“unni.” Hyoyeon closed the door before her. “if you have something to tell taeyeon, please tell it to me instead.”

Kahi sighed. It must be tough defending herself to eight girls who would stand to protect their leader.

“hey, I’m not here to cause trouble or anything, I just want to talk to her.”

“if its about the incident of leeteuk oppa….”

“do you want taeyeon to be forever numb about leeteuk’s restraining order?” kahi asked defensively.

“well, of course not.” Hyoyeon lowered her voice. “ actually she’s wrong about that.”

“see.” Kahi walked past her, opening the door.

“unni.”

“listen.” Kahi leaned closer to hyoyeon wishing that no one inside the dorm could hear. “do you want to help taeyeon?”

“of course, she’s our leader and a real friend of mine.” The dancing snsd machine muttered.

“then bring her to me.” Kahi ordered.

Hyoyeon nodded, watching kahi look around the surroundings.

“unni.” She said. “what do you want me to do?”

“gather all the girls except taeyeon in a room, select a large room so all of you can fit.” Kahi said. “then let me have my time with taeyeon. I think you’ll give me the permission to do that?”

“ne.” hyoyeon said. “what are you going to do with her anyways?”

“just want to have some clarifications about certain things.”

“must be really important.” Hyoyeon thought out loud.

She eyed kahi and couldn’t help but to giggle at what she’s holding.

“I envy that we don’t have that.” she said at the plastic bag filled with sojus and beer.

Kahi realized her sudden plan and laughed.

“I’ll give you three.” She said, handing out three bottles. “that’ll keep you stable for awhile.”

“kamsamnida.” Hyoyeon giddily embraced the sojus, as if receiving a very special gift. “ne, I’ll gather the girls first, then I’ll let you know when taeyeon unni’s alone. She’s sleeping though so I guess she wouldn’t find out that her roommate’s missing.”

“thanks.” Kahi said, leaning herself on the couch.

She watched hyoyeon disappeared from her view.

 Kahi took a deep breath and listened as the glass bottles click with every movement inside the bag.

Must know the truth.

-----------------------------

Leeteuk bit his lip. What on earth kahi’s going to do in the middle of the night?
“I tell you she’s not going to return soon.” Heechul said.

They were gathered in a circle, a usual SJ conference.

“its just unusual.” leeteuk said, taking time to pick a snack that ryeowook brought. “she doesn’t go out late always.”

“must be doing something important.” Ryeowook winked. “ne you shouldn’t worry too much.”

All the guys except leeteuk knew where Kahi headed.

 “don’t tell me you guys know something I don’t know?” leeteuk asked, raising an eyebrow.

“no.” eunhyuk made silly hand gestures, distracting their hyung.

“eunhyuk? Why are you babbling?” leeteuk asked.

“he’s not babbling.” Donghae said defensively. “you’re imagining things, hyung.”

Eunhyuk gulped and smiled.

“heechul ah, do you know something about this?” leeteuk stared at the 83 liner.

“of course not, I’ll tell it to you if I know.” Heechul lied.

Leeteuk sighed.

“if you’re behind all this, you know what I can do to you.” He dared.

Leeteuk had the leader aura in him that all the members even heechul feared because he seldom gets angry. The last time he got mad at them was one of the worst experiences of their lives.

“aish.” Heechul poured himself another batch of drinks. “let kahi noona go out and have some time for herself will you? Your issues got in her nerves for a while.”

Leeteuk scratched his head

“oh, my, did I do something wrong again?”.

“again?”

“she got angry at me earlier.” leeteuk said, remembering how kahi forced him to have breakfast outside.

“that’s not because of it.” heechul said. “just let her go. Were enjoying ourselves here, ne?”

Leeteuk sighed.

“okay.”

 He just wished Kahi was completely fine. After all the things she had done to him, he didn’t know how to repay her back. It was his wrecked and at loss self that kahi saw but she was still there, supporting him.

