Donghae POV

Nice job ing up everything you had left, Donghae.  Really.  The one person that would have stuck by your side; the one person who you could have depended on...you just had to go ahead and beat the out of his heart like you did to everyone else.  You really are something.

Now, you have no one.

I had to hand it to that voice in my head.  It made one hell of a valid argument.  It was right.  I had no one.  All my chances of recovering from heartbreak; all the potential I had for healing my emotional wounds...they disappeared as soon as Eunhyuk did, leaving me in an endless tunnel of darkness, loneliness, and regret.

I hadn't thought it possible to be able to stoop any lower than I already had, but with that one brainless, senseless move, I had officially isolated myself from any possible sympathy that I would need.

My unseeing eyes bored into the glass of the window, following Eunhyuk's invisible path out of the parking lot; out of my world.  My heart stuttered with an all-too-familiar pang of agony.  That ripping; tearing; breaking...that pain which accompanied the breaking of my heart...

But why was my heart breaking?  I didn't love Eunhyuk.  My heart had only ever hurt like that for Sungmin.

You love him.

That voice resumed its usual, nonsensical ramblings.  Of anything it had ever whispered to me, that was the most ridiculous.  Me?  Love Eunhyuk?  There was no room in my heart for anyone other than Sungmin.  Absolutely none.

It was only guilt.  The only feeling I had was guilt.  Nothing else.  I was guilty about using Eunhyuk; about taking his ity, about thinking he was Sungmin, about hurting him and causing him pain.  I was more sorry than I had ever been about anything.  But why did it send my heart into an endless void of pain?

You're in denial, Donghae.  You need to let go of Sungmin.  It's time to look towards Eunhyuk.

The very thought of trying to let go...it send my head spinning.  The frustration; the indecision; the never-ending longing for the impossible.  It all set my emotions into fiery chaos.  I let my fist collide with the glass of the window, letting a scream of anger rip though my throat. 

I barely noticed the thick, warm liquid that dripped lazily down the side of my hand.  I was deaf to the sound of breaking glass that accompanied the impact my fist had on the window.  I was unaware of anything other than the realization that flooded my mind as I sorted through the conflicted feelings that had been spun through every aspect of my life. 

My hand dropped to my side, the blood flowing freely and landing softly on the carpet beneath my feet.  I didn't feel the pain.  It was nothing to what I was feeling inside.  The cool breeze that swept through the room from outside the broken glass nearly took my breath away as I stood there, looking back on my actions, realizing that I didn't love Sungmin.  Not anymore.  The shock of that sudden epiphany forced me onto my knees, body heaving in an effort to regain composure, head spinning from the increasing loss of blood from my right hand.

I pictured Sungmin's face in my mind, and the absence of pain made me gasp out loud.  When had I stopped loving him?  When had I stopped caring that he had no regard for me?  When did my heart become immune to the grip he had on my feelings?

When Eunhyuk walked into your world and left a permanent mark there. His footsteps on your heart can't be erased.  They simply replaced the ones Sungmin had left before.

But that wasn't possible.  I had thought Sungmin's impact on me to be irremovable; irreplaceable.  They couldn't be wiped out so easily by a man of whom I had never given a second thought.  Eunhyuk couldn't have captured my feelings that easily.  It was beyond impossible.

I didn't know whether or not I simply didn't want it to be true, or if it truly was complete ridiculousness.  I had never imagined myself giving my heart to Eunhyuk.  He was my best friend.  Or...he had been before I took advantage of his one-sided feelings.  I didn't know what he thought of me after I had wounded his heart beyond repair.

I remembered so clearly the way my mood would instantly lift in response to a single smile that crossed the path of Sungmin's lips.  I remembered the energized feeling that would fill up my body whenever he sang.  I remembered how in love I had been with him.  And now, to realize that all those feelings were only memories...it was hard to accept.  I didn't want to forget.  I didn't want to replace my feelings for my first love with Eunhyuk.

At the thought of Eunhyuk's name, my heart skipped a beat.  No.  I didn't want that.  I didn't want to love him.  The only one for me was Sungmin.

Stop messing with your own feelings.  Just accept it and move on.

My vision was fading.  Only then did I become conscious of the sharp burning that ran along the entire outside edge of my right hand.  I had been sitting there for hours, arguing with no one; at war with myself.  The outside corners of my sight began to blur, making the world seem as if it were smeared. 

