Mir collapsed on his bed. Although Seungho had sent the manager to accompany him, the younger man in his early twenties didn't seem that reliable in Mir's eyes. That kid is too young and even looked like a high school boy, not that Mir didn't have a baby face himself but that was his impression on Seungho's manager. But then again, knowing Seungho, it was probably Seungho having to take care of the manager and not the other way around. See, now that boy even fall asleep first in the guest room.

          Mir looked around, a determination shone in his eyes.

          "Well, I just have to take care of myself." He went towards the small store room just next to guest room and rummaged through the random things stored inside. "Found it!" He exclaimed, a bit louder than expected when he finally found an old rope he stored here. Going back to his room, he tied one end on the leg of the bed, making sure it was tied as sturdy as he could and tied the other end to his own ankle, hoping at least this would stop him or at least woke him up from his sleepwalking if he stumbled on the rope and fall down.

          Feeling slightly at ease, Mir lied down on the bed, glancing one last time at the rope bounding his ankle before closing his tired eyes. Hopefully this time, he'd get a peaceful sleep to chase the fatigue away.

          It almost felt like he had just dozed off for a minute but the rays peeking through the opening of the curtain on the window said the other. Mir groaned painfully. It was happening again. His whole body was aching. The first thing he did was sitting up on the bed and threw off the blanket from covering him, frowning as he saw there was rope around his ankle, but only half of it bounding him. Standing up, he peered on the leg of bed and saw the other half of the rope.

          It… snapped?

          Was the rope just already old and fragile? Maybe that was why it snapped. However, he noticed the red ring forming around his ankle showing burn from the rope. He didn't tie the rope that tight around his ankle which meant he must have pulled so hard that it hurt his skin and snapped the rope into two.

          Seriously… How bad was his sleepwalking?

          Mir sighed but he froze when he noticed red blood stain on his hands, like a pattern. It was already dried and some spots were even a bit crusty. Some even stain the bed sheet he was lying on. "W-what?" He whispered breathlessly to himself, looking all over himself in case the blood was his and he was injured somewhere but he wasn’t.

          He tried to calm himself down. Maybe it wasn't even blood. Yea. It must be just some paint, anything but blood. He nodded, convincing himself and went for a morning shower making sure to scrub the red stain all off of his skin before heading out of his room. He took off the sheet with the red stain and went to the back and dump the sheet into the washing machine before moving towards the guest room where Seungho's manager supposed to be at. Strangely, it was empty…

          "Junsu-shi?" Mir called out but there was no answer so he opted to call the manager. It surprised him that he heard the familiar ringtone from the bed. It was Seungho's manager's phone. And when he lift up the pillow to get the phone, he also saw the manager's wallet lying there which meant, Junsu couldn't have left the house. So, where was he? "Junsu-shi?" He called again, poking his head into the bathroom, went around the kitchen and everywhere but there was no sign of Junsu in this house. Which was weird…

          Mir didn't think for long, he tossed Junsu's wallet and phone onto the coffee table in the living room and went to kitchen. Sooner or later, Junsu would come back for his things.

          When he was frying some egg for breakfast however, the doorbell rung. Mir went to answer the door, opening it without looking through the intercom, expecting the young manager outside. "Junsu-shi, you left- Eoh? Hyung?"

          "Good morning!" Thunder greeted cheerfully, on one hand was a plastic bag with sandwich inside and the other was balancing two cup of coffee. "I brought you breakfast." He shoved the plastic bag against Mir's chest at the same time stepping into the house.

          "You didn't tell me you are coming." Mir mumbled, closing the door and followed Thunder to the kitchen.

          "Oh I just pass by your house so I thought we can have breakfast together. What? You don't look happy I'm here."

          "Of course I'm happy. It's just… I'm tired."

          "Tired?" Thunder laughed. "I heard you haven't had any schedule for weeks already. Idling around the house tiring you?" He joked, handing a sandwich for Mir and went to finish frying the egg for Mir.

          Mir nibbled on the sandwich. Honestly, he didn't have much appetite to begin with. Not when he felt ill each time he woke up from sleep.

          Thunder stared at Mir silently. Watching as the usual hyperactive maknae was looking so exhausted and dispirit and it was starting to worry him. "Hey, Cheolyong. Are you okay?" He asked, thinking back to his conversation with Joon about Mir's mental health after the accident.

          "Yea, I'm fine." Mir answered almost too casually that Thunder felt unconvinced. Not when Mir was acting so depressed like this.

          Thunder grabbed onto Mir's hand as he sat facing the maknae on the dining table. "Cheolyong… If you have something in your mind, you can share with me. Maybe it'll make you feel better."

