“you should go, hyung!”

Leeteuk can only look as ryeowook and the other super junior members urged him to attend the snsd concert for the next day. ryeowook was busy trying out some free make up samples when his hyung bothered him.

“should I really go?” he had asked himself this for a long period now. It would be nice to attend there for support. After all he used to be a part of the concert, until he was suspended.

Eunhyuk messed up his hair.

“why not, you’re invited.”

“kahi invited me.” Leeteuk stressed. “not her.”

“its still the same, it’s a ticket.” Donghae pouted. “and you wont have to worry about going there alone cos I am there too.”

“cos youre going to perform with yoona.” Leeteuk said. he used to be a part of the snsd concert with donghae but his suspension prohibited him from joining.

“hmm… I can go.” Ryeowook suddenly invited himself.

“no its okay.” Leeteuk said, patting his shoulder. “besides I’ m really thinking twice about it.”

If taeyeon invited him, it would have been better. What if she doesn’t want him to be there anyways?

“what’s the problem, hyung, why are you in doubt of attending?” sungmin said from the kitchen.

Leeteuk shrugged. The only thing that distracted him from now was kyuhyun’s eerie noise of playing computer games.

“hyung, don’t think that she doesn’t want you there.” Donghae said, reading his thoughts. “every snsd loves to have supporters.”

“plus, you get to be part of the sones for a day because you were under a restriction order.” Eunhyuk joked.

It was true. He could be a part of the crowd just like a normal person watching an idol group. He haven’t experienced the feeling for a long time.

“if I go there, no one must tell a word to SM, okay?” leeteuk said.

“ne.”

“I think I’ll go.” He said, still unsure.

“yay!” ryeowook exclaimed, embracing him quick.

“I just find it weird that Kahi got herself a ticket. Do you guys know something about this?”

Leeteuk looked at s inquisitively.

“nah, everyone can buy a ticket, ne?” eunhyuk said defensively.

Leeteuk nodded.

“then I guess I’ll be there by seven.”

--------------------------

Taeyeon’s POV

I screamed. Literally.

Sungmin oppa just called in to tell that the ahjussi is going to attend the concert. Hah! He doesn’t have any idea that I gave Kahi unni the ticket so that he can come. Really thanks to kahi for letting me do my plan. It took a lot of kneeling and pleading just for her to let me give the ticket. I would really thank her for making my wish come true.

 Now what to do? should I see him after the concert? I should do my best out there because he’s going to watch. Good thing I practiced really hard, it would be awkward to have an idol watch a co-talent show thinking that the performer is lame.

“yah, you look like you’ve won a prize or something.”

I didn’t realize that hyoyeon and yoona were suddenly at the front of my room, looking at me intently.

“I thought you saw a cockroach.” Yoona said, checking her ears if it was still in function.

“mianhe.” I bowed. I couldn’t really hide the feeling I’m having for the moment. “the ahjussi is attending our concert!”

“who?” hyoyeon asked. Then she noticed that I was talking of the same person I used to call that way very often. “so that’s why you’ve been jumping for quite awhile now.”

“I know, right?” I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. It would be really nice to sleep tonight thinking that the future is just a step away.

Seohyun creeped into my room in her pajamas.

“I was watching cartoon network when kyuhyun oppa told me the news.” She said, moving towards my direction.

“hah, its better than watching cartoon network.” I smiled. “no offense, sweet potato.”

“its okay, I got a lot of feedbacks like that all the time.” Seohyun said, looking for pupu.

Pupu is leeteuk’s bear.

“pupu, youre lucky that your umma is going to see your appa tomorrow.” Said seohyun.

“yah, give me that.” I snatched the bear and held it tightly between my arms.

“so what’s your plan?” hyoyeon suddenly asked. “of course you’re going to tell him something right?”

“now that.” I said, rummaging through my bangs. “is a very hard topic. I saw him earlier  and I think I got robbed by words.”

“really?” yoona looked as if she heard a gossip. “then what now, you should be telling him everything since you just realized your feelings for him.”

Maybe I need to talk to him after the concert. To tell him that I feel the same.