You love Eunhyuk.

I couldn't simply ignore that instinctual reaction my heart had at the mere thought of Eunhyuk's face.  His low, comforting voice; his bright, radiant hair; his soft, loving, reassuring gaze; the way his body had been so attuned to the movement of my own as we glided together, back and forth.  The memory of our sensual moment of intimacy sent my insides exploding in an electric frenzy.

Bu I had hurt him.  Now, I realized how much I valued his company, how much I needed and longed for his feelings.  It was too late of a realization, though.  Running out of the motel, clutching my injured hand, sprinting towards my car...I felt like it would be too late to redeem my actions; to regain the love Eunhyuk had so cautiously bestowed on me, only to have me fling it back in his face. 

Night had settled in, leaving the sky dark and shadowy.  I tried to ignore that way the world seemed to fade in and out of focus.  I was able to hear my heart, the pounding in my ears blocking out the sounds of traffic that resonated through the air.  All that mattered was that I knew who my heart belonged to.  I knew who I wanted to be with.  It wasn't Sungmin.  It was the one who, despite everything, I hoped would have the heart to forgive me.

Blood stained the seat of the car, allowing the thick, salty, rusted scent of it to settle among the enclosed space of the car.  The heat that flooded my body sent my sweat flowing, the wetness gathering around the base of my neck and where the front of my hair met my forehead.  I had to get to Eunhyuk.  I had to get to Sukira before he made it his life's goal to never forgive me.  I wouldn't blame him.

The only thing my mind could comprehend was that it was absolutely necessary that I got to Eunhyuk as fast as humanly possible.  I realized, too late, that I was quickly beginning to fade due to loss of blood, and that a huge, black van was speeding towards me.

Panic engulfed my senses and I swerved out of the way, narrowly escaping death.  As my heart began to calm and I resumed my earlier path to Sukira, a deafening crash jarred me.  I stomped on the brakes and looked back, trying to focus my eyes on the source of the noise.

I zeroed in on the van that had nearly crushed me.  It was rolling, completely upside down before coming to a halt.  Broken glass cluttered the area, steam rolling out of the useless wreck that now sat on its side.  Screams and shouts pierced the air, creating an atmosphere of sheer disaster.  I got out of the car, my head pounding.  As much as I needed to get to Eunhyuk, I was still responsible for what happened to these people.

I approached the wreckage slowly, the smell of gasoline and smoke nearly choking me.  It didn't feel real.  I felt like I was in a movie, acting out a perfectly crafted scene.  My world became even more unreal as I realized just who were the victims of the accident for which I was mostly responsible.  Bodies littered the area, giving off the impression of a war-zone...a graveyard.  My entire body froze up, my blood turning to ice, as I surveyed the area more carefully.

Kyuhyun was sprawled on his side, blood leaking out from under his shirt and out one side of his head.  His eyes were closed, mouth taut, body broken.

Leeteuk was crouched next to the curb, clutching the right side of his face, which was covered in scarlet red.

Shindong was limping towards the leader, grasping his arm in outright agony.

I nearly fell to the ground as my eyes landed on Eunhyuk, who was crawling to Kyuhyun, face twisted in confusion, fear, and pure terror.

Kyuhyun wasn't moving.  He didn't give any response when Eunhyuk shook his shoulders.  His face was peaceful, yet not.  It was as if he knew he were on the brink of death, yet unaware enough not to feel the pain...yet.

I turned and ran, the tears that fell burning my eyes.  I ran away from the pain.  I ran away from the guilt.  I ran away from my brothers; the ones that needed me the most right then.

My mind reeled back to the dorm, my lips inches from Kyuhyun's ear, our breaths coming in short pants.

"I'll kill you."

I was only realizing now how honest I had been when I uttered those words, and how wretched, evil, and messed up I was to have carried out that promise.

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A/N: Bet most of you didn't see that one coming....myabe some of you did, i don't know....Well, now you know the real story about what happened in the accident of April 2007.  Kinda disturbing, huh?  Anyway, I reached 100 subscribers today!  And it's Valentine's Day! <3 I love you all so much, amnd hope youdon't completely hate me for 1) saying i wasn't gonna update for another week and 2) making this chapter super messed up and crazy.  I'm hoping you'll forgive me soon.  Love you~ please continue to comment!

p.s. and he was just realizing his feelings for hyuk, too :(