Kim Sujin, 13th of July 2013

Woojun was a year and a half now. He grew up so fast, it felt like yesterday I gave birth to him. Being the last one of the family, he had so much priviledges. Moonah liked to point out the dark night eyes of her brother, amused by his amand eyes. She liked to stare at him while smiling, without knowing how, her brother just liked this attention from her, always responding with great movements of arms to her. She tried to always do homework next to him, giving him long mobologues about her classes. "Moo Noona" never failed to make him laugh, even when she talked about physics.

Taeyang liked to dance for him. Repeat her ice skating practice under her baby brother amazed eyes. He often imitated her as she dancer for him. It was a recurrent habit I found my kids dancing on some random kpop songs. YongGuk loved those moments and always make me stand up to dance a slow with me. It was ridiculous to dance a slow on Crooked from G-dragon but it still made us happy.

It was the vacation time and we decided to bring the kids to Lotte World. I personally hated the attractions and we divided ourselves in two groups.We divided ourselves in two groups : I brought Woojun at the baby attractions while YongGuk went to enjoy the attractions with the girls. He was a huge fan of strong sensations and was maybe more excited to come here than our teenage girls.

I looked at Woojun ride the car attraction with a smile. So cute. I waved to him and he ran back to me as soon as the attractions was over. I hugged him and lifted him in my arms. « You had fun ? Want to do another attraction ? »

« Omma, I want this !"  He showed me the baby water attraction and I followed him as he ran this way. I ran after him and gasped when he bumped on the leg of someone. I came to their side and bowed. « Sorry, he's really excited. » I ran back to Woojun that didn't wait for me and jumped next to the attraction he wanted to do. I laughed as I took him in my arms. "My heart, please let respect the queue." There was a lot of people and the site was huge, we agreed to find each other back at the second floor coffee shop to enjoy a juice together. I took the attraction with Woojun, hugging him during the ride. As it was over, we were soaked. I took time to dry his clothes and noticed it was around time for the family to gather up. "We're going to find back Daddy and your noonas, okay ? Be nice and hold my hand."

Woojun smiled hearing those names and we walked to thecoffee shop, looking at all the people that came here to enjoy holidays. As I was entering the coffee shop, someone grabbed my hand that was redy to grab the handle of the door.

"May I offer a fresh drink to that beautiful woman ?" He said, with his deep voice.

"Eurk, dad you're disgusting." Taeyang said, rolling her eyes. She lifted Woojun in her hands and Taeyang followed her. "So cheesy. Uncle can we go and try that attraction we wanted to ?The queue is finally clearing, we'll be back in no time.  It's been a while we're been waiting to test it out"

YongGuk nodded. "Yeah, go and comeback as soon as you're over." He took Woojun in his arms and smiled as Woojun shouted "DAD"  when YongGuk lifted him on his shoulders.« This is how you do it. On the shoulders. » He told me sticking his tongue out.

 I smiled, getting closer to him. "Anyways, I want a ice lemon tea." I sat at

As we sat in a café with an ice americano and a lemon tea for me, YongGuk sighed of pleasure. « Air conditionner is my life savior. »

 «Mom is going to give you water huh ? » Woojun resisted, knowing very well he doesn't annoy me while doing that. I just smiled to him. «Drink it all. »

« Omma. » He said with clarity. I smiled to him. « Oh Omma. And this is ? » I said showing him YongGuk. He laughed. «Appa. »

YongGuk ruffled his hair.  « WooJun, you had fun ? » I listened to Woojun explain to his dad with great arm movements the attraction he went him. It was so funny to see him explain things at his age. Gosh, I loved my little one. I rearranged his hair. He instantly stood up when he saw his sisters arriving. Moonah hugged him and lifted him in her arms. «Do you want something to drink ? »

« Strawberry frappé. » Taeyang said, decided. Moonah looked at the menu with attention. « Kiwi juice. »

They went to buy it and the couple behind us stood up to leave, still angry from what I heard. As the woman pushed a bit YongGuk, she excused herself half hearted first then full smile when she got how handsome he was. The man suddenly looked at me. « Kim Sujin ? »

I looked at him and gasped. « Seo Kang Joon ? »

YongGuk blinked a bit, surprised to see him here. Taeyang came back to us and Kang Joon smiled. « Whaouh Moonah you grew up so much. It's crazy how you changed. »

He hugged her not minding her fight to go away.

