briskly. I was so busy protecting her from the agitated mob that I didn't even have the time to pick up my long board. The hyenas still tried circling in on us, which gave me a very awful feeling in my stomach. It’s a frustratingly disconcerting organ if you’ll ask me because it didn't even back pedal before doing very enthusiastic backflips as soon as Krystal grips my arm back.

There wasn’t any indication of affection in the gesture. She was probably just trying to keep her balance but the fireworks unmute themselves in tune with the paps snapping our pictures.

We kept the pace until it became obvious that they just won't leave us alone. A firm squeeze was all it took, and we went on a full on sprint. No words were exchanged but we seemed to have been rehearsing it for a while because we we're running. She let go of my arms and I did too just to intertwine our fingers. I wasn't thinking when I did that, it was reflex, or that's excuse that I have formulated. She didn't care about the clammy hands or my excuses though.

Krystal tried to steer our direction towards wherever it was. I was oblivious to the blurred lines of l.e.d.s. and late souls loitering the not so empty streets of Seoul. I was not even familiar with the place. She never second guess on whatever turn we took but it's not the only thing I noticed vividly. The world was in slow motion, like in the movies, and we we're running with our lungs protesting and fingers digging on each other’s hand. She was practically a stranger to me as I was to her, although, we were too familiar with each other as our footfalls resound rhythmically.

It was her left and it was my right like a slow dance with her hair floating behind us. Krystal's hair smelt of vanilla, and I've decided then and there that it's my favorite scent. Like how I decided that Krystal with her hair dancing with the wind was my favorite Krystal. Her face echoes exhilaration and I was sure mine does too. It was as if on that night, we crossed paths to mimic each other and dance through the blurred lines and shadows even though it was complete opposite of that.

The music and the blinking lights of the shutters were not able to keep up with us but we didn't slow down, and the slow motion kept on going and going until I was able to breathe again.

We were on the side entrance of the third tallest skyscraper of the city. My hand was still enveloped in hers but it's the least of our priorities. I forced my lungs to function, suddenly conscious of the heat emitting from our connected limbs, and the fact that we were still swimming in the smell of vanilla.

She was breathing through her nose as her eyes darted rapidly from side to side, it was blank like a water surface, relatively calm with the exhilaration gone and I can't help but watch her, the sweat that treks through the side of her cheeks, the scrunch on her nose when the headlight of a passing SUV touches her face. It was awful because I'm starting to lose the rhythm of my breathing again.

There's an exhausted silence that cling on the two of us. Although it was not uncomfortable, no it definitely wasn't, the too familiar was still there. We both allowed it to linger, the quiet with the sea of vanilla air. It made me feel light headed and disconcerted as my muscles relax allured by her presence.

Then it was slowly sinking on my mind that I really dragged the Krystal Jung away from the paparazzi and my manager will probably give me an earful if it became a scandal, the worst case but not really impossible. Losing my long board finally settled badly on my stomach.

My traitor eyes seemed disconnected from my panicking nerves because they were searching her face again. A bad habit just starting but I can't help it, she was just so close and I can't seem to let go of her hand. It was like seeing your favorite art up close and being allowed to touch it. You can't seem to let go, but you can't hold on to it for too long. I did when her eyes bore on me.

They were bright and pitch black, the most beautiful onyx even with the minimal lighting. I gulped as she wets her lips before speaking.

"Thanks Amber, really. Those lot are crazy." a pause, as her eyes roamed again. "Let me give you a ride home at least." She added looking through me with bright cold eyes. It made me wonder if she could actually see what's inside my head. My eyebrows met as I tried to force words out off my dry throat.

"No it's okay, I'll grab a cab. Will you be okay here?" I replied in hurry, still confused about her offer and a little too warm in the inside because she was addressing me like we have not been on short awkward conversations before. Like my hand was not sweaty on hers as she pinned me with those mysterious eyes. Dammit.

"Oh, no you won't. Come on, let's move away from the road a little more the lights are giving me vertigo."

You are giving me vertigo. I thought mindlessly as I followed her, still confused and a little relieved that I won't have to be calling the cab soon. I just like standing close to her and watching her. It sounds creepy even to me, but I will be lying if I say it wasn't true.

We stopped on the elevated part of the sidewalk, like teenagers lurking in the night and the rush of excitement was back. It was comparable to an adrenaline rush because it was giving me a weird sort of high. My insides were having little continuous spasms just by looking at her. It was almost too much then she raked her fingers through her hair and I think I died. The fireworks came back behind my ear with the endless fluttering in my stomach and hiking heartbeat. I wanted to squeal for no reason.

