Chan's P.O.V

It was around autumn when I found them in hyung's room.

They were forced beneath the mattress, in an oddly plain blue envelope that was decorated with a single tiny heart at the top right corner.

I found it strange that there was no name on it but then I recall you writing these.

Each time you got the chance.

Your mom had even caught you writing one before you went in for your operation.

We'd all been there.

Jeonghan hyung, Seungcheol hyung, your mom and myself. We were seated on the bench outside the emergency room as we waited patiently for them to finish off.

The silence was ground breaking but your mom disrupted it.

And with good reason.

There were tears in her eyes and we noticed that she was holding a page.

It was the page you were writing on- the one you stuck into your notebook before the doctors disappeared with you.

Your mother looked disraught. She was bawling her eyes out and just as I had found the courage to ask, she whispers, "I think... I don't think he'll make it."

We were pretty shocked because usually a mother has more hope than anyone combined but this time, this mother had no hope whatsoever.

"With all due respect, how can you say that, ma'am?" Seungcheol stood, demanding to know and this seemed to make her cry even harder.

"Because he knows."

We were confused.

"He knows he won't make it," she mumbled through her tears as she held out the white paper in perfect condition.

You had the worst handwriting, hyung. It was extremely tiny and horribly shaky.

I'd like to think that you had lost the energy to try.

With your mom's permission, we read the page. We read the letter you wrote to Minghao and we ended up crying for hours.

Until the doctors came out.

We cried even more then and the doctors let us be. We wished we'd been able to have known you longer.

Seungcheol, Jeonghan and myself were filled with many regrets, hyung.

Too many to mention.

"There has to be more," your mom whispered, "I've seen him writing on pages before," she points out and none of us could disagree.

At some point, each of us had been alone with you and during each of those times, we saw you writing.

Of course, to someone else, it was stupid.

Deciding that there were more because we saw you writing on paper other times too.

But if you read the notes, the one we had needed to have a beginning.

And an end.

We searched your room from top to bottom but not once did we find anything.

We decided to take a break and your mom decided to make your bed.

Your mattress was shifted so the pages stuck out; wrinkled and a little torn.

Pulling them out, she'd screamed for us to come and take a look.

But those letters, we chose not to read.

Instead, I'd taken it with a smile as I whispered, "We'll deliver this to the addressee."

And I ran out, Jeonghan and Seungcheol following after me in a frenzy to get to the one person this was delivered to.

Xu Minghao.