“I don’t know what to do, really.” I confessed, sighing. “I don’t know the right words, the right momentum, the right place. I don’t know if he would even listen after what I’ve done to him. Aish, I feel terrible.”

“who says that you don’t know what to do, unni?” seohyun grabbed my arms and placed it around her waist for embrace. “I think I know what you should do.”

I looked at seohyun and quickly caught up with her idea.

“now why I didn’t think of that before?”

-------------------------------

SNSD into the new world concert

7pm

Leeteuk’s POV

I didn’t know that it could be this huge just by sitting here afar from the stage. I was early. Luckily I have a reserved seat. It was really far. Kahi gave me a non-VIP ticket. I think it was okay since I’m not allowed to get near taeyeon within meters anyway.

 I felt like any other fan waiting for an idol to appear on the stage. The snsd has a lot of watchers. I can spot old people, kids, teenagers, all ages.  Fan chants are being made while we wait. Posters were everywhere from all sizes. The pink light sticks were lit, and the girls are wearing some sort of a glow in the dark head bands with matching glow in the dark sign boards. They kept scanning the place and the entire audience using their high definition cameras.  I calmly wait in my seat, slouching. I was wearing a disguise to prevent myself for being noticed. I hope I don’t get noticed. Sometimes disguising makes more attention.

“is this seat taken?”

I shook my head and offered the seat to an ahjumma who just came.

“do I know you?” she asked while sitting down. “cos you look familiar.”

“really? Who do I look like?” I smiled.

“oh, heavens, sorry, maybe I’m just hallucinating.” The ahjumma fanned herself. “you just looked like someone from super junior, my daughter is a fan.”

“oh, I get that comment all the time.” I bowed.

 So this is what a fan feels like. The stage even from a far looks huge, the VTR showing the girls practicing can even lead to some screams, oohs and ahhs and endless fan chants. I would really credit Kahi for letting me experience this kind of feeling.

 A warning statement appeared from the center screen infront of me. I guess its about to start.

-----------------------

“is he here?”

Taeyeon looked from behind the red curtains to spot a familiar looking person from the audience.

“there in a white cap and shades.” Donghae pointed to a slouching leeteuk.

“tee hee.. he’ll attract more attention being that way.” Yoona peeked upon seeing leeteuk talk to an old woman beside him.

Taeyeon looked at leeteuk and smiled.

“wish us luck.” She said, as if just talking to him.

-----------------------

Leeteuk’s POV

Since the theme on the concert was based on their early album, they sang into the new world as an introductory song. The anime like sound of the song plus the signature snsd kick during the intermission did the trick. I was reminded of their debut in 2007 when they would be really nervous at first before performing on the stage.

 They sang old familiar hits from the early album, followed by the recent ones. Old familiar hits such as baby baby, merry go round, chocolate love and recent songs like gee, oh, and hoot. If the concert lasts for about three hours, I’d really be amazed to these girls. Plus the fan clubs too and their fan chants. Endless fan chants. This is why I heard from one elf that they used to lose their voice once attending a super junior concert.

 The song “Oh!” was followed by “run devil run”. Then there was a five minute break in between. I was given a light stick by a fan and scolded me for not buying one. I guess I wasn’t really noticed.

“yah, oppa, we would be supporting snsd by bringing light sticks ne?” the fan blurted.

“ne, mianhe.” I smiled, opening the light stick. It glowed bright pink even from behind my shades that I took it out for the moment to rub my eyes.

“teukie oppa? “ the fan was suddenly squinting her eyes in the dark to see me.

“who are you calling that, me?” I laughed as I put back my shades.

“youre disguising, you are teukie oppa!” the fan almost shouted.

“hey look, sica is already in the stage.” I pointed, shushing her.

 Then come in their solos. Jessica had sung the Barbie girl song, followed by Yoona and Donghae. So this is what donghae looked like from afar. He looked really lean and muscular.  I wonder what we looked like when were doing performances. If fifteen guys are perfoming, is that a good thing to see?

 Then I saw taeyeon appearing on the stage. She was wearing a frilly light blue dress, her favorite color. She matched the whole outfit with a high pony. The glittering make up effect on her eyes were cute too.

