Fear. The kind of feeling that will make you shiver physically and suffer mentally. A truth unknown.

I am scared of losing her, so freaking scared. Looking down at my trembling hands, I honestly do not know what should I do next. I am lost and she is not here next to me, she is not here to hold me in her arms and rubbing the back of my head to comfort me.

I am all alone, a person without a lover beside me. I thought waiting is what I do best, but this situation proves that wrong, I am bad at handling my emotions while I am waiting for her. The worst part is, I do not even know how long should I wait, and the most horrible thing is maybe I am just waiting in vain, maybe I should not even wait anymore.

But I still want her. That is all I know.

Walking down the street with my headphones on, I bury my hands inside the pocket of my jeans as I look up at the gloomy dark sky and sigh, for the countless time since a few minutes ago. Taking smaller steps, I let my eyes staring at the furthest distant, trying to find something that would make me take my mind off from a certain woman. Resting my arms on the railing, I look down to see the clear water mirroring the full shape of the moon. The moonlight reminds me of the silhouette of her body whenever she falls asleep next to me while holding me so tight as if afraid of losing me.

"Fany-ah, when will I see you again?"

The only answer that I get is the sound of the wind whispering through the trees, with the tree leaves occasionally falling down toward the ground. Just like how my heart fell when she told me that night was our last. The last until we see each other again, in which I do not know exactly when would it be. I can only hold on to the passing time that brings me closer to her.

I keep walking to the unknown destination until a particular song stops me right on my track. Clenching my hand tightly, I listen to the lyrics with all of my heart as I can clearly understand how the songwriter felt when they wrote the song. A tear falls down and hit the ground, as slowly but surely, the strength that was fading away comes back to me as my mind keeps showing the beautiful painting of her.

That must be the last tear that I shed, I need to be stronger, I cannot be weak. I have to fight for her, I will not give up on her.

No matter how scared I am, my heart still belongs to her. I will face my fear because I love her.

.

My eyes look straight to the lens of the camera as my fingers start to play the intro of the song. Music can remind someone to feel alive and this song is the proof of that as I become even more confident and stronger for her. Although there are lots of people watching me, the only point that I am focusing on is the camera over there, as if she is the one that is gazing at me through the lens.

I will fight

I will fight for you

I always do, until my heart is black and blue

I will stay

I will stay with you

We’ll make it through the other side, like lovers do

I’ll reach my hands out in the darkness

Wait for yours to interlock

I’ll wait for you

I’ll wait for you

Cause I’m not giving up

I’m not giving up, giving up no, not yet

Even when I’m down on my last breath

Even when they say it’s nothing less

So, don’t give up on

I’m not giving up

I’m not giving up, giving up no, not me

Even when nobody else believes

I’m not going down that easily

So, don’t give up on me

And I will hold

I'll hold on to you

No matter what this world‘ll throw

Won’t shake me loose   

I will fight

I will fight for you

I always do, until my heart is black and blue

(Don’t Give Up On Me – Andy Grammer)

Looking at the video for the nth time, I eventually press the send button. I know she will not reply to anything, but I would not stop texting her just to show how I feel for her.

Because I need her to see, even if the world kept tearing us apart, our love will not divide into two. It is already combined into one, like it always be.

And I hope, she gains her strength from that song like what it did to me.

.

Going out from the elevator to step onto the highest level of the building, I nod my head at my dad’s secretary as I get inside the Chairman and CEO’s room.

“What’s the matter for calling me here, sir?”

The man in front of me laughs, as he shakes his head, “Don’t call me sir, kid. No one is here except us anyway.”

“But we’re still at the workplace, sir.” I hide my smirk as I again. He seems to give up on correcting me and points out his intention of bringing me here.

“I just want to thank you for helping the company for this long. You know that you don’t have to do that.”

“And you know that’s not true, dad.” I sit down as I know this will be a much longer talk than we intended before. “I need to do that in order to take over the company.”

There is clearly a shock written on dad’s face and before he could say anything, I beat him to it again. “I know you never talk to me about it because you don’t want to burden me but it is still my responsibility to continue your and mom’s hard work all these years.”

“But you have your own business already, not to mention the other consequences that you will face later on. Are you sure that’s the right decision? You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, I mean it, kid.”

I have to, because I have to fight for her.

“Don’t worry about that, dad. In case you forget, I’m a grown-up already, and that’s my decision.”

He seems not convinced enough as never-ending questions are thrown at me, one by one.

“You’ll need to sacrifice more time for work, can you handle that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“There will be lots of business trips that make you can’t see Tiffany for weeks, can you endure it?” 

Ouch. That stings a little but I still manage to nod my head.

“You will need to improve your stamina so you can handle nights without sleep, can you do that?”

Been there, done that. “Yes, dad.”

“You won’t have this much freedom anymore, are you alright with that?”

“Yes.”

“You will have a secretary and from my experience, you will need to handle your woman’s jealousy, is that okay?”

“Yes.”

“You are facing a problem right now, is that right?”

“Yes. Huh?” I regain my focus as I try to recall the last question.

“I cannot find the happiness inside your eyes like usual, that’s why I know. Care to tell me the reason?”

Concerns are written all over his face so I cannot find the heart to hide from him anymore. The truth needs to come out somehow. But sadly, my mind acts the opposite way, as I find myself saying,

“I’m alright, dad. There’s nothing to worry about.”

I can clearly hear the voice in my heart as goosebumps are forming all over me.

I’m losing her. And the worst part is, I’m also losing myself in the process.

Without her, I don’t even know who I am anymore.

===

“Wow, thanks for defending me for the nth time, Tiff.”  

I try so hard to refrain myself in punching that stupid face as I keep walking toward the exit of the courtroom. Although the man following me behind cannot even shut his mouth, I ain’t hearing a single thing as I am preoccupied with my thoughts.

I truly could not believe what I did in these past months, defending him whenever he gets into trouble because he is the largest shareholder of our law firm. When I first defended him, I knew that it pained me a lot to do something against my will but what can I do, when that’s the only way for the firm to not fall to bankruptcy. I know it is ridiculous as it is not my own firm to begin with, but the fact that it is a large firm with hundreds of employees in it, I could not shut my eyes when I am the only hope they have in order to survive from unemployment in this kind of economic state.

I needed to sacrifice everything, including the one that I lov