Bang YongGuk; 4th of february

I woke up in a white room, a doctor checking on me. « Oh, hi mister Bang. »

I slowly sat in the bed and looked around, white walls. I was wearing a blouse. As the doctor started to speak, I panicked. « Taeyang ? Where is my daughter ? » I removed my mask and looked at him with widened eyes. « Your sister is taking care of her. »

« Gosh what happened ? »

«Burnt out.  » My heart stopped at this world and I listened to the intern list me why I was there, only waking up today. I sighed, not really listening him anymore. When I looked up, he was leaving, and he let  my sister run inside and she hugged me with strengh. "You silly little boy. Tell me or anyone when you feel overwhelmed with work."

 « She found me, right ? Who else than Taeyang would find me ?  »

YongMi slowly nodded. "Yes, you were lucky she woke up early." I raised my eyes and my sister gulped. "Sorry. Just let me comfort you okay ?"

She calmed me and soon I was back to sleep. When I opened back my eyes, Taeyang was curled against my chest. She raised her eyes on me, as she felt me moving. « Dad ! You're awake !! » She hugged me with her small body and I kept her here the time to wipe my tears. « Yeah I'm awake. »

I quickly took notice of her braided hair. She smelled like her usual cherry blossom shower bath and had a pretty dress with her nice green shoes. Who is the one that took care of her this morning ?  I bite my lips. What was I thinking about ? I'm her dad and have responsability. I kissed her forehead numerous times, apologizing in my head, too ashamed to ask her if she was too afraid. As my sister saw how this visit drained me, she brought Taeyang for a walk, now she was sure I was awake.

I ate the soup YongMi gave me with quite appetite and soon I was back to sleep. I woke up late at night with YongMi at my side. She ran a hand on my forehead.

« Hi there. » She helped me sit up and gave me some water. «Do you still feel sleepy ? »

 « I feel disgusted of myself. » I slowly said. « I have no right to break down when Taeyang needs me. »

Yongmi nagged me by saying it was not my fault that I was working too much and that mental health is important, I shouldn't neglect this part of my health. She grabbed my shoulders in a harsh manner.

"Stop having this mentality. You're sick, mental illness is an illness and you don't have to feel guilty about that. This doesn't make you a bad father."

She suddenly looked outside and rushed there leaving me alone. I shrugged, must be her Hubby.

I heard her give orders around and got startled when she opened the door and pushed Sujin inside and closed it back. Sujin fell on the floor from the strengh of my sister and she stood up slowly, giving a shocked look to the door. I almost had a smile. She wasn't used to my sister having her ways no matter what. Sujin looked nice, she had a comfy jeans with a sweater, way too light for the season. 

« I'm not family so I shouldn't be here ...  in theory. » She quickly explained herself. I slowly nodded. That's why it's only now she visits me.  She walked to me quite awkwardly and sat on the chair next to my bed. She rearranged her glasses on her nose and looked at me. «I'm happy to see you woke up. »

She ran a hand on my face and I tried to smile. «I brought back the soup. YongMi told me you liked that. » She said.

I grabbed her hand as she tried to stand up. « How did you learn ? »

She looked away. « Taeyang she came to see me and I was the one who called 119. »

I couldn't stare at her for long now. « Gosh. I'm sorry. You must be pretty shock. And now you're thinking that I'm a bad father. »

She took my face in her hands and breathed loudly. I imitated her and she finally smiled. « No one  thinks like that. You were a busy bee for too long, your body is telling you to stop exhausting yourself like this. Stop torturing yourself for now. From now, you can only get better, am I right ? »

I nodded and she pecked my lips delicately as if I was a fragile piece of porcelaine. I took her in my embrace and felt good. She has a familiar scent, a really familiar one.I could recognize my designer green tea perfume any time.

« Wait are you wearing my perfume ? » I asked.