          "It's okay hyung. I'm fine." Mir carved a forced smile and lightly squeezed Thunder's hand in his hold before pulling away. "I'm just tired. That's all."

          Mir pushed against the table and went for a glass of water but halfway through he felt something was wrong. He felt nauseous and he was breaking out with cold sweat. His hand grabbing the edge of the kitchen counter but it wasn't long before his weak hold slipped and he felt he was about to fall flat on the floor. He swayed a bit, staggering on his feet, trying to regain his balance and trying to find some support. He tried to call for Thunder, asking for help, knowing he needed it but his mind turned into a blank canvas the second after, he couldn't think of anything as the room spin and darkness enclosing towards him.

************

Mir felt his whole body was numb and it was dark. He couldn't see anything but as he focused, his hearing picked up on distant voices that were slowly nearing and clearing. He tried to understand the things spoken between the voices but regret not too later. It was not just a conversation.

          It was an argument.

          "Then? What the hell am I supposed to do? I have schedule! You think I want to leave him alone knowing he is unwell?"

          "Well, you could have at least told me or Sanghyun. You're selfish, you know that? If you told me or Sanghyun, we would have taken care of Cheolyong and this wouldn't happen!"

          "Oh yea? Who do you think you are for you to take care of him? You have no right to. You're just an outsider. Don't try to act like you care now."

          "Outsider? Byunghee hyung… That is too much. Changsun hyung and I care about you guys."

          "Save it, Sanghyun!"

          "Yah! I respect you because you're still older than me but don't you ever talk down on Sanghyun like that!"

          "So what if I talk like this? This is how I talk! Deal with it!"

          "This is how you talk my foot." Joon shot.

          GO hissed through his gritted teeth. "I had enough of both of you! Get out of here!"

          "This is not your house to chase us away."

          "I said leave! I can take care of Cheolyong by myself!"

          "Changsun hyung. Let's just go for now."

          "No, Sanghyun! I am not leaving." There was a slight pause. "Cheolyong is in that condition and you're only thinking of yourself. If Sanghyun was not here, then something worse might have happened. And where were you when he needed you-"

          "WELL! YOU WEREN'T THERE WHEN WE NEED YOU!" GO yelled, tears of anger prickling at the corner of his eyes. "Don't you dare to even question me being there for Cheolyong. I was there, I am here and I will always be for Cheolyong."

          "H-hyung…" One could tell how taken aback Thunder was at GO outburst.

          "Stop fighting." Mir spoke up weakly from the couch. His eyes blinked opened, slowly adjusting to the bright light in the living room of his home.

          "Cheolyong." Joon walked up to Mir but was shoved aside by raging GO who went to help Mir up to sit on the couch.

          "Cheolyong. How are you feeling?" GO's voice significantly went softer although there was still some strain in his tone, probably trying hard not to explode in rage.

          "I feel dizzy." Mir mumbled, resting his head against GO's shoulder and relaxed when GO rounded an arm around him securely in a half hug. "What happened?"

          GO exchanged a glance with the other two men in the room before clearing his throat. "You fainted."

          Mir nodded once. He kept silence and was putting on a poker face but GO sensed something is wrong.

          "Maknae. What is it? Why do you look so scared?" GO asked.

          It didn't surprised Mir that GO able to see that much even with his façade on. They have went through a lot of things together. As much as he understand GO and Seungho, the other two did understand him well too. "Because I am scared, hyung."

          "Why?"

          "I don't know what is happening anymore." A drop of tear finally trailed down Mir's slightly sunken cheeks. "I feel like I'm losing myself." A soft sob escaped his lips and he felt GO shifting and not too later, GO had pulled him in into a firm embrace. A kind hand patting his back in comforting manner.

          Although GO didn't completely understand what was going on, his heart told him, it was no good to ask for details from the maknae right now. "It's okay. I'm here maknae. I am always here." GO cooed, Mir's hair while he let Mir cried on his shoulder, his chest tightened as he listened silently to Mir's soft sob.

          He still hated it as much as he did before… He never wanted to see Mir crying again but of course, it was just life to feel sadness, fear, all sort of negative emotion over and over again. It was not human to only smile and be happy.

          "I'm sorry hyung." Mir whispered. "I know you don't like seeing me crying."

          "Shh… I don't mind. As long as you know you have me by your side. I of all people will never leave you. You know that. We always have each other. So, cry all you want. I'll be here."

          "Wait, hyung!"

          Mir jolted up and pulled away from GO just in time to see Thunder leaving through the apartment front door, calling after Joon, probably running after Joon although Mir didn't know what caused Joon to leave suddenly but he had no strength to even find out. All he did was faltering again inside GO's embrace, continuing to seek for the warmth and the shelter he always felt when he was with either Seungho or GO. There is indeed no safer place for Mir other than this.

