Kim Sujin, 14th of June

I came back in the house and decided to go in Moonah room. The little girl was still sleepingg. I woke her up. « Hey we're going to grandpa ! Wake up so we can get ready.»

« Really ? Yeah !!!!»She clumsily ran to the bathroom excited to go there. We were quickly ready and soon in the bus for home. I called them in the bus and told them about us coming home. I quickly texted YongGuk out of habit, as he told me he catched some sleep in the train to Seoul.

My dad closed the shop for the occasion and was waiting for us at the bus stop. I hugged him tighly and he ruffled my hair. « Gosh are you letting your hair grow ? You know I selfishly love long hair on you huh ? »

I showed him my ring. « It's for a particular reason. »

My dad took my hand and traced delicately my engagement ring. It was really simple, almost minimalistic. But I loved it so much. « Gosh Sujin, so this man is nice huh ? Congratulations. »

« He's the niciest to me. »

Moonah whined. « Grandpa I'm here too !!! »

He suddenly teared his eyes from me to look at my daughter. He lifted her in his arms and gave her a smile. «You were there all that time ? Oh gosh, why do you have some bandaids ? »

He looked at me, worries evident on his face.

« It's not what you think. It's a long story. »

Dad was used to me not revealing much about my life and learned not to get curious. A few years ago when I started to date YongGuk, he guessed that I was meetig a man and took my weak denial as a positive answer.

I greeted my mom as I came home and was surprised to see my sister helping her in the kitchen. She surely took her weekend from the church to visit the family too « Oh Unnie, hi ! »

She gave me a cold greeting and I sighed. She still felt repulsed by me apparently. Dad lead us outside to take care of the garden and show his fruits to Moonah. I followed them with a smile. All my childhood souvenirs happened there.

I spent a nice morning just being dragged by Moonah around the garden and in the village greeting neighborgs. When time for lunch arrived, I looked at my phone resting on the living room table. YongGuk sent me a message :  « You little brat ! You went to announce our wedding alone?! Are you serious ? Do you realize how unpolite you make me appear ? You know it's been a while I wanted to present myself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! »

I chuckled and the amount of exclamation point he used in these sentences. I sent him a reassuring message. « We can come back together. No worries. »

My mom looked at me text and cleared . I remembered why I came here and smiled to her. « I have an announcement. I'm getting married next year. »

« Really, who wanted such a degenerated woman for a wife ? » My mom said. I pursed my lips and looked at Moonah. We sat to eat lunch together and suddenly I was regretting that visit out of the blue.

« What does degenerated means Grandma ? » Moonah asked, with such innocence I felt bad she even heard the word.

I stopped my mom before she even started her explanation. « Moonah it's nothing, she's teasing me. »

Moonah suddenly stared at me. « No. She's being mean with you. You're not happy to hear that. YongGuk uncle he said that mom is his angel. All the time. »

My mom and sister scoffed and I felt humiliated. Dad looked at them and groaned. « Congratulations my daughter. I hope I can meet your soon-to-be husband in the future. »

« He's eager to come here. With his daughter of course. »

Dad nodded understanding while Mom and Unnie gasped looking at each others. I felt unwelcomed once again, in my own childhood house. My sister suddenly clapped in her hands. "It's time to pray now." 

We prayed in silence for a while and I couldn't help but notice Moonah tensed up at the mention of praying. I held her tigh against me during the praying and held her little hands in mine. As my sister declared the praying over, we started to eat our lunch.

I ate in silence, not minding anymore Moonah speaking about YongGuk and Taeyang. As the lunch was over we went to the shore, dad, Moonah and myself. The weather was nice and dad decided to take us on his boat. I sat on the seat and closed my eyes. I felt the best here. « So Mom is far now, is it true he calls you his angel ? »

I smiled, and had a shy nodd. «He had a difficult first marriage. So he was depressed. We met and I think I made him feel better. So that's why. »

« And now is he fine ? » My dad asked. I nodded. « Yes, he feels way better and asked me to marry him. I would like to bring them here but I need to have a conversation with mom, you'll help me ? »

He patted my shoulder with a grin and I looked at Moonah quietly sit and look at the waves. « Moonah ! »

She looked at me and came running. I made her sit on my lap and kissed her cheek. « You like the sea ? »

« Yes I like being on boat the most in life !! » I chuckled and hugged her tigher. Enjoying this moment.

