"We need to keep our relationship, in secret."

"If it's the only way, I'm willing to do it as long as we're still together." 

It was the answer that I gave to them, and I am not regretting anything. Although we have not seen each other since then, the thought that I am not leaving anyone behind and them not being sad anymore put ease in my mind. But not my heart, as the longing keeps on increasing as each second passed. 

Staring at the glass-tinted window, I observe the rain that is falling non-stop since this morning. The sound of nature that I love the most engulfing my senses, aside from the soft melody of jazz music that is playing over the stereo. All of a sudden, the ringing of the doorbell catch my attention as I turn my gaze to a certain someone who just entered the coffee shop.

As the person sits down in front of me, I scan every feature that perfectly sculptures her face. She is indeed beautiful, and I admit that I kind of envy her, as she gets to spend a longer time with my love. 

"Good afternoon, Miss Hwang."

Nodding my head, my eyes never quit on observing each expression she makes. "Good afternoon, secretary Kim."

I raise one of my eyebrows when I see that she is trying not to laugh. "I think before we get to the main part of today's discussion, I need to explain this first." She confused me even more as she leans her body closer with the playful glint in her eyes.

"I'm not interested in Sajang-nim, like never, so you don't need to worry. Besides, I already belong to someone else." This secretary Kim winks at me as I gulp hard in the wrong way which results in me coughing like crazy.

"Oh gosh, are you okay? Here, drink this." I desperately swallow the water and when I feel like I finally can talk, plenty of words are coming out from my mouth. "I'm not worrying anything about that, for real! I am just...jealous that you can see them every day, that's all." 

The mischievous small smile at the corner of her lips gradually disappears as longing invades her shiny brown eyes. "I understand. I don't know if this will make you feel slightly better, but I'm also experiencing the same thing right now, which is missing someone like crazy. I know the feeling of wanting to spend each moment to embrace, to hold hands..."

"To cuddle, to kiss those lips, to being held tightly inside those arms." I finish the sentence for her as both of us are unconsciously smiling bitterly, because we both can relate to this kind of angsty emotion.

The woman in front of me suddenly pulls out a brown package from her bag, asking me to open it while being discreet, she knows that I am being watched from afar. There are lots of paper, a letter, and even a rose showing up beautifully with its pink petals which awaken the fluttering feeling. Glancing to another direction, this small thing at the corner of the package makes my heart jumping with joy. A cellphone.

As if she can read my mind, secretary Kim smiles at me with her heart-shaped lips as she utters, "You can call or text or doing whatever you want with that phone without being worried you will be tapped."

"You can pull out the papers and see the content, Miss Hwang. That would really make this feel like a formal business meeting." 

Doing exactly what I have been told, my eyes scan the paper, words by words with an opened mouth. "Is this for real?"

The wide grin that I receive and her quick nod multiply the joy that I am feeling right now. "Sajang-nim asked me to tell you that they couldn't bear a day without you anymore, so they want you to proceed with every step that they wrote on the paper. They will wait for you there."

"As much as I want this, but you know that I can't. He would find me-"

"Sajang-nim has taken care of everything, you can read further when you get home, Miss Hwang. Don't worry, everything will be fine."

Showing gratitude through my eyes, I find myself smiling genuinely at her after this long week. "Just call me unnie. Thank you for helping us."

"Call me Jisoo then, unnie. It's my pleasure, I just want to see both of you be happy again. This kind of love is so beautiful and precious, hold on to it, before it's too late. "

The sorrow that I see through her eyes break my heart, it shows that this younger woman in front of me has gone through a lot, maybe even much harder than what I am going through right now. Pain, longing, and suffocated feelings are killing me but deep down I know I am so grateful and content that I get to experience this rare kind of love that is so hard to find. 

"I wish for your happiness too."

The small smile that reflects the sadness inside of her reminds me of myself. Jisoo nods, she knows, we all know, that real happiness seems so close yet so difficult to grasp.

"Someday, we will be truly happy."

 ===

Closing my eyes, I do not mind the wind that is messing with my hair. Just letting the music that I hear through my airpods fill in all of my senses, the soft guitar strums calm my mind, as every word of the lyrics moves my heart. I realize that with how my age keeps on increasing, I can fully relate to the message that the singers want to convey through their songs. The lyrics are not only beautiful fairy tales or sorrowful angst to me anymore, but every sentence creates layers of reality. 

A sudden movement startles me for a second only to calm me down easily when I feel the familiar sparks that start to appear inside me. There's no sound, no conversation, just music. And us.

Naturally, my heart beats rapidly, pounding hard against my chest as I just enjoy this kind of feeling that I miss so much for so long. Those pair of warm hands reach mine and intertwine our fingers together, rubbing my palm gently in a circular motion. I lean my head back to place it at the crook of their neck, searching for the pair of eyes that only sees me.

Other than my own reflection that I can clearly see in their eyes, I also can feel that those eyes are not plainly just looking at me, they bore into mine. Those dark orbs, they are entering the door to my heart and soul, embracing me right where I need the most. That's why our love is true, it is real. With just one look, I am already letting go of everything, all I know is just the two of us, who will never stop being crazy over each other.

Tilting my head to the left, I naturally smile so widely, showing my eye-smile that I know they love so much. Tracing my fingers over their grinning lips, I smile even wider. If that is even possible. 

Slowly, I lean my face closer, finding the best position for our lips to be only inches away from each other. I saw them close their eyes. But I did not kiss them, I am just poking my nose against them, and then giggling for a little while.

They open up their eyes and just chuckle slightly, while suddenly pull me by my waist and wrap their arms around me, tighter than before. Our foreheads are glued together, our cute noses are touching ever so gently and both of our eyes are looking at each other's lips. We just stay like that, with the mellow song playing in the background through our shared airpods.

Smiling, I graze my lips to softly caress theirs, while they seem to could not hold it anymore and immediately kiss me with so much passion and want. I try to keep up with their pace as I kiss them back with all of me that I am trusting them to keep.

So why don't we just play pretend, like we're not scared of what is coming next?

Their fastening breath. Their gentle touch at the circle of my back. Their lips that keep on repeating my name when we're trying to catch our breath in between our kisses. I will never forget that.

It matters how this ends, cause what if I never love again?

This part of t