Sitting on the edge of my rather comfortable looking bed, I stared up at giant wall clock hanging above my full length mirror. I felt relaxed, my legs slightly open. Changing her my position to lean my elbows on my thighs. The clock mocked me, the ticking making me feel like it got louder. My room was quiet since I wasn't playing my favorite screamo yet.

My legs didn't want to move. I was glued to the edge of the bed and my eyes were glued to the moving clock. It's hand slowing ticking away and making that anticipating sound. If the clock could talk, it would probably be telling and me to get my up or be laughing at how much of a lazy I was being right now.

I didn't really feel like moving. I didn't really like going on this date either. It wasn't that I didn't like Mina and would decide to stand her up. When was the last time I went on an actual date? Going to watch some movie in a dark theater, walking on the beach hand in hand, or having a picnic at the top of some hill or in a park?

Nothing came to mind. I couldn't even remember the face or name of my last girlfriend. Did I even have a real girlfriend or been in a legit relationship? Golly, the amount of girls and sometimes guys, had made me forgotten. It has been awhile since I've dated.

It was a long time ago. The experience was traumatizing, heartbreaking, and just flat out coldhearted. Why would you want to manipulate a person for your own selfish reasons? How could you turn someone into your personal puppet and dupe them into falling in love with you then after months of trust, crush you in the blink of an eye?

Have you ever felt vulnerable around someone? Or whenever you're with them, you feel so exposed because they know everything about you and see everything that you are? You have given so much for that person and let them into your life. You've opened up to them. And in a matter of seconds, they could literally break you.

That must be the most terrifying feeling in the world.

So I chose not to feel anymore, not to love, or at least fall in love by any means. Giving myself to someone entirely after that incident would be impossible ever again. There was no connection with any of the hook ups, late night stands or random booty calls I've had so far. The sparks, fireworks or instant clicks weren't there.

But I've moved on. I was way past that already. My only way of coping was hooking up with random strangers, having one night stands or probably if I like what they gave me, I'd keep them as a temporary buddy. No harm done, no strings attached, just casual and meaningless .

Everyday or at least 4 or 5 times a week, I'd hook with a random chick or a guy (I prefer girls more). Since the incident, my daily routine has been bringing in girls or guys at night and having some fun and wake up in the morning with no one by my bed side. The feeling of emptiness has stuck to me and I've gotten use to it.

I've learned to adapt to the pessimism in my life. The blame couldn't be on anyone else but me. Sure, it was her who caused it and the reason she did it was overbearing and cruel.

But I was the fool. So young and naive, in love with the idea of love. Desperate for someone who'd love me for who I was. Would fall for anyone who gives me the slightest attention or show me the smallest bit of interest.

"Only fools fall for you..." It was a quote or part of a song I've heard before. I forgotten where it came from exactly or who said it. But it always stuck in my mind.

Nothing's been the same. Things have changed since then. I've changed in more ways than one. The way I talk, dress, carry myself and my perspective on everything has changed. Just my physical appearance has altered. Am I proud of the person I've become? Not entirely. Some part of me likes the way I've changed. Another part is still trying to hold on to my innocence, my old self.

I checked the wall clock that I realized have ignored it's unusual annoying tick. It was already 6 o'clock. What time did I tell Mina I'd be there? Completely forgotten already, just like how I'd forget all the names of my previous hook ups. At least I haven't forgotten her name yet. Yet...

The word echoed in my head. My own thoughts were mocking me now.

Bothering on worrying what to wear would be such a waste. Majority of my wardrobe is black anyway. Black rocket t-shirts, black shoes, black skinny jeans, black ripped jeans, black leggings. Walking right into it would be a dark abyss. You could call my wardrobe the realm of eternal darkness.

My legs, which were surprisingly not numb, managed to carry me towards my closet. Not wanting to waste 30 minutes just to pick an outfit that would just take 5 minutes to throw on, I grab a crop top that says 'Get rekt m8' (it was custom made), plain skinny jeans, and my slightly worn out combat boots. Their colors shouldn't even need to be mentioned.

No one was home. E’Dawn was on tour at the moment with his group mates and HyunA was out with some of her girls. So much for keeping an eye on me. I told Kathleen to go home to her hometown, wherever that was. She’s been the only helped we’ve gotten that didn’t betray us and run off