Ryeowook gave him the shot glass.

“have another drink.” He told leeteuk.

-----------------------------

Taeyeon opened her eyes and scanned the room. All the footsteps she heard had awakened her from sleep. She was disappointed that the noises cut her dream about large bears in big cages with all the colors and sizes. She would love to hug those bears.

“sunny?”

she didn’t realize that sunny already evacuated and she was left alone.

Taeyeon sat up. No she was not alone. A woman with shiny straight hair was sitting at the floor with alcoholic beverages at the side. Her arms were crossed and her eyes were squinting. She was probably observing her sleeping habits.

Darn.

“how are the bears?” kahi teased.

Taeyeon blushed.

Kahi eyed the floor next to her, opting the snsd leader to sit.

“why are you here?” taeyeon asked. Her presence produced a certain awkwardness that neither she could understand.

“to have a drink.” Kahi said, raising her glass.

Taeyeon took a seat opposite her.

“you absolutely are with the wrong person to have a drink with.” She said innocently.

“well you probably know my sentiments so its not that bad either.” Kahi said.

 She was referring to how taeyeon knew about her feelings to leeteuk since she was with them when they were taping starking.

“you are with the wrong girl, I have no things to say about him.” Taeyeon said.

“hah.” Kahi smirked, giving her a filled cup. “then just hear me out. You won’t feel awkward when I talk about leeteuk right?”

“of course not.” Taeyeon was surprised at how the afterschool leader regard leeteuk as if they were really of the same age.

“prepare yourself, it’s a long speech.” Kahi joked.

“you really brought a lot of drinks.” Taeyeon confessed. “it seemed that you want to say a lot.”

“I never came here without doing anything sensible.” The afterschool leader blurted.

Taeyeon nodded.

“okay.” She stretched her back, waiting for the cup to be filled. “spill.”

Kahi cleared .

“leeteuk oppa.” She said while drinking. “funny how I call him that even if we don’t have any love connection and age is a difference either.”

Taeyeon agreed. Honorifics are really confusing.

“but then again.” kahi continued. “since that sj leader appeared to my eyes. I knew that he’s the one. Of course not at first. He’s quite clumsy and goofs around all the time. Doesn’t really act his real age.”

“but you know what.” The after school leader stared at the ceiling, as if leeteuk was there. “you can really see from him that he’s sincere. Always sincere to the people around him. Did you know that he wakes up very early just to prepare my drink? He would even prepare me hot water for bath, would sweep the leaves off the porch because he knew how freak I am towards clean stuff. He would even volunteer himself to cook even if he can only fry food and make ramen. He would even buy groceries after finishing his taping at the radio show, would stay up late at night just to listen to how my day turned out.”

Taeyeon drank two beers simultaneously.

“did leeteuk ever do that to you?” kahi asked her.

“well, of course he cant prepare me a hot bath, a morning coffee, and sweep infront of my yard because I don’t have a yard and we don’t live in the same house.” Taeyeon thought aloud. “but he does listen to me everytime I have problems with my career and he would be always willing to hand out advice.”

“yeah, very typical of him,  right?” kahi agreed. “I am more experienced than him in the entertainment industry but he’s more like a veteran than me. He always talks a lot about how to cope up with careers every night at bed.”

Taeyeon nearly choked upon drinking. The idea of the two of them at bed really bothered her.

“people can almost look up to him as a perfect person.” Kahi said, stretching her feet. “his imperfections are being shadowed by his good attitude of course. Who wouldn’t love that appearance, tall guy, white complexion, nice sparkling eyes, long slender nose,  a nice cute dimple at the left complimented by his colored hair that really matches to the skin. His way of styling it makes a girl really dazed.”

Taeyeon could almost picture leeteuk upon kahi’s descriptions. She remembered when she just used to stare at him, admiring his features. Leeteuk would stare at her too, wondering at her sudden gaze.