She blushed and had a guilty expression. Sujin then tried to explain herself. « I've stayed at your place to take care of Taeyang and this morning I just … I missed you okay and seeing your perfume I just spreaded some on my neck. »

I giggled. « I'm not angry. Actually I found this very cute. »

Her blush intensified hearing that and I had a huge smile. She let me peck her cheek and soon found back some composure.  « Okay. Hmm, let's eat a bit okay? »

I did as told and ate her soup with pleasure. Sujin was a good cooker. She looked at me eat with happy eyes and I realized how worried she must have been for me. As I finished my bowl, she put it away and gave me some warm infusion.  « YongGuk, would you mind if I … » She looked hesitant and clenched her eyes in fear. « If I stay at your place  ? I want to take care of you. »

I was confused for a moment. «  God, really? I don't know how I should take this … you're just worried that I just overwork again ?  »

She shrugged with an unreadable expression. « You're a busy lawyer and it'd be nice if we just live in the same place. I want you to stop your pills, I really want you to feel better. Gosh that's pretentious but I really want to make you feel loved. Because that's how I feel around you, and I want you to feel that too. »

She blinked a bit before cleaning her glasses. She was going to say something and the door opened on the doctors. I gave her an insisting look. She shrugged with an amused smile. « Nevermind. »

*

Eat that YongGuk » She said with a smile. I wasn't very hungry yet here I was sitting at my kitchen table , eating with Moonah and Taeyang. I just got released from the hospital and was still out of it, smiling to my daughter when she talked. I was so sleepy that soon Sujin came to my side, worry filling her eyes. « I guess someone needs  to sleep. Girls, stay here I'm taking care of him. »

She helped me get the bathroom and waited for me as I brushed my teeths. I was still amazed to witness her toothbrush resting next to mine when I entered the bathroom. She smiled catching my reflection in the mirror staring at her and came to crush a peck on my neck. I gave her a lazy and sleepy smile, feeling almost in a trance. She looked worried for me, she lead me to my bedroom. « Just sleep okay I'lll take care of the rest. »

I grabbed her hand and she fell on the bed next to him with a gasp. "Gukkie is something wrong ?"

As she looked at me shake my head, she became confused. I smiled. "I just wanted to thank you for everything. You did a lot, YongMi told me."

She sighed loudly. "It's nothing really. Don't worry about that."

"No. Seriously, I'm grateful for what you did. You took care of my sun." I insisted.

She smiled. "It was a pleasure. Of course you were at the hospital but taking care of Taeyang is nice. Now you have to sleep, okay."

I didn't resist sleep anymore and as I closed my eyes, I was already deeply asleep.  I woke up with Taeyang on my chest, curled up so well, like a shrimp. I giggled and tickled her to wake her up. « Dad !!!! » I kissed her cheek and she hugged me. « I missed you. »

« Dad id really sorry for last morning. It's never going to happen anymore. » I promised to her. We hugged a long moment and then I realized she was probably going to school. « I'll style your hair today, okay ? »

She nodded exicted and I made her sit on my lap, brushing her hair with my fingers, I started to braid her hair. Sometimes, she would jump around but this morning she was quietly waiting for me to finish, not even complaining that I was slow. « When you was at the hospital, Sujin unnie she braided my hair. »

« Really ? That's nice of her ! » I commented. I had guessed it. YongMi loved to let my daughter hair breath, showing well  that she is not the one who detangle it twice everyday, so it only let Sujin to do the work. I had to about the poor quality of her braids one day. Soon I was finished with my braid. She touched it with her fingers and I caressed her face. « Now I swear dad will be healthy okay ? »

« You know I scolded grandpa because he always give you tons of homework. And that's mean because you're a grow up and you shouldn't have that much homework. » She explained with her kid logic.

I blinked twice and finally understood something. "You did that ?"

She blushed. « I got very very angry at him. Because if you got to the hopsital it's because of him. He was very surprised and said that he was sorry. But being sorry it's not enough. I told him I hated him and that everything is his fault.»

Taeyang started back to sobb and I hugged her tighly, surprised to see her character slowly developing and sad that she had to live with that. She'll probably remember this all her life. This unfateful morning.  As she calmed herself, I smiled softly. Now I understood better why I got a whole month of vacation from him. He felt guilty. Taeyang was the frist grandchild my parents had and she was the only girl ; so she had a special status to them. So seeing his granddaughter in such distress must have shook him. Dad was a workalic and it was hard to make him quit the family law firm.

