Mental Health issues are sort of dealt with in this chapter. If it makes you uncomfortable, you are free to skip it.

Seungkwan was in a box. It was dark inside with no windows or any light source. The box kept on getting smaller and he was running out of air. Panicked, he tried to pry the box open but his fingers were too numb to cooperate. In a last ditch effort, he tried banging against the walls, yelling for help. He was running out of air. Suddenly, he heard a voice. And then more voices. Insulting him, telling him how ugly he was. How he wasn't even that talented or funny. That he should stop talking so much and let the other members get their screentime too. And the one that hurt the most, saying he shouldn't even be in Seventeen. He squirmed around, trying to get rid of the voices, get out of the box. Then he heard a different voice, clearer than the others. 

"Seungkwan, are you alright?" the voice asked, concerned. He didn't know where the voice came from, and why they couldn't see how clearly he was in trouble.

Then he awoke to 3 pairs of eyes looking at him, worry evident in them. He had yet another dream. They kept on happening. Vernon was the first one to comfort him and give him a hug and he was soon followed by Minghao and Mingyu. There wasn't enough room on his bed for 4 people, but nobody cared anyway. Mingyu ended up hitting his head about 3 times, and Minghao would laugh or say something like 'that clumsy puppy,' or 'you're too tall to handle your own height.' 

FIve minutes later, Seungkwan was laughing his head off for absolutely no reason other than the presence of his 3 boyfriends. 

Seventeen has a weird secret. You could say it was a 13 way relationship. It started developing with the 3 eldest, and it grew from there, starting with the 96 line. They  They had only made it "official" when their maknae Chan was legal. Pledis wasn't too happy about it, but they didn't want to make all 13 members of their currently most successful group upset. (Please don't be mad at me, I put it in for the story and I'm general Pledis trash I love them all) So they let it happen just as long as their work would still be getting done. 

Five more minutes later, the four boys decided it might be a good idea for them to actually get out of Seungkwan's bed and eat breakfast, even though it was 6am and too early for that, but Mingyu was hungry. The other three decided not to mention that Mingyu was always hungry, because Mingyu was the chef in their dorm and they wanted his food. Every since One Fine Day, they cooked a little more on days where they were in their resting and practicing phases and not being carted to event to TV show to a music program. It really was mostly Mingyu with help from Seokmin. 

In the kitchen, Mingyu got straight to work. Seungkwan and Hansol and Minghao were really just standing there, chatting. Mingyu was letting them be, knowing it would only make more work for him if he tried to get the other three to "help" (if your definition of help includes letting 3 of the eggs roll onto the floor) him. Pretty soon, he had cooked up a mountain of scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. (That was one thing the other three could do. Put bread in a toaster and wait for it to beep.) 

"Someone tell the hyungs and Dino that I made breakfast and if they don't get here quick, I'll eat it all." Mingyu said, already grabbing some food and putting it on his plate. Everyone knew Mingyu, if left unattended, would eat the entire two loaves of bread, two dozen eggs and three packets of bacon. "Cooking makes me hungry." Vernon nodded and knocked on the doors of all three rooms, opened them in turn and shouted Mingyu's threat at them. Most of the members got up immediately, them also knowing just how much the tall boy could eat. Soon, all the members had dragged themselves out of bed and into the kitchen to eat before Mingyu finished everything. 

"So, anyone care to explain why we ate breakfast at 6am when we don't have schedules today until 2pm?" Seungcheol asked, clearly confused. As the leader of the group officially and generally as the oldest hyung, he cared a lot for the youngers. He was also usually one of the members who got up the earliest and ordered them some food.

"Well," Minghao spoke up. "My sleep schedule's messed up because jet lag." Everyone nodded. The younger Chinese member had gone to China for a wedding and had came back only a day ago. "And Hansol and Mingyu were sleeping with me on the living room sofa, so when I woke up, they did too."

"And then he bugged us to keep him company, which we did." Added Mingyu.

"That was around 4am. We played games and whatever." said Hansol, picking up another piece of toast.  

"But around 5-ish, we heard something in the small room. So we went to check out what it was." Minghao pasued for another bit of egg. "Turns out, Seungkwan was having a bad dream." Everyone's attention turned to Seungkwan, what nearly choked on his sandwich.

"I'm fine!" He said, with his usual bright smile. "Everyone has nightmares, right?" Most of the members nodded and took it as an acceptable answer, albeit him being a little too cheerful. The rest of breakfast went on with Jihoon complaining about how he wanted to sleep more, a story from Wonwoo involving a stray cat and a side conversation of Chan and Junhui about some absolute nonsense. Nobody noticed the near silence of Jeonghan.

