it was 9:50 a.m the next day .. when i reached for my phone and canceled the 10 a.m alarm that already settled .. 

actually i didn't sleep except for 3 hours , i didn't move from my bed either i just kept staring at the ceiling , thinking again and again of what happened on the rooftop with yonghwa ..  it was a crazy night , things happened one after another i couldn't even process them still , i can't decide wether was it a sweet dream or a nightmare , but his warm tight embrace that left me weak but secure still buried in my mind , that moment i thought that i never wanted to leave his arms , i wanted to feel that security for the possible longer time ever .. but i know that it would have to end anyway like everything beautiful in this life ..    and with every hour passing the thought of him being steps away from me with just a wall between us - tortured me - !! i thought what would happen if i just carelessly knocked his door late at night and asked him to take responsibility of my heart that he tortured and pained for years ! would that be crazy ? and how exactly would he compensate for his sins !! the idea of me using his heart like he used me before rang my bells !! but .. i can't .. i never asked for a revenge all what i asked for is .. for my heart to hate him , so i can live peacefully ..    i heard a knock on my door .. he's here again .. i jumped from my bed quickly to open the door for him , a thousands times more excited to see him than yesterday , the thrill of meeting him again made my blood boil in excitement , the thought of meeting his browny eyes and losing myself in them made my heart race in anticipation    i opened the door sighing heavily " what a headache in the mor...."    i was saying but stopped when i got a shock seeing the person i never expected him to be here ! changmin ..    " surprise !! " he said winking with a sweet smile    " why are you here ! " i asked shocked because i know he's not that type of man that would travel places because he missed me , not that he doesn't love me but we are not in that kind of relationship as doing crazy things for each other   " you said you were lonely , so i came to entertain you " he said cheerfully smiling  ..    the next moment he wrapped his arms around me tightly , a really tight embrace for the first time between us , i was shocked and my body froze and i didn't know what to do with my hands that were aimlessly hanging in the air , i remembered that i'm the one who requested this over the phone last time - how stupid - , the thing is ... it's different from ... let's not compare    he broke the hug cupping both my cheeks in his hands and looked intensely into my eyes " i'm here now "    i was more irritated than thankful , him coming to Beijing , someone asked him to , and i can't think of anyone except him -yonghwa-    " you didn't have to ... " i was saying as i broke our eye contact , i don't like that feeling , the over attention as it reminds me of my weak past when everybody pitied me and my state ..    " look at me " he said gently , and i did ..    " tell me why your eyes are sad , i'm here to listen to you " he said softly locking his gaze with my mine , i could never tell him anyway , i never told anyone what happened, even yonghwa i hated that he knew about my weakness too although for a different reason ..    " it's just .. a girls quarrel between me and tiffany " i lied ..    i continued looking away " that's why you didn't have to come over such a thing "    " what if i came cause i missed you , will you keep on acting like that too ... " he said as he caressed my cheek with his thumb .. i'm overdoing it , hurting him although he wanted to help , i wonder if one day i would be able to tell him about my real concerns   then his thumb caressed my lower lip , i looked into his eye and as i thought he had that loving stare at me , he came slowly closer to my lips , my heart trembled inside my chest , more likely a fear than excitement , what's wrong with me !! i shut my eyes forcefully tensioned , i prayed that any distraction would happen at the moment .. then i felt his lips lightly pressed on the top of my head ..    i opened my eyes relieved , although i was hell sure he was going after my lips first ! maybe he felt my tension after all    " where's yonghwa oppa ? " i blurted out but well i knew i had the schedule excuse    " mmm he asked me to wake you up to get ready for the schedule , he's waiting down at the restaurant , now get ready quickly we can't keep him starving for too long "    i was more than ready to meet yonghwa again , although our last encounter wasn't the best but it feels we're a little closer and comfortable after our serious talk yesterday ..    changmin sat on the couch waiting for me to get ready , i wasn't that comfortable that he's here watching over me getting ready , i walked to the bathroom and took my clothes and makeup with me .. as i locked the door , i stared at my reflection on the mirror , my face looked tired as hell and my eyes puffiness were a complete misery , i took a very warm shower to lessen my face puffiness and i wore a jeans and a red checkered shirt ..   ----------------------------------------------- i walked to the restaurant with changmin , he leaded the way resting his hand lightly on my back as we walked ..    my eyes quickly searched the place for yonghwa , i recognized him as he was sitting on a table beside the scenery view , wearing a huge pitch-black sunglasses , crossing his legs and drinking his coffee peacefully  ..    the scene turned out noisy as we reached for his table " sorry yonghwa for the wait , juhyun was prettying her self up , i almost slept too waiting for her " changmin said once we sat on the table , with a wide grin on his face    " eh !! i wasn't " i said frowning as i hit changmin shoulder lightly playfully .. he's right anyway i took a very loooong time showering under warm water so my puffiness would disappear    " is that so ! " yonghwa said as he giggled , i glanced him and i didn't get to see his face as it was fully covered with the huge sunglasses , that left me glancing his lips which was a wrong idea after all ..    i wanted to act normal and talk about this and that , but his presence alone made my heart beats crazily , i knew that if i start talking he may use my own words to trap me , so it was safer to keep quiet ..    ~ later ~    " you should eat more " changmin said to me nagging , pulling a plate closer to me as he was observing me for a while now    " i am eating just fine " i said glaring at him hating the over attention i'm getting   

" your glare doesn't scare me , i'm here to take care of you " changmin said playfully as he covered my hand that was resting on the table with his hand , i took a quick glance at our hands 