With YongMi we paid our parents a one year cruise around the world. But Dad gave instructions to his actual replacement to train me to become the CEO one day. His ambitions were way too high for me and I think he realized that beinga single parent make things harder. I also supposed that he hided that angry call to mom. She was way too dramatic for that and would have cancel the whole trip to see me. And he knew I didn't want that.

I kissed my little girl forehead. « What would I do without my lawyer ? « 

« I'm your lawyer ? » She asked, surprised of my words. Taeyang had a vague idea of what a lawyer was. She thinks lawyers are very intelligent people which is not false yet not completely true.

« You proved yourself as one. » I complimented her. She smiled with a blush. I smoothed her frizzy hair around the temples and sighed, what would I do without this sunlight ? I kissed her temple. We walked hands in hands to the kitchen and the food scent made me hungry. I looked at Sujin and her daughter eating their breakfast. Sujin stood up as she saw us arrive.

"Oh sorry, I thought you two fell asleep together and didn't want to bother. Come and eat breakfast, I'm walking you to school afterwards." 

I came to peck her lips innocently to wish her good morning and hearing chuckles I looked at Taeyang and Moonah laugh. I guess our public display of affection was weirdly received. I had to keep in mind that kisses make children laugh.

"Eat girls, we are not really early." Sujin said, trying to rush the girls.

I ruffled Moonah hair to wish her a good morning and  soon I was left alone at home as Sujin left with the girls to drop them to school.

I ate in front of TV, and as I ate to my heart content, I felt sleepy. I lied down the couch and my head came in contact with a hard surface.I looked at it, a sketchbook. Sujin one. I was going thought the pages with attention, she draws a variety of things. The city view. Her daughter. Animals and flower. As I arrived to the last drawing, I gasped. It was me. Well, a better version of myself. A huge smile on, bright eyes, healthy glow and just happiness eradiating from this picture. «I want him to always be like this. Smiling and happy. »

I touched the sentence and felt how the paper was wavy. I furrowed my eyebrow. Did Sujin cry ? After all, I'm her boyfriend so she must have feel horrible. I grabbed a pen and wrote back. «I'll try for you. »

*

Bang Yong Guk, February 15th

As I helped the people I hired to move, I felt emotional that she was willing to live with me. She ended up selling a lot of things that I already had in my house. It was basically just clothes and her art supplies, plus the numerous plushies of her daughter. The girls were truly happy about it, it only meant more time together and pajamas party every day. She was at work for the moment, as I convinced her that I can deal alone with her moving. She already took care of a lot of things. So I just have to cross the streets with them. At the end of the day, her flat was empty. Everything was at my place or already bought by someone. I was looking around to see if I didn't miss anything and soon the door opened on Sujin. She looked quite shocked to see the empty flat.

« I wanted to check if I didn't let anything behind and kind of say goodbye. » She said, closing back the door.

« You've been there since Moonah birth ? » I asked.

She shook her head, looking around the empy flat. « No, she was 1 years old then. I was living in a tiny and crappy shelter before. It felt like luxury to live here you know. »  She sounded emotional.

« Nobody helped you ? »

She smiled. « Dad secretly gave me monay each months when we made up. My nurse friend helped me a lot. And all ty that Kang Joon was, he paid all the hospital bills  of the numerous operations Moonah had. »

I kissed her forehead.I nodded, It was hard for me to realize her situation : she was almost alone against the universe when my family helped me so much while I raised Taeyang. Sujin didn't get this chance. « I know you're strong. »

« I'm really independant. Like really. I spend a lot of time alone, drawing. I really enjoyed my single mum life, even if I was discriminated against a lot. That's because I'm in a village full of gossiping people, I guess that if I lived in Seoul that wouldn't happen. But I made a choice. »

She came to take my hand and kissed it. We exited the flat together and she looked at the house. «Moonah already said goodbye to her house, she's really excited to live all together. »

« Wait you're not ?  Did I pressure you too much ? »  I bite my lips, my old habits came back so quickly. With Hana I was the same, pestering her to live with me ,marry me then have children.