I came back home leaving Moonah with our neighborgs that had a farm to visit. Dad and I came into the living room. I cleared my throat because now we had to talk about serious matters «The person I'm getting married to has a daughter, Taeyang. She is the same age as Moonah. Now I'm her mother. »

Mom shrugged.«  Why are you telling me all of that ? I don't care. »

A scoff left my mouth. « You do care. I'm going to visit with my whole family soon and if I hear you say something bad about them … I will not stay put. They are my family now and yours too by extension. Taeyang she's really excited to meet you so be nice.  »

Mom mumbled under her breath and I sighed. She nodded. « Do what you want. »

"So they'll come here tomorrow for lunch." I blurted out like this. I still felt like a rebelious teen against my mom. I left the room with trembling hands from such dareness from me.I went to search for Moonah. I looked at her run after the sheeps and felt sorry for my neighborgs. « Gosh she's annoying you. Sorry. . »

«She's so much fun, my children do not want to hear about kids and I'm already craving to become a grandma !  I'm going to bring her to the village market is it fine with you ? » The lady here was my neighbord since I was little and I did the same thing when I was a kid in her property.

I blinked and nodded. « Sure , but be careful make sure she stays to your side. » I took my wallet and searched for a few billets to give it to her for the bus and food. She gasped. « Kim Sujin. I don't need money for that. Let me enjoy some time with your sweety and handle that. »

I didn't insist and thanked her. I changed myself and went to prepar kimchi with my mom. She looked at me and after a while being silent, she dared to ask me a question. « Is he a christian ? »

I froze. I had no idea. « Probably not. » YongGuk never mentioned religion.

She groaned a bit and I laughed. She was doing efforts, I knew. But if YongGuk was a christian, it would have been easier for her. I took her hands :

« Mom I know I fit to nothing to your expectations. I had a child at 20 years old, out of wedlock and now I'm getting married to a divorcee. I know you think I'm degenerated and such things. But  guess what ?!  I'm really happy. I love my life. I love my soon-to-be husband and my second daughter so dearly. They are my family now, they make me geniously happy.»

She hesitated and looked at me. « Really ? »

« Yeah for real Mom. You were probably ashamed of me all these years and I suffered from this. But now I feel good and stable in life. I don't care anymore what you think of me.»

My mom just had a small frown.

We were concentrated on our task, mixing the cabbage and the sauce, when all of sudden, Mom spoke up : "You look glowy. You'll be a beautiful bride, my daughter."

I gasped in surprise hearing such tender words from my harsh, easily irritated mom. I thanked her and we prepared the kimchi all afternoon until night came chatting about light things. Dad invited us to eat grilled fish and we went to the restaurant in a happy mood. After washing up and washing up my little girl covered in dirt, we entered the room I shared with my sister. She was praying when I came in and I closed back the door. I waited a few minutes outside with Moonah and felt the urge to call YongGuk.

« Hi babe. » He gently said. He sounded sleepy but not sad. « Hi soon-to-be husband. »

« Where are you ? Still at your parents house ? » He asked, still vexed about me going there without him.

« Sleeping at my parents house. And you ? »

« Sleeping at Taeyang's grandparents In Seoul. » He sighed and soon Moonah took the phone in my hands.

« YongGuk Uncle you have to come here !! Grandpa said he's excited to meet you and grandma she is curious too. »

I laughed as I took back the phone. « You're invited for lunch tomorrow. It's fine with you ? »

He released a "yes !!! " and I laughed hearing his excitement. « How should I dress ? Casual ? Formal ? »

I smiled. « Something simple. And no fancy shoes. I basically live in a farm, my dear.  How are you ?»

Yongguk had a loud sigh and I felt the need to see his face to know exactly his expressions right now.  « I'm tired. Taeyang is sleeping in my arms and we're in her mom room. She looks satisfied of this trip here. »

« I'm glad then. » I gently said.

I caressed Moonah hair and felt how I missed him. Usually we would be cuddling in bed trying to plan our honeymoon and our wedding. I sat on the couch and sighed a bit. « I miss you. » He softly said. I hummed. « Me too. »

He did a sleepy groan and I chuckle. « Go to sleep, I'm going to do the same. Goodnight love. »

« Goodnight love. »

*

Bang YongGuk, the same day in Seoul

I looked at Hana parents show photos of her to Taeyang, tell her stories about her mom with a smile. I looked with a distant manner. I 've seen them and was  on a huge amount of those teenage photos of Hana. The harder was when they decided to show Taeyang their girl room after lunch. I stayed outside ; this room holding too much memory for me to enter it and not get emotional.

I still felt stuffy in Seoul and coming to my ex wife teenager room wasn't helping with this feeling.

