Baekhyun woke up somewhere in the middle of the day. His mind was fuzzy and he felt warm. He stretched and untangled himself from his sheets before opening his door to go find Minseok, or food, or both.

He stopped in the hallway at the sound of voices.

“I need to talk to you” Jongdae was saying, he sounded serious. Baekhyun moved so he was against the wall and began walking forward quietly.

“About what?” Minseok responded.

“Chanyeol” Jongdae said firmly. Baekhyun’s heart stopped. He wasn’t sure weather to go forward to let them know he was there or to go back to his room and pretend he was still asleep, however whichever option he would have chosen was pointless because he was frozen, “Is Baekhyun here?” Jongdae asked.

“He’s in his room- I think he’s asleep he had a headache earlier so I gave him some Tylenol pm and told him to sleep it off.” Minseok said, “Why don’t you ask him about Chanyeol?”

“He...he won’t be able to tell me what I need to know.” Jongdae said softly.

“Why don’t you sit down?” Baekhyun heard the scraping of chairs on the tile and could only assume they were seated at the dining room table. Baekhyun crept forward and leaned against the wall, sitting on the ground so they couldn’t see him over the sofa in the living room.

“I- I know there’s something up with Chanyeol and you- you know him best.”

“I’m not sure what you want to know. We’ve talked about this before and anything that I can tell you you should probably hear from Baekhyun.” Minseok said, Baekhyun wondered when they had talked about Chanyeol before.

“I need to know what- I know he has something to do with Jongdeok and I want to know what.” Jongdae said softly, “This isn’t about Baekhyun right now- it’s about my brother.” Minseok sighed, Baekhyun was waiting for him to say that Chanyeol had nothing to do with it, he was an sure but he would never commit murder. He wouldn't hurt a fly, unless that fly was named Baekhyun but that was an entirely different circumstance. Baekhyun didn’t think that Chanyeol had dated Jongdeok.

Minseok however, didn’t say any of those things. They were quiet for a long time. Baekhyun found himself holding his breath. Eventually Minseok sighed again and Baekhyun could hear the table shift.

“Jongdae I-”

“I’m not gonna report this to the police or anything I don’t even really care if he gets arrested I just- I need to know. I’m not gonna tell anyone anything you say so don’t wo-”

“Chanyeol is not who Baekhyun thought he was.” Minseok said. Baekhyun's blood froze. What the was he talking about? They had known Chanyeol the same amount of time, Baekhyun had known him better- “He um. Let me start from the beginning I guess if we are going to do this you should know everything.

“I’ve known Baekhyun since preschool and we met Chanyeol in middle school, he was this weird kid who started hanging around Baekhyun a lot. I didn’t really know him because we were in different grades I just knew him because I was Baekhyun’s best friend and I guess he was too.” Minseok's voice sounded far away. Baekhyun already knew all of this, he simultaneously wanted Minseok to keep going and to stop talking. To say ‘just kidding! He was a great guy and I’m sure he had nothing to do with your brother!’

“Uh I guess it was high school when they suddenly became super close. Baekhyun knew he liked boys for awhile and Chanyeol I guess figured out that he liked Baekhyun. Baekhyun and I kind of, drifted apart in high school I guess. Luhan moved to Korea and we became friends and Baekhyun and I still spoke but we weren’t nearly as close. It wasn’t a surprise though when he and Chanyeol started dating-”

“What does this-”

“I’m getting there. I need you to know everything because if you don’t than you might, misunderstand.” Minseok said, Baekhyun remembered all of this, he remembered drifting apart from Minseok to be with Chanyeol, he remembered Luhan suddenly replacing him with Minseok- he remembered when he started dating Chanyeol.

“I um, I always had a bad feeling about Chanyeol honestly but I just assumed i was being possessive of Baekhyun and I was hurt that Chanyeol was replacing me in a sense. I wasn’t his best friend anymore- but that was a part of growing up and moving on and I had other friends. Baekhyun and i got into this huge fight one night it was stupid but it ended up with us agreeing to never talk to each other again” Minseok laughed, “it’s stupid now but we were like fifteen so it made sense at the time.  Anyway I stormed out of Baekhyun’s house and ended up going home through the woods behind the park.”

“The woods with the bench?” Jongdae asked.

“Yeah- actually that bench is where I ran into them.”

“Who?”

“Chanyeol, and some other students. They were older than me and seemed to be roughing him up, I don’t know exactly what happened but his lip was bleeding and he looked like he had been rolling in the dirt. He was probably bruised but I didn’t see” He was bruised. Baekhyun remembered that night. Chanyeol had told him he had fallen.