************

"Wait, hyung!" Thunder ran after Joon. He halted to a stop when the older stop once they reached the elevator. The older man had his head hung and his body seemed to lightly tremble. Like reaching out to a fragile glass, Thunder lied a tender touch on Joon's shoulder. "What's wrong, hyung?"

          "Nothing."

          Surprisingly, Joon's voice was steady unlike what Thunder would had expected given Joon's current appearance. "Then… Are you feeling fine?"

          Joon chuckled, lifting up his face but there was some dark shadow over his features. "…No." He sighed. "Obviously I'm not."

          "Urm…" Thunder shifted on his feet uneasily. He didn't know what he should do in this kind of situation.

          "Did you see them?" Joon asked.

          "Huh? You mean Byunghee hyung and Cheolyong?"

          Joon nodded. He kept silence for quite a long minutes that Thunder thought the older wouldn't continue but he did, "I just don't like hearing what Byunghee hyung said." He gritted his teeth, there was some flicker of emotion inside those almond eyes that Thunder could only translate as one.

          "Are you jealous, hyung?" Thunder tried to guess and still dumbfounded, unable to figure out what was in Joon's mind. Joon was not really someone who can be easily read like Cheolyong which can be contributed to the older one being an actor.

          "I guess you can say so…"

          "EH?"

          "Aren't you jealous?"

          "Eh? Me? Why would I feel jealous?"

          "Because it is so obvious we no longer have place among them." Joon's voice was so low and filled with emotion. "Can't you see that?"

          Thunder made a small noise of understanding. "Hyung, it must be because you haven't been by their side for so long already. What we did to them hyung, shattered them into pieces. And the one standing before us, are fixed shattered pieces. All three of them. We haven't gone through the most bottom pit with them but they did and the only thing they had was each other. I don't feel jealous everytime I see how deep their relationship is. I don't feel jealous every single time I felt so estranged among them. I don't feel jealous when I stood by like an outsider. Because I know they earned that place in each other's heart. I wasn't there when they hit their lowest point. They earn each other's deepest trust. The bond between them is… Special."

          Joon smiled bitterly. "Yea… I guess I will never fit among them."

          "Why don't we make a place then."

          "Hmm?" Joon stared back at Thunder with a confused look.

          "It is still not too late. There is still a long journey ahead. If we keep our persistence, maybe one day, we can stood among them and share the same bond. It will be hard, I won't deny it. The question is, are you willing to?"

          They stood there staring at each other, Joon with his infamous blank stare and Thunder with his confident smile until the elevator bell 'ding' and the door was opened. Joon looked back and forth between the elevator and Thunder who was obviously waiting for his response. He looked down in thought.

          "I'm not going to lie. I miss them." Joon whispered. "But I don't regret what I have done. When I left MBLAQ, never once cross my mind that I was abandoning the friendship between us. It's them who cut off the bond."

          "I don't too. I still feel that I made the right choice because it is for our future. But I don't blame them as well for their reaction towards our decision. Hyung… It's your right to feel the way you feel but they didn't know what is in your mind and in turn, they wouldn't show what they truly feel. Tell them exactly that, exactly the thing you told me so they can understand and maybe, there will be a time when they will finally understand and maybe finally open up to you too. Be honest with them. And be honest with your own heart. Eventually, things will fall back to their own places. Let's go back to them."

          Joon shook his head no. "I think it's better if I just go home for today."

          "And leave Cheolyong in that condition?" Thunder question, his calm features contorted disapprovingly at Joon's behavior. "I thought you want to be there for him."

          "Byunghee is there for him."

          "Of course! Byunghee hyung is and will always be there for him." Thunder half shouted, startling Joon at his outburst. "What about you?" It was a low blow but Thunder also had limit to his patience. "You said Byunghee hyung is selfish but what about you? Everytime this sort of thing happened, you are the first one to run away."

          Joon blinked, in a flash, anger returned to him. "I am not running away! They don't want me there. What am I supposed to do? Pretend ignorance and stuck there like an eyesore?"

          "YES!"

          There was a little moment of silence as they stared at each other, both with annoyance and anger before Thunder backed off slightly, inhaling a deep breath to calm himself down.

          "If you want to fix everything between us and them, that is the least you could do, don't you? I know how you are, hyung. You are always so distance and I understand it is just your personality. But that thing of yours is not going to help in this situation. You can't just ditch them and distance yourself in spite of telling them that you care. You can't hope for them to understand you like I or any other friends of you did. Not everyone is the same, hyung."

