Bang YongGuk, June 2014

I looked at YongMi enter in my office while I had a client. She looked angry like she could kill someone right now. She saw I was still in consultation and closed back the door. I was worried for her and after I finished with my client and called it a day, I went to see her.

« Something happened ? You looked angry earlier ? » I asked her. YongMi shrugged, avoiding my eyes.  « No I just wanted to ask you a question and you were busy. »

« Huh really ? You looked so angry. » I said, confused. I even read panic in her eyes.

She smiled at me. « Silly dongsaeng. Not at all !! I was just annoyed by some clients, nothing new. » But something was up with her...

The next day, it's my secretary that came to disrupt me. « Hmm Lawyer Bang, something is happening, your sister ... »

I ran downstairs. I knew something was off with her. I  found her in the hall with some woman and came to her side. « Hey Noona, don't fight with clients right here. You're making a scene right now. »

She widened her eyes seeing me and looked defeated. « Why did you come here ???!! I almost make her go away. »

I turned myself to the person she was talking to and my breath was snatched away. She didn't change much. Maybe her skin looked more tan. My ex wife still looked beautiful and elegant.

« Hi YongGuk. »

*

We were now in a separated room not my office, it felt too personnal. How dare she come back here ? I didn't speak as Eunbi gave us tea. Hana crossed her legs and took a sip and looked at me, still not talking. Why is she here ? How did she find me ? Her parents ?

She smiled as she saw I didn't initiate the conversation. « I arrived last week. Mom found me in USA and wanted me to visit. I saw the box. You did all of that for me ? »

Did I do all of this for her ? No, the ultimate finality was Taeyang, I wanted Taeyang to have memories to give to her mom. I stopped to collect memories for her years ago, when Sujin entered our life.

« YongGuk ? » She said with a soft voice.

I looked at her, the evil in disguise. She had a nice smile on and I suddenly couldn't bear it. « You really have no shame, right ? You left without a word and now you talk to me as if we are old friends. Gosh. »

She looked surprised of my outburst of anger. « Oh our divorce happened so long ago. »

I tried to stay calm when panic was invading my body. I drank a bit of tea and Hana touched my wedding ring. She suddenly laughed« Wait you still wear our wedding ring ? YongGuk you're so ridiculous. It's been twelve years ! »

I snatched her hand away and hided my ring. What a fool. She'd think I'll be wearing our wedding ring all life when we divorced years ago ? What a creep. But Hana was like that, she behaved like the center of the universe. It didn't even grace her thoughts I might have get remarried and her mom didn't tell her either.  On my ring the initials of Kim SuJin were engraved and I loved to trace my fingers on it to feel her name. It felt like some well needed support right now. Hana looked at me and laughed. « You're still so pitiful. »

« Think what you want. Well, why did you bother to come all the way to Busan ? » She wasn't very talkative about that.

Hana took a photo of Taeyang and put in on the table. « We broke up with BoYoung. She wanted to adopt kids. I didn't. She said I had a problem. That I was already a mom and that I was crazy to deny it. She found someone else and they are adopting. »

I looked at her teary eyes. They were together since high school right ? It's been a strong relationship. I sighed looking at her and handed her a tissue that she accepted quickly. « I hope you didn't come here for me to comfort you. »

She shook her head. « Mom told me to come and have a break in Korea. YongGuk do you think Taeyang might want to meet me ? I know I have no right. I was gone for so long and I don't think of her as my daughter. But I ... still want to meet her. » She looked at the photo of Taeyang, it was a very old one. She was still a little girl on it, contrasting with the teen she was nowadays.

I sighed. Somehow, that day was bound to happen. I knew it.  « I'll talk to her. »

Hana nodded, thanksful. « What did you say about me to her ? »

« At first that you were volunteering in Middle East, then the truth. » Moonah even learned from her grandma that her mom left for a woman. It did her nothing at all.But at leats she knew.

Hana was lost in her thoughs. « Do you think I can see her tonight ? I jus- »

I stopped her sentence. No way I'll force Taeyang to meet her mother today, she'll need some time for that. « No, you waited twelve years to come back here and mend for it, you'll wait for her to be ready. »

Hana took the wood sculture decorating the table and threw it on my shoulder. She was now revealing her true identity. « Why do you talk so bad to me ? Huh , you think you're better than me ? » I knew it. Hana wasn't the pretty and quiet woman everybody thought she was, she was toxic, manipulative and hated when people didn't act the way she wanted. I picked the wood sculpture and put it back on the table, leaving my hands on it.

