Jiyeon’s POV:

Has anyone heard of the fight or flight response?
The one where your adrenaline kicks in when you sense that you’re in danger and you have two options.

I chose the latter.

Before the scene of Jisoo and Taehyung holding each other while locking gazes with each other registered in my mind, my legs moved.

I slammed down the door to my locker, before hurriedly moving away from the both of them, before they approached us. I wasn’t ready to face them, neither was I am in the right state to.

With my hands balled into tiny little fists, I ran away as I heard Haneul’s voice calling after me.
As I got further away from that toxic situation, I felt my breath turning into lighter puffs as the air turned less suffocating.

Only then did I notice the wintry white landscape that greeted me.
I had ran out of school unknowingly and everything seemed like a blur in front of me and I wasn’t even sure if I was relieved or panicking.

I skipped school.

Considering this was meant to be my last year, I wasn’t doing a very good job at it or even remembering it.

Is this how high school is supposed to be like? Dealing with stuff that seems way too adult for you and have things spiraling out of control? How was I to enjoy this part of life?

Kicking away the puffy snow that seemed to stand in my way, I headed towards the direction of Ahjumma’s store while plugging in my earphones, listening to my favorite song.

The familiar bell chimed as I entered the rustic store, for some reason, just being here has made me feel better than I did the past few days.

I looked around the store and realized something was different.

I didn’t hear Ahjumma’s greeting.

I approached the counter before looking up at a middle aged man.
“Excuse me, is Mrs Kwon not here today?”

He took a glance at me nonchalantly before shaking his head.
“She mentioned she had some things to see to and had to leave the country for a short period of time, although I’m not sure for how long. If you’re looking for her, I think you can contact her via her mobile?”

I gave him a slight nod before walking off to get myself some comfort junk food.

A bowl of spicy ramyeon.

Here I was, looking for someone to give me some advise over my own messed up emotions, someone to tell me why the hell I am spiraling back into the emotional self I am and yet nobody’s here?

Do I really have to go to my parents who seemed so very distant from me and well, probably won’t understand me? Would they drag me home to stay with them after realizing I was not that independent after all to solve my own problems? Would everything I’ve worked for to move away from them be thrown down the drain? I sighed as I stared at the ramyeon in front of me.

Ji Eun ah, if only you were still alive.

But then again, I should have been the one who’s dead.
How would you have wanted me to live?
What dreams do you have? How can I achieve them for you?

The more I thought of my late sister, the heavier my heart got. It felt like someone was gripping onto my heart so tight I could hardly comprehend what emotional pain felt like.

And yet at the same time, I felt satisfied.
I wanted to feel that pain, I wanted to feel suffocated and gripped.
I wanted to be miserable and most importantly, I wanted to be punished.

Why? I’m not so sure. Maybe it’s the survivor’s guilt taking over again.

Choking back my sighs and tears, I decided to leave my half eaten ramyeon behind and leave the store.

How did thinking of Taehyung led to thoughts of my family and sister?

As soon as I stepped out of the store, I came face to face with the person I least expected to see.

Jung Hoseok.

He was rubbing his hands together, keeping them close to his body and huddling himself in the cold weather trying to keep himself warm.
Despite the chilling weather and the way his body was shouting about the fact that he was cold, his face was the warmest that I’ve ever seen.

Looking at him felt like looking at a beautiful shimmer ray of light while I was trapped in a very dark tunnel.

And then I saw it.

He was hope himself.

His dark brown eyes that always seemed to be laced with concern, that spoke of stories that I don’t know. His smile that seemed to melt away all my worries and frustration, and even at this instant, he was melting away all the earlier frustrations that I had carried.

“Your eyes.”

My appreciation for him was abruptly cut with two simple words from him. By now, he was staring straight at me and the hands that he was so desperately trying to keep warm 10 seconds ago were now reaching out for my face. Right, my eyes and face were probably really puffy and red right now.

I shyed away from his hands refusing to let him take pity on me, as messed up as I may look, I knew I was stronger than this and I didn’t need sympathetic looks nor gestures. I knew myself. I was always the curious type.

Not knowing why and what were Taehyung’s reasons for doing these was driving me over the edge. Not to mention that I had a sudden pang of realization that finals would be approaching and pretty soon I’d have to take on responsibilities as an adult.

I shook away my thoughts before giving him a fake grin.

“It’s okay. I’m just confused.”

“About Taehyung….”

“I need answers. I want answers. But if he’s not giving them, I don’t need them either.” I said, staring at Hoseok with determination.

“W-what?”

I walked away with Hoseok following behind me, heading to the nearby park’s and it’s infamous swings. Somehow, the setting there seem just right for us to talk.

And somehow, Hoseok was probably the only one that I wanted to talk to right now.

“I’ve known BTS and you since fall, that’s about 3 months back. Considering that half of winter has passed, it’s been about 1.5 months I would say?”

He nodded as a response, egging me to continue with whatever I was about to say.