“What-”

“They put something in his pocket and told him to ‘take care of it’ before walking away. I was small and had hidden behind a tree so they didn’t see me but Chanyeol did. I had never seen him more scared in his entire life. He asked how much I saw, I asked what was going on. He said nothing and begged me not to tell Baekhyun. I was mad at Baekhyun so I agreed and walked away.”

Baekhyun remembered that night, he remembered Chanyeol sneaking into his room, he remembered seeing a white envelope slip out of Chanyeol’s pocket but he didn’t care. He remembered the bruises he saw on Chanyeol’s arms and stomach that night- He asked what happened but Chanyeol said he fell and then distracted Baekhyun with a kiss. That was the first night they spent together. Baekhyun remembered it like it was yesterday. Them trying to be quiet, trying to fit onto Baekhyun's tiny bed and ending up on the floor, panting, praying Baekhyun’s mom hadn’t woken up.

“Who were the other students?”

“Gangsters. They call themselves Big Bang now. Back then they were just a group of s. I don’t know how Chanyeol got mixed up with them. They were a grade above me in school. Eventually Baekhyun and I made up and started hanging out again. This time we hung out with Chanyeol and Luhan, the four of us becoming close. I had honestly forgotten about that night until we graduated. After high school Baekhyun and Chanyeol went to music school and Luhan studied Business and International affairs on a football scholarship. I just worked towards getting a coffee shop. Sometime during college we all moved in together with Jongin who is actually my cousin but Baekhyun met him in school.

‘Anyway, one night Baekhyun was staying at the library and Luhan and Jongin were out somewhere so it was just Chanyeol and I. That’s when they came. I remember coming out of my room in the middle of the night because I heard noises and I saw them in the living room with Chanyeol. They were officially Big Bang now, they had become a bunch of loan sharks.”

“Loan sharks.” Jongdae repeated quietly.

“I don’t know exactly what Chanyeol's affiliation with them was, but I hid in the room until they left. After they left i approached him about it- he was living with us he was dating my best friend I wasn’t going to let it go. He um, he didn’t really tell me much, just that they were loan sharks and he had run with them a little in high school. He said he was working on getting out and he was almost out. He begged me not to tell Baekhyun. I agreed which was stupid but- He said that he was going to get out soon and that he would give me proof he had gotten out. I gave him a month and said if he wasn’t able to get out he either had to leave or I would tell Baekhyun everything.” Minseok’s voice had gotten so low Baekhyun had to strain to hear. He felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks but he didn’t remember when he had begun to cry.

“He left didn’t he?” Jongdae asked quietly. Baekhyun was assuming Minseok was nodding, “. You have to tell Baekhyun. That’s why he’s back now! He must have gotten out and he wants another chance. Baekhyun can't keep going around not knowing what-”

“He never got out Jongdae. They offered him a raise. He is a full member now, he runs with them. He won’t- He had a choice between them and Baekhyun and he chose them.”

“But you have to tell Baekhyun everything-”

“I can’t. You don’t know how- he was a wreck after Chanyeol left- If he found out about this he-”

“What?” Baekhyun stood up finally, unable to listen quietly anymore. He had never been so angry he felt his whole body shaking, “What would I do?” Minseok went pale, his eyes went wide. Jongdae stood up quickly.

“Baek-”

“I don’t want to hear it Minseok” Baekhyun said, he turned around and went to his room in a blind rage. He grabbed a jacket and his phone and returned to the living room.

“Baekhyun wait listen I-” Minseok kept trying to explain or apologize, Baekhyun ignored him and put on his jacket, shoving his feet into his shoes. He opened the door. It was night outside and it looked like it had been snowing. Luhan had just pulled up and was walking to the door.

Baekhyun stopped, “How much did you know about this?” He demanded.

“Um, what?” Luhan stared at him, “are you crying? What’s wrong?”

“Ask Minseok” Baekhyun wiped his eyes bitterly and pushed past Luhan. Luhan grabbed his arm and stopped him,

“Where are you going? What’s going on?” Baekhyun tried to pull free but Luhan’s grip was too tight. Jongade ran up with Minseok not far behind. “What the is going on?” Luhan demanded of everyone.

“Just let me go” Baekhyun wrenched his arm again but Luhan’s hold was too much.