  " am i pregnant or what ? " i said irritated , i'm just a psychic that hates over attention so what if it was in yonghwa's presence too    " eh ! do you want to ? " he chuckled as he said it .. such a joke !!!    i sighed soundly for him to hear it , as i massaged my temple ..    " sorry baby , i'm giving you a hard time but you're cute when you get irritated " changmin said as he lifted my hand he was holding and printed a kiss over it and then rested my hand on the table still holding it ..    i glanced yonghwa once again and he looked totally uninterested in our lovers' jokes , he kept his face toward the people passing in the restaurant - giving me a view for his perfect side profile - his pointed nose , v shaped chin , adam's apple , that looked totally heart wrecking for me , he looks so cool when he's calm thinking deeply like this , now he's more interested in the serving techniques of the waiters more than us - i can tell ..    i remembered his words from yesterday - i'm thankful for every time my heart broke seeing you , happily in his arms - !! suddenly i was suffocated , how can i be that heartless ! i should have refused to sit with him on the same table , i'm really stupid .. but i never understood why my happiness would hurt him !    " right , yonghwa ? " changmin asked yonghwa    " eh ? about what ? sorry i was spacing out " yonghwa said startled as he got his attention on us again    " i was saying that she looks cute the most when she's irritated " changmin re-asked him    my heart ached , and i glanced him , that sunglasses are getting on my nerves , i miss his browny challenging eyes , his mole too .. i really want to see him    yonghwa was quiet for a moment before he gets closer to changmin across the table , he shielded his mouth with his hand from me , and whispered with a hearable voice , while frowning and acting serious " do you really want me to say the truth ? " he said    and changmin laughed loudly and yonghwa joined him laughing too , i frowned at them flaring my nose ..    changmin's phone rang , he checked out the caller name , he leaned toward me a little " baby he's my manager , i have to take the call .. i'll be back " he said as he excused his self from yonghwa .. and went to the corridor    me and yonghwa looked at each other quietly for a moment ..     " you are the one who asked him to come , right ? " i asked him with a serious tone , he kept quiet and angled his face away    i came closer to him across the table " it's my life , you have no right to mess it up ... again ! " i said angry trying to keep my voice low    he looked at me and gave me his fully attention and got closer across the table too " i did that for your sake "    " i don't need your pity , yonghwa ! "      " it's not pity , i didn't want you to be alone after what happened.. " he said pressing his lips against each other ashamed , his tone too got a little depressed , that's exactly why i hated him knowing about my weakness    " are you my mother ? " i asked him irritated    " juhyun ... "    " then , are you my psychiatrist ? "    " no .. "    " then don't decide for me !!...  and how the hell am i alone ? aren't you here with me !!! ?? " i said irritated frowning    " i ... i am !!! " he said stuttering shocked    " and now take off those fu*king sunglasses , i want to see your eyes " i said unconsciously as i reached for his sunglasses to take it off , finally i saw him after i got off the black wall that hindered me from seeing his beautiful eyes , he was shocked , widening his eyes speechless , i was shocked too as much as him at what i'm doing ..    we locked our gaze for a moment searching for unknown truth , his eyes were puffed as much as i was this morning , his face looked so tired , he was pale and i wondered how could he manage to work today in that state ..    i extended my hand to his face " your eyes .. looks really tired " i said softly but he caught my wrist stopping my hand before i can touch him !!    " what are you doing ?!! " he said frowning irritated    " i ... i was just ... " i was speechless as i didn't even know what i'm really doing .. it was embarrassing that he stopped my wild hand and got irritated over it too     then he looked behind me and froze , he let go of my hand and snatched his sunglasses from my other hand , he wore it quickly " your boyfriend is here " he said solemnly as he looked away again getting his poker face on  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   yonghwa POV    " are you my mother ? " she asked me irritated , her eyes flaring with anger    " juhyun .. " i wanted her to calm down , i really did it for her to be happy    " then, are you my psychiatrist ? " she asked again ..    " no .. " i responded , i really don't know what to do anymore , i think i should just get off her life completely just as jungshin suggested , i'm just doing all the wrong things     " then don't decide for me !!...  and how the hell am i alone ? aren't you here with me !!! ?? " she asked irritated    as i processed her words - aren't you here with me - my heart raced !!    " i .. i am !! " i said stuttering as i heard my heart beating louder in my ears , i wanted to ask her if i am enough for her as a company , does she really feel comfortable with me !! i was thinking of something smart to say when i saw her hand reaching for me    " and now take off those fu*king sunglasses , i want to see your eyes " she said as she took off my sunglasses in a quick move !! - she wants to see my eyes - !!! what's wrong with her today , she keeps saying such a confusing words and i might misunderstand , and i really want to misunderstand !! i looked intensely into her beautiful eyes searching for the truth , her glance went from anger to gentleness , warmness ..    she extended a hand toward my face " your eyes .. looks really tired " she said softly , and i liked the worried glance she gave me , i was snapped back to reality knowing that changmin is steps away from us , and might appear any moment , i really don't want to mess up her life this time too , as changmin will never understand that she's pitying me and nothing more than this ..    " what are you doing ? " i said seriously as i caught her wrist , and just as what i predicted changmin made his appearance , so i snatched my sunglasses back and wore them and acted normal , i sighed as that was really dangerous !!    as changmin sat down , i looked at my watch it showed 11:00a.m and it was time to go for our schedule ..    " it's time " i said solemnly as i stood up    " when will you finish today ?" changmin asked    " 7:00 p.m i think " i said and seohyun glared at me as she stood !    " my love , after your schedule i planned a lot of things to do with you