“So in total, I’d say I’ve known you guys for 4.5 months? In the past 4.5 months, I felt a sense of attraction to Taehyung. And even though I tell myself to stay away, I can’t. And then it all started, I broke my head trying to fix his. Late night calls where he’d cry and be upset and I’d not sleep and stay up with him, before going to school all tired and drained out. I’d open the door in a heartbeat when he came over for movies night with takeout dinner.”

I looked up at Hoseok as if checking to see if he’s paying attention to whatever I’m saying, only to see a pair of sincere brown eyes staring right back at me.

“And yet, it still felt like I never truly knew him. Even if I had and still have feelings for him. And so, I wanted to run away from him. But it lead to us spending an entire weekend together, leading me into thinking we had gotten closer. Where I found out where he stayed and what movies he liked, and how he could be so childish at the supermarket. Only to have him ignore me all over again while I was sick.”

This time, I looked to Hoseok as if seeking some form of comfort.
Yet, his eyes were filled with pain, as if they were reflecting a sort of pain of my own.

Why would he feel pained?

“When everyone wished me to recover, only he didn’t. Instead, you were the one who was there while I was sick and kept me accompanied. Ironic isn’t it? The one I care for, ignores me the most. And now that we’re back to school, I get to see his relationship with Jisoo going to yet another level. And it kills me how everyone’s so bloody oblivious to it.”

I paused, taking a deep breath while bracing myself for what I was about to tell Hoseok.

“And then the other day at school, he just randomly decided to trap me and self declared he was coming over to my house, which he did. Where he actually got triggered by the word Crazy, before bringing me to a place he thought was private to him. And for the very first time in 4.5months, he opened up to me. That he was struggling with something and he was confused with his own feelings, and then he asked me to wait.”

“H-he what?!?!” Hoseok who had been silent with nothing but a series of expressions through his eyes had broken off my words with a exasperated voice by now.

“U-uh yeah? And well, then I had to see him going off with Jisoo holding each other and making gooey eyes at each other.”

Silence fell between the two of us and I wasn’t even sure if it was an uncomfortable awkward one, or the one where we’re both taking a breather to think carefully of what to say next.

“And while I was thinking about Taehyung. I started thinking about my family and how I felt like I’ve no one to turn to, and the only one I know who’d truly be there for me was long gone by now, 6 feet underground. Is this how being alone tastes like? Bitter and sour.”

Instead of a response from him, I felt myself being pulled up and enveloped by a sudden darkness and warmth. His scent of bubblegums and sour candies filled my nostrils up again, and this time it filled up my heart too.

I wished I could stay in his arms forever, for it felt so safe and reassuring.

I smiled, hugging him back, allowing a tear or two to fall.

“Well, if you haven’t noticed. I kinda skipped school for you.”

He released his grip on me and I did too, although rather reluctantly if I might say so.

“Y-you did? Why?”

“I saw you running away and in case you didn’t hear, Haneul was kind of screaming after you. I got worried so I secretly followed you, figured you’d want some alone time though so I didn’t enter the store.”

I gave him a wry smile while looking away shyly.
Knowing he skipped school was one thing, knowing he did it for me because he was worried was another.

Did my heart just skip a beat?

He took my hand by the wrist and dragged me into a direction that I did not recognize at all and before I could even ask him where we were going off to, I felt myself panting and gasping for air.

“Ho-hoseok! Wh-ere a-a-re we g-oing?!” I had no idea why he was dragging me around the streets, much less streets that I was very unfamiliar with. And I was absolutely clueless as to why the heck were we running to apparently a destination that’s only unknown to me.

“My house! We’re reaching soon!” He merely shouted as he continued running without losing his pace. Has his stamina always been that good?

“W-what?! Huh??!!” By now my feet were starting to hurt and I felt my muscles cramping up and I couldn’t keep up with Hoseok anymore.

“We’ve reached!”

And there I was, located in front of a house.
Mind you, I stated house and not apartment.
He actually lives in a house?!
Right, how did I keep forgetting that they were all probably well off kids?

“Don’t worry. It’s not that I’m bringing you in to you know do anything. Quite the contrary actually, I brought you here to get my bike so I can drive you around and bring you out.”

Before I could protest, he tossed a helmet to me.
I caught his shiny black helmet, but at the same time I stood still in shock as he revealed his motorcycle to me.

“Your bike is so cool! A Yamaha Cruiser bike?! I’ve ALWAYS wanted one of these! Not that I don’t love mine but still!” I could barely contain my surprise as I shrieked at him. Who would have thought such a sweet guy like Hoseok would actually ride such a bad around?!

“I named it Street. So I could be like Hey-yo, Hoseok’s on the streets!”

I laughed as he revealed his very inventive name for his bike but at the same time, who could actually be like Hoseok and think of these ideas?!

“You should name yourself J-hope or hope or hobi, and be like J-hope on the street or streets! You know?” I raised an eyebrow at him, anticipating for him to ask me why.

“J-hope, hope and hobi, are those nicknames you’re giving to me? Why hope?!”

As expected, he’d ask me that.

“Secret!”

Because everytime I see you, you’re full of hope and happiness.

“Aw! No fair! Tell me!”

“Nope! Now are we gonna drive off already?”

“Wait here for me! I’ll go inside and grab some stuff for us first!”

As I waited for him outside