          "Then, what is the point? They don't understand me and they don't even try. All they think about me is that I am the betrayer and I abandoned MBLAQ for my selfish reason and that I am the one abandoning our friendship."

          "Put yourself in their shoes. We left them even after they begged us to stay, throwing their pride out of the window and beg but did we even listen to them? Because we were afraid we might take back our decision if we listen to them and looked into their sad eyes, we ignored them and took off without another word. If you are them, would you still say that everything is okay and that we understand?" He saw as Joon's anger faltered as well. "Hyung. They did wrong by cutting off the friendship we had built over years. But we are not blameless either. We drove them to that point. It took so short of time to broken our years of bond and now, we're back to square one. So we have to start back. From zero." Thunder held out his hand, waiting patiently until Joon took his outreached hand and he pulled the older man away from the elevator and back to Mir's house. "All we have to do is be patient and be as strong as they had to when we left them before. Okay, hyung?"

          "Arasso." Joon mumbled, letting the younger man lead him towards the apartment which made Thunder chuckled softly at the child-like manner of Joon despite the tense air they had around them just now.

          Thunder didn't ring the bell. He knew the password to Mir's apartment. It was the most memorable date of MBLAQ debut. He might have left MBLAQ but it was still the most precious moments of that stage of his life.

          The moment they stepped into the living space however, they heard sound of retching coming from Mir's room. Worried, both of them ran into the room and straight into the bathroom attached to the main room. What greeted them was Mir hunching over the toilet seat, hurling out any content of his stomach and GO kneeling beside the MBLAQ maknae, rubbing onto the maknae's back with worries painting over his features.

          "We should take him to hospital." Joon voiced out, kneeling on the other side of the maknae, ignoring GO who was looking uncomfortable with the close proximity between Joon and Mir.

          Mir waved one hand randomly without looking up from the toilet bowl, still emptying the rest of the food from his stomach. His flailing hand almost smacking on Joon's face but the actor caught that wandering hand and firmly hold onto it while Mir battled with the nausea jabbing from behind his throat and Joon felt Mir's fingers tightened around his hand.

          "N-no…" Mir managed between his retching. "I don't want to." He finally finished, falling behind and laid back against GO's chest, heaving with a pale face.

          Joon frowned in disapproval. "Last time you said the same thing. If you don't want to then I'll call the doctor here. Is that okay with you?" Joon suggested, giving way when Thunder whom had disappeared just now came back with a glass of water which was given to Mir.

          "Last time?" GO echoed, raising one brow in inquiry.

          Joon sighed. "I thought so… He didn't tell you, did he?"

          "Help me to bed first." Mir cut in after rinsing his mouth with the water Thunder gave him, sensing the brewing argument yet once again.

          "Sanghyun, can you help him?" Surprisingly, GO called for Thunder. And although surprised, Thunder still obliged, helping Mir up and out of the bathroom, leaving both GO and Joon alone. "What do you mean last time?"

          Joon stood up, fixing his pants. "I can understand why he wouldn't tell you."

          "Stop beating around the bush." GO hissed.

          "Well, a few days ago, Mir lost his hearing for a few hours I think."

          "What?" GO's eyes shrunk into narrow slits. "And how did that happened?"

          "How would I know? He refused when I wanted to take him to the doctor because he got back his hearing." Joon shrugged.

          "And how did you know this? Have you been meeting him? Why didn't I know about this?" GO whispered the last sentence, feeling a pang inside his chest. He didn't like it when he was left in the dark. Mir told him and Seungho everything. They have no secret between them. Mir even told him about Mir meeting Thunder and reconcile although GO wasn't too fond of that. So why didn't Mir tell him about still meeting with Joon?

          Joon glared at GO. "And if I do?" He challenged but didn't stay for long when he saw GO's features contorted into sadness as he added, "I didn't meet him. In fact, this is just that few days ago is the first time I met him after four years. For some reason, I came here looking for him and somehow found him in that situation."

          "Then…" GO's voice slowly loose the tense. "Can you call the doctor? You said you know one." GO didn't wait for Joon's response as he went out of the bathroom.

          Joon blinked with a small smile. "Of course." He whispered to no one particular. But as he dialed the doctor's number and listening to the dull tone of phone ringing, he couldn't help but worried for Mir. Losing hearing. Getting weaker by time. Sicker and paler… "Hello, Doctor Choi. I need-" But a scream from Thunder stopped him dead.

          "CHANGSUN HYUNG!"

          "I'll call you back!" Joon cut off the call and burst out of the bathroom with his heart beating fast, expecting worse.

I love it when they update their instagram with picture of them three hanging out together. Aww... I really hope their friendship will stay forever