Yah, what am I talking about, taeyeon thought. she stole kahi’s glass, drinking another shot.

“and my gosh, those leadership abilities.” Kahi gushed. “he looks after a very large group, probably the largest among asia with those number of members. Im really amazed at how he handles them all like a pro. Even with a very goofy attitude, all s look up at him as if he is the most respected. Both of us knew well that we have large number of members too but both of us knew too that he’s far the best. That’s why I was so devastated when he got suspended.”

Was she making me feel guilty? Taeyeon suddenly thought. Aish, drink another glass.

“you know what, just drink more and listen.”

 Kahi filled four more cups with beer and sojus in mixed. “so in conclusion, who wouldn’t love a person like him? That’s what I saw that I told myself that I am really inlove with the guy. If he could take care of how many members, what more when taking good care of one girl? I know myself that I can take care of him, I’m even proud that I can really do it because of my experience. But I guess even if he really cares for me, he wouldn’t really acknowledge me as someone he loved the most. I am just always the tv wife and nothing more.”

Taeyeon felt sorry for her. she didn’t know how kahi really felt unto this moment that she’s telling her almost everything.

“I don’t blame him if he loves someone else.” Kahi said, eyes gleaming. “gosh, who would really blame the person you love if he loves someone else? Only people with narrow minds would think about that. I’m not narrow minded when I found out that he has feelings for you. I openly accepted that fact even if it hurts me deep. I blame myself that I got attracted to him, don’t you know that? Cos it really hurts. It hurts everytime he talks about you, telling me that he was so happy being with you. The feeling is like, why not me? I have what it takes, I can take care of him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t have what it takes either.” Taeyeon confessed.

“babo.” Kahi poked her with an empty cup on the head. “leeteuk keeps on telling me how he loves you being dorky, how he admires your ahjumma sense of taking care of everything and youre telling me that you don’t have what It takes? You have everything in you that he absolutely loved even if people find it queer why. If oppa thinks that your dorkiness is the new description of y then fine, I think im really defeated in that aspect.”

Taeyeon scratched her head.

“he cant love me just because of that.” She said. “it’s a defect. He’s so weird.”

“beats me.” Kahi watched as taeyeon drank another shot. “I guess it’s  your type that really turns him on. That’s what love is all about. One thing you realize that the person you are with suddenly is the best good looking person around the world. I think that’s what he saw on you. He realized that you are unique and a person that he can really see himself with. Why not me, you don’t like him right?”

Taeyeon was even more confused than her. she’s getting all the different feelings about leeteuk everytime kahi mentions him.

“am I not pretty?” kahi pouted. “but see, I don’t give a damn. I really am fighting for him, making him realize to look around and there’s a girl who would gladly accept him. Because if you don’t like him and I do, it should have to be me.”

“well of course its still up to him.” She added, embarrassed.

“you are really a fighter.” Taeyeon agreed.

 She admired those qualities of Kahi. She even pondered if she does have those qualities too. Wait, to whom is she fighting for? Leeteuk oppa?

Taeyeon, you are really confused right now, maybe you are drinking too much, she thought.

“have more.” Kahi poured out the contents from the bottle to four more cups. She didn’t realize that taeyeon is a heavy drinker.

“I didn’t know that you love drinking.” She told her.

“keeps me warm inside.” Taeyeon said in a daze, drinking two cups one after the other. Her mind was slowly in a drift mode, slowly spinning.

Thoughts about leeteuk really confused her to the point that it was hard knowing herself where she really stand.

“I need to pee.” She said, getting up. “I think I’m getting tipsy, oops.”

Taeyeon almost stepped on sunny’s laptop.

“aish, why does she keep putting important gadgets on the floor.” She sighed, picking up the computer.

“leave it to me.” Kahi reached out her hand for the laptop.

Taeyeon nodded.

“I’ll be back, save me a drink.” She said heading towards the bathroom.