« I'd advice you to let my daughter free right now. »  YongGuk said standing up, he set Kang Joon aside, not amused at all by the situation. None of us dared to speak at that moment and the girl that was with Kang Joon looked at us. « Well, you seem to have stuffs to talk about, right ? »

Moonah saw him hug Taeyang and came back on the table with a terrible mood.  Kang Joon finally realized his error and embarassement could be read on his face, he looked so awkward and almost ridiculous standing up next to our family gathered around the table.. He looked at the baby in Moonah hands and at our table. « Could you explain to me really simply what's happening ? » He asked.

YongGuk stood up before I could say anything to him. « Oh I didn't presented myself. I'm Sujin husband, Bang YongGuk.  Moonah, here her sister Taeyang and their new born brother Woojun. Please sit down.»

Kang Joon took a while to shake the hand YongGuk showed him. Noth men sat at the table, Kang Joon in front of us, apparently still amazed by my wedding news.

I looked at Moonah fighting to not cry and my mood changed. « You won't greet Moonah. It's been almost five years and you won't greet your child ? »

He instantly said her name. « Hey Moonah, it's been a while. »

« Yeah you even forget my face. It's been a damn while for sure. » Moonah said surprising all of us. WooJun must had feel the electric atmosphere because he instantly started to whine. Taeyang took him and lead him outside 

« I was busy ; I wrote a book about sharks it took a lot of times. I just arrived last week» Kang Joon started to justify himself.

Moonah grip on her glass of juice tightened. «Last week ? Whaouh, and you didn't even send us an email ? »

The man smiled. « Anyway, I'm here, right ?  I am here for a few weeks,  should we spend today together ? »

YongGuk scoffed, now grumpy.  « There's no way you're going to spend the rest of the day with her. »

Kang Joon smiled now, rebellious. « So I can't spend time with my daughter ? But I still get nagged for not doing it ? »

Moonah suddenly stood up, surprising all of us. «I don't want to spend time with you !! Go back to Australia !! I HATE YOU !! »

She ran outside and YongGuk immeidtaley ran after her.I sighed hands hiding my face. Kang Joon was confused over Moonah behavior. « Are you doing it on purpose or something ? » My voice almost cracked. «It's been five years, you can't expect her to be happy to see you if you don't maintain some sort of contact. »

*

Bang YongGuk

My first reaction was to follow Moonah outside. It was a hazzle to follow her, the numerous people in the attractions parks being obstacles in my running. She ran quite fast but I kept up with her running, catchin her back. «Don't even touch me !!! » She vocifered. I instantly let her hand go and she realized something. « Oh Uncle it's you. I thought... »

She bursted in tears just like that. I tried to keep calm. My fist on the man cheek was the only thing that would really lessen my burden. I breathed loudly and grabbed her shoulder, them.

«I'm sorry. Oh darling I'm sorry. » I hugged her strongly and she sobbed in my arms, painful, warm tears. She cried for a long moment before just pulling away. She wiped her tears away and I gave her my handerkiech. Now, all the party vibe of the attractions park felt off. A sad little girl in an attractions park ... it should be forbidden. She looked sad and I dragged her to a bench far from the crownd. « Let's sit down for a moment. I'll tell your mom not to worry about you. I mean maybe you want to see her ? »

She shook her head vigourously. « Tell her we'll meet at the car in half an hour. »

I  sent a short message to Sujin and we stayed silent on that bench. Moonah never expressed herself about her dad in those six years we lived together. She looked sad at night when it was her birthday, waiting for a call that never came. Same on Christmas. It was like she spent those years waiting for her dad to pop up at precise moments of her life, without never voicing out her wishes. 