«You left her. Your own flesh and blood. I was the one who raised her. You think that now with the box you know something about Taeyang ? You're so ing wrong. « I stated to her.

At this point, she was just boiling in anger, Hana was used to me saying yes to every wish of her.   «You are not going to tell her right ? And then tell me she refused. » She said, not convinced of my good will.

I smircked. « That's a thing you would do. When you're a parent, you do things that don't always make you happy for your kids. »

She took a deep breath and rearranger her hair and outfit. « Call home when you'll have her answer. » She left as quickly as she appeared. Leaving me completely anxious. Hopefully YongMi came in the room after Hana left, with my anxiety pills. She knew it would devastate me.

*

I arrived home around midnight. I wanted to come back as quietly as possible, slip under the blankets and hold my wife tighly. When I arrived, I opened the door and found four pair of eyes on me.

« Ya YongGuk if you're working extra time, just tell me about it. We got worried. » Sujin said, Woojun crying. He liked that I read him some stories and make him fall asleep at night. He looked annoyed as he ran to my side.

WooJun yelled « Dad » and I hugged him, my shoulder still hurted and I groaned. She hitted me enough to make my shoulder bruise. I was sure of it and it wasn't even the first time.

Taeyang looked at me with a sad look. Moonah turned herself to me and studied me from head to toes. Apparently it was obvious something was off with me tonight. « Are you okay dad ? » She asked.

I tried to give a reassuring  smile. « I'm okay ... just really tired. »

Sujin looked at me, suspicious of what I just said. I didn't care. I went to shower and went straight to Woojun room. Sujin was trying to make him sleep. She was sit on his bed while he rested his head on her lap. My two and a half years old boy looked still very awake.  I entered the room and took Woojun in my hands.

« Miss your dad ? » I said, walking around. He was crying a bit, probably annoyed to not be in his mother arms anymore. Sujin smiled and looked at us.

« Are you really okay ? » Sujin asked me as I started to rock Woojun.

« Sujin, like I said, I'm okay. I just had a bad day. » I shortly said. I had an anxiety attack when Hana left and my sister helped me. It took me two hours for the panic to leave me. I was really exhausted when my anxiety attack was over, it left you like it would drop a dead body in a lake. It was not a peaceful state of mind, just blank.  YongMi was really worked up and I had to begg her so she wouldn't call Sujin. I wanted to keep her away from all that drama.

My wife softly my back. . « I guess WooJun isn't the only one who needs to sleep. »

*

Kim Sujin

In the morning, when I woke up, I went to WooJun room instantly. I saw Woojun alone in his room and frwoned. Why my crazy husband wasn't laughing like a dummy with his son ? I took our baby and went downstairs. YongGuk was on the phone. « YongMi let me take care of this, okay ?  I can bear it. »

I made my entry clear for him by yelling «Woojun -ah , should we prepar breakfast ? » and he looked at me surprised. « I have to go, Noona let's talk about this later. »

He smiled as I came next to him. « Goodmorning Su', you slept well ? »

« Why aren't you with Woojun ? » I asked, almost aggressive.

YongGuk bite his lips. « YongMi called me that's why. » I nodded, YongGuk was weird since he came back from work.  « Appa, Goodmoning !. » WooJun said to him, lighting the atmosphere.

« Goodmo'ning, WooJun » He lifted his son and I looked at both of them interact while making breakfast. YongGuk looked lost in thoughts while taking care of Woojun and somehow Woojun got tired of trying to get his father attention and just started to cry. I sighed. Something was definitely wrong with YongGuk.

« Hand him over and stir the soup. » I told him. Woojun came to hug me and I comforted him while YongGuk obediently stir the soup.

*

Bang YongGuk, 17th  June 2014

For a few days, I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone. I avoided my sister like the plague and just couldn't say it to Taeyang or Sujin. Himchan tried to talk to me about Hana and Taeyang but he gave up seeing I didn't listen to him at all, my mind being far away. I had trouble to sleep since she came to see me and as tonight at midnight I was still awake, I went to drink some water when I saw Moonah up in front of TV. She froze hearing my steps.

Moonah stood up, with a guilty face on and I sighed, hands on my hips. « It's midnight and you have class tomorrow, don't you think you should be in bed completely asleep ? »

« Oh yeah but  Dad told me someone filmed a documentary about his job so I wanted to see it. » Moonah told me, a bit embarrassed.

I sighed, I was too exhausted tonight to nagg her and it was cute she wanted to see him on TV. I smiled and came to sit on the couch with her. « Is that so ? Kang Joon is lucky. »

« He got featured for his recent research » She said gently. I sighed. « Can I ask you a question Moony ? »

« Yes I want hot chocolate. » She answered. I chuckled, she was so used to me doing that for her. I came back next to her with her hot chocolate and one for me.

