we arrived Beijing and i shared the van with yonghwa ..

once i rested in my seat , my phone rang immediately , i checked the caller ~ changmin ..

i took a stole a glance at yonghwa and he was staring outside the window , afraid that tension might build up between me and yonghwa if i showed off my relationship with my boyfriend , i stared at my phone for a while wondering what to do exactly .. finally i took the decision to pick up the call 

" hey sweetie " changmin said 

" hey " i replied solemnly glancing yonghwa 

" you have arrived ? " 

" yes , just now " 

" how was your flight ?" he asked 

" it was all right " 

" did you miss me already ?" changmin asked 

" ah yes " once again i replied solemnly , glancing yonghwa and he was just staring at the streets outside 

" ok i'll call you later , i think you're not alone " 

" ah yes , bye " i ended the call and thankfully yonghwa looks like being lost in his thoughts

 i wondered what was he thinking about , him being this quiet is a little scary yet relaxing 

" you should have sent my greetings to your boyfriend " he said suddenly and leaned to rest on the window 

" how did you know ! " 

" like who else would call you the moment you land other than a puppy in love , i wonder if he'll come suddenly to Beijing to make sure that you're safe and sound " yonghwa said with a mocking tone , blowing warm air on the window and drawing whatever mess with his index .. 

" mmm he's not that kind of man " i said the truth anyway , changmin wasn't that impulsive dealing with relationships

" you have no idea what a man can do or bear with .. for his lover's sake " he said his words gazing at my eyes , i looked at my phone to escape his gaze which was piercing through me  

but still i said " wow such a sincere words ! although it doesn't go well with your past nor your present " with a lame tone
  
he moved his gaze from me , looking at the streets and talked again " it shows that you are a COLD girlfriend after all " 

his words shocked me , me ! cold ! i looked into his eyes questioning his mentality , and he looked sane enough gazing into my eyes challenging , i was speechless for a moment .. 

" i'll consider that as a complement , i prefer being this way rather than being the stupid girl i was once " 

then the silence in the van tensioned up .. 

i leaned my back on the seat , puzzled by what i said and how i'' still reacting to his every word

the things that i had done for him in the past wasn't that much , the time we've spent together wasn't that much either and maybe that's why i'm still trapped in the past 

**************************************************
( flash back 2011 ) 

my legs hurt kneeling on the hard floor and hiding behind the couch .. 
i got excited as the hallway got more noisy as a sign of cnblue being closer to this room .. 

it was at their concert in japan , i sneaked into their waiting room in the break time ... 

minhyuk opened the door , yonghwa , jungshin and jonghyun followed , jonghyun rested on the chair , and yonghwa sat on the couch away from me , i got irritated as my plan already failed .. 

minhyuk took a steps toward the couch i'm hiding behind , he saw me and got a momentary fright !! i winked at him and he smiled back

" hyung , that couch isn't comfortable .. come come sit here " minhyuk said as he pulled yonghwa's arm 

" hey kido , leave me alone " yonghwa relaxed his body on the couch , minhyuk sighed at loss

" hyuuuung " he shouted , " what !!! " yonghwa shouted back 

" i'll give you shoulder massage " 

" ok give it here , ahh right there minhyukiii " yonghwa pointed toward his shoulder in pain 

" that couch got no space behind it for me to stand , shift to this please " minhyuk begged 

yonghwa lazily shifted to the other couch relaxing once again

" now close your eyes " minhyuk ordred as he massaged yonghwa's shoulder for a while , then exchanged sneakily with me , i started to massage his shoulder instead 

" minhyukiiii , your touch got more feminine , you're giving me goosebumps " yonghwa said frowning and i giggled 

i used my palms to cover his eyes playfully , he moved my hand irritated , and looked at me " minhyuuk , are you crazyyyy !!! " 

he then stood up in a shock as he saw me , " juhyun !!! " he said still shocked , then i saw a toothy bright smile on his face .. i smiled back at him 

" why are you here ! i mean since when .. why didn't you tell me that you're coming " he started to talk non sense from the shock 