«Uncle, do you know how many hours it takes from Perth to Busan ? »

I shook my head.

« It takes around 13 hours. From his apartment in Perth, he had to take a taxi or bus for less than 45 minutes to get to the airport. Then the flight to Seoul is aorund nine hours and thirty five minutes. Arrived to Seoul, he had to take the train to Busan, it takes around two hours and a half. Then, he would take his car at his mom house and come to ours. I used to imagine that all the time.»

I sighed, trying to calm myself. « I just want to punch him in the face at this moment, don't give me more reasons, Moony. » She smiled at me calling her that and I repeated myself. « Alright, Moony ? » « It's okay, Moony ? »

« It's not fair. Why doesn't every parent love their child ? Isn't that weird ? » She sounded so sad and resignated with this voice.

«Oh Moonah. I'd like to have the answer to that question.» It would make me able to understand Hana better, ad Kang Joon. Moonah sighed, staring at families walking outside of the attractions park, going back home with smiles on their faces. We should have been one of those families today.

She sighed and stared at families. « If he don't care about me, I shouldn't care about him either. I'll have no father then. »

I became awkward. «Moony, then what I am to you ? »

She blinked, confused now. «My uncle. Well officially you're my stepfather. »

I nodded, I knew that years ago she wasn't ready but now, it hurted. « When your mom and I got married, we talked about you. »

« About me ? » She asked, surprised.

«If something would happen to your mom, it's your dad that will have to take care of you. »

Moonah missed a breath. « But what about Woojun ? Taeyang ? And you ? I don't want to live in Australia, Uncle ! »

« I wanted to adopt you officialy as the same time I married your mom but she refused because she didn't want you to confront those adult things. » I tried to explain quietly.

« You wanted to be my dad ? » Taeyang said, completely blown away. I guess it never occured to her. She must have never ever thought about our relation.

I shyly nodded. Mom often told me about how catastrophic it would be if Kang Joon suddenly found his father side and wanted to get Moonah to himself alone. I hated when we talked about this.

Moonah suddenly stood up, not looking at me in the eyes. « Can we talk about this later ? »

I felt so disappointed of her reaction and tried to reassure her. « Yeah of course, it's okay if you don't want to I mean …. »

She shrugged. « Let's go to the car. »

Sujin was waiting with Taeyang and Woojun nervously. Woojun was sleepy against his mother chest and she looked at Moonah with desperate eyes. «Moonah, my little moon. »

She dropped Woojun in my arms and hugged the teen in her arms. « My baby. Moonah, mom is so sorry I just ... »

« Why do you excuse yourself ? » Moonah asked, with an harsh voice.

Sujin looked surprised.« I just hate when you're sad because of him. Moonah. »

Moonah took a deep breath and entered the car, ignoring her mom talking to her. If she was younger, it was the moment she would have cried in her mother arms. But being thirteen years old, it didn't seem like a good occasion now.

We went back home in the greatest silence ever, Woojun asleep not helping with the heavy atmosphere. Taeyang felt too intimidated to even speak. As Moonah climbed in her room once we parked home, Sujin just sighed loudly.

Taeyang took Woojun and came to hold her mom hand. « It's going to be fine. Mom I love you okay ? Leave her some time alone, okay ? She needs a nap.»

Sujin hugged her. « Yeah. I'll let her a bit alone then ; I love you too my little sun. » She took her son in her arms and hugged him. « Your first time at the attractions park became a disaster. I'm Sorry Jun-ah. »

He giggled to her and she smiled, not sincere like she usually did. I came to run my hand on her back in an effort to comfort her. When Moonah refused to eat, Sujin didn't insist and closed back the door. After our meal, after she put WooJun to sleep, I saw her enter that room.