“Baekhyun stop-”

“Did you know Chanyeol was a murderer? This whole time? Where you guys just playing me? Letting me pretend to be innocent, letting me think I knew him- You’re the reason he left and you didn’t even have the consideration to tell me?” Baekhyun was yelling at both of them at this point.

“Minseok what is he talking about?” Luhan asked seriously, loosening his grip on Baekhyun.

“You really don’t know?” Baekhyun asked, finally pulling free, “Maybe he’ll tell you or maybe he will tell someone else and you can just overhear it” with one more glare at Minseok Baekhyun took off down the snow. Minseok took off to follow but Jongdae stopped him,

“I’ll follow him you- just stay here okay.” Jongdae said, trudging after Baekhyun, “Baekhyun wait!” He called out, “Baekhyun please!” Baekhyun had made it to the end of the driveway and was hailing down a cab.

“I’m not- I’m not mad at you at all.” Baekhyun said to Jongdae, “I just need some space”

“Baekhyun I’m sorry” Jongdae said, leaning in as Baekhyun got into a cab, “where are you going?”

“I’ll call you later okay?” Baekhyun assured Jongdae, squeezing his hand before closing the door and instructing the driver to go to his childhood home.

In the car Baekhyun dialed the phone.

“We need to talk- right now. Meet me at the bench” He said, he didn’t bother waiting for a response, he hung up and turned off his phone, shoving it deep into his pocket.

It was cold but Baekhyun didn’t notice as he sat on the picnic table. Waiting. He didn’t keep track of time, he would wait all night if he needed to. He had stopped crying, his eyes were still red and puffy but that was probably more from the cold than his tears. He knew Minseok and Luhan must be calling him, he knew he would have a missed text from Jongdae. He didn’t care about any of them at that moment there was only one person he wanted to see.

Eventually he saw a flashlight in the distance and Park Chanyeol stumbled into the clearing. He stopped dead when he saw Baekhyun.

“I wasn’t sure if you would actually be here” he said softly. Baekhyun stared at him, tried to figure out exactly how much of their relationship had been a lie.

“You lied to me” He said simply. 
“About what?” Chanyeol narrowed his eyes.

“Everything you bastard.”

“I’m- i’m not sure what you’re talking about Baekhyun.” Chanyeol took a step forward.

“Stop. Don’t come closer. How long have you been a gang member” Baekhyun wished he could shine the flashlight in Chanyeol’s face. Even without it though he could see Chanyeol’s face harden.

“How did you- what are you talking about?”

“Don’t play stupid with me I’m tired of people treating me like im a child. Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Baekhyun please don’t-”

“Did you kill Jongdeok?” Baekhyun demanded. Chanyeol stared at him for a long time, “Is that why you wanted me to stay away from them? Are you going to kill Jongdae and Jongsu too?” He felt the tears falling again, “I won’t let you - you’ve already hurt me enough I’m not letting you take them away from me.”

“Baekhyun-”

“I love them and there’s nothing you can do to hurt them without hurting me too and- I guess I didn’t mean as much to you as I thought but i hope you still have some, human decency.”

“Can I explain?” Chanyeol asked softly. Baekhyun stopped talking, Chanyeol looked for the words but he wasn’t able to say anything. Baekhyun sighed and pushed himself off the bench.

“I’m done here.” he said, pushing past Chanyeol and making his way through the trees.

“Wait Baekhyun! You’re right”

Baekhyun stopped, but he didn’t turn around.

“I’m a member of Big Bang. But I never- I’ve never killed anyone.”

Baekhyun was somehow frozen, “I wish I could believe you” He said.

“I promise, okay? I know who did though and I know that every second you spend with Jongdae is another second that you are in danger.”

“Who? Who killed Jong deok?” Baekhyun turned around. Chanyeol looked helpless, weak, Baekhyun almost felt sorry for him. He remembered all the time they had spent all the times they had said ‘I love you’.

“I wish I could tell you” Chanyeol said, “But if I do they will kill me.”

“Who?”

“It’s not just about Big Bang anymore Baek, Jong deok was involved with something much much bigger than us. Ask Oh Sehun”

“He’s a high schooler, how much could he know.”

“More than me, and he is in less danger if he tells you. Listen Baekhyun I never wanted things to end up like this - you have to believe me. I never wanted to leave you I -”

“Okay I’m done here. Unless you have something useful to say” Baekhyun turned around again.

“I love you Baekhyun please- don’t forget that.” Chanyeol said behind him. Baekhyun ignored him and kept walking.