She giggled. « Of course I am excited. But I can't help but feel anxious about a lot of things like your family reactions, mine, and if I'm really compatible with living with a man. I've never done that before. »

« So far you're doing great. » I reassured her with a kis on the top of her hair. We  walked the street to get to our house. I expected it to  look like a building site, with boxes everywhere yet it wasn't, just some boxes well packed on the side of the well.

I showed her around, like I did before she actually moved in. And she nodded, we made projects a good part of the evening. As I entered my closet, she blushed. « Gosh, I litterally lost my coming there for the first time. »

I frowned. « You came here before ? »

« Yeah. I prepared your change of clothes for the hospital. »

I nodded and pushed my clothes, to let her some space. « It's half empty anyways. I love suits but you don't need seventy of them. »

She smiled to me and dragged me to her future study room. « I love it. »

The girls arrived and ran around the room. They looked so excited. I felt like offering a family to my daughter. I looked at the child of Sujin in another angle ; she was the one Sujin fought for all those years. She smiled softly to her daughter and let herself dragg in the girl room we prepared with Taeyang. They lied on bed.

As we prepared for bed, I looked at Moonah  climb on my bed.  « Do you think that under my new bed, the shark is there ? »

She blinked twice and I giggled. Gosh, she was cute. I grabbed her hand and  lifted her on my back as we went to her room. I kneeled and looked under her bed. « Look yourself, there's no monster or whatsoever here. »

She inspected and looked at me with doubt in her clear brownish eyes. « But maybe it's coming just when I sleep. »

« It's all a nightmare. It's normal to be afraid. »

« Do you have nightmares ? » She asked, innocent.

« Yeah times to times. » I was partly lying, because with sleeping pills I don't dream at all. Or I can't remember them. She looked at me and nodded slowly. « I thought that big grow up like you didn't have nightmares. »

I smiled. « In every adult person, there's a kid at heart. » She seemed confused over me and nodded slowly.

« Are you happy coming to live here ? »

« Yeah, your house is so big. But if I need to go to the toilets, I'll be very afraid, because it's far away. »

I looked at Taeyang climb on my bed too and we ended up talking about nightamres we had. Taeyang was calmer as a child, doesn't have that much nightmares. We were laughing a bit when Sujin arrived, all prep for bed. She hugged Moonah and kissed her forehead tenderly. "Ready to sleep, my baby ?"

 I pouted a bit. We already talked about that. She wasn't ready to let her daughter sleep alone. Not yet. I could understand her point of view yet .. knowing that she was in my house, sleeping on  a bed of the house but not sharing my bed was frustrating.  « Go and I'll join you Moonah. » Both girls left the bedroom. « Sorry I just feel like she'll be lost. »

« It's normal. Step by step. » I kissed her lips and she hugged me. She pecked a last time my lips and stood up. « So goodnight ! »

I didn't sleep much that night, insomnia coming at me like a storm. I ended up reading a bit around midnight and hearing some noises, I went out of my room and opend the door of Moonah room. «Everything is okay ? »

I the lights and looked at Moonah buried in her mom sweater. «She had this nightmare about a shark again. » Sujin explained.

Moonah looked at me with quivering lips. « I think he hided when you came. »

I felt bad for her and went into my office  to take the lamp. I got it plugged in  Moonah room. She raised her eyes on me. «I'll let the lamp on, so you won't be in the dark. No need to be afraid of the shark okay ? »

She nodded slowly and Sujin took this moment to lie her down and kiss her cheek. « Time to sleep now, Moonah. » I came to ruffle her hair. « Goodnight Moonah. »

I kissed the cheek of Sujin and closed the door of their room. I decided to head to bed and surprisingly slept for 4 hours straight. I was prohibited to take pills so it was a nice surprise when I woke up at 4pm to have another 2 hours of sleep. When I woke up, instead of staying in bed, I went in my office  just trying to keep updated with the suits in general and law. I was reading emails from my coworkers when  the door opened and soon I felt fingers brush my nape. « Hi. »

I raised my head and Sujin sat on the table in front of me. I pecked her lips. « Good morning. Did Moonah sleep well ? »

« Yeah it's just so new for her. Don't worry. And you ? » She asked me, messing with my bed hair.