 She’s next to perform.

------------------------------

Taeyeon drew out a deep breath and faced the screaming audience in a confident manner.

“good evening.” She said, looking at the pink flash lights scattered on the audience.

“first of all I would like to thank you personally for attending this concert. It really is amazing to see all my loved ones here present.”

The screaming grew louder. Taeyeon laughed and took a seat at the chair situated at the center of the stage.

“I’m sorry that I wont be able to sing and dance right now.” She said, referring to her old routine of doing a cat doll rendition. “I would like to do something that is a usual part of my own self, by singing a ballad song.”

The noise she received acknowledged her apology.

“gomawo. so, I guess before that, I should make an introduction first.” Taeyeon straightened up and eyed the audience one by one.

“have you guys ever been in love at first sight?” she asked.

The people screamed so loud that she almost touched her ears.

“well, if yes. Some people do not recognize that feeling at first.” She put her index finger to to silence the noise. “some people may do find love just by seeing the person, and some may find it very late until they find the opportunity to realize that they’re actually inlove.”

Taeyeon chuckled at herself and shook her head.

“in line with this, I would like to dedicate this song to my first love.” She said, causing a major reaction from the crowd. “this song, I sang this one already. I knew that this song fits him right. I know that personally I cannot say this to him but through this song, I know that I can really express what I feel.”

Taeyeon looked at her snsd members peeking behind the curtains and smiled.

“I would like to thank my girls for coming up with this kind of idea.” She said. “the song is from the ost, Beethoven virus, IF.”

---------------------------

“donghae?”

“hyung, why are you leaving?”

“she said that she dedicates the song to her first love.” Leeteuk said. he almost reached the exit near the stage.

“I have no place in here, why did I come anyways?” he smiled, shaking his head. “and don’t come near me I might get noticed.”

“can you hear the song first?” donghae tugged his arm and positioned him next to one of the lights director.

“why should i---“

“hyung!” donghae hissed. “listen first!”

Leeteuk sighed and looked at taeyeon opening her lips to sing.

 

If I go, if I go closer to you

What do you think?

 I have no courage

 

Leeteuk’s eyebrows cringed. Taeyeon sounded like she was really feeling the song. And singing this to her first love brought him chills.

 

If you go

if you leave

I’m afraid how to let you go

 

To let go of what? Leeteuk thought. letting go is the last option.

 

And I'm a fool, one you cannot see

Because maybe your heart will turn away

And so just like that, we may be drifted apart

 

I am a fool, I cannot even say I love you

Maybe waiting to meet again would give me pain

 

Leeteuk leaned his head to feel the song. Why does he feel so different? He played the song a hundred times on sukira. He had even heard the song at the golden ladder show when a university student was singing the song for him and taeyeon. It wasn’t dedicated for him right? It was for her first love which she didn’t even mention to him when they talk during practice breaks.

 

If you come, if you come closer to me

What to do? I do not know

 

What is she trying to talk about? Having no courage to tell someone the real feeling behind?

 “what is she talking about?” leeteuk told donghae when the interlude played.

 “I know you’re here.” Taeyeon looked at the audience and smiled when a vicious roar of surprise filled the atmosphere.

“the first love is here?” leeteuk put his hands on his hips.

“aish, just listen hyung!”donghae hissed.

“I know you’re here.” Taeyeon said, ignoring the instrumentals being played. She began to stand up and walked closer to the edge of the stage until her feet were almost a half from the ledge. “I know right now that you are standing, putting your hands in your hips, thinking why on earth I’m singing this song which is actually meant for you.”

Leeteuk couldn’t believe what he heard.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to tell you this personally.” Taeyeon said to the crowd. “because I’m afraid that you will go away. I’m  sorry that I was late to realize, I’m a real fool to ignore you when you needed me, when you were there all along, supporting me.”

“Is this a----“ leeteuk looked at donghae in a surprised manner.

“saranghae, ahjussi.”Taeyeon smiled, biting her lip. “saranghae park jungsu.”

