Sooyoung is heartbroken, but she's wearing a smile on her face as Vivi jumps around excitedly because she has a date with her crush. Sooyoung wants to choke, or rather, choke him sounds better.

All her confident faded away next to her smile and her talkative self. Maybe she should have confessed before, when that guy wasn't there, maybe she should have done it two years ago, when there was still hope and a small chance. She knows Vivi doesn't see her like she sees her. Now their friends are pitying her. She pities herself too.

When Vivi told her about the date yesterday she had to excuse herself and ran to the toilet. God, how she hates anxiety, it kicks you in the worst times without exception. ''Sooyoung-ah.'' She came out of her thoughts and hummed in response. ''Were you listening?''

''I… yeah, the date, what about it?''

Vivi frowned. ''You weren't listening.'' She sighed. ''I said, what should I wear, a dress, one of my overalls, comfortable clothes? I don't really have clothes for dates.''

''Just wear whatever, you look cute with everything anyways.'' She sounds plain, her expression is blank and Vivi is too happy to even notice it. Sooyoung has been loving her for three years, was she at her limit now? Is it because of that jerk that she felt so tired?

''I can't wear just whatever! Help me a little over here, will you?''

Sooyoung faked a smile. ''Sorry. Okay, what about that cute jean overall you've been hiding in your closet for over a month?''

''But-''

''It's cute.'' She cut her before Vivi could discourage herself.

''Okay. I'll try it.''

///

Sooyoung is angry with the whole world. Heejin can tell just by looking at her dance, she was fierce and sharp. But she was sad too. Sweat is dropping from her forehead and her jaw, her hair is messy because she didn't tied it, she just walked inside the practice room, put on a playlist and started dancing. Heejin is glad no one else is there, because they would either freak out or develop more than just a crush on Sooyoung. She has to admit it, the older girl is stunning, specially when she dances. Heejin could watch her for hours and don't grow tired of it. Thank goodness her heart was for someone else and she didn't had to deal with Sooyoung breaking her heart like she did with these countless guys. She saw Hyunjin came into the room and close the door behind her gently, trying not to disturb Sooyoung, then she walked to her carefully and sat next to her. ''She's scary…''

''It's fascinating.'' Heejin answered shortly, focusing back on Sooyoung.

''How long has she been dancing?''

Heejin furrowed her eyebrows and took her phone to look at the hour. ''One hour. She doesn't want to rest.''

Hyunjin sighed. ''I talked with Haseul unnie, she said we'll met at her house while Vivi unnie is on her date.''

''Hmm. How did the test go?'' Heejin asked, hugging her knees and resting her head over them.

''Ugh, you remember?'' She huffed, leaning her head against the wall and letting it fall on Heejin's shoulder. ''I think I'm safe. Thank you for helping me, by the way.''

Heejin smiled slightly, then took a deep breath. ''Sooyoung unnie, we've to go, it's almost time.''

Sooyoung stopped, she was panting hard. She didn't replied, just walked to the speakers, took her phone and got her things. Heejin and Hyunjin followed her behind, she was walking fast.

///

They were all staring at the half dead Sooyoung sitting on Haseul's bed and playing with the cat, even Yeojin was worried, she didn't dare to make a single joke, she just exchanged confused looks with her unnies waiting for an answer. Haseul sighed. ''Okay, enough. How much time are you going to be sulking?''

''Until I'm six feet underground, probably.'' Sooyoung said without looking at her. Haseul rolled her eyes.

''It's just a date, Sooyoung-ah, you still got chances!''

''Sooyoung unnie likes the same boy Vivi unnie likes?''

They ignored Yeojin. Sooyoung kept quiet, looking at the floor. ''Unnie, come on, cheer up a little, will you? We'll find a way.''

''I don't know. I'm tired of this already. I probably lost all my chances at once when that jerk came on scene. And besides, it'll just create tension at home, you know how my mom is-''

'' it.'' All gazes were on Heejin, she had her arms crossed over her chest and a notable frown on her face. They never heard her swearing, Sooyoung raised an eyebrow as Heejin leaned closer to her. ''Who cares what your mom thinks? You never cared about that. You're sulking because that jerk took Vivi unnie on a date, we all know that already! Where did all the confident you had a week ago go, huh? Stop sitting here whining like a baby and do something! You'll find a way, you always do! And we're here to help you, too. Stop being pathetic and get the girl! Will you really give up?!''

Speechless was an understatement. None of them dare to reply at Heejin, she was right anyways. There was nothing to discuss. Haseul and Hyunjin agreed with her, so after some seconds of being dumbfounded, they both nodded vigorously to show their support.

Sooyoung knows she is right. She didn't think about the answer for Heejin's question much. ''No.''

''WAIT. SOOYOUNG UNNIE LIKES VIVI UNNIE BUT NOT THE JERK?''

Again, their stares were back at Yeojin. Haseul glared at her threatengly. ''You better keep quiet or else...''

///

She went back home completely exhausted, not just physically but mentally, too. Sooyoung wasn't in the mood to deal with her mom so she ignored her, walked straight to the kitchen to get a glass of milk and an apple, then headed to her room. ''Sooyoung don't be disrespectful.'' She hears. Too bad she doesn't care.

Are you having fun up there, messing up with me?

I hope you're having fun. Since you can see everything and you know everything…

I guess you also saw the nagging my friends gave me.

They must be my guardian angels- I mean, demons.

Let me speak clear. I'm not buying that boy nor the bull they talk at

mom's church about you. You love everyone? HA! Don't make me laugh.

What was your biggest sin? Don't act like if you're innocent.

Do you want me to obey? My mom wants me to obey you.

Guess what.

I don't want to, so I won't do it.

Hell sounds more fun than heaven.

And Vivi's lips are more tentative than world's peace. Sorry.

Do you hear that? It's me laughing at you.

Hell, I must be getting crazy. You don't exist anyways.

I hope you're still here when I get to tell Vivi.

So you can watch and choke in your disgust, because I'm not giving up.

From Yves to Dear nasty God

Ps: I know you're in the closet. Don't worry, I won't tell your mom :P

Sooyoung closed her notebook, took the last sip of milk and laid on bed, hugging Jin tight. She probably wasn't going to be able to fall asleep today either, no matter how exhausted she was, insomnia doesn't give breaks. But at least Jin keeps her warm and accompanied.

I'm late but... Merry Christmas everyone~  <3