Thankfully she didn't notice my struggle because she was busy eyeing what seemed to be an Iphone with a distinctively cracked LCD and a little disfigured back cover. She eyed it irritated for a few more seconds before turning to me.

"This one’s probably irreparable right?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. Her head was tilted to the side.

I immediately shook my head yes, distracted of the attractiveness of that action even with the minimal light from the huge glass window above us. She probably caught me looking at her dazed more than I can count but she didn't make a comment on it.

"Let's wait a few more minutes, our ride will be here soon."

"Okay." I answered simply, mind already racing for a probable excuse not to get in 'our ride' home, or the other more relevant ones like how will that even be possible when her phone was wrecked.

Krystal seemed please of my answer because she pats my shoulder softly. She stayed close, standing in the circle of my personal space and it was odd like the night, pleasantly odd. There was silence again, a calmer one still mixed with vanilla but there was a voice at the back of my head, urging me to break it and I was not even fighting the urge anymore because this is it, the chance I probably may never have again and I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to ask those things I've always thought of whenever I imagine myself spending time with her with no lights directed unto us, with no reporter eyeing us like microscopic organisms. Questions swirled from her favorite color to what she'll thought the color of the sky will be when she dies.

The words strained on my throat burning my tongue in a hurry to get out but none of them managed to be voiced out because Krystal was no longer invading my personal space. She was suddenly standing a few steps away from the surprised valet, hugging the same girl she was kissing on the party where she left me and that poor bartender dazed. The lighting was definitely better now, and Krystal and the girl were both glowing under the light of the side entrance. It seemed to blare brighter than it has.

I tried to blend with the shadow suddenly afraid that I'd burn under that same light. Krystal called for me, with my name sounding special even though it wasn't and the girl she was embracing turned to my direction. The girl's eyes were wary. I walked closer and stopped 3 steps away from them.

I raised my hand in an awkward wave. This made Krystal's friend smile, with a small hello. I opened my mouth to introduce myself but the look on the friend's face stopped me from doing so. It was warning me for something I didn't even know and it was tense. The heavy air hanged but Krystal was oblivious, already hurrying for the car that her friend just came out of. I have to hold back a big grin when the driver was booted out, the unnerving tension was forgotten.

We rode in silence, the inevitable ones during first times. She was graceful even when she drives. It was probably the more dominant reason why I was tongue tied, strapped too tightly in my seat like a kid with big bright shining eyes. Christmas seemed to come in too early for me and I wanted it to be Christmas everyday. I sighed and melted to my seat.

It was just so refreshing, riding with someone in silence for the first time after a very long time. I've surrounded myself with loud and outgoing and for awhile it has made me happy even reckless, but this was beautiful, the ambience, the company and oh god I was definitely attracted to her. Dammit.

We stopped too soon, and I was still lost in my early Christmas when we did. We're on a cul de sac I've never been in. I look at her with furrowed eyebrows.

"I'm hungry; I figured that we could eat dinner first if you don't mind. It's fine with you right?"

I surreptitiously peeked at the clock on the dashboard, it blinked ten thirteen.

"Yeah, okay." I croaked as upbeat as I could, easing out of the tight seatbelt.

The walk to wherever we were eating late dinner was a short one. I've consciously made an effort to try ignoring her grace or her beautiful and I almost did until we stepped inside a small windowless room where an old lady greeted us. She embraced Krystal and me like we were her grandchildren.

It startled me but I returned her embrace like how I would with my grandmother. Krystal does too with a gentle look on her face that made me ask myself why I even bothered.

It was apparent that it's not Krystal's first time here as she maneuvers expertly around the cramped tables and chairs. She picked a spot near a side door I've just noticed. Beyond the door was a glimpse of the han river, I sat in front of her. She has her elbow on top of the table and her chin resting on her palm. Her eyes bore on me with a curious glint. I swear I caught her smiling when I looked away from her ready to explode. I opt to try to catch another glimpse of the glimmering water, I craned my neck.

"Who are you?" Her voice was soft almost like a whisper.

"Err, I'm Amber."

"Yeah I get that, Amber Liu, androgynous, supermodel. I've read the resume, but who are you?"

"I'm..." the pause was almost anticlimactic, but who can blame me. The night was bizarre and Krystal Jung was starting a mind game I didn't sign up for, though at least we were talking and I wanted to keep the talking even if I liked our silence too much.

Krystal tapped her fingers on the table to catch my attention. Her eyebrows were raised again and she was probably biting her cheeks to keep from smiling. I did as I groaned to myself. Calm down nerves seriously she's just another girl.

