Donghae POV

As I sat on the bathroom floor, hiding from those unknown feelings emanating from the living room and those pair of eyes that refused to look at anything but me, my mind jumped to one year ago, when Super Junior was in the process of making its debut.

I was surprised I was still able to retain all of those far-away memories; those memories...of us.

Flashback

"...I wanna knock out, 아냐, 나는거부하겠어운명은, knock out, 개척하는나의전리품,  I wanna knock out, 분명한것하나없지만..."

We were practicing the dance for "Twins" when Sungmin twisted his ankle.  He always tried hard during rehearsals so he was always exhausted  and overworked.  That made him clumsy during dance routines.

Being one of the cutest ones in the group, everyone was quick to make sure Sungmin was alright.  I, personally, thought he was one of the most admirable, determined person I had ever met.

He was always happy and bubbly, never failing to think positively.  That was probably what made me fall for him.  I had always been drawn to girls with confident personalities, but they couldn't compare to Sungmin.

Leeteuk Hyung had asked me to take Sungmin to get something for his ankle, and I naturally obliged. 

Both of us were sweating and out of breath  from the intense rehearsal, so I was pretty thankful that I was able to get at least a moment's reprieve.

"Sungmin Hyung, I'm going to get you some ice.  Is there anything else you need?"

Sungmin had looked at me and said, "I don't need any ice.  I just need some company.  Will you stay with me?"

I couldn't just leave him there by himself, so I sat with him and we talked.

He told me about his life before our debut.  He missed his family just as much as I missed mine,  It turned out that we had a lot in common.

We sat there for about half an hour, talking and laughing.  It seemed like I had made a new best friend.  I didn't find out until later that Sungmin, on the other hand, had a different kind of friendship in mind.

After that day, we talked a lot more, grew a lot closer, and soon, we did practically everything together.  Whenever I went to work out at the gym or practice our songs and dances late into the night, Sungmin would always be there right next to me.

Sungmin was cute, funny, dependable...a true role model.  I was close with the other members, of course, but Sungmin was the first to pop into my mind whenever I wanted to go somewhere fun or if I just needed someone to talk to.

Soon it developed into more than a friendship.  We would hold hands when walking, he would crawl into my bed at night, and I would tell him to kiss me on the cheek.  It felt so natural for us to act that way, we never thought about how weird it was that we were both guys, or that some people might consider us homoual.  It simply didn't matter, and probably never occurred to us.

Then, one night, Sungmin had come into my room like usual.  His face was serious, his mouth not pulled up into its normal lopsided, goofy grin.  He approached my bed, sat down, and looked into my eyes.  His gaze was intense and unwavering.  He was sending me un unspoken message...

What was it?

I remember the look in his eyes - honest, innocent, but also desperate for me to understand something.

His exact words were, "Donghae...how do you feel about me?  Honestly...all this time, have you been feeling only friendship towards me?  Am I only ever going to be a friend to you?

Sungmin's voice was steady, but underneath the soft surface of his words was a plea.  A silent plea for me to accept him and everything that would come with.

I hadn't hesitated in responding to his words.  I had simply brought my lips to his, making them as gentle as possible.  Tears started to flow down from both of our eyes, tears of relief, joy, and happiness that we were able to accept one another; that our innate love for each other was mutual.

In that kiss, I sealed a promise.  I promised to love him unconditionally, as a friend, a brother, and a lover.  I promised to forever cherish his presence.

End of Flashback

I came back to reality; the reality where I was sitting on the bathroom floor, brokenhearted and alone, without my Sungmin.

I had made that promise to Sungmin, but also myself.

I had vowed to stick with him forever...

Who knew that forever would end so fast?

Regret colored my life now.  It was all that I saw, no matter where I turned my gaze.

Tears dripped down my face, and sobs echoed around me.

How could I have let something so perfect slip through my fingers?  It was all my fault - I knew that.  That didn't change the fact that I hated life for it.

Every time I saw Kyuhyun and Sungmin together, I wanted to scream.  I wanted to run away.  I wanted to disappear.

What I needed now more than ever, though, was the one thing that I would never be able to get back.

I had always found solace and comfort from Sungmin.  His presence eased my fears and worries and his happiness was like a virus, always spreading to other people.

I have to live with the regret.  I have to trudge through every day, my heart in pain and soul empty.

I have to go through life, wondering what made me force myself to push him away, and what possessed me to let him go.

I knew he despised me for it.  I knew I put him in pain while trying to cope with my own.

There's no reset button on life.  All I can do now is watch how it all plays out, and endure.

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A/N: I was re-reading this and I just realized how awful I made Donghae feel...jeez I'm a terrible person...Why did I not notice this when I was writing?

Donghae!  I'm sorry!  Please forgive me!  I swear I'll make you happier later!

I hope you're all enjoying this.  I will continue to work hard! Thanks~~