After breakfast was over, everyone spread out to somewhere in the living room, talking or reading or watching TV. Jeonghan noticed Seungkwan sitting at the end of the couch, staring out the big windows out into the balcony. His so called motherly senses tingled. Something definitely wasn't right at all. He plopped himself down beside him and put an arm around him.

"Are you okay?" Jeonghan asked, hand caressing Seungkwan's hair and brushing it out of his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm fine, I already said so. Leave me alone. Please." Seungkwan replied, a little colder that he had meant to.

"No. And no, you're not. And the alrighty Jeonghannie hyung always know all. Now spill." Seungkwan chucked a little at that despite his heavy mood. He took a deep breath and started.

"It's just, I don't even know why you guys even keep me around, you know? It's like, you guys are the most perfect beings on earth, and I'm just here and the work you guys do pull me along too, even though I'm not good enough for all this. Those comments on YouTube and Naver and Daum are all right. I'm not talented. I'm not good looking. I don't even help out in Seventeen's career. I should just leave Seventeen. I've sort of been thinking about that for a while now." Seungkwan mumbled, not wanting the rest of the room to hear him too.

"You think that?" Jeonghan asked. Seungkwan nodded, burying his face into his knees, which he had brought up all the way to his chest. "Seungkwan, you couldn't be any further from the truth. You've worked so hard for all this time. You're talented - what would we do without your high notes? And how lost would we be without at least one person who can be funny on variety shows?"

"Soonyoungie hyung and Wonwoo hyung are funny too. Seokminnie hyung can hit all the high notes I can. And I barely work compared to how much time Jihoonnie hyung puts into producing, and Soonyoungie hyung and the performance team choreographing. I'm worthless here. I don't deserve this, hyung." The younger boy voiced his fears and the hate comments.

"Listen, okay? I don't care if you think you're useless because clearly you're not. And even if you weren't funny and weren't talented, we would still love you, Seungkwan, because you're you. And so would the Carats. Okay? Cheer up." Jeonghan said, then left, seeing as Seungkwan seemed to want to be alone.

The next day morning, Seungkwan found a letter on his bedside table, adressed to him.

To our Seungkwannie, read the envelope. From Seventeen.

Seungkwan open the envelope and read the contents.

Dear Seungkwan.

It's Seungcheollie hyung. Jeonghannie told us all what you were thinking, so we decided to write you a letter so you could feel at least a little better about yourself. I'll start. I'm bad with letter, as proved to you all on One Fine Day, but for you, I'll give it a chance. You're a very talented and hardworking boy Seungkwan. No matter what the hate comments say, always remember to believe in yourself, because you are amazing. And you're underestimating your own worth. We love you, Seungkwan. Our haters will only hate us more and more, but think of it that they put effort into hating you. They thought you were important enough to get put down before you got too good. Fighting, Sungkwannie!

Hi Seungkwan. It's Jeonghan hyung. I apologize that I told everyone else without asking you but I thought it was the best way to help you out. I already talked to you yesterday but I'll say it all again. Seungkwan, it doesn't matter how good looking you are to us. How talented you are. You're doing your best. And perhaps you're not the world's best. But you are definitely good enough. We love you, Seungkwan. The Carats love you. You are amazing just as you are,  never change. Because if you form to what the haters want you to be, you will now longer be our Seungkwan, and we need you. We need you and we love you. 

Seungkwannie~ Jisoo hyung here. I heard you weren't having the greatest time lately. But sometimes you just can't let everything you hear go to your heart. Haters gonna hate. You didn't use to be so judgemental to yourself, and you don't have to be now. You have to love yourself the way you are because how you are is you. Not perfect, but nobody's perfect. Seungkwan-ah, you'll have to stop paying attention to your flaws. We need you here, with us. Without you, we aren't Seventeen. Maybe it's hard to love your flaws, but try. Lots of love from Jisoo hyung!

Junhui hyung here. To put it bluntly, Seungkwan, there is no need on earth for you to think all of that. Really. And I know you might have doubts about everything we have, how it could all vanish if you do one thing wrong. But we've dealt with it this far, we made it, because it was all of us together. And we can make it the rest of the way. This is our dreams, Seungkwan. And as hard as it is for all of us, we don't need to make it any harder. Remember that your hyungs and Hansol and Chan will always be here to support you, as will our Carats. Fighting!

Is my favourite dongsaeng okay? (Don't tell Seokmin I said that though, he thinks he's my favourite dongsaeng.) We miss the good old cheery Seungkwan. Don't listen to the haters. Let them do what they want. We all have our haters, and we all have our fans. Just focus on the carats, focus on us and tune out the haters. It'll make you feel a thousand times better. And you should love yourself, not only because BTS sunbaenim tells you to, but also because you're worth loving, Seungkwannie! Hugs, Soonyoung hyung!

