To Mr Xu Minghao

As it would turn out, you seem to remember.

I wasn't really expecting this if I'm being very honest.

I didn't see myself as memorable. Each time we crossed paths or I watched from a distance, I believed that you only knew me then.

But you remember.

So many questions formed in my mind when I saw the recognition in your eyes and the timid, shy smile surfacing to your expression.

Xu Minghao, how much do you remember?

I bit my tongue a little too hard and it bled a bit which caused a panic when Chan noticed the red liquid dripping on the side of my mouth.

You simply watched and I could tell you weren't sure what to do.

You were conflicted.

I don't know what I expected. Did I expect you to run to me and take my hands in yours as you told me how you suddenly remembered? Did I expect you to apologise or to say how much you missed me? Did I expect you to suddenly ignore everyone around you when you finally realized who I was?

No...

But I did expect a little more than you just being conflicted and watching as your friend helped me.

Your friend, Xu Minghao.

He isn't my friend, he's yours and yet he was helping me more than you have tried.

"Chan," I heard you say softly, lifting your eyes to meet mine as you spoke to him. Chan had appeared alarmed. He even flinched when you spoke.

"I'm going to go, okay?"

Before Chan had the time to answer, you walked away.

I couldn't understand.

Why did it hurt, watching you walk away? Why did my chest ache and my heart pain even more so.

Watching you leave...

Xu Minghao, watching you walk away for the second time in my life hurt me more than you could ever imagine.

And yet my heart was persistent.

It wouldn't give you up.

Written to you
With love
Lee Jihoon