"I dunno, who are you?" I didn't stutter and I sit up straighter pleased with myself. She was not stopping the smile now. Dammit.

"That's curious but we both know that's not the real answer Ms. Liu, whatever you say though. I'm Jessica Jung's sister, you know the CEO."

She decided to kill me and keep the smile but her answer was monotonous on the last few words and I wanted to kick myself for noticing it. Why do I see/feel/hear her in detail, this was really not good. I tried witty, if you can call it that.

"That’s it? I've read the Forbes Ms. Jung, you should add soprano, curator, wine enthusiast and that err, I don't know how to pronounce it." That made her laugh, my mindless mumbling and it made me wonder, because people talk and they say a lot of things, but not that Krystal's laugh was addicting.

"ooookay, do you actually believe the media though?" she was serious now, a 180 degree turn and it left me dazed for the nth time. What the hell?

"No, not at all times, but it's a whatever floats their boat business you know it. I- uh" I stopped in mid sentence as our food arrives, it was a lot just for two people but I didn't comment on it because Krystal was not interested with the feast. She's contemplating my answer.

"uh, their always persistent and some of them can be a vindictive so it's hard to always believe. I don't think I can be objective in a sense because I benefit from them too at times but it really makes me sad how those paps acted tonight." I said honestly, looking down at our food.

"Oh objectivity how subjective is that concept. I guess, we are agreeable at some points but let's just conclude that they are really ty tonight of all the nights. Yes?"

My nod was automatic as I willed myself not to laugh because we were having a serious conversation. It's just that it was perfectly normal for people to say colorful words, but I didn't expect to hear it from her like that. Have you ever heard a cuss that felt like it’s said to make you feel funny instead of insulted?

"Oh come on Liu, be more enthusiastic about it. You're stuck with me tonight just because those ers think it’s a good idea to harass me when I’m alone and hangry."

I burst out laughing when she said the f word, nodding vigorously. It probably annoyed her, but she didn’t speak again after that and I caught her rolling her eyes. It made me smile stupidly.

We ate with occasional small talks but we're mostly silent. I didn't ask her why those papz we're being "ty" “ers” and she didn't ask why I kept looking at her funny. I enjoyed it more than I should, even if it was still a tad bit awkward for me since I was eating a feast with a very well known stranger and just found out that she really loves meat. It was beyond me how it was even possible that she was still attractive with mouthful, cheeks bulging, bright eyes and that we were sweating in a windowless room but it still felt like early Christmas.

***

The next time I saw her all eyes were on me and there were rainbows everywhere. Strutting has became more of a mind exercise other than a physical one since my muscles have been used to it but that day it was more than both. I was still feeling the rush of moving through the long runway when my eyes caught her sitting there looking more breathtaking than I would've want her to be.

It was so distracting that I almost tripped if the white line would've been longer.

She was eyeing me hard when I struck down the pose, and I broke down a smile as soon as I turned my back from the glaring spot light. This is definitely not good, I remembered thinking, with a Nope popping p follow through as my llama senses affirmed the not good conclusion dancing in a very disconcerting tune that has nothing to do with the show. My heart was somewhere in my throat, and it won’t stop beating like crazy there no matter how hard I swallowed so I tried to steal another glance to calm my nerves.

The backstage was a mess as always but I've swiftly made it to the spot where the crowd can be viewed. My eyes roamed at the faces, most of them glittering and unfamiliar, until it rests on hers. Krystal Jung looked impassive, her resting face was on and it makes me wonder if she was bored or somewhere close to that. I don't know what happened, the world kept on going and it's probably still drizzling outside but I swear my soul sung happily as I stared her looking normal and ethereal and bored in the midst of the crowd.

The organizer was already starting the countdown for the final round and I forced myself to walk away. All the music stopped.

Ninth, tenth, eleventh, it was me next and I made my way to the light feeling more nervous than I've ever been in the runway.  With hands trembling on my sides I did my job as professionally as I could and she did hers as effortlessly as she have been doing since I bumped into her in the rest room. She was doing so well in messing up with the chemicals in my body and I swore dammit as I her eyes took me in with each step and my heart was back on my throat again.

The show ended with me dazed even after I changed into casual clothes for the after party. I didn't dare to find her, it was beyond absurd. I hate being out of control and she was just definitely out of my league we we're modeling her sister's clothing line after all. It was a well intentioned effort to control the whirlpool that was dragging me, and I thought I've already controlled the damage, but I was very wrong that day, very wrong indeed.

