A spiders web
Chapter 5

For this chapter, Moonbyul will read more about Solar's life. Instead of it being a number of journal entries, I will present it as a cohesive narrative. So we're essentially following along as Moonbyul reads.

Solar's POV

It's now July of the year of our lord 1868. Some two months after my experience with Miss Son. I knew it was wrong and sinful, but I simply couldn't resist. It was as if every part of my body and soul wanted it. While it lasted, I felt alive, more alive than I had ever felt. But now she has returned to her home and I'm left with only memories and guilt. 

I sinned and I know it. Every Sunday sinds, I have gone to church and prayed for forgiveness. Prayed that I yield not to give in on such infernal temptation again. But I fail sometimes. 

Now such unearthly forces have been unleashed, I have found myself thinking unholy thoughts about other women. I must resist for the sake of my soul. 

I dare not tell anyone about these experiences and feelings. Not even Wendy, my closest friend, can I divulge this to. 

Now I feel sad and alone. I can't help it. 

My father has been mentioning Eric Nam a lot more recently. He's due back from an extensive trip abroad soon and I am to meet my future husband for the first time. I wish I could feel more enthusiasm about this. But I can't. 

I can't blame my father, he only wishes me to marry well. The fortunes of my father's family have waned in recent years and he only wishes to restore the status of his children by having them marry well. I can only hope to be happy in this marriage to a man I've never met. But deep down, I'm not sure if I could be happy married to any man. 

2 weeks ago, father took Suzy and I to London to see a production of a new play called of all things 'Play' by by playwright Thomas William Robertson. It was a grand night and we dressed in our finest and took the carriage to the Prince of Wales Theater on Charlotte Street. 

All was fine that summer evening, until the intermission. As we mingled in the lobby with the other theater goers I spotted Miss Son. The object of my runaway passion was on the other side from the lobby speaking with some upper class women that I didn't recognize. 

My heart as of it's own accord, started to beat furiously upon seeing her. What I saw next dragged my spirits back to earth. 

Miss Son was in the presence of a young woman of my age. She's was a young woman with sandy brown hear, pleasant figure and a large bosom, which my eyes were brought to like a magnet. She was standing close to Miss Son but said little. 

For a moment I watched her eye her with a look I knew all to well. It was a look of sinful hunger. It was subtle of course, but to me unmistakable. I'm sure officially she was Miss Son's latest pupil. In reality, she was much more I'm sure. 

I had done my best to push Miss Son out of my mind, but seeing the other girl with her, raised a jealous monster in me that I hadn't even known existed. Had that young woman looked at me, she would have seen a look of hatred unlike no other. I wanted to be in that woman's place. 

That attendant rang the bell a few moments later, indicating the intermission was almost over and we all walked back inside. As we did, Miss Son briefly looked in my direction and for a moment our eyes met. Seeing her eyes once again focused on me, sent tingles trough my entire body. Once again I longed for her gentle touch. But the look only was for an instant. She gave me a polite smile and a curt nod, which I returned. A moment later, she and her companion vanished into the crowd. 

It was a all to short forey into heaven and once again I felt myself feeling plunged into the depths of hades. It only furthered to lower my spirits even more. Fortunately I managed to put on a very convincing smile. Since my brief lesson with Miss Son, I've been wearing that all too convincing smile quite a lot.

It is now August of 1868 and my sister Suzy has just announced her engagement to Captain Ian Haverford, the grandson of Major General Sir Charles Haverford. My father having served under General Haverford for a time, had like in my case arranged a marriage between the families. They are to be married in December of this year.

A party was held at the Haverford estate, just outside of London in honor of the recent engagement. Before we had left, father had told me that Eric Nam would be in attendance and we would meet for the first time. For the occasion I picked my nicest dress and took extra time to make myself look presentable for my future husband. Though I wanted to muster more excitement for the occasion, I could find little in myself. I feel torn about all of this.