«Can I ask you a real question now ? »  She turned herself to me and nodded. « Does Taeyang talk to you about her mom sometimes ? » I asked.

Moonah looked shocked for a while and thought really hard about this. « She barely even mentions her. Why ?  »

I sighed, maybe telling it to someone would make it more bearable. « She is back in Korea and asked me to see Taeyang. »

Moonah put back her cup on the table and her eyes stared at me for a while. «She came to meet you  the night when you were back around midnight, Am I right ? It looks like she even hit you, you always groan when you use your left shoulder, as if you have a bruise.»

I nodded, that's how it is living with a genius teenager.  She suddenly frowned « You realize you can't keep that secret forever right ? »

"Yeah, I do know but it'd be hard to tell Tae' or even your Mom" I drank a bit of hot chocolate and we both watched TV for a while.

She looked at her dad speaking on the TV with a distant smile. « She went away right ? Every action had consequences. You could never tell Taeyang and problem solved. »

I looked at her and smiled. « Why do you fake being childish with your mom ? You're actually so mature. »

Moonah took a sip of her hot chocolate. « I don't fake being childish, it's just the way I am with mom.» We looked at the documentary with her dad without talking for a while, drinking our hot chocolate. "Do you actually understand what he is talking about ?" I asked Moonah, science was clearly not my thing. She had a chuckle. "Most of it."

«When I tell it to Taeyang, do you think you can have a talk with her ? »

Moonah suddenly turned herself to me, suddenly serious. « You want me to convince her to not meet her mother ? I can do that. »

I gasped. «No, I want you to just talk with her. She can meet her, it's fine with me if that's what she really wants to do. Or if she doesn't feel like it she can just say no. »

Moonah smiled. « I'll do that. »

We both gave back our attention to her dad talking on TV. He looked incredibly good on TV. I noticed his freckles and touched Moonah nose. "You even inherited his freckles." Moonah laughed looking at him and I her hair. "That's not possible. Someone doesn't not inherite freckles. I just get freckles by sun just like he does."

« Do you talk these days ? » I dared to ask.

« Oh mails from time to time. That's how he told me a korean TV broadcast contacted him for this scientific emission » Moonah told me with a neutral voice. Now everything was peaceful about that subject.

« He seems passionated about his job. » I said. He was explaining his work, his life on the boat with sparkles in his eyes. At the end, he was asked about love and family. His smile lost its shine. « I … My daughter lives in Korea with her mom, it's complicated but I'm trying to connect with her as much as I can. »

« Maybe you want to say something to her ? » The person asked.

« Hmm, Moonah, I hope you're not watching me getting embarassed on TV. Study a lot and eat too ! I love you. » Kang Joon said, with a blush invading his face.

We both bursted in laughters, Kang Joon was really really funny and awkward. « A+ for trying. » Moonah commented.

« For sure he tried, it was so cringey. Well, now go back to sleep. » I said. Moonah turned off TV and I went to wash our mugs. She came to meet me. "Mom is really worried about you. You should tell her first."

"I don't want to meddle her into that mess."

Moonah smiled. "Yeah, but you have to, she's really worried about you. Anyways ... goodnight dad."

*

Kim Sujin, 19th june 2014

I felt YongGuk drift apart from me and didn't like how it were going. It's been a week he's … changed. He wouldn't tell me what happened. I was starting to get tired of his behavior. I was patient, immensely patient. But the fact he kept me away was both vexing and painful. Thinking about that, I was in the kitchen washing dishes after dinner when with a wrong movement I changed the temperature of the water and I burned my hand. I had a scream of pain.

YongGuk that was watching over Woojun  just ran to my side. « Sujin, you got hurt ? »

He  lead me to the bathroom and let the cold water make my burn less painful. « Sorry I got distracted. » I looked at my hands and sighed. I still felt the burn and looked at YongGuk search though the drawers. I was now wary around him. I looked at him search for the cream. He patted dry my hands and applied the cream on there. « You're alright ? » He asked.

I shook my head.

« Maybe the burn is more serious than I thought. » He said, inspecting my hand before putting it back some cream on it.

« I know you're hiding something to me» I said like a little child to him.