As Hana sister came to meet her niece, Hana parents and I got in the kitchen. « YongGuk you don't know how sorry we felt towards you. She really misbehaved with you and we have no words to express how happy we are to finally meet our granddaughter. She is beautiful. »

I shrugged. « She was curious about her mom and I still feel bad talking about her so the solution was to come here. »

My ex mother-in-law nodded slowly. « Do you think she could visit us often ? »

« I live in Busan now ... » I quickly explained to her.

She blushed, disappointed. « Yes I understand. »

« Maybe you can come and get her however, I'm not against the idea of you meeting your granddaughter. I just don't like coming to Seoul. . » I revealed to them. They nodded slowly and we looked at Taeyang singing for her Aunt in the living room for a while. Taeyang liked to dance, recreating the choreagraphy she saw on TV. « Maybe I have no right to ask you that, how are you doing ? »

«Fine. I'm getting married next year to a wonderful woman. »

Hana mother gasped hearing that. She looked geniously happy for me. « That's marvellous, I hope you all the happiness in the wolrd ! » She hugged me, overwhelmed with emotions and I felt stiff in the arms of the mother of Hana. As she set me free, I smiled to her. « Do you have news of Hana ? »

Her mother shook her head and tears came to roll on her cheeks. « No. We don't even know where she is. You know, I really don't care of her being with a woman, she's my daughter. I love her unconditionnaly. »

I nodded slowly. I suddenly understood how sad this house was.  A missing daughter. And until today no granddaughter. She suddenly wiped her tears, probably not wanting to make Taeyang worry. "Oh I wanted to ask, why Taeyang has bandaids all over ?"

"This is basically my fault. Taeyang knew almost nothing of her mom until yesterday and found my wedding photo hided in my dressing room, it fell on her shoulders and she had a bruise and small cuts. So yeah, I decided it was time for her to learn about her mom." I revealed to her.

Her hands came to my face. « You had a tough day, right ? You came from Busan too. What about just sleeping here, you look exhausted. I'll set up the guest  room for you upstairs. I'll make breakfast early in the morning so you'll be at Busan in the mid-morning. »

I agreed, I needed sleep. As I washed up and get in the guest room, I noticed it was empty. I walked to Hana room and found Taeyang looking around, without touching anything.

« I think you can touch them. »

She jumped and looked at me surprised. « How do you feel, Moonah, after learning things about your mom ? »

She froze for a second and shrugged. "I don't know. After all, she is not here with us. She abandoned me."

Taeyang let a photo of Hana and Ime fall on the floor and sat on the floor, ready to cry. I lifted her in my arms and made my way to the bed. « I know it hurts. Mom left us. She didn't leave you in particular. She left all her family, Moonah. I'm sorry that it happened that way. I'm so sorry your mom left you so early and I wasn't able to prevent that »

Taeyang cried for a bit in my arms."Stop crying. You have a whole bunch of people that love you okay ? I don't want you to think you're the reason she left, okay ?"

Taeyang slowly took a breath.« I was crying because I thought of you.  That is why you never talked about her. »

I had a soft smile. « I'm sorry. It's still hard for me to talk about her. Because she left us, she left you. »

Taeyang nodded. « I know. I'm sorry for misbehaving yesterday. I should have ask you. »

« It's okay. We'll have to figure this out. I have to tell things about her to you. Slowly »

Taeyang shrugged and opened a photo album to flip though the pages. I gave her comments, story backgrounds on each photos, making her curl up against my chest and fall asleep very fast. I closed the album and received Sujin call a few moments later feeling good. It was as if a big stone was lifted off my heart.

ù

The next morning we had a nice breakfast ; Hana mom feeling blessed to have Taeyang here with her. I smiled seeing such complicity between both of them. Hana dad looked at them with teary eyes.

« I'm sorry to have visit you with her so late. » I said, realizing when leaving how much memories, laugh from Taeyang they were deprived from.

Her grandma shook her head, a hand slowly reaching my shoulder. « You needed to heal. »

I had left the box inside Hana room and quickly remembered about telling them about it. «I came with a huge box, you may have noticed. It's full of Taeyang things videos, first letters drawings and lot of stuffs. I left it in Hana's room. You can go thought all of the box, feel free to learn more about Taeyang and call me whenever you want to see her. And … if Hana ever come back give her that box. »

Hana mom nodded, tears now threathening to fall She hugged Taeyang a last time and looked at us get in the taxi with sad eyes. "Thanks for this weekend, YongGuk. It counts so much."

"You're welcome. Come anytime to meet Taeyang." I reassured her.

The taxi lead us to the train station and as we sat in the train to Busan, I felt good. Leaving Seoul and doing those things released me, it made me feel peaceful.

Unlike the first time, this ride to Busan was nice. Like the first time, nine years ago, Taeyang was sleeping on my lap. But I felt loved and felt like a good father enough.