Review from Black and White

Reviewer: ILEE

Title: 4/5

I like your title, but it's not capitalized correctly. The "it" shouldn't be capitalized.

Appearance: 5/10

Your poster and background are great. But you should have included Xiao Gui. Some of the text is kind of hard to read, too.

Forewords: 4/10

I think you could have added more to your forewords than what you have now.

Character Description: 4/10

I guess your character descriptions were okay. They were, however, boring.

Originality & Plot: 8/15

Your plot is cliche here and there. On the other hand, you do have some funny parts.

Writing Style: 5/15

I dislike your use of script and dialogue crammed together. If you wrote in all dialogue, you'd have more of a chance to use description and it'd show more skill in your writing.

Flow: 6/15

The flow was okay. I think the story's a bit childish though.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

You don't have any major problems. Although I suggest you use more descriptive words.

Overall Story Enjoyment: 1/10

I've read too many stories with the same idea and feeling. I find these stories quite childish and slightly boring.

Sub-Total: 50/100

Bonus: 1/5

If you don't work hard to think of twists and more excitement, you'll run into a writer's block and you'll end up ending your story all speedy and messily (just because you want the story to end so you can start anew) just like many other first-time writers I've seen before. So work hard with a lot of improvements!

Total: 51/100
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Author's Note:
I didn't think I did that bad. I feel really bad about my story now... I decided to change the format of my story. So hopefully my next review will be better. Thanks for all your support!