 

And I'm a fool, one you cannot see

Because maybe your heart will turn away

And so just like that, we may be drifted apart

 

I am a fool, I cannot even say I love you

Maybe waiting to meet again would give me pain

 Leeteuk can’t recognize himself from the huge scream. Either that he was numb from the sound that almost reached to a high level or donghae’s laugh of approval and shaking were the only ones he could sense right now.

“what hyung, what now?” donghae jumped, pinching his arms.

Leeteuk looked at him in shock.

“oh my god.” He blurted.

------------------------------

Taeyeon went out at the back of the concert hall, satisfied with her performance. The concert was a huge success, everyone was happy, everyone was contented. She was satisfied too. She finished dancing without forgetting the steps, she just finished singing without forgetting the lines. And she finally told him what she feel although she didn’t see him in his seat.

 Now where did he go that time anyways? Taeyeon asked herself. Did he leave because of the sound of the first love? Maybe he doesn’t have the idea that he is her first love.

 She was standing in a midst of an eerie evening because donghae told him that someone was waiting for her there.

 Taeyeon squinted to see a shadow next to the rusty looking post. She walked closer, expecting to see the visitor.

“hey.” Leeteuk suddenly emerged, smiling at her direction.

Taeyeon’s heart raced.

“oppa!”

She immediately rushed and gave the leader a brisk hug. The feeling was so pleasant that the eerie evening suddenly turned warm.

“I never thought youre going to surprise me, so I never had a chance to buy you a bouquet.” Leeteuk pouted as he loosened his arms on her. “but I just saw this dainty looking flower near here so I guess it should make up for a while.”

He handed a small piece of white flower much to taeyeon’s delight.

“are you kidding? This is like the best flower in the world.” Taeyeon gushed, looking at the object.

“ne.” leeteuk brushed her hair behind her face. “so how are you? Have you eaten?”

“actually im starving.” Taeyeon said, touching her stomach. It gurgled much to her thought. “let’s take out food somewhere.”

“no worries, I brought you one already.” Leeteuk said, pointing to his backpack.

Taeyeon gaped at him.

“now that was quick.” She said in awe.

“you don’t eat every concert so I expect you’re hungry.” Leeteuk smiled at her.

That was true, taeyeon would usually refrain from eating before a concert because she believes that it will tamper her voice.

leeteuk looked at the surroundings and spotted a mini park just across the street.

“should we go there?” he said, reaching out for her hand.

“ne.” taeyeon beamed.

“you did very good.” Leeteuk said upon crossing the road. “it was nice watching you perform from afar.”

“thanks.”

Taeyeon kept looking at their intertwined hands. Her hand and leeteuk’s.  She was so amazed how warm it felt just by holding his hand.

“don’t worry if people come looking for you, I told them you’re with me.” Leeteuk said when she was suddenly looking at her cellphone.

“you really got everything, haven’t you?” taeyeon smiled, putting her phone back in her pocket.

Leeteuk smiled too. They took a seat at a wooden bench.

Taeyeon inhaled the scent of the eerie evening by concluding that its actually a nice feeling since she was with him.

“it was the only food I saw near here, sorry.” Leeteuk suddenly gave out a styro when taeyeon was busy looking at the stars.

“don’t keep saying you’re sorry, I should be the one to apologize.” Taeyeon said.

Leeteuk went to almost every danger just by protecting her career. She felt that it was time for her to repay him back. She would really do anything just for him to forgive her.

“I’m really sorry out there, causing you a lot of troubles.” Taeyeon picked at her food and sighed.

“don’t mention it, I’m completely fine.” Leeteuk rubbed her shoulder.

A moment of silence. Leeteuk suddenly thought about his manager hyung’s call.

“I just found out that you were responsible for removing the restraining order and the suspension, so I guess I really have to thank you for that.”

“its because I caused that trouble anyway.” Taeyeon laughed.

Leeteuk stared at her and smiled.

“you gave that invitation to Kahi.” He said.

“ne. it was all part of the plan.” She grinned, playfully tilting her head sideways.

“babo, you had me all surprised.” Leeteuk poked her head. “well, thankyou so much juhmmataeng.”

“youre welcome ahjussi.” Taeyeon beamed.

Leeteuk rested his chin on his palm and watched the snsd leader eating her food.