***

The first time she kissed me the sky was coffee with pinches of vanilla. I remembered that I was fitting for Chanel that night, smiling determined with my team as we make last minute wardrobe changes. It was loud and people were pacing back and forth around me, doing their part as I stand there trying to be as helpful as I can be.

We were on the suit with silver linings on the lapel when my phone beeped. It was an unregistered number and I managed to ignore it until my back was pricked by a bobby pin. I've suppressed the sound but I gave up trying to stay still. Hastily tapping my phone, I peeked.  Krystal Jung's name greeted my eyes and my dam heart played an already familiar skip beat.

It said 6 words and I've unconsciously memorized them by heart, her first message. It was a lovesick move even before I knew I was. "The heart of the city now. Krystal Jung" The surprise made me frown but I didn't even second guess anything when I brushed the dainty hands around me gently. The team was dumb founded that the model was running away with the suit but none of them made a move to stop me. They stared curious as I stepped on the nearest shoe to the door. It was tad bit uncomfortable for sprinting, the leather was hugging my feet tightly but I ran until I was on the elevator and out to the streets of a very busy city.

People come and go around me and I was momentarily disoriented but I remembered where I was suppose go. I stared at the coffee sky first, taking a deep breath as I finally second guess my craziness for a few seconds before pushing through the sea of people. Taxi was unfortunately out of the question because the traffic was jammed that day so it was a long trek and the suit was too warm for my drench skin but thankfully I've reached the heart of the city without having a heat or tripping.

It was eerily silent except for the continuous stream of water in the gargantuan fountain. There were fewer people than I've expected probably because it was already late but it was bright and the fountain was stunning in the midst of the coffee sky and bits of vanilla clouds. My eyes were immediately frantic zeroing on anything brighter than the lamp post in the perimeter.

A girl and her mother walked pass and the kid was smiling while pointing at me. It made me look down feeling self conscious and overly excited because I will see Krystal again. It was annoying since I try to fight it the other day but here I was with my nerves wired and adrenaline rising.

I was almost skipping steps which would really be embarrassing thinking about it now, at least I didn’t but I do stumble on the last one almost falling over. The adrenaline died down a little with the nerves and excitement but it was back in an almost dizzying onslaught before I could even facepalm myself for my clumsiness. Krystal was there sitting cross legs on the final steps adjacent to the restless water. It was hard to make out her entire profile but I can clearly see how her onyx eyes shine bright despite the lack of lighting.

On that moment, I didn't even know why I was there because we were not friends, we were acquaintances and I didn't know how she got my number but I smiled at her until my cheeks were aching and my heart drummed hard on my chest almost making me deaf. We didn't speak as always we're not really found of words.  I stayed were I was and she remained seated, eyes unnervingly bright on a starless night.

The moon peeked from the sky when I moved to close the distance. Each hesitant step was accompanied by a nervous squirming in my stomach until I have to stop. She looked up and gave me her first smile that night, impressed of my punctuality perhaps. I will never know it’s always hard to tell with her.

"How nice of you to join me Ms. Liu. Come closer, I don't bite." Krystal’s voice was like the breeze, fluidly caressing the surface and it made me want to scream loudly because I was losing control and it wasn't even more than a few minutes that she was close.

“Yeah, got the message. Amber Liu at your service princess jung.” the awkward bow made her grin like a feline and I’ve muttered dammit under my bread before doing as she asked very conscious of every movement I make.

My limbs were annoyingly powerless against her beacon. I thought of remaining standing to keep my sanity but it never happened that way because I was seated beside her before I know it. None of us spoke for a moment and we bathe in the smell of her vanilla shampoo as the sound of the water hummed for us softly. At that point I was still sweating profusely but I didn't make a move to take off the coat afraid to break the moment. Questions were inevitably trying to force their way out of my system but I held them at bay consciously forcing my head not to turn but of course I failed.

At least I have confirmed my theory that Krystal Jung is the most beautiful without any make up on. Her nose was slightly crooked I've noticed. She has a tiny scar near the left side of her forehead and when her brows furrowed the left side was slightly higher than the other. It was startling how I could always see her in detail but I can't look away. She has caught me looking as usual but unlike the other times she didn’t keep quiet about it.

"Why are you always looking at me like I hung the moon up there?" she won't let go of my eyes and the prickling goose bumps in my skin made me feel hot. It was not accusing, it was genuine curiosity and wish I could answer honestly. I was not able to.

"Ugh, never mind, no. Don't answer that. Can you stay?"

Krystal was frustrated about something, and it made me curious but I shook my head yes, looking away from her hurriedly. Because I probably think you did, echoed in my head furiously as I willed the warmth on my face and neck to go away. It was silent for the nth time and although it wasn’t awkward, I was really going mental so I started asking questions.

