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Bleeding Sapphire BlueSungmin POV
As I slept and dreamed and forced myself under a thick layer of my consciousness, I confronted my heart. I asked it what it wanted, and what more I would have to endure in order to satisfy its needs. Our conversation left something to be gained. It wouldn't give me a straight answer.
"Who is it I really love?"
That's up to you.
"I don't want it to be up to me. I've spent too long trying to figure it out for myself. I need some answers."
There are two kinds of answers in this world. The first is the one that is simply given to you. The second is the one that you must find for yourself. In this case, the latter is the best choice.
"I can't do it by myself!"
Yes you can.
"No. I've tried."
Who is it that you know you can't live without?
"I thought it was Donghae before...but now it's Kyuhyun. I-I don't know. It's too hard to figure out."
Imagine living in a world without Donghae. Then imagine living in a world without Kyuhyun. Which world is more painful?
"A world without Kyuhyun."
I think you've found your answer.
"If that's the answer, why does it still hurt so much?"
It's inevitable that if you choose Kyuhyun, the loss of Donghae will hurt. There's no fighting that fact. However, if you make a fraction of an effort to let him go and make peace with your decision, there might be a chance you can go on living without that constant voice in your head telling you that I am leading you down the wrong path.
"Are you leading me down the right path?"
I do hope so.
"But this is about what you want. Whenever I ask you what you want, you never tell me. It's too painful to deal with anymore. Please, tell me what I have to do."
Do what your heart tells you.
"You are my heart. That's why I'm choosing to listen to you."
Not everything can be solved by listening to me. Sometime, your head and gut must come into play.
"My head and my gut?"
Yes.
"I don't trust them as much as I trust you."
Then trust me when I say that you have to choose what is right for you.
"But how do I know what's right for me?!"
I don't know. Figure it out.
"I'm never asking you anything again. You don't help me at all."
That may be the case now, but later, if and when you make the wrong choice, you will ask me why you made the decision you made. Don't blame me when that happens.
"I'm sorry...I just can't think for myself, I guess."
The first step is believing in yourself. Not me, not your head, not your gut, not your friends, not even your lover. Deep down somewhere, you yourself knows what to do. You do know which way to turn. It's your fear of the outcome that is hindering you.
"I'm scared of the outcome?"
Of course. You would be a fool if you weren't scared. However, if you overcome that fear, the answer will be more clear.
"Even if I overcome that fear and make the wrong decision, will you still stay with me?"
Of course. I am your heart. I will always be within you, guiding you. A heart can have its own heart, you know.
"So...now I just have to make my decision?"
If you want. It's all up to you.
"I think...I think I choose Kyuhyun."
You think?
"I do. I choose Kyuhyun."
Well done.
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A/N: I swear that I had been planning on writing Donghae pov after that last chapter, but I felt like this was necessary. I promise in the name of almighty Shisus that the next chapter will be ALL about Donghae and Hyuk. I swear.
So yeah, in case you hadn't already figured it out, Sungmin is having a convo with his own heart in this chapter haha idk why I made there be dialoque between him and the body's most important organ...
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