--------------------------

“what does it feel like sleeping with a girl?” eunhyuk asked leeteuk. He was resting his head on his two palms like a little boy eager to know an answer.

“pretty much the same like sleeping with you.” The suju leader replied.

“then kahi noona moves so much when she sleeps too?” ryeowook asked innocently.

“nope, she does not move at all.” Leeteuk lay down on the couch, stretching his legs.

“that’s good then.” Heechul said.

Donghae raised an eyebrow.

“and why is that”

“well.” The cinderella smiled mischievously. “what if they suddenly wake up finding that they were near each other, or on top of each other or literally embracing.. stuff can happen.”

Leeteuk sat up, crossing his legs.

“that happened once.” he said which made heechul cough out food.

“that’s embarrassing!” said ryeowook.

“oh, well, its an accident anyway.” Leeteuk assured him. “and Kahi is not a typical girl, she just laughed at it.”

“then kahi noona is an amazing person.” Ryeowook concluded.

“yeah, she is.” Leeteuk kept on wondering where kahi was right now. It was almost past 2 hours since she left and it really troubled him. Calling him wont produce results either since she turned her cellphone off. It must really be an important matter for her to go out late.

And he was hoping that she went out not because of him.

“hyung, can I ask you something?” donghae asked.

 He was not sure if it was proper to talk about a topic concerning the agency.

“shoot.” Leeteuk said.

“with the restraining order thing, if it suddenly stops, would you still get near taeng?”

Leeteuk thought for a minute.

“if she wants to.” He said, sighing. “its all up to her anyway. Im just someone who sits in a place waiting for her.”

“you do really love her.” eunhyuk concluded.

“so much that it hurts.” Leeteuk said.

“aish, then why not move your head and find someone new?” heechul slapped his stomach as if it will wake the leader’s senses. “there are so many girls. If she doesn’t want you, move on.”

Leeteuk shook his head.

“easy to say that but hard to do.” he replied, reminiscing his moments with taeyeon. “taeng is different. I may be in five relationships already but this, I want this so bad.”

He would really love to be with taeyeon all the time. Just the thought of making her happy gave him so much energy. But thinking about taeyeon right now, especially with agency issues really pained him.

 “what’s with taeyeon anyways?” ryewook asked.

“youre asking me why I like taeng when you like her yourself?” leeteuk smiled at him.

 He knew that the maknae once had a crush on the snsd’s leader and they kept on teasing him for that.

“well, just for your point of view, hyung.” The maknae replied embarrassedly.

 “if you can see taeng as the one with the power vocals,nice skin and hair,  I see her someone as a nerdy dorky type of girl with an aunt like behavior and a manly laugh.” Said leeteuk.

“and don’t tell me that you fell because of that?” eunhyuk asked.

leeteuk nodded. Its taeyeon’s quirkiness that made her the one. He used to ask himself all the time about it.

“its her charm.” He replied. “she must have cast a spell on me, like witchcraft.”

“youre impossible.” Heechul said.

Leeteuk laughed. Maybe he was crazy already.

“hyung what if she doesn’t really like you? She keeps on throwing you away, there must be some explanation on that right?” donghae asked.

“I will only give up when the crow’s skin becomes white.” Leeteuk replied. “but since she really insists, I really have to think a lot about it from now.”

---------------------------------

Kahi looked at taeyeon for about five minutes already. She didn’t know that getting her drunk will produce very weird results. It was almost hours since she came and she was glad with herself that everything’s going on the way it was supposed to be. But she really didn’t have the idea that making taeyeon drink would really be funny. Taeyeon kept on smiling and laughing as if she wasn’t there, moving and jumping like a kid. She didn’t know that taeyeon could be that bad when being tipsy. Five sojus and three beers.

 

Kahi looked at the time. It was almost three in the morning. she wondered if some of the snsd members were still awake so she can ask how to tame taeyeon. She have to clear things with her first before she leaves the dorm.

 

Must do it myself, kahi thought.