Baekhyun considered going to his home, but then he would have to explain to his mom what was going on and he didn’t want that. He wasn’t really sure where he was going but he kept walking. Eventually he ended up on Jongdae’s doorstep.

He wasn’t sure if Jongdae was even home, but there were lights on which was a good sign someone was there. He knocked on the door. He wasn’t sure whether or not to be surprised that Taeyeon answered.

“Oh um, is Jongdae here?” He asked, trying to look more put together than he was.

“No. I thought he was at your house. What’s wrong?” Taeyeon stepped back allowing Baekhyun into the house. He looked around and saw someone else on the sofa, she was tall with dark hair. “Um, this is Tiffany.” Taeyeon said, “This is Baekhyun”

“Ohh you’re Baekhyun” Tiffany said, eyeing him. Baekhyun ignored her.

“Is Jongsu here?”

“Yeah he just fell asleep though. Seriously though Baekhyun what’s wrong? You look terrible.”

“Can you tell Jongdae I’m here?” Baekhyun asked, “i’m going to take a shower.”

“Um, yeah, but first tell me what’s wrong?”

“Taeyeon I-” Baekhyun glanced at Tiffany who was watching him with hawk like eyes, “I’m sorry.” He said, “Sorry for barging in like this, I’m gonna just get out of the way.” Baekhyun said, moving past Taeyeon to Jongdae’s bathroom. Taeyeon followed him and rushed into the bathroom first.

“Were you crying?”

“I’m taking a shower here weather or not you are in the bathroom.” Baekhyun said, beginning to pull off his shirt. Taeyeon rolled her eyes.

“Fine. Just holler if you need anything” She said.

The shower did nothing to clear Baekhyun’s mind, instead he felt worse.

He borrowed some of Jongdae’s clothes, hoping he wouldn’t mind, and crashed into Jongdae’s bed.

Jongdae came home shortly after Baekhyun had gone to bed.

“You’re boyfriend’s in your bed.” Taeyeon said from the sofa where she was wrapped in Tiffany’s arms.

“My - really? When did he get here? He turned off his phone and wasn’t answering any of our messages.”

“Like an hour ago. He took a shower and then went to bed. He looked pretty upset”

“Yeah he- probably wasn’t in the best mood. If you guys want to stay the night you’re welcome otherwise you can go home if you want. It’s up to you. Thank you so much for taking Jongsu I’ll buy dinner tomorrow.” Jongdae said, tossing them a blanket and texting Minseok that Baekhyun was safe, “I’m going to go check on him.”

He opened the door slowly and saw Baekhyun was, as Taeyeon said, in his bed. Wearing his clothes. Jongdae frowned. He wasn’t sure if Baekhyun was asleep or not. He closed the door and quietly changed into sweatpants and a loose tank top before crawling in bed next to Baekhyun. “Are you awake?” He whispered. Baekhyun moaned a little. Jongdae sighed and reached up, Baekhyun’s hair. “Do you want to talk?”

“I’m sorry Jongdae” Baekhyun said harshly. Jongdae continued gently massaging Baekhyun’s head.

“For what?” 
“I don’t know- everything? I- I don’t know what to think or feel or” Baekhyun began breathing very fast and he buried his face in Jongdae’s pillow. Jongdae moved closer, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun as much as he could.

“Stop okay? You don’t have anything to apologize to me for. If anything I should be the one apologizing.” 
“You didn’t do anything wrong, MInseok -” Baekhyun cut himself off bitterly. He was crying again and he wanted to die. He hoped Jongdae couldn’t see his tears in the dark.

“I know. You can deal with that tomorrow okay? I’m here now.”

“Don’t leave” Baekhyun sounded far more pitiful than he wanted to. Jongdae smiled and kissed his forehead tenderly.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He said. Baekhyun burrowed into Jongdae as much as he could, “Did you use my soap?”

“Yeah, sorry” Baekhyun said. Jongdae hugged him tighter.

“I love you” He whispered, he wasn’t even sure if it was loud enough for Baekhyun to hear, or if Baekhyun was asleep or if Baekhyun was just choosing not to respond but Jongdae felt better just having said it. He kissed the top of Baekhyun’s head again before they both fell into a restless sleep.

Notes:

WOW ok true story this is like the second chapter I wrote not kidding i've had this written for like a year lmao with just like minor tweaks this is like the big thing i had everything ive written so far has lead to this. (Don't worry there's still more after this OBVIOUSLY) 
ANYWAY happy valentines day ily all!!!!!!