It's Wonwoo hyung, Seungkwannie. I don't want to get mad at you, but the sole fact that you didn't decide to confide in us sooner saddens me. Have we been bad bandmates? Because you've been a good one. So you deserve bandmates as good as you are but maybe we're not giving you that. You could've told us how you felt earlier. We would have convinced you that you're wrong and have made you feel better. You didn't have to suffer alone. Why would you isolate yourself and your feelings when you have 12 boyfriends who love you and will love you no matter what? Seungkwan, you don't have to be alone because you're not alone. Cheer up.

My dear Seungkwan, never think about leaving Seventeen, ever, or I'll have to hit you with a guitar. And we'll have to think of yet another reason why our group name is Seventeen. But jokes aside, seriously, Seungkwannie, you are amazing. And I don't say things like that unless I mean it, and everyone knows that. I'm sorry about harsh I am to you when we record songs. But I only push you harder because I know you can do better, because you're our talented Boo Seungkwan, okay? Now never say anything like that ever again. And I love you. Jihoon hyung.

It's Seokmin hyung. Or as you prefer, Seokminnie, without the honourifics. I heard everything from Jeonghan hyung. Seungkwannie, everything you're thinking, stop. You're not right. If you weren't here, our songs wouldn't be the same because the high parts would need adjusting. If you weren't here, Seventeen would be nowhere near as funny our Carats tell us were are. Nothing would be the same without you, okay? Soonyoung hyung and I'd be missing Boo from our BooSeokSoon. It wouldn't be right. We need you. Carats need you. And we love you.

Seungkwannie, it's weird for me to be not idiotic and be serious for once, but for you, it's all worth it. I know you were trying to think about us, but do you know how selfish you were? We can't survive without you. We need all 13 members. If even only one is missing, we fall apart. We're no longer Seventeen. We need you. So we believe you won't leave us. Because 13 minus 1 is nothing. (Can you tell I've been hanging around Wonwoo hyung a bit lately?) -Mingyu.

Yah, IMMA! Boo Seungkwan, No. Never say those things about yourself again. Seungkwannie, you gave up so much for this and you worked so hard. You worked just as hard as we did and you deserve it just as much as any of the rest of us do. Try to stop. Stop feeling that way about yourself. You better feel better, or else. Violent love from Minghao.

Hey. It's Hansol. What Jeonghannie hyung told me, told us all, broke my heart. You know that the only reason the haters say that is because you have a talent and they don't want the talent to keep going. It's also that you're not the most handsome person on earth, and I guess that makes it easier for haters to hate on you. But a good looking face isn;t everything. It's nowhere near that. You're so talented, Seungkwan. Besides, if you weren't here, I'd be all alone as the only 98 liner. I don't know if I'm even making any sense, but you have to be alright, you have to stay with us, okay? 

You're so stupid, hyung. You know what would happen if you left? A lot of things, and let me give you a rough idea. Seungcheollie hyung will be devastated that he lost another one of his babies and blame himself for not doing his job right. Jeonghannie hyung will blame himself for not noticing something wrong like he usually tries to. Jisoo hyung won't do anything. Because he can't do anything. Junhui hyung will try anything in denial that hyung's gone from us. Soonyoung hyung will pour his everything into dancing and exhast himself enough to do real harm. Wonwoo hyung will be even more emo than usual, and nobody would even be able to help him. Jihoon hyung won't say anything but he'll blame himself and lock himself in his studio. Seokmin hyung will refuse to do anything that might remind him of hyung. He'd stop singing, stop making jokes. Mingyu hyung will stress cook and try to cheer everyone up, but he won't be able to, hyung's the one who was always good at that. Minghao hyung will think about you so much until his mind couldn't even handle it. It'll be like the Minghao hyung of predebut days, looking alright in front of everyone else but crying into his pillow, seeking comfort at least there. Hansol hyung would think about all the things he said that he shouldn't have and all the things he didn't say that he could have to chage your mind. To make you stay. And I, I don't know what would happen to me hyung. And it's scary. I don't want to know what I would do. Please don't teach me what I'd do by leaving, because it's scary hyung. I can see what the hyungs would think, so I would help them, but nobody knows what I might do, hyung. Please stay here, we love yoou, we need you.

The letter ended there. A tear fell on the letter. Followed by more and more tears. As tears blurred his vision, he felt his body being picked up. When he was set back down, 12 pairs of arms simultaniously tried to hug him. Seungkwan smiled through his tears. 

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Two OT13s in a row weren't supposed to happen but this one I've been writing for a month or so now, so I'm finally publishing it. Nearly 3k words of this, huh? I put some of my own emotion into this so it ended out messy and long but I don't want to fix it. Seungkwan centric because Seungkwan is an amazing perso who needs more love.