To Mr Xu Minghao

Today...

I really don't want to say anything about today.

Today, it hurt to see you.

It hurt because when I looked, you were with that guy again. That one I didn't recognize before. The potential threat.

Everything was fine until the moment the he suddenly tried to pin you and you laughed.

The laugh that always made me smile. The laugh that always managed to make me feel better.

The laugh that didn't work this time.

From my angle, it looked like normal guy play and you laughing was probably such a natural sight in the world. I couldn't imagine never seeing it again.

And then, he grabbed your hand and you grabbed his shirt and pulled him close.

You guys were inches apart.

You guys were so close and it looked like you two would kiss.

You looked ready to kiss because your eyes were closed and his were in the process of closing.

Before anything could happen though, another guy showed up.

He reminded me of the sunshine; bright and happy.

He was grinning and acting like it was an everyday thing- disrupting your almost kisses.

And maybe it was.

Maybe it was an everyday thing.

And it made me feel some hope. Hope that it wasn't just me wishing you two would stop. Hope that it wasn't just me wishing you guys wouldn't stay that close. Hope that it wasn't just me hoping you two would never get the chance to kiss again- because the Sunshine's eyes said that. I could read them from where I stood.

It made me feel a little better. A little relieved. Like the pressure put on me was halved even if he didn't know I existed.

I hate you... But I love you, Xu Minghao.

Written to you
With love
Lee Jihoon.