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Bleeding Sapphire Blue

Sungmin POV

 

As I slept and dreamed and forced myself under a thick layer of my consciousness, I confronted my heart.  I asked it what it wanted, and what more I would have to endure in order to satisfy its needs.  Our conversation left something to be gained.  It wouldn't give me a straight answer.

"Who is it I really love?"

That's up to you.

"I don't want it to be up to me.  I've spent too long trying to figure it out for myself.  I need some answers."

There are two kinds of answers in this world.  The first is the one that is simply given to you.  The second is the one that you must find for yourself.  In this case, the latter is the best choice.

"I can't do it by myself!"

Yes you can.

"No.  I've tried."

Who is it that you know you can't live without?

"I thought it was Donghae before...but now it's Kyuhyun. I-I don't know.  It's too hard to figure out."

Imagine living in a world without Donghae.  Then imagine living in a world without Kyuhyun.  Which world is more painful?

"A world without Kyuhyun."

I think you've found your answer.

"If that's the answer, why does it still hurt so much?"

It's inevitable that if you choose Kyuhyun, the loss of Donghae will hurt.  There's no fighting that fact.  However, if you make a fraction of an effort to let him go and make peace with your decision, there might be a chance you can go on living without that constant voice in your head telling you that I am leading you down the wrong path.

"Are you leading me down the right path?"

I do hope so.

"But this is about what you want.  Whenever I ask you what you want, you never tell me.  It's too painful to deal with anymore.  Please, tell me what I have to do."

Do what your heart tells you.

"You are my heart.  That's why I'm choosing to listen to you."

Not everything can be solved by listening to me.  Sometime, your head and gut must come into play.

"My head and my gut?"

Yes.

"I don't trust them as much as I trust you."

Then trust me when I say that you have to choose what is right for you.

"But how do I know what's right for me?!"

I don't know.  Figure it out.

"I'm never asking you anything again.  You don't help me at all."

That may be the case now, but later, if and when you make the wrong choice, you will ask me why you made the decision you made.  Don't blame me when that happens.

"I'm sorry...I just can't think for myself, I guess."

The first step is believing in yourself.  Not me, not your head, not your gut, not your friends, not even your lover.  Deep down somewhere, you yourself knows what to do.  You do know which way to turn.  It's your fear of the outcome that is hindering you.

"I'm scared of the outcome?"

Of course.  You would be a fool if you weren't scared.  However, if you overcome that fear, the answer will be more clear.

"Even if I overcome that fear and make the wrong decision, will you still stay with me?"

Of course.  I am your heart.  I will always be within you, guiding you.  A heart can have its own heart, you know.

"So...now I just have to make my decision?"

If you want.  It's all up to you.

"I think...I think I choose Kyuhyun."

You think?

"I do.  I choose Kyuhyun."

Well done.

 

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A/N: I swear that I had been planning on writing Donghae pov after that last chapter, but I felt like this was necessary.  I promise in the name of almighty Shisus that the next chapter will be ALL about Donghae and Hyuk.  I swear.

So yeah, in case you hadn't already figured it out, Sungmin is having a convo with his own heart in this chapter haha idk why I made there be dialoque between him and the body's most important organ...

Thank you, 71 subscribers! I love you all! You have no idea how grateful I am to you guys :)

Silent readers, if I have any (i doubt i do...only REALLY GOOD fics have silent readers) what can I do to make you subscribe?

Y-Y

BTW HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KYUHYUNNIE OPPA / EVIL MAKNAE !!!! <3

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Comments

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EunhaeStan86 #1
Chapter 12: I mean even Haesica is better than this motel ahjussma like honestly.
_sjmin
#2
Yay! Found this from kyuminfanfics LOL Gonna read this maybe tomorrow ㅠㅠ Will just bookmark this for now.. but I've already read the comments LOL I often spoil myself HAHAHAHA
aqohmhirakhulet #3
Chapter 44: Oh my god!!!! That ending had got me.. puahahahahahahaha .. I was a mess crying here with the pain you put me into and then the last part was a script reading???!!! you played with my feelingssss!!! but anyway~~ A very nice story I would choose to cry over this story over and over again..
3dgirl #4
Chapter 1: mmm am still in the second chapter so... yeah,
I guess I will like it ^^
marcentcho
#5
Chapter 4: Ouch! Is kyukyu so much frustrating till cudnt determine between reality and dream? This must be bcoz of his rudeness toward ming! Hump, who commands him to be such an evil to his minimi? Well at least we got -though-unreal here, and KYUMIN! Wihiiiiiii I'll wait for eunhae for next xD

Okay, will read the rest tomorrow~ I'm so sleepy now, if I force myself to read all of chaps high probability I'll fall sleep in midst -v- but dun worry, I already bookmark this story and so I can read it asap when I wake up in morning (or afternoon lol) ^^
marcentcho
#6
Chapter 3: Late comment, I just done w/ my (also late) dinner~

Ahhhh hyukjae and his complexity term finally appear, as I thought the one who feels more sad (for my own opinion) is this dancing machine boy ;;___;;; and yes...if I were one of 'they' that he thought would say, I probs would saying "why dont u just confess and get it over, hyukjae-ah? At least ur feelings wont rule ur life anymore, also wont make u fall down on the ground w/ all of ur regretful." to him....coz it yes, the regret feeling when u failed to confess ur love is so much depressing.. ur mind will always shout "I should say that" "I should say this" "if only I can say that" "if only I can say this" "etc etc etc" at u all the time in future........beside, u found out the person that can make u move-on from past :')
marcentcho
#7
Chapter 2: What hae's feeling over min exactly so same like my thought when first time I saw that bunny boy...cute, funny, dependable, multi-talented, happy virus, and a true role model of idol, even though sometimes he'd be a quite figure on stage but he still like a relieving fatigue /sobs/

Second chapter is tell abt haemin flashback~ so sorry cudnt give a lot of comment for this chap, I'll read next chap hope I can write longer comment than this (depends w/ my mood thought *kicked* kinda sleepy now TvT) ASSAAA! I'll read the next one~
marcentcho
#8
Chapter 1: My conclusion: First Chapter, First (their feelings) Description :D
And somehow, I can already feel the sadness from hyukjae (I got used to call him like that, it's okay right? XD) reading from the summary of this fic it seems like indeed that must be hyukjae who will feel the more pain, while donghae will be kinda feeling confused by his own feelings (okay, think now I'm trying to become a fortune-teller...)
And so KyuMin~ kyaaaww, kyu wants it, but min......also wants it but still not sure enough was he ready or no (confuse?..yeah, me too *slapped*) well well, since I saw "M" mark and "" label on this story...perhaps I'll got what I(and kyu) want(s) from kyumin.......................................eunhae also maybe *y smile*

P.S: I using "eunhae" name couple, though I also saw "haehyuk" on the story's tags~ is it gonna be Top!Hae and Bott!Hyuk? (whaddisss???)
marcentcho
#9
Ah, seem like I just see my pen name at the bottom of this story's foreword~ hihihi much sorry for my over-confidence, but yeah I'll read this fic though maybe I cant write comment regularly/properly TAT

Btw, I love angst-romance fiction~ the story where u'll cry over river, but in the end u'll happy w/ no limit :'D moreover...there's two best OTP I've ever had (KYUMIN&EUNHAE) really looking forward for this, here we go! \^O^/

P.S: Eng isnt my first language, so pls bear w/ my lack of grammar-slash-perfect comment here m(__ __)m *bow*