"Why are you here Ms. Jung."  was my first question and we both ignored how my voice was little shakier than normal.

"I need to confirm something before I got married."

It was straight to the point, not even a pause or a prologue or any introductory words like this will probably give you a heart attack. She was obviously not the type to do any of that and my head turned to her in such a hurry that it hurts as the pins in needles on my left calf rose up to my chest.  It was burning hard for no reason.

"Then why am I here?" the sound of accusation on my response still haunts me hours after everything was over but there's no getting it back. She bit her lip in thought as her eyes look at the silent intersection in front of us. I swallowed as I wait, the burning in my chest becoming more and more insistent.

"You did something to me. I mean, uh, hmmm" she sighed unsure but she continued after a very short pause "Listen carefully because I will never say this again. I honestly don't understand what is happening, we just had dinner and that's it, but I can't take you out of my system. It was toxic and I need to sort it out or flush it away from me or something because I am not like this Amber." she paused again just to look me in the eye and I wish she didn't because she was so damn perfect while she was breaking my heart. How could I ever move on from the moment if I was feeling infinite with my heart wringing very slowly as I choke on vanilla and the beauty of Krystal Jung. Dammit.

"I don't do love or whatever this is. Maybe it’s just a very strong attraction because well you look nice and you have a cute smile but so did shin hye and minhyuk and one thousand more other people but it just felt... this, what did you do to me?"

Her eyes where blazing as she breathe in, her parted lips was too close to mine and it felt like my soul just left my body. I can only faintly feel her strong grip on the lapels of the suit because I was busy trying to control my trembling limbs. It will probably be very embarrassing if I peed myself but I was really close to that when she kissed me.

Krystal Jung kissed me.

I've kissed before, it was a curious game when I was young and I honestly find it disgusting at some point before because the saliva involved and I'd rather not, but when I grew older kissing became fine not disgusting anymore but fine okay, it was nice.

That day I realized kissing was beyond fine and nice and beautiful. It took time before I went down to that realization but thankfully I did because she was already pulling away and I’d cry if she did so I willed my shaking fingers to touch the cool of her cheeks to hold her in place. She got the message, smiling with her eyes still closed and I swear it was more breathtaking than the fountain water teasing the coffee sky.

I kissed her gently like how the breeze touched her cheeks and made her hair dance a little. It was the least I could do, because I was kissing an angel and you don't kiss angels every day. Carefully, very carefully, like how I would kiss a newborn's skin I let my lips linger on hers. We didn't move for a few heartbeats and the aching in my chest didn't go away but it was a different kind of burning now. Butterflies were erupting from my soul to my stomach and it surprised me that none manage to get out of my ears. Then she moved her lips and I mimicked her movements as I tried hard not to pass out from giddiness.

We were both smiling when I pulled away. She was wearing her shy one while I probably look like a demented person but she was still getting married and I still got to model the suit she crumpled today so I stood up and pulled her with me.  My knees shook hard almost buckling but I forced myself to stand still. She was silently trying to smooth out my suit looking very interested at the fabric and I just watched her choking on my own breath. It was maddening how everything was going because I already knew how things will be ending or maybe I thought I did.

“Krystal.” Her name rolled out of my tongue slowly as I tried to get her attention with my stomach squirming pathetically.

“Call me Soojung.”

“Huh?”

“You’re allowed to call me Soojung.”

I held her hand on my own when she said that. It was above whisper and she was looking down at our shoes. Krystal’s lower lip tremble a little under the soft moonlight peeking through the vanilla in the sky and my heart was breaking for the second time that night.

“What’s wrong Soojung?”

“Dance with me.”

I stared at her for a minute touching my chin, feigning a thinking pose although in reality I was observing her. The moonlight probably did some wonders because she was just more beautiful than she was a few seconds ago. It made me shake my head hard, oh god, I’m lovesick already it’s just one other night and a kiss. She pinched me in the forearm and of course, it made me smile.

“Nah, dance with me.” The words came out easily with a huge grin on my face. Our gazes met. Her eyes has always been an intimidating onyx in my memory, cold, crystalline bright but that night it was softer like water surface and I didn’t hesitate to take a nosedive on the black surface before pulling her to the ledge of the fountain.

We did dance carefree and we played ignorance with the inevitable. Every twist was a bold move because she might fall off which would probably result to her wringing my neck but we made lots of turn-arounds and I was still alive. We sang too with laughter in our voice. It was off tuned and we were mostly humming although we continued the loop until our throats were aching and the night was over.