Kim Sujin, 29 of October 2009

I arrived in front YongGuk law firm and went to the welcome board. Before I even talk the lady clapped in her hands. « You're Lawyer Bang fiancée right ? Gosh I'll announce you, come with me. »

We took the stairs together and she started to get excited. « That painting in his office it's gorgeous. So calming. You have a real talent here.Oh I'm EunBin by the occasion. »

« Thanks you and nice to meet you. »

« You know YongGuk always looked sad an exhausted. These days, he's as glowy as a bride. Wait .... I'm not saying I have a crush on him. It's general informations that he's good looking... » She started to say, she looked utterly hilarious.

I had a short laugh. « You're a funny one. »

« People often tell me that. » She revealed, now embarassed.

She knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. « You have someone that wants to see you. »

« A client ? I have no appointement I believe. » I heard him say to her.

Eunbin suddenly grinned. «Your beloved fiancée came to see you. »

I entered the office and YongGuk came to greet me. « Sujin, something happened ? »

« No I guess I'm just visiting you. » YongGuk was spectic of my answer yet welcomed me closer to him.

The secretary clapped in her hands. « Good good, I'll give you some privacy. Should I tell people not to bother you ? Put a sign on the door ?»

YongGuk laughed. « EunBin you're unbearable. Just go back to the welcome board. »

I smiled as she closed the doors. YongGuk kissed my lips and brought me to his desk. He gave me an amused look and I blinked. « What ? »

He shook his head. «You need to talk to me ? »

« NO ! » I shouted all at once. We both were startled by this answer and started to laugh. « I need to work a bit on this case. So I hope you brought stuffs. Do you want coffee ? »

« No, it's okay I'll be drawing on your couch. » I needed to tell him. But I couldn't resolve myself. He looked so happy and thinking about ruining his mood just make me want to cry. I was absorbed by my thoughts when YongGuk sat next to me.

« Are you okay ? It's been half an hour you're just staring at this piece of paper. »

I blushed. « Oh just thinking about this and that. There's so much to think about, especially with the wedding. »

He pouted, doubtful of my behavior. « Okay I'm finished with this awful case. What about getting some street food together ? »

We exited his office and greeted goodbye to the secretary. I decided to make him laugh. « She told me that these days you're glowy like a bride. »

YongGuk laughed. « You think she didn't tell me that yet ? She is so funny and  horrible at keeping shut. »

He rested his hand low on my back, grabbing almost my hip bone. We walked a bit and found some street food. We ate somme teeobukki with pleasure. I almost forgot about the thing I needed to discuss about with him, letting him brig me on a date. He took care to invite me in a nice restaurant. I felt lucky to be by his sides.

*

Bang YongGuk, 1st of november 2009

I noticed Sujin was uneasy all this week. Quite restless too. Avoiding talking to me longly or just having some trouble looking at me. I felt really weirded out by this behavior. It was unusual for her. She was  so relaxed and easy-going. When I came back home, I found her cooking in the kitchen like usual yet couldn't find the reassuring smile I was usually welcomed with everynight. She was mindlessly turning her spoon in the stew, not concentrated on that at all. I kissed her cheek and she had a gasp. "YongGuk, you're here."

As she arrived from her shower, I gave her a smile and kept going my reading. I tried to not ask questions. If she wanted to talk about the thing bothering her, she would have done it already, wouldn't she ? Was it her parents ? Her ex boyfriend ? Work problems ? Or our relationship ? Maybe we are getting married so fast ....

I gave a sidelook to Sujin and noticed that she was massaging her fingers. She was still wearing her engagement ring and I took this as a good sign. I wasn't sure if I could bear  being left with only this ring and some apology. Especially now, when Sujin and Moonah counts as my family « YongGuk I need to ask you something.»

« Huh ? Yes okay, go ahead. » Her behavior was stressing me out. I closed back my book and looked at Sujin take a deep breath. She took my hands in hers and breathed out. « I'm quite nervous but I feel like I need to say it. »

« You'll be 30 soon and I'll be 28. Hmm. About kids, do you want more ? » She asked, eyes closing as if she dropped a bomb.