*

Kim Sujin

I entered Moonah room and sat on the bed. Recently, I painted the moon on the wall, it ws a beautiful painting that gave her room a bohemian vibe. I reached for her blanket and lifted it. Moonah never went out of that habit. She would hide herself in my sweatshirt when she was a child, or my tee when she was a little baby. Now it was the blanket, it wasn't rare to open the door and have to lift the blanket to find her sleeping in a foetus position. Moonah eyes were teary as she rested her head on my lap. « Omma, was I mistaken all along ? Was my dad YongGuk all this time and I didn't notice it ? »

I looked at her and felt her confusion. «He behaves with me exactly how he behaves with Taeyang. Dad he never ... knew how to behave with me. »

I took a deep breath, this was a delicate subject. My hands reached for her long black hair and smoothed them. «YongGuk loves you a lot. We're a family after all. After we came to live in that house, we were his family and you became his daughter. But you don't have to change the way you behave with him. He knows you love your dad so dearly. »

She slowly nodded. That's the moment WooJun chose to enter the room, still not asleep. Moonah looked at him and smiled. "Hey, Junie, where is your shirt ? You're going to get sick like this, your hair is still wet too." YongGuk never fixed the bad habits of WooJun in his bath. It even became worse with age. Running just after bathing, before YongGuk even have time to take a towel. Today it's Taeyang that bathed him and she may have a little bit time, our baby had on his diapers and his hair almost dry. Moonah lifted him in her arms and wiped her tears. "I'll take care of him. I still need time to think about it."

 I came to  kiss her forehead.   "Yeah there's no need to rush."

*

Bang YongGuk, 20th of april

We didn't talked about it yet. Moonah and myself skillfully avoided being alone in the same room. I felt disappointed that my offer just makes her feel embarrassed. Feeling rejected by girls I had a crush when I was younger felt less embarassing. Gosh. My daughter didn't feel like mine in her heart and mind. She never ever once thought of me as her father. I felt so much disappointment from that. When Sujin came to live here with her daughter, our respective daughters became our daughters and all of sudden, they were "my" daughters. Sujin had the chance to become Taeyang Mom years ago, but for Moony it was a different story, the shadow of Kang Joon was always there, being us. I always wished deep in heart that one day all of my kids would call me dad.

I didn't like thinking about this at all and refused to talk about it with Sujin, not wanting her to feel guilty when she wasn't at fault.

A whole week was spent without any improvements being done, our holidays plans long forgotten. I took back work that day and was working in my office when the school called me, it was around 5pm in the afternoon. Out of habits -or ism- if something happened at school, I was always the one that was informed first.

« Yeah, Bang YongGuk right ? You're the legal representant of Kim Moonah. She's missing today, is she sick by chance ? »

I frowned. Smarty missed school ? No way. Something felt wrong to me. I lied to the director and ended the call, worries getting me. Did something happened to her on the way to school ? Moonah usually took  the bus then walked for ten minutes. I tried to calm myself. Moonah is mature and responsible, if something happened to her, she would have good instinct, right ?

I was in my office and didn't know what to do now. Sujin called me as she also got a call from school and we decided to wait for her to come home. If she wasn't back, we would start searching for her. I was still  calling some friends from police stations to reassure myself. Yet it didn't, I strongly hoped that when I came home, Moonah would be home too, watching Tv with Taeyang, as usual. I tried my best to reassure myself. My door suddenly opened and I would have recognised that uniform between hundreds of one. Moonah entered the room, with a embarassed smile on. I stood up and came to her side.

« Moonah, you have explications to give me, where were you all day long ? I'm really disappointed. » I started to bagg her. It's only at that moment I noticed the fish bolw she was holding.  A person cleared and the door got opened on someone I was clearly not expecting. Seo ing Kang Joon.

He entered the office and bowed to me.  «I've take her out today. I hope it's fine with you. » He bowed respectfully and I tried to focus on Moonah face. It's been a while I've seen her this way. She was smiling, lloking at her fish bowl in her hands. « Moonah go and talk with Auntie huh ? I need to address something with your ... father. »

He looked at her go with scared eyes. «I'm sorry I'm going soon I just wanted to spend a day with her. » He justified himself, intimidated.