“salad?” taeyeon offered, handing him a piece.

“no, thankyou.”

“you shouldn’t be a picky eater from now on.” Taeyeon said in between swallows.

Leeteuk straightened up himself.

“and why is that?” he asked.

“because I’ll be the one preparing your food.”

Leeteuk was stuck by the thought.

“and why are you preparing my food?” he  smiled.

“because every girlfriend does that right?” taeyeon raised her eyebrows.

Leeteuk laughed.

“who says that we hooked up?” he asked, pinching her cheek.

Taeyeon swallowed another salad.

“me.” She said, without looking at him.

“mwo? I haven’t even asked you to be my girlfriend.”

“yah.” Taeyeon closed her styro and forcefully drank all the contents of her juice. “after all what I said in the concert, after all the hype it might cause, youre just going to ignore me like that?”

“you are so full of yourself, taeng.” Leeteuk said as he put out the trash in a plastic.

“hey, I am giving you the right to be my boyfriend.” Taeyeon said in such air that gave leeteuk chills.

“yah miss kim, im not even courting you yet.” He said.

“you don’t have to court me because I’m already giving you my permission.” Taeyeon said.

“aww.” Leeteuk sighed and looked at the sky.

“why, don’t you want me?” taeyeon pouted.

“its not that.” leeteuk smiled, holding her hand. “its just, its supposed to be magical. I should have all the preparations before asking you to be my girl. But you have me all unprepared. really unprepared.”

“but I want you now.” Taeyeon acted like a little girl who wanted a candy.

“is this what confessing in a concert brings to you?” leeteuk laughed.

He gripped her hand tightly.

“okay.” He said, playing with her hand. “1:35 am, park jungsu aka leeteuk is now kim taeyeon’s boyfriend.”

“yey!” taeyeon let go of his hands and clapped all the way until she got tired.

Leeteuk suddenly kissed her on the forehead.

“why?” he asked upon seeing taeyeon’s horrified look.

“this is what all I get?” taeyeon pointed to her forehead.

“that’s for a start.” Leeteuk said, amazed of her reaction.

“do you really consider our that you only do this because I’m six years younger? Hey im a mature person.” Taeyeon pouted.

“taeng.” Leeteuk couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “what do you want?”

Taeyeon playfully pointed to her lips.

“here.” She said.

“im not prepared.” Leeteuk laughed.

“fine, I’ll do it instead.” Taeyeon quickly leaned closer until her face almost touched his. It felt like an instantaneous electricity surging through the pores of their skin.

“taeng.” Leeteuk inched away from her.

“what?” taeyeon pouted again.

“should a girl really make the first move?” 

“okay??”taeyeon scratched her head. didn’t know how leeteuk could be so conservative.

“you wouldn’t want telling others that you did the first kiss right?” the suju leader smiled.

“oh, right.” Taeyeon looked down on her lap. She wouldn’t want snsd knowing that she did it first.

Leeteuk grabbed her hand and tilted his head to see taeyeon looking down.

“are you disappointed?” he whispered, her hair.

“maybe it was all of a sudden right?” taeyeon asked, playing with his hand.

“look at me.”

“no.”

“taeng.”

 Leeteuk shoved his lips on hers.

“hey.” Taeyeon whispered, shocked.

“its more magical when it’s a surprise right?” leeteuk smiled, touching the tip of her nose.

“aww.”taeyeon gazed at him.

“im really sorry that you went all through this.” She smiled, embarrassed. “do you forgive me?”

“I already forgave you taeng.” Leeteuk said, hugging her. her way of professing her love really amazed him. Manager hyung told him everything taeyeon went through to ask the management to remove the ordeal.

It was one of taeyeon’s ways that made leeteuk love her more.

The snsd leader suddenly  let go of his hug and playfully planted another kiss on his lips.

“hmm?” leeteuk cringed his eyebrows in wonder.

“its more magical when it’s a surprise right?” taeyeon repeated his words.

“aish, this is why there’s no reason not to love you.” Leeteuk said, pinching her cheek.

--------------------

* sorry for the translations of the song "if" by taeyeon, i translated it myself.:p