Just as a drop of crystal clear water appeared on my fragile skin, I smiled to myself. The rain was something that stopped my thoughts from buzzing, calmed me, but at the same time excited me. The waves of the salty liquid washed the pavement creating a melancholic song. Waiting for the rain to wash all of the misery away, I stood there, my gaze burning into the horizon, staring at the beauty of the upcoming storm and the crying clouds. To feel it isn't enjoyment, not fun like the gentle breeze of a summer's day, yet it is a part of life and I want to feel it just the same. I want to experience each drop, together and apart, same and different. I want to feel the cold droplets slide off my cheeks and fall pitiless to the ground. I need to be in this, chaotic and wild, just like my mind and my empty soul.     Is it possible to be complete when your heart is only half full?     Emptiness.     There isn't any getting away from it. My nightmares seem to help fill it, with what I don't care to elaborate. They remind me of my childhood like the emptiness is the monster under the bed. I'm so ing scared of it, but I need it. I need to feel something. I need something to go to , something to be imperfect. I think, sadly, I feel safer when something is wrong. I need that monster under the bed. I need it to distract myself, from not everything else but, simply, from myself. Don't worry, monster, there is another one sleeping right above you.     I'm a monster. I've caused more harm than good, more pain than love, to the four people I should cherish.     It had been five days since we had returned from the camping trip. Jisoo had recovered well from her minor injuries and was attending school as if nothing had happened. She and Chaeyoung were making an improved effort to get along and had even taken me out to see a film without arguing. Even with their newfound attitudes, I still felt guilty for forcing them into a ty situation. Secretly I could not help but think they'd rather I'd just chosen one of them instead of complicating things. They had never directly expressed this, but I could sense it. Whether it was the little frowns when the other would hold me for too long or a twitch of the eye when I paid attention to one for too long.     Maybe I'm just overthinking things.     Lisa was outright ignoring my existence. She came to school less and less frequently, attending only for dance practice and to drop off homework. When she did hang around long enough, she avoided me the best she could, as if my presence hurt her more than I'd imagined was possible.     Jennie was no better. She'd decided that I was back to being public enemy number one. Her gaze felt like an act of violence, a glare to stop my heart. For in that moment I knew the woman I loved was nothing more than a stranger to me, an amalgamation of what ifs. This treatment was what I deserved and she wasn't afraid to show me that.     It was safe to say 'Operation: Get OT4' was not going to plan.     Bobby said that time heals all wounds but is there a time scale on that? How long am I meant to wait before I try to make amends? Five days have passed and I'm still pathetically wallowing in self-pity.     "Cheer up, Y/N. If the wind changes, your face will get stuck like that." My mother broke my depressing internal monologue with her ever-so-witty comment.     "Thanks," I replied, my tone non-committal, my face remaining stoic.     She came around the garden bench and sat next to me, a bowl of soup in her hands. "What's up kiddo? You've had a face like thunder for the past week."     "You haven't heard yet? I'm surprised Bobby hasn't told you." Shock evident in my reply.     "Told me what?"     I relayed the sad story of my life for the past week to my unimpressed mother. Really Mom, you could at least fake some sympathy. For the love of God, your only daughter is in distress over here.     SMACK!     "Ow! What the hell was that for?" I shouted angrily, softly rubbing my now sore arm.     Geez, that woman has a hard punch.     "Have I taug