« Please sit down. I won't bite you. » I softly said. I sat in my office chair and looked at him sit in front of me. I tried to remember what Sujin told me about him. Childish. Immature. Playboy. It fitted well the person sat right in front of me. I guess women liked his nonchalant style. The brat still looked good. His sunkissed skin was glowy and he looked handsome with those freckles. His eyes were mesmerizing. I knew I had no reasons to worry about Sujin having feelings for him but I just hated the idea he came to disturb the ecosystem that my family was, the family Sujin and I buildt day after day.

« What did you do today ? » I politely asked.

He looked surprised for a bit and blinked, Moonah had the same expression when she wanted to think about the answer a bit more. They looked alike for sure. « We went to the Jamsil Aquarium, Moonah had so much fun. So I ended up giving her a fish. » He simply explained. He was far from looking at me in the eyes, curious of my office, he was looking around, quite amazed. My secretary came in and served us some tea.

« I'm glad it went okay. » I commented. Kang Joon nodded, standing up to stare at my wedding photo with Sujin. He looked really longly at this photo. "Sujin let her hair grow long to get married ? That's cute that she did that for her dad. She looks amazing with long hair don't you agree ?"

I sighed. Did he really have to show me how he knew those really confidential details about her ? He came next our family photograph of this year with Woojun on our lap.  «Congrats on your baby ! Moonah told me a lot of things about her little brother, she really loves him.»

« Thanks. He is a real blessing. » I simply said, looking at him now inspecting Sujin painting of the Jeju sunset.

Kang Joon sadly smiled, finishing his tea. « This is why you're married to her and not me ; I just feel awkward around kids, even now ... even with Moonah. »

It was obvious that seeing Sujin married made him something. When Sujin told me about Kang Joon, it was easy to hate on him. What a loser, he let his pregnant girlfriend alone. But now, I could see regrets in his eyes as he looked at our photos, it could have been his life, his photos and his wife if he didn't act like a coward.

«Moonah waits for your vacations more than Christmas time. »  I told him as he got closer to the door.

« I will, I'll take my leave. Hmm, I'm going back next week, do you think I can say goodbye to her ? » He asked, polite.

I stood up and gave him my card. I opened the door as he looked at my card. « Of course you can,  but next time try to make sure it's after school, huh or on the weekend, right ? I got afraid when I received a call from Moonah school. »

He nodded and went to Moonah to wish her goodbye. He left after awkward hug with her under the black eyes of YongMi. My sister talked with Moonah and knew who he was. 

« Auntie, look at what he gave me. A photo of Mom and him. » I looked at the couple photo in front of me and felt like being slapped. Did Sujin ever smile this big looking at me ? They looked so close and intimate together. They way her hand reach for his arm and how his hand softly hold her waist. I hated everything about this photo. I took a deep sigh and turned my eyes away from this photo.

YongMi  came to squeeze my hand gently. «YongGuk, it's okay. » She whispered. « Look how happy she looks, huh ? »

Moonah had flushed cheeks and looked like she spent the whole day smiling. I found back my senses. « I have to call your Mom. She was worrying about you. »

« YongMi made me call her, it's done. » She said gently. I ran my fingers in her hair with a sigh. I drove back home in silence. My daughter was happy, why wasn't I able to be happy for her ? Was love always this selfish ?

Hey gyus ! Here a new chapter for you ! I feel like it's getting very long and I still have chapters to go before thinking of ending it, I hope you'll stick with it !! The subject of Moonah and her relation with Yongguk and her dad had to pop up one day, right ?

Have you seen the teaser for YongGuk's solo ? It really looks marvellous, I'm so excited to hear that song of him, maybe we'll get him singing in there ? I'm really curious !! Let's support our amazing leader !!