" it's a surprise you know " i winked playfully  

he grabbed my hand holding it tightly and looking into my eyes amazed by me being here in japan at his concert 

the brothers in law started to sigh heavily irritated , then minhyuk held jungshin's hand 

minhyuk talked to jungshin with a lustful tone " you are here ! i can't believe it " 

" yes i'm here , i live with you too .. and i'm already sick of seeing you " jungshin replied, as a pissed off girlfriend and jonghyun giggled 

" guys ! get out !! " yonghwa shouted at them 

" ehhh !! we're resting here , where should we go " jonghyun whined , yonghwa glared at them 

" let's go to the next room " jungshin suggested irritated too

they left the room angry , " lucky bastard " jonghyun murmured as he left 

yonghwa locked the door behind them and murmured " such a distraction "  , i giggled again

" why didn't you tell me that you're here in japan " he asked me with a serious gaze

" i didn't want to promise , since i wasn't sure if i could sneak out from our manager or not " i smiled at him warmly looking into his kind eyes , i missed him so much .. 

he tucked my hair behind my ear " you came alone ? we will drive you to your dorm then " 

" hyoyeon unnie with me , we have to leave before the ending anyway , so it's okay " 

" so that's why you didn't pick up my calls the past days !! i went crazy thinking about it " he said seriously gazing deeply into my eyes 

" why would you .... " i was wondering but he interrupted me  

" never do this again , i was afraid what if you knew ... what if you just disappeared from my life suddenly " he said seriously , his words were too deep over such a situation of me not picking up his calls for a few days , he was overly emotional too .. i thought maybe he's pressured from cnblue activities

" i'll never leave you , i'm going to stay here forever " i assured , pointing my index at his heart side 

he tightened his grip on my hand " i've always wanted to tell you this ... from the very beginning " 

my heart raced as my gaze froze on him, i felt it coming ; his first confession ever .. i held my breath to listen to his every world clearly 

" i love you juhyun , i really love you .. you and no one else , you're the first and last girl whom i fell crazily in love with "  he confessed with a soft but determined gaze , then came closer to my lips , slowly 

my first kiss ever , i trembled excited and scared , i shut my eyes tightly .. as i felt his fluffy smooth lips pressed on mine , gently , slowly , my lips were frozen ... i relaxed as i was lost in his heaven ... 

he broke the kiss parting his lips from mine slowly , he looked into my eyes warmly caressing my cheek with his thumb , then glanced my lips again , i was already addicted to his taste so i closed my eyes again .. coming closer to his lips slowly , he crushed his lips into mine instead , another gentle but more passionate than the first , and this time i pressed my lips against his too .. i rested my hand loosely at his back while his hand held my face steady .. the feeling was addicting ! i got a little dizzy intoxicated with his warmness , touch and scent ..

 but a knock on the door was heard 

" hyung , it's time " jungshin shouted in the hallway 

yonghwa broke the kiss slowly so he would'nt break the mood suddenly .. 

 " don't ever stop loving me " the way he whispered those words was as if he casted a magical spell on me 

he looked into my eyes warmly and i nodded at him assuring

he kissed my palm that he was holding in his hand all along before he let go of it ..

he turned his back to me leaving , and it felt suffocating somehow , not sure what is it , maybe i was being overwhelmed by his kiss still , or maybe it felt lonely looking at his back .. but something felt wrong , like as if it was our last happy days together .. 

i took a quick steps toward him ,when he already opened the door and got immersed with the noisy brother in law , still i wanted to say it .. 

" oppa !! " i called for his attention , and tip toed to whisper to him " i'll always love you , yonghwa " 

he froze looking at me , then his toothy smile brightly shined 

" ehhhhh , whispering too !! i hate it , my life is so boring " jonghyun whined irritated 

the brothers in law giggled .. 

that night it was the happiest night in my life , although our kiss that night was our first and last kiss ever .. it was really the last happy days with yonghwa as it turned out to be my most painful experience later , loving him was my biggest mistakes  

**************************************************

( back to present ) 

i kept quiet until i arrived the hotel , our rooms were just beside each other ..

i was opening my room door when he said " tonight we have no schedule , should we have fun ? " 

he's such a psycho !!! 

" no ! i don't want to " i said solemnly opening the door knob 

" let's eat dinner together then " he asked again taking a steps toward my door 

" i'll eat