“hey, kim taeyeon, sit down.” She told her. the snsd leader nodded and quickly took her seat at her bed.

“sit down here too.” Taeyeon patted the pillow.

Kahi shook her head.

“yah, who am i? she asked her. she has to be a little alert though.

“youre park Kahi.” Taeyeon smiled. “park kahi the fierce dancer.”

Fierce dancer? Whoever thought of that? Kahi smiled at the sudden praise.

“you know what every guy loves you.” Taeyeon said giddily.

“that’s what all girls think.” Kahi said.

“those who doesn’t love you are jerks.” Taeyeon played with her hair, twirling the strands.

“so leeteuk is a jerk huh?” kahi asked her.

Taeyeon rested her back at the wall, contemplating.

“maybe.” She said. “but oppa is a one man woman so I guess it does not really count.”

Taeyeon pretended catching flies on air.

“do you hate oppa?” kahi asked.

“why should I hate him?” taeyeon pointed her finger at kahi as if she was scolding her. “everybody loves him too. Just like you. Youre perfect for each other.”

“so you like us being together?”

kahi thought it was a foolish thing to ask but she must know.

“its okay, but it’ll definitely bother me.” Taeyeon replied.

Kahi raised an eyebrow.

“bother you, why?”

Taeyeon smiled.
“you two inside the house together already made me feel confused and bothersome. What more when you two become a real couple, aish.” Taeyeon said, shaking her head.

 “you don’t like leeteuk.” kahi told taeyeon.

“how can you like someone if the agency prohibits you, ne?” the snsd leader replied. “I kept on ignoring him and telling myself that im not liking him but everytime I tell my head that it has to be this and that, my heart always does not follow. Its like they are two separate systems.”

Taeyeon lay at her bed, staring at the ceiling.

“I always tell the girls that I don’t have any feelings for him, even on everyone, even on myself. That’s what I instilled on my mind. I know that I don’t have any feelings for him but it bothers me that my heart always aches a lot everytime I think about it. even seeing you two together when I had my dance rehearsal, there was a burning sensation in my chest that I cant explain.”

Kahi knew that taeyeon really felt weird the time when she put her hand at leeteuk’s face during the snsd rehearsal but she didn’t have the idea that the snsd leader would still remember.

“then maybe you really do like leeteuk.” Kahi said.

“unni.” Taeyeon looked at kahi with a great concern. “I am really sorry if oppa has a lot to endure but its really for his best. Its for my career too. I have to be tough to fulfill my dream. But you know what, it really sounds like its deceiving me. I really hate my heart.”

Kahi smiled.

“why do you hate your heart if you find it beating for someone?”

“well, you know the certain possibilities.” Taeyeon said dizzily. “the agency, the managers, the people. It would really affect my career as a singer and dancer.”

“so career is more important than the heart.” kahi concluded.

“yes.” Taeyeon said. “but see, I tell you this again but its starting to ache right here.”

She pointed to her heart and smiled.

“maybe you just have to realize that you have to be open about yourself.” Kahi stood up and sat near taeyeon.

“maybe.” Taeyeon said again. “what do you think unni, why does it hurt so much?”

Kahi her hair. There was no other explanation but one.

“because you love him.” She told her.

“love, haha.” Taeyeon smiled at the thought.

“you really do, I can feel it.” kahi confessed.

Taeyeon pouted.

“yeah, maybe I do. “ she sighed, easing the folds of her shorts. “maybe I really loved him from the start. What a dorky heart.”

And she passed out.

Kahi watched as taeyeon peacefully snored beside her with a bottle of soju at her right.

All were seemed to be in its proper place.

The truth had been revealed. The only thing that she has to do is to clear more things for proper closure.

“im sorry that you two had a lot to endure.” She whispered, pulling a blanket up to taeyeon’s chin.

Kahi opened her sweater and fumbled for a tiny piece of device she hid since from beginning.

She turned her voice recorder off.