i glanced yonghwa while driving and he was just glancing me back   " why do you keep glancing me ? " i asked him teasing , he looked like he's interested to discover me all over again and print my side profile in his brain , it was a little weird but thrilling , restrictions guided my expressions as if i was followed by paparazzi's cameras       " if you know a thing about driving , you would have known about me glancing the rear view mirror instead !!! " he said solemnly ! no way was i delusional , that's really embarrassing , he's surely making fun of my driving skills now !    however i thought about it , it felt wrong , accepting yonghwa's offer to show me some place !! i blamed my self over and over but i knew that if i had the choice again i would have chosen to go with him anyway , when i nearly gave up my life once i learned something , that living this life should be according to what you really want , no matter how worried were you to take that dangerous step , you'll regret later that you didn't try out .. that you didn't follow what you really craved to do ..  and him asking me to go somewhere with him i wanted to do it..    i thought about changmin , if i should be honest with him and tell him about today or not ..    yonghwa started making calls " hyung , sorry i had to leave , you took a cab already .. good .. see you later " that was mostly the conversation , so i knew he was bruce manager for sure    he made another call " ajussi , i'm coming now on my way , please prepare him "    prepare him !!! who ? i tried to solve that puzzle but i couldn't get anywhere with my thoughts , thinking who are we going to visit , and how he should be prepared !! he's not taking me to some weird place , right !!    yonghwa finished his calls and glanced me again , i'm sure he did ., his hand reached for the radio to volume it up .. it was TTS last year album , and i found it weird that he didn't search for it , it was already there !     " whenever you feel uncomfortable , tell me , ok ? " he said while looking ahead    " tell you ? " i repeated his words wondering    " yes , just shout HAMBURGER !! " he said and i started laughing out loud   i looked at him smiling " sorry to disappoint you , but i'm not a kid anymore "    " believe me , you wouldn't want me to consider you as a grown up woman " he said seriously with a smirk    " HAMBURGER !!! " i shouted , and he chuckled    " please ! stop these sick jokes of yours or i'll get off " i said frowning    " get off ?! once you accepted my offer , you can't escape this anymore " he said and my heart raced not sure in fear or excitement , but he looked so serious about it    i chewed my lips worried and looking through the window , it's crazy how his every word brings me to the edge of me seat , to the edge of my sanity    we talked for a while and then a known melody made it's way to our ears .. my throat went dry as the song started with my own lyrics .. i've always been proud of my song , but at this moment i wanted to hide , i just thought i don't want him to listen to this , at least when i'm here with him in this closed space .. as i thought about it i got more worried ..    my hand reached sneakily for the 'next track' button , when i was just going to press it , a breath-taking perfect hand covered mine and pulled my hand away    " what are you doing ? " he asked with an irritated tone    " i'm not in the mood for ballads " i made a quick excuse    " yes , but this my car and i decide the songs " he said with a stable tone confidently , i felt like i never knew yonghwa before , the considerate yonghwa really changed but surprisingly i'm interested to know about the new him too   i sighed heavily giving up , i wriggled my hand to escape his , but he tightened his grip more ..   " what !!! " i rolled my eyes on him    " we're going to hold hands throughout the song , so your hand wouldn't skip the song suddenly " he said as he interlaced our fingers tightly and rested our hands on his lap while driving with one hand    " i'm not going to skip it , so you don't have to do this " i said as my heart raced crazily inside my chest    " sorry i don't trust you " he said with a controlled tone , he's really stubborn .. earlier i was embarrassed to listen to my own song with him in the same place , but what should i do know if we're listening to it while holding hands ..   i glanced our hands together , it did't feel like he was just 'fixing' my hand but it felt more intimate , more lovely and gentle than his tone ..  with every wriggle he does with my hand , he wakes up the whole fire in my body again and again and my heart that i tried to calm it down earlier , races harder .. i remember this feeling from years ago , i remember the sensation of those perfect slender fingers of him interlacing mine , it has always felt so right .. i felt complete just by holding hands with him .. back then ..    once the song ended and the next song started , i escaped his hand and he let go of it easily , so easily i was hurt .. he didn't really feel anything while holding hands after all , so he was just 'fixing ' it .. maybe because he's a playboy now , so he does the normal things in intimate way i guess , i curved my lips in disappointment ..     " waah juhyun you wrote this ?? "    " you're asking because you don't know ? " i said with a mocking tone    " no , i'm asking because i don't believe , like really did you plagiarize this ? " he asked teasing    " think as you like " i said as i turned my face away looking through the window    " or did you write this with someone in mind ? " he asked with a low tone , and i tried to keep calm still looking away    he continued " but the weird thing is .. you weren't even dating at that time "    i gulped hardly as my throat tension suffocated me .. so he's really keeping a track of my life events , i clinched my fists to control my voice ..    " we're here " yonghwa said cheerfully as he parked the car , i let out a sigh relieved that the topic just died .. it was a 45 minutes ride , so i was craving to stretch my legs and walk around ..   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  " or did you write this with someone in mind ? " i asked her cautiously , there're a lot of things that confused me about seohyun , the song it self made me confused as it wasn't according to my expectation , she didn't hate or blame in her love song ..    " but the weird thing is .. you weren't even dating at that time " i said    more than me being curious to know the truth , i was afraid that i would get hurt by it ..    i glanced her and she looked troubled , clinching her fists on her lap .. i reminded my self again and again why did i take her to this trip , just to make her happy and comfortable ..    " we're here " i said cheerfully as i parked the car   she looked through the window wondering , i got off and opened her door , she got off from the car and screened the place quickly with her eyes " i've never been here before , a beach ?! "    "you'll understand now , let's go " i said as i took a few steps to a stairs down to the sand area , i extended my hand for her to hold onto it , she looked at it for a moment and then held it , i tightened my grip on her hand as we went down and took a steps toward a small beach building    " where are we going ? " she asked curious    " i'll introduce you to my friend " i said smiling to her    once we reached the entrance and entered , i watched her expression being surprised and amazed , she shaped into a voiceless wow as she got aware that we are inside a horses stable !    " amazing ! " she said as she looked around , i took her hand toward a particular horse that was outside his stall ..   " this is my friend , jaejon " i said as i patted his head and caressed his cheek , i talked to him then " hey buddy , she's SNSD seohyun , i'm sure you know her , right ? "    the horse made a pleasure nickering sound .. " see he's an SNSD fan too " i said , and seohyun laughed a feminine laugh    " hi , jaejon " she waved at him cutely    " come closer , and touch him " i told her as i rested my hand on her back guiding her closer to him , she held my gaze and then looked at the horse , she extended her hand for his cheek but he moved his head before she could touch him ..    " waaah " she said frightened as she didn't expect him to move    " don't worry , he's friendly , he likes you too " i said assuring as i covered the back of her hand with my hand , guiding her to caress his cheek and hair , my hand took the lead of her hand and we moved against him as one hand ..  she smiled warmly as she got comfortable with him " he's so cute " she said as she looked at him with love    i felt the jealousy knocking my heart , i shook my head in disbelief " yes he is a good friend "    " yonghwa ssi , you came " the ajussi approached us as he greeted me ..    " thanks for preparing him , he looks healthy as ever " i said grateful    " of course " he nodded , he looked at seohyun and was lost for a moment in her perfection , then he suggested to her " would you like to feed him , miss "    seohyun widened her eyes , " me ? " she looked at the horse and then looked at me , she looked cute as a kid asking for her parents' permission , i nodded at her    the ajussi gave sugar cubes in her hand , she held them tightly with a trembling hand , she frowned worried and clinched her teeth , then looked at me ..  i held her hand again guiding her to feed him and she did , the horse made another sound in pleasure , and she held my gaze for a second smiling warmly , my heart raced for her beautiful smile ..    " you said you wanted to try out horse riding before , that's why i brought you here " i explained and she nodded " ah yes i did "    " would you like to try out now ? since we are already here ? " i asked    " yes , i would like too " she said with wide clear eyes excited , i chuckled amazed by her , the way she breaks the ' yes let's do it ' response , is her cutest moments ever    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   i didn't think when i blurted out " yes , i would like too " !!! i have never tried riding before and it feels a little scary , as the horse is huge and i'm not sure how to control it , anyway i already said it  so ajussi hurried and brought me a footstool to stand on ..    my heart raced in fear but i said i would do it , i was thankful i wore a jeans today , as i took a step on the footstool yonghwa supported my hand , so i stood on the footstool and in one swift move i rode the horse    " wow , you're a dancer after all " he nodded amazed at my flexibility in riding , my cheeks got a little shy    as i was looking for the horse's rein to hold into , i felt yonghwa riding behind me in one swift move too !! i got a shock as my back was already sealed to his chest " what ! why ! " i shouted    " i can't allow you getting hurt because of this " he said and i felt his voice vibrating through my back ! i gulped as my stomach tied into a knot     i turned my face a little to roll my eyes on him in irritation , but once i did i bumped into his chest , his scent was already engulfing me , and i wondered if it'll stick to me after this , i was lost in my thoughts as i felt the horse taking a slow step    " wahhh " i was shocked , " hold tightly " yonghwa said seriously near my ear .. my heart raced and throbbed in my ear , i'm sure he's feeling it too since we're sealed but i'm relieved that he'll think i'm just scared ..    as the horse took a slow steps toward the exit , the ocean breeze hit me and the horizon was just endless giving me energy and relaxation , the beach was really beautiful and got no one around , at the other side there were a small mountains too , it was a new experience - a really amazing one - , excitement took over my body , i closed my eyes inhaling the ocean breeze as i extended my arm in the air feeling it tickling my skin .. i felt imbalanced for a moment !!!    " ah " i was shocked as yonghwa got aware of my imbalance , and wrapped his arm around my waist tightly as a reaction , he tried to keep the rein balanced too at the same moment till he stopped the horse ..    then he wrapped his other arm too around my waist tightly " i told you to hold tightly " he said with a trembling suffocating tone as he hugged me , and i felt his heart racing crazily in his chest ! i got worried over him ..    " ah i'm sorry " i said as i turned my face a little to look at him , but he guided my face with his hand to look ahead again , and buried his face in the crook of my neck !! i felt his shocked irregular breathing tickling my neck ! why was he that shocked and why is he hiding from me i wondered , however i thought about it , it wasn't normal -