I nodded with a slight grimace. « For a deprived sleeping pills addict fairly well. »

She giggled softly and stood up. « I'm doing pancakes for breakfast, mind to help ? »

I promptly stood up and we got down the stairs together. I thought I woulds basically just take ingredients out of the fridge or drawers to give it to her. But she took care to include me to the work. I  ended up mixing everything and when she considered it was anough mixing, she  put the dought away.

« Yah your kitchen is damn nice; I love to bake yet never had a such huge playground like this.» She commented, putting back the ingredients in the numerous drawers.

«YongMi was the one to chose it.» I explained to her. I didn't like to cook. YongMi liked to cook for an entire army and gave me lunch box of it later to store in the freezor. I like to eat outside with Taeyang too. This kitchen was decorative .. unless Taeyang wanted to test a recipe she saw on the net or Yongmi was coming over.

Sujin started to do the pancakes and asked me to wake up the girls. I took my time to wake up my sun first and then, we went together to wake up Moonah. The little girl still looked sleepy and pouty. As she came to hug her mom leg, Taeyang giggled. "She's not an early riser." She explained with poetic words. 

Sujin shoved a pancake in  her daughter's mouth and the little girl seemed more awake. Soon, we were all devoring those pancakes. I ended up eating way more than I should have for this late hour of morning, but right now, I didn't really care. As we finished to eat, I stood up. « I'll do the dishes. »

« Really ? That's nice. » She stated almost surprised. I gave her an unamused face. « I live here remember? »

She nodded, a hand on her stomach. « I can't move anymore. »

« Me too. » Moonah said imitating her mom. Taeyang looked at them curious and ended curling against my leg. She looked curious of their relationship. So eager to see them interact. As I caught her staring she ended up smiling at me. « They are nice. »

Mom and daughter went to take a bath together, both excited, their old flat having only a shower. Looking at them entering the bathroom, I chuckled. They were here from quite a moment.

I was taking a look at the big boxes in her study room, opening them one by one. Paints, brushes, pencils, crayons, and papers. It was full of stuffs to draw and create. I gently get everything out of the boxes and tossed them away. I looked at the pretty desk I bought for her, and started to arrange the pencils pots on them. As I was sat on her chair flipping the pages of her notebooks, Sujin arrived and widened her eyes. « Oh thanks. »

« You're welcome. »

« It's a really nice room. I never had a room for that in my previous habitations. » Sujin commented, looking around. She had a big window giving a lot of light to the room. It was an unoccupied room with a warm grey paint on the wall and Sujin looked absolutely delighted to use it as her drawing room.

I grinned and pointed to my cheek. « This deserves a little peck. »

She rolled slightly her eyes and I closed my eyes really waiting for my reward , she applied slowly her lips on my cheek. We ended up mildly making out in there, Sujin sat on my lap. She was hugging me tighly, pushing me closer and closer to her, while she was on her toes. I pulled away to breath and hugged her, happy to have her here. I opened my eyes and looked at Taeyang stare at us with curious eyes.  « Ewww » My little girl expressed before  walking away, leaving us quite embarassed.

We laughed as we knew what was ahead us.

«We're not teenagers with raging hormones anymore. » Sujin started with a nagging voice.

« And we have kids. » I added, amused by the situation.

« So we have to behave. » She completed my sentence.

« Yeah behave. » I said, looking at her crossing arms with a smirkc. She chuckled and punched lightly my arm. It was something I loved with her. Her touch was always gentle, heartwarming, even as a joke, she never used strengh on me.

«I may not be a teenager but my hormones are raging. » I .

« YongGuk, stop that talk and let's keep going with the unpacking. » She said standing up.

As she walked out of the room, I lifted her in my arms before making her spin twice. She looked at me totally surprised and smiled gently. She gave me a last peck. «I'm happy to be here. »

"I'm happy you're here."

This chapter took me days to update. I have a very ususual way to work. I guess authors on AFF publish chapters by chapters and write a chapter after another. I don't. I have a world doc that is 54 pages long and just take 5 pages to make a chapter more or less. This world doc is usually poorly written so I need to re write some sentences, add some parts and stuffs and this process can take me days !!

Well, I'm glad I'm finished with this chapter.

Have a good ay and Have a good time if you're going back to school =)