I was puzzled. I wasn't expecting this at all.  Judging her behavior, she didn't want any. I shrugged and tried to be careful with my words. « I stopped to wish things all alone. I mean I love kids and if I had the occasion to have more it would be good but in the case you don't want, it's not the end of the world either. »

« You think I don't want more babies ? » She retorted.

« You want more babies ? » I asked, surprised.

Sujin had a nervous laugh. She stood up and went to seach for something. She carefully gave me a photo. I looked at the tiny pink baby on the photo and touched it. Tubes all over. Bandaids. I already noticed the scars of the operations on Moonah but seeing an actual photo was something really different.

Sujin suddenly turned the photo so I would be unable to see it anymore. « You see, I … She … I nearly lost Moonah twice during pregnancy. Even if I do get pregnant, I might do a miscarriage and just … I love kids too and a third one would be nice but it's probably going to be a hard journey and maybe it would lead nowhere at all. I just wanted you to know. We're getting married and I know questions about this will rise soon. I needed to be clear about this. »

She looked at the ceiling and I sighed. Here she was crying. I reached to touch her eyes and she closed her eyes as reflex, letting tears roll on her cheek. I hated to see Sujin cry. I realized I didn't know Sujin well. I thought she was strong but it's all a masquerade. She had deep scars and it took me years to understand how delicate she really was. I kissed her cheeks and eyes and came to hug her tighly.

« This was stressing you out like this ? You were weird all week, you really shouldn't have. You think I'm going to ditch you because maybe we won't have more children ? Sujin I love you no matter what. We have already two kids and that's a lot of work if you didn't notice. »

I felt her body shake and knew she was sobbing. I her arms in hope to give her some comfort. « It just felt important to me to tell you. You're starting to feel better and something like a miscarriage could throw every one of your efforts to the bin. All those hope that could lead us to grieving ... I don't want that to happen, YongGuk. You look so glowy and happy I didn't even want to talk about this … but I feel like I had the duty to do so. Actually, I had an appointement at my gynecologist yesterday but I didn't know if I needed to consult you so I went alone. I replaced my intra-uterine device. »

I shrugged. This is why she came to visit me on monday and was so jumpy. I took her face between my hands and wiped her tears with my pajamas slevve, making her chuckle. « Let's not get stressed about this, okay ? We're both young and already have a family. Let's appreciate the kids we already have first, okay ? And be newslyweds for real. I want to be free of any responsability for at least ... a whole  year !!!»

« You said it yourself : we have two kids. » She retorted, eyes narrowed on me. Our love story was different from other people. We had some duty as parents : prepar them on the morning, prepar breakfast, send them to school, pick them up, take care of school homework, dinner, make sure they take a bath and brush their teeths, read stories to them. We did it with pleasure of course. But thinking about people that didn't have kids, they were free of any responsabilities.

«Yeah, but  I didn't specify yet the duration of our honeymoon, it could be a whole year. » I said, trying to amuse her.

She laughed and pinched my cheek. « Silly YongGuk. »

I made her sit on my lap and kissed her, roaming my hands on her curves. We were getting pretty intense when Sujin pulled away. « I feel so much better now I've had this talk with you.» She took my hand and twisted my engagement ring in her fingers. She looked appeased.

I kissed her forehead. "I love you. No matter what. Have no doubt about it."

I kissed her lips for all answer. I looked at her satin nuisette and grwoled lightly. « What about just making sure tonight we are good on the baby-producing part ? »

Sujin laughed. « So corny and cheesy. It doesn't even suit you. »

I sighed, vexed. I was supposedly the best orator of the law firm. I made an effort to push her away and stand up. She climbed on my back like a koala on a tree.

« But I'm not saying no. » She whispered in my ear before nibbling on it.

A new chapter for you guys, it's quite short but it's the best I can offer you in this finals revisions week ! Enjoy !