Jiyeon’s POV:

When Hoseok kissed me, the only thoughts I had in my mind was how grateful I was to him, for always being there and taking care of me. It was different than any of the kisses I had shared with Taehyung where I would grip tightly onto his shirt and smiled into the kiss, and most importantly, I couldn’t feel the tingles I had with Taehyung nor the butterflies in my tummy anymore.

It was almost as if Hoseok’s kiss had set me free of any confusion, helping me come to understand my own feelings. I knew that it would have hurt him to have done that for me, to set me straight but that was just Hoseok.

Considerate, sweet and dependable.

I just wasn’t the one out there for him.

I headed straight for Taehyung’s house, getting onto my Harley Davidson bike, hoping to at least talk to Taehyung and to get some answers. This time, I decided I would have to be the one with courage, to get my answers from Taehyung and hopefully, resolve my heart’s knots.

As I reached upon his house’s entrance, I felt myself chickening out, gaining cold feet in the process. My finger hung around the doorbell for awhile, unsure if I should ring it and to meet Taehyung face to face. After all, it had been awhile since I saw him, the nerves were getting to me.

Exhaling a sigh, I decided to back off to my bike’s mirror, checking myself out in the process, making sure I looked like a decent human being and that my hair was in place before I met him. I applied some lip-gloss onto my lips to make myself look more alive and calmed my nerves, punching my fist in the air to give myself a boost before walking back to his front door.

This time, I pressed the door-bell, hoping Taehyung would open the door and let me into his life.

Except, I had pressed the door-bell for about 30 times and I was losing count of the amount of times I had pressed the door bell and Taehyung still wasn’t letting me in. Losing my patience, I started banging on the door, shouting loudly to ask if anyone was in there.

I tried dialing Taehyung’s phone, but it was dead and I couldn’t even get through, much less calling him to find his whereabouts.

Frustrated and worried, I decided to continue banging and pressing on his door.

“Kim Taehyung! Are you in there or not?! I’m Jiyeon, Yah, let me in!” I was banging furiously on his door, worrying for his stupid life, wondering where the heck did he disappear to.

And as soon as I mentally cursed him, the door flung open and a very disheveled Kim Tae Hyung stood in front of me.

Totally not what I was expecting at all.

His stubs were showing and he reeked of a sour stench, and peeking into his house, all I could see was a mess.

“Jiyeon?” I stared blankly at Taehyung as he called my name. I came here for answers and before I even got them, I was filled with more questions than before.

“U-uh. Hi?” I let out a goofy grin, relieved that Taehyung was at home after all, and safe, albeit for the mess and him reeking like he came out of a trashbin.

He stood there staring at me stupidly, probably just as amused as I was about this situation, before stepping aside to let me in. As I entered his house, all I could see were take out bags laying everywhere and his blanket laid on the floor along with his pillows at a corner.

Had he been sleeping on the floor?

“Jisoo sent me here.”

Ugh, I can’t believe those were the first words that came out of my mouth. I mentally smacked myself for choosing such a stupid thing to say. Instead of asking after him, if he was okay, or confessing to him my feelings and acknowledging his, those were the words I chose instead?!

“Ah, I had guessed. One of them would eventually send you to come get me.” Taehyung’s lips formed a crooked wayward smile before heading to his blanket that he had laid on the floor, lying himself down there. “Now that you’ve seen them, I guess you could tell them that I’m alright now.” He turned himself away from me, snuggling into his pillow and bolster.

“I came because I was worried about you and because I needed answers from you Taehyung.” I walked towards him and crouched down, just to be nearer to him.

I came here for answers, and I’m not leaving without any.

“What answers did you want?” His eyes were now closed as if he was about to drift off back to sleep. And as I crouched closer to him, I felt a sharp grip onto my arm and the next thing I knew, I was being huddled next to Taehyung, with him spooning my back.

Although disgusted by his apparent lack of shower or well, hygiene purposes, my heart started it’s own rollercoaster ride, turning up my heartbeat. I was happy to say the least, to lie down next to Taehyung, kinda like old times, except for his well, stench.

“I want to know you Taehyung. To know the thing or rather, things that you’ve been hiding from me. I’ve been killed by my curiosity of you for months, why would you run away at the graffiti place the first time, why do you always seem to have the dark clouds surrounding you and why, do you always push people away?” With his hands wrapped around my waist, I gained the courage to finally ask him the questions I’ve always been wanting to ask.

Exhaling his sleepy sigh, Taehyung dropped a bombshell on me.

“I’ve been diagnosed with Seasonal Depression since a few years back now, and I can’t even remember which year was it. Does that answer all of your above questions?”

That was it? The questions I had been meaning to ask Taehyung since forever was simply answered by one answer? That he had been diagnosed with seasonal depression? Wait. Hold up. What in the world is a seasonal depression? I mean I’ve heard of depression but not seasonal depression? And what caused his seasonal depression?

As if catching the questions I was asking to myself mentally, Taehyung began speaking.

“Seasonal depression usually occurs around fall to winter time, due to the reduced level of sunlight in fall and winter, and thus disrupts your body’s internal clock, leading to feelings of depression. But of course, there are other triggers. Apparently mine started when bad things happened during winter. When I was younger, I’d be bullied in school for coming from the countryside of Korea and yet, doing really well for my exams, and for some reason, the bullying would happen during the winter time, probably cause it was near exam periods and they just wanted to stop me from doing well? But as I grew older, winter not only became remnants of my victimized years, it started convincing me that bad things happened during the period of winter. One event was me finding out that my dad had cheated on my mom and to make things worse, my mom was doing it to my dad too. Apparently, they haven’t loved each other in a long time and only stayed together for both my younger brother and I. Then the responsibility fell on me to keep it under wraps from my brother, to keep him in his happy little bubble. Another would be of my pet dog, a white maltese being run over by a car whilst he was chasing a cat, and I failed to pull him back in time using the leash. And over time, winter would only remind me of the negative things in life and that had only enhanced my phobia and depression, and pretty soon, I started having violent outbursts. In fear that I’ll harm my younger brother and spill the secrets back home, I decided to move out alone, telling my parents I had this under control and I was coping. I still attend my therapy at times, but other times I just want to be alone and drown, if not, I’d always push people away, fearing to let them know the real vulnerable me, fearing to hurt them, fearing of turning into a burden or as ridiculous as this sounds, passing my winter bad luck onto them. Besides, my depression gets better whenever spring or summer arrives, I become more stable.”

I remained in silence for awhile, trying to process whatever Taehyung had said. The whole reason why he kept pushing all of us away, was to try and cope with his depression on his own? Because he was afraid of being a burden? That would explain his dark clouds that I see hovering around him but, how did any of that became a reason for him to reject me, to tell me to not fall in love with him? And how did that even explain him running away when I painted the mural with wings, the angel?

“So..why did you push me away? Why did you tell me to not fall in love with you, why did you ended us before we could even have a start? Why did you get close to me only to go back to Jisoo, only to end up confessing to me? Why did you run away when I painted the mural with wings?”

“I wasn’t an angel Jiyeon, not wi