We arrived at the party and while my sister spent time greeting the various well wishers, I was presented to my future husband. I'll admit I found the sight of him not all that displeasing. He was pale and well built, with a pleasant smile and thick black hair. It had been a fear of mine that he would look like something like a pig.

He was polite and greeted me with utmost courtesy, taking the time to kiss my hand. 

"Your beauty is far beyond any description that has been given to me, for you are in league with Aphrodite no less" 

I couldn't help but blush at such a wonderful description of me. I'll admit that I hadn't really thought of myself as a great beauty. 

"Thank you ever so much Mr. Nam. I've heard much of your travels to such far off exotic places." 

"Solar, Mr. Nam is so formal. Please call me Eric. After all, we are to be married." 

After conversing for a time with both my father and his parents carefully watching where we were left alone, one could tell that they were eager to see how we hit it off. The conversation was pleasant and as far as men go, he was rather charming. 

A short while later we were left alone, though I knew that eyes would still be firmly upon us. He asked if I would like to take a stroll on the patio to see the moon. I accepted, hoping to make the best out of the situation. 

It was hard to imagine that I was finally with Eric Nam. 

Soon I will be married to this man. I had only heard of him throughout my life. Mostly that he was traveling all over the world and seeing many exotic places. 

Eager to learn about his travels I asked him to tell me about them. 

He talked about the snow in Sweden. The fine art in Italy. He even told me about the time he visited an opium den in China. It was so exciting. 

When we are wed he spoke of his plans to show me the true beauty of this world. Then he spoke of how it still would fail to hold a candle to me. I'll admit he made me blush. He is just so charming and he is handsome. I like him best for being clean shaven sort with an almost delicate appearance though he still maintains a rather rugged air. 

I don't hold the same attraction to him as I do for a certain female whose name I dare not to write, for it will send shivers along my whole body. Still, I am beginning to believe that in time I grow to be quite content with being Mrs. Nam 

no one's POV.

'Still, I am beginning to believe that in time I grow to be quite content with being Mrs. Nam...'

Moonbyul read that final sentence of the entry with some dismay. Through the journals and the few meager possessions of Solar she owned, she felt close to Solar. She felt terrible that Solar couldn't express her uality as one could today. But on top of that, she was being pushed into a arrangend marriage. 

She was at work and during a break she was reading another one of the journals. Everything at work had gone as normal, except recently Southwark has her pick up some supplies for mice. She had gone and gotten some cages, food, water bottles etcetera. As normal, Moonbyul didn't bother to ask what it all was for. 

Though she wasn't happy about how things were turning out, Moonbyul kept on reading. She had to keep on reading. She just had to know what happened. 

The next several months, Solar and Eric courted in the usual manor. Most of there dates of course were chaperoned, either by Solar's father or Eric's parents. Though several of the dates were at high class party's. Moonbyul could tell that Solar, while not in love with Eric or very exited by him, had come to gradually accept him as her future husband. She found this as an avenue for her to resist those unholy urges. Ultimately Moonbyul concluded that Solar felt trapped and going through with the marriage was the only way out.

But Moonbyul, as she kept reading, was to find that those urges of Solar didn't just go away.

Solar's POV

By mid October, Eric and I had the date for our wedding picked out. We are to be married on Saturday July 10th, 1896, I've met Eric's parents on a number of occasions and found them to be nice, though a bit dull. I've been told that Eric has a brother named Robert, who is currently serving as 1st lieutenant in the British army. But he is away thus I haven't met him.

Eric himself is frequently away. When not courting me, he has been engaged by his father to run one of the family businesses. He is primarily responsibility is overseeing and running a prosperous trading house.

Eric frequently comes into the tavern that my father owns. I've found that he enjoys playing cards with some of the other patrons and seems to wager from time to time. Though he's engaged to me, he does seem to attract attention from other women in the village. He says while it does flatter him, his eyes are only for me.

We had a lovely walk in the park today, followed by dinner with him and his paren