In The End
Bleeding Sapphire Blue
Donghae POV
I should've appreciated the warmth of Sungmin's arm around my own. I should've been thankful that God was giving me another chance with the man I was in love with. Or had been.
I braced myself for the pleasant circle of butterflies that was enter my stomach when Sungmin looked me in the eye. I steeled myself for the painful realization to come crashing over me as soon as I remembered that Sungmin wasn't mine anymore. That his love would always exist for Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun only.
But I couldn't take my eyes off of Eunhyuk and the way he looked sadly at my arm; the arm that was linked with Sungmin's. I wanted to shout at Sungmin and tell him that I loved Eunhyuk. That he didn't have any right to tell Kyuhyun that he and I were together. In reality, I knew that it was I who had no right to speak up, especially when the blame for Eunhyuk's heartbreak so obviously fell upon me.
Since Eunhyuk left that motel, I hadn't spoken a single word to him, but the impulse to do so was growing to a point where I would no longer be in control of its actions. I knew, however, that it was not my place to talk to Eunhyuk or reprimand Sungmin. Not when it I who had put Eunhyuk in pain; I who had left Sungmin; I who caused the accident that now left Kyuhyun without any memory of the one thing that had lit up his life.
Have you tortured enough people? Have you put them in enough pain to realize that you're nothing but a selfish monster? It's too late to be forgiven. Far too late.
I knew that already. That was the very reason why I kept my mouth shut and body still and Sungmin placed his head in the crook of my neck. His action should have brought me memories too painful to have remembered before. All I felt was regret as my eyes flicked back and forth between the floor and Eunhyuk's face; between worn tile and indescribable sadness.
Eunhyuk, why do you have to look so helpless? Why must you make my heart beat for you? Why now? You shouldn't care about me. Not after everything I put you through. Not after all the pain I delivered onto your already unstable heart. Don't make me feel worse than I already do. I don't think I can bare it.
I begged to the heavens that Eunhyuk would hear my prayer, but I knew full well that anyone in their right mind would turn a deaf ear to my pathetic plea. Mercy and forgiveness were both at the top of the long list of things I didn't deserve.
Make me feel the guilt, Eunhyuk. I deserve to feel the burn of regret. Make me shiver at the sight of your sadness and make me cry when you finally decide that you don't love me anymore. I'm the last person on earth that could possibly deserve the heart of such a beautiful, kind person like you.
I didn't notice when Sungmin pulled me out of the room. I wasn't aware of where he took me or how long it took to get there. I simply couldn't erase the image of Eunhyuk's eyes out of my mind; sad, dead, miserable. As much as I hated it, I knew I deserved the guilt that stabbed at me. I knew I deserved to get battered and bruised by the knowledge that everything was my fault.
Do you see what everyone has to deal with? Do you see how much pain everyone must endure? It's all because of you. You and your black, selfish heart. Are you happy now? Happy that you, evil and twisted, have finally caught and killed your prey? That you have burned and charred the hearts of the only people that would've stood by your side? They're the only people you have left. Your mother doesn't talk to you. She blames you for the death of your father. You neglected him. Ignored him. Turned away from his love for the sake of your fame and glory. Now, your father's gone. He was your best friend, and now that he's gone, are you set on destroying the remaining family you have?
"D-Donghae...before you take it the wrong way...just know that I'm only going along with this for Kyuhyun's sake."
I looked at Sungmin, who was gazing out the large glass window of the bridge that connected the two large hospital campuses. His eyes were glazed over, as if trying to hold back the tears that I knew were on their way. His voice shook with feeling, cracking in his attempt to sound calm and collected.
"I don't love you anymore, Hae," he whispered, turning to me with an apologetic smile. "And I probably never will. Not like that, at least. It's all in the past now."
It was my turn to look out at the setting sun. The brilliance of colors blinded my eyes, making me squint against the brightness. I took a deep breath. It was time for me to right the wrong. The sooner the better.
"Sungmin, even if I hadn't acted like such an towards you, I would never expect you to forgive me and love me like you used to. You're a kind person, but you're not stupid enough to fall for me twice." I attempted to make my voice sound light and playful. I was willing to do anything to lift Sungmin out of his emotional pit of misery. I was the only one that belonged down there.
"I just don't want you to think that I'll take you up on starting over. All I want right now is for Kyuhyun to be happy, and if convincing him that we're together is what it takes, then I'm willing to do it." The love and compassion that drowned his words was impossible to doubt.
"I know. I owe all of you more than one apology. For ing up everything when things were just starting to fall into place. Sungmin...I'm sorry." I refused to meet his gaze, afraid of more of the accusation that I knew I would find there.
A sigh came from beside me, and I turned to see Sungmin back up and ruffle his hair in frustration. I knew what he was about to say, even before he said it.
"It's okay, Donghae. I understand."
I paused before replying, irritation trickling into every nerve of my body.
"Why is everything always okay to you? Why don't you ever fight back? Why are you such a selfless person that despite all the terrible things I do, you still have it within yourself to forgive me?"
"Because I know you." He turned to me, his eyes softer than before and full of understanding.
"Donghae, I don't pretend to know what people feel. I don't pretend to understand every little thing that runs through the minds of everybody I know. The least I can do is forgive people for their flaws in an attempt to comply with their true feelings. You just lost your father, Donghae," he said, watching my face to assess my reaction to his words. "I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, but I do know that you've been in pain. You lost me, too, and I'll be forever grateful that you don't hate me for it. I forgive you, Donghae, and I can only hope that you forgive me, too."
A sob escaped my lips and tears flooded my vision as his warm, comforting arms wrapped their way around my waist and hugged me, transferring all his feelings to my cold, dying heart; warmth, understanding, forgiveness, appreciation, love, acceptance. I felt my heart open its wings within my chest and prepare to take flight.
"Thank you," I whispered, as I blinked back the tears, "for not giving up on me."
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A/N: I won't be home until around 10 tonight, so I'm updating now for all of you beautiful people!<3 Thank you so much for the comments and subscriptions. You have no idea how much they mean to me ^^ I love you so much! Anyway, I had a trig test today. JUST mightve failed that, but oh well *sigh* I can't do it over....*starts listening to Reset by Suju* "press the reset, press press the reset" *flounces away, singing* Talk to you all laterzz! Comments are loved, as you probably know by now! :)
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