I looked at him, confronting him,  he avoided my eyes. « It's ridiculous. »

I touched his chest with my free hand and our eyes met. «You think I didn't notice you barely sleep these days ? You don't even laugh when spending time with WooJun and it's your favourite moment of the day. I thought that if I gave you some time, you'll talk to me but you didn't.  »

YongGuk looked at me for long seconds and stood up to close the door.  «Let's take a bath, huh ? » He took his time to run the bath with his expensive bath bomb. I looked at him enter the bathtub and joined him.

« Be careful don't put your burned hand in the water. » He lifted my hand, making rest outside of the bathtub, he interlaced his fingers with mine and kissed my hand. « Last week I got a visit. »

I waited for him to talk and he sighed, as if the weight of the whole world was on his shoulder. I noticed his bruised shoulder and touched it with my fingers gently. Someone hit him ? 

 « It was someone I had no desire to see. »

I  thought well and then the realisation hit me hard. « Your wife ? » I asked, pretty sure it was the right answer.

YongGuk groaned. "Come on. Sujin, you're my wife. Hana and I were barely married for a year when we divorced !!!"

My breath was snatched away for a moment. How did he cope alone ? How did hold his tongue so well for so long ?

« Oh YongGuk. » I reached to hug him and he kept me this way for a while. Just close to his body. I his back in an attempt to comfort him. « You  says all the time that I should rely on you because you're my husband, I see you don't reciprocate what you preach. »

He had a small smile. « I just got really sad and worried. I didn't know how you would react. I'm sorry for making you worry»

We stayed in the water until it got lukewarm. YongGuk started by kissing my shoulder and one thing leading to another, we ended up making love right there, in the cold water of the bathtub. I catched back my breath and before the heat left my body I exited the cold water, before wrapping me in a towel. I looked at YongGuk eyes closed, still in the bathtub, his neck resting on the edge of the bathtub. « Feel better ? »

He smiled eyes still closed and chuckled. I came to kiss his forehead. « Let's go and sleep. After that, you should at least sleep very well. »

YongGuk stood up and let me wrap him  in a big huge towel, like I did with WooJun. At least he smiled.

*

Bang YongGuk, the next day

I woke up before my wife and noticed how tigh she was hugging me. She made extra sure to comfort me yesterday night and I had to tell I felt better. I should have told her right away. I went to take care of Woojun. Woojun started his silly face and I laughed along. Taeyang came in the room and laughed.

« Dad I have to go to my ice skating practice, you can drive me there avec breakfast ? » Taeyang asked me as I made WooJun eat. I nodded and as Sujin just woke up, I left her deal with our son and took my keys. As I drive to Busan sports complex; I sighed remembering of what I had to tell her.It was sunday yet she was training since morning.  « Can't you take a day off ? »

She looked at me weirdly. « No. I have to train. »

I sighed and drove her to a café to have breakfast with her. I was nervous to talk about it to her. «I have something to ask you. »

Taeyang nodded, quietly sipping her smoothie.

« Last week, someone came to visit me in my office. »

« And so what ? Dad I really have to train right now. You really don't get it huh ? »

I sighed. « Darling sit down »

« No I have to meet my professor at 9pm. I'm late.» She said ready to run to the sports complex. I grabbed her hand and made her sit. Now she looked confused. "Be fast."

« Bang Taeyang, your mother Kim Hana came to find me. She wants to see you. »

Taeyang sat down and looked at me, panicked. She stayed silent for a while and I came to hug her. «You choose. You can either meet her or else don't. You have the choice. »

She was lost in thoughts for a moment. I was becoming really worried about her. My first baby. The one that suffered from the loss of her mom and of the depression of her dad. Why did all of that happened to her ? Gosh, it wasn't fair. I ran my fingers in her hair and she pulled away. She took her bag and her smoothie. « I have to think about it. You can go home, I'll walk to the sports complex don't worry. »

I squeezed lightly her hand. « Okay. Keep in mind that whatever your choice is, it's fine with me. »

*

Kim Sujin

YongGuk came back with a exhausted face. I had Woojun in my arms and came to his side. « Sujin I told her and she got all sad and it's not fair. »

I looked at YongGuk sit on the couch sobbing and went to put Woojun on the oppposite couch to go and cuddle him. « It's not your fault. The one to blame is Hana. She's the one causing trouble. You tried your best. I know you did. »

He closed his eyes and sighed. «I'm just a loser. She wanted to train and I insisted to tell her. I should have wait the good moment for that. »

His breath was now irregular. A panic attack. It's been years he's done that. I held him against my chest, for long minutes calming him. I held his face and rested my nose against his. « It's okay. At the end everything will be okay. »

WooJun came to our side, worry in his eyes. « Dad is sad ? » I softly nodded. WooJun ran back in his room.

The horrifying noise of his troubled breathing softly became low and I kissed his forehead. « There's no good moment to tell such thing to a child. YongGuk you had to do it. You held this secret for too long. You did nothing wrong. »

« What should I do ? If she wants to meet her ? I can't let her alone with Hana, that's insane and I can't bear that view either. » It looked like a complete dilemna to him right now. I tried to make it seem like the thing was really easy to deal with.

« I'm sure Himchan would volunteer, he knew her. Or your sister.»

As I his back, YongGuk kissed my hand. « Yeah, I'll ask them. Thanks for being here Su' »

« Come on. I know I do wonder. » I said, flipping my hair to the side. YongGuk only smiled at this attempt of making him laugh. Our son came back with a plushie and shoved it in his dad hand. « For you»  It was a Winnie the Pooth plushie, his favourite one. The fact that he chose th comfort his dad with this plushie was really touching. He was as considerate as his father.

YongGuk looked at WooJun and had a small smile. «Oh, Precious. » He hugged the plushie under the smile of WooJun. The little man jumped around and YongGuk pinched his cheek. «Can I get a hug from my lovely son ? I think it would make me really really happy. »

WooJun widened his eyes and hugged his dad with all his force. «Don't be sad anymore, okay ? »

*

Next morning, I went to wake up Moonah for her school and found Taeyang in her bed, hugged by Moonah. They must have talked about this. I sat on their bed and strocked their hair. Taeyang opened her eyes first and hugged me. « Hey little cutie, you have school, you need to wake up. »

« Just a minute Mom. »  She buried her head in my chest and I her back.Taeyang came back silent from her practice, quite late and ate a ton of food before entering Moonah room. We didn't bother them that night. If someone coud give advice on that, it was for sure Moonah.

I kissed Taeyang forehead. « Mom loves you so much. »

She smiled to me. « I love you too Mom. »

We finnaly woke up Moonah by blowing in her ear, and all grumpy she got down the stairs minutes after us. YongGuk was warming up breakfast, Woojun at his feets, tickling his toes. « Woojun don't do that while I cook. It's dangerous. »

Despite that, Woojun kept going and YongGuk laughed at Woojun sat on his feet. « Hi, boys of the house !! » I yelled.

YongGuk laughed. « Hi, women of the house. »

I hugged him lightly while Taeyang and Moonah lifted Woojun. « Hi brother, how are you doing ? » Moonah kissed his stomach as Taeyang lifted him and they all laughed. Seeing them all together always made our heart at peace. For single child with single parent, they adapted well into our family.

Taeyang suddenly cleared . « I'll tell it here and clearly. I don't want to meet her. She can go back to America right now. I have a Mom that loves me and I don't feel curious about that person anymore. Can you tell her that ? »

YongGuk blinked. « Are you sure ? »

« I'm sure , you think I didn't think of it well ? »

YongGuk shook his head. « No I respect your choice. Taeyang come here. » He hugged her tighly and kissed her forehead. Moonah smiled and drank her milk in silence. As Taeyang left earlier, I went to do the dishes and overheard YongGuk and Moonah.

YongGuk smiled. « Gosh, you're a good old sister you know  Smarty? »

Moonah smiled. « Tss,It's normal. » She let Woojun grab her hair and YongGuk sighed. « You think she did the good choice ? »

The girl sat up properly and shrugged. « I don't know. She doesn't feel the need to meet someone that she feels so disconnected to. Pointless, she told me. »

I came to the kitchen and looked at them, so they have secrets from me. I was going to ask them about it when Moonah cleared . « Mom it wouldn't have bother you ? That Taeyang go and see that woman ? »

I blinked. YongGuk looked at me curious. He needed time to adjust to Kang Joon place in Moonah heart. I shrugged. « I know Taeyang to be happy. »

Moonah laughed. « Mom seriously. Be honest.»

« I know I counts for Taeyang and that's already a lot to me. I doubt Hana can become as intimate with Taeyang. That's all. I'm just confident. »  I suddenly blushed as they bursted in laughters. « Okay yeah that's so funny, huh ? But that's how I feel »

Guys I'm in holidays What a relief, school is so stressful and this semester was really hard. I'm so happy to be on holidays. I'll have time to hopefully wrap up this fanfic. So this week, I started a new fanfiction about YongGuk. I think I'll start uploading it next month. It will be about YongGuk who is in jail for a crime and a young woman, a volunteer that comes to visit him. I got this idea while waiting to have an examen and started to write just after that exam. Gosh I hope I can soon share it with you !!