yonghwa POV    after receiving the warning call from tiffany earlier , worries took over my mind and i was curious what happened to seohyun that broke her again , i rushed to her apartment but she wasn't there and didn't answer my calls either .. so i waited outside her apartment ..   the elevator doors opened and she came out , she glanced me quietly and ignored me ..    " juhyun ~ "    " yes ? " she said solemnly as she entered the villa passcode    " i would appreciate if you give me your attention " i said seriously as she tried to hide from me , but she did intrude my walls a countless times already so she's not allowed to hide    -------------------------------------------------   ( flashback 2011 seohyun's POV )   when i opened my eyes and found out that i'm still alive i was disappointed , i thought it was the end of that miserable life i had but i got the chance again to face it , however i didn't talk afterward , i didn't have the courage to explain why i did it or for who's sake , i didn't want to blame or be blamed , i couldn't face my unnies as i knew how much they were disappointed in me , they worked hard for SNSD and worked hard to support me while i just thought of my self , my problems and even decided things on my own , even now my unnies are still supporting me and visiting me whenever they got time .. it has been a week anyway since that night ..   i thought i will keep quiet forever and will never have a life again until that day i met - her - jin hae ..   that day the nurse asked me to take a walk in the hospital's garden , i welcomed that suggestion , because whenever i was left alone in that hospital room i would think about everything again , i would think about him too ..    i walked for a while in that garden , the sunlight and the flowers felt nice but that never made me feel better as seeing everyone around me in that sick hospital pajama was enough to deepen my depression , i sat on the woody bench as i watched people passing by .. and i thought about him again , has he ever known about what i tried to do ? that must have hurt him too , maybe that's why he didn't visit me here not even once , or why would he even care it was all a lie after all ..    " seohyun unnie ?? " i heard someone calling for me so i looked at her , she was a cute girl in her mid teens years , really pretty with a beautiful smile , although she was wearing the same ragged pajama as us but she got an outstanding vibe , however she was wearing a cap and i got an idea about her disease .. probably a cancer patient    i nodded at her smiling and she screamed excited in joy " waaaaaah , you are really seohyun unnie from SNSD !! my friends will never believe that i met you "    i smiled again at her , she continued " you look so pretty in real life too , can i have a seat next to you ? " she asked and i nodded smiling    " waaah , like really ! i'm sitting next to a SNSD member ! i love SNSD so much i wish i could follow you around and watch your performances but i can't .. i have to stay here most of the time "  she said cheerfully although her words were depressing    " i watched your WGM too with yonghwa oppa !! it was really sweet , i wish i would meet a love like that " she said grinning and my hands trembled so i massaged them , i had to change the topic so i started talking    " what is your name ? " i asked her trying to smile    " jin hae " she said , she continued " i really love dancing , i have always wished to be in a girl group performing for an audience and getting popular , other people would watch me and think - ohhh she's so cool - , i would get the chance to travel the world too , also i would get an unnies members supporting me and we'll have fun together , i would sneak to sleep with them on bed so i wouldn't get lonely at night "   " one day you can do it if you work hard " i said encouraging her and she laughed hysterically then smiled staring at a distance    " i'm not sure unnie if i got that much time later "    i stared at her listening to her words , i thought about her words and i felt sad for her that my tears were just around the corner of my eyes , but she looked strong enough to talk about it ..  although all her words were describing how i'm lucky that i got all those dreams she's craving to do but i envied her on how strong is she facing her problems     she started talking again " although it has been 2 years i'm fighting my cancer to survive , but i heard that it's getting worse rather than better , i have always thought that if i just cope with those painful side effects i'll win at the end .. so when i knew the truth , i got really angry that all what i went through while taking those medications was useless ,  .. but .. "    i listened to her at loss of what should i do , i didn't want to show her my sympathy but i couldn't stay still either , my trembling hand reached for her weak hand holding it , she looked at me smiling appreciating my sympathy but she looked stronger than me anyway    she continued staring at a distance " after i knew about it getting worse , i just thought i'm not going to take those medications anymore , i'm just a hopeless case and i'll die anyway !! so why would i want to go through the medications pain , those pajama too , the smell of the hospital , the lonely nights here , i should just give up "    my heart ached and i caressed her hand , my tears rolled on my cheeks and it was too late to stop them    she glanced me smiling and said " however , i returned to the hospital and took my medications again ! if i'm going to die anyway i will do it the brave way , i will face it and fight it till the very end , i can't give up now right ? " she said cheerfully and i nodded    she continued " also ... i got many friends here who got a chance to survive if they took their medications , i can't be selfish and give up my life , they will get hurt and depressed and they could give up too , for their sake at least i have to show off how strong i was when i got the chance to face it .. "    i cried hard quietly , and my hands trembled more roughly , i have always heard about people facing cancer , i heard about their pain and how brave they are , but i've never thought they could be this brave , if i start comparing my self to her i would just get the fact how stupid i was , what i have done , what have people done to me , and how i overreacted about everything ! it was all stupid   i don't even have an acceptable reason to what have i done ! i never thought about the feelings of the people who have supported me , i selfishly thought about my self and how i'll get my peace but never thought about unnies , my family and even yonghwa ..    " anyway unnie .. why are you here ? " she asked me curious and i felt ashamed ..   " while performing , i hurt my leg ... " i said with a suffocated tone lying    " please get well soon and perform great songs again , fighting ~ " she said cutely and i nodded smiling    " jin hae~ my sweet heart , come here it's time .. " a female doctor called for jin hae    " i have to go , unnie !! next time can i get your autograph ? " she asked me , and my heart ached , it should be me who gets her autograph instead    " of course !! i will send you a signed CD by all SNSD members especially for you " i said winking at her and she got excited about it and left    i returned back to my room and found hyoyeon , sunny , tiffany unnies are waiting for me    " our maknae is back !! " hyoyeon shouted excited once i entered the room    " have you got taller in just two days !! that's scary " sunny said joking    " i came today to polish your nails with this cool color , i'll not accept a no as an answer ! ok? " tiffany said excited    " we can even dye her hair and she'll never talk , will she ? hehehe " hyoyeon said joking    it was just like that for the past week , unnies would visit me and start talking endlessly , i felt bad for them trying hard for the sake of someone like me , who didn't even reply to them !!    however , i remembered jin hae and started crying hard    " eh want happened to her ! " tiffany said worried    " i'll call the doctor " hyoyoen said as she hurried toward the door    " wait unnie !! " i shouted as i went to hug her tightly crying , everyone froze at loss    " i'm sorry , i'm really sorry " i said as i cried and hyoyeon unnie hands patted my back    " it's okay maknae " she whispered assuring , and i cried harder    15 minutes later ~    i calmed down and started talking as we sat on the bed    " i'm sorry , i was selfish enough to do something that stupid " i said    " it's alright , it's all in the past now "hyoyoen unnie said    tiffany pouted sadly saying " you should have trusted us , why face it alone while you got us by your side "    " i thought ... " i was saying but sunny started talking " anyway hyoyeon is right , it's all in the past "    i looked at tiffany unnie and she looked disappointed about it    " i'm sorry for being weak , i should have acted braver than this , i should have worked harder instead of giving up " i said    " so you are saying that you are not weak anymore right ? that you'll work harder right ? " hyoyeon pointed at me seriously , for me to promise her    i nodded at her seriously    tiffany sighed irritated " then where is your voice maknae ? hyoyeon would you take a nod as a promise ? "    " of course not ! i'm waiting for her word and a pinky promise too so i would believe her " hyoyeon unnie said and i smiled    " i promise i'll work harder from now on and never get weak again !! i'll face whatever happens in the future " i said seriously promising   sunny unnie started talking " anyway maknae , you should get well soon so you can start practicing for the coming SM town "    " eh ! but i'm already ... " i was saying confused since i already got expelled from SNSD group by the agency request    " i talked to my uncle and he got the situation , i promised him too that you're going to work hard and be the seohyun we have ever known " sunny unnie said and my heart raced !! i really got another chance !!    " i'm thankful and i'll never disappoint you again " i said smiling    " however ... " tiffany said seriously and i looked at her curious    " yonghwa ... " she said and my heart stopped beating for a moment    she continued " you'll see him again , actually A LOT from now on , since we are working in the same industry after all and got the same events .. so .. are you ready for this ?"    i took a deep breath as i stared at her quietly for a moments , my heart still races crazily whenever i think about him    " i will move on from him , i'll find my happiness away from him and fall in love again .. i'll never allow us to cross paths again " i said as my heart trembled but i should be able do it one day , if it's not this year then the next , if not then probably the next .. i will end up doing it one day    " you promised us maknae , and we'll believe in you " hyoyeon unnie said and my heart twisted as they got my word that i'll move on from him , they've got my word that i'll fall in love again with someone else , i promised to never hurt them again or disappoint them  --------------------------------------------------- ( back to present - yonghwa pov )    she raised her head and held my gaze , her eyes trembled with weakness " yes oppa , what is it about ?" she said with a strangled voice but acting steady .. her sadness was way to deep to be hided with just a mere solemn expression    i pulled her hand suddenly toward me , for her to fall into my embrace , my heart raced as i felt her warmth again , i surrounded my arms tightly around her and i wondered if i'm doing this to console her or to console my soulless body instead ..     " what are you doing ? " she asked with a weak tone as she gulped   " you said , we have to move on together and we'll help each other to .. " i used her words , she's the one who gave me the right to stay by her side    " ok , but don't hug me " she said with a broken tone    " wae ?" i wondered as i tightened my embrace more , whatever her reasons i'm not letting her go    " you said i shouldn't let go of my tears easily , so hugging me .. my tears are craving to fall " she said with a broken tone as her voice deepened , her breathing got irregular   " it's okay to cry as long as you're between my arms hyun~ah " as i said it my heart ached , i lied .. no it's not alright for her to get sad   " ohhh !! " seohyun joked about it as she chuckled then she cried softly , i felt her hands sliding to rest on my back lightly hugging me back    i caressed her hair as i got suffocated listening to her sobbing quietly and helplessly , i wasn't sure what happened to her but i wanted to protect her , to do anything to bring her happiness again , her genuine smile    " i wanted to be strong .. " she said amidst her endless sobbing , " what should i do , i think i'm awfully weak "    my heart fell and froze for her helpless words    " oppa you were right !! i'm still the same scaredy cat , the really weak breakable cat that fell in the mud painfully whenever she tried to take a step forward " she said as she cried softly    " you are not weak juhyun ! you have never been weak .. you worked hard and endlessly searching for you happiness , you bravely faced me after how hard i broke you "    " but i failed .. i failed in whatever step i took .. i'm afraid to turn out into that weak seohyun again , the seohyun who had hurt herself , you , and everyone around her with her weakness "    " you're not weak anymore .. how would you be weak while being able to give strength to others ?! you gave me the strength to get my self back , your warm embrace and assuring words were enough to bring me back .. so i'm thankful to you " my voice trembled as i said it , i lost my self the moment i lost her , and got it back when she came into my life again    her weak hands pushed me away to break the hug so i loosened my grip , she held my gaze with her teary eyes    " i'll stay by your side until you find your happiness , even if it was for eternity " i said seriously promising her    " so you think i might end up for eternity not finding my happiness !!! " she said shocked raising an eyebrow    i chuckled " i'm just trying to find an excuse to stick to you "    she pressed her lips together hiding a smile , and turned around to open the villa's door " you'll not even pray for my happiness then , will you ? " she said joking as she took a step into her home    i looked at her and she was just getting ready to say her bye    " just like that !! now that i made you feel better , you are going to abandon me here and leave ?! " i said seriously shocked    " why would you think that you made me feel better ! " she pouted cutely challenging me    " then that's a more valid reason that you can't leave yet "    " me !! leaving !! you are the one who should leave i'm already at my own place "    " looks like i'm not invited either "    " no you're not "    " then .. " i said as i grabbed her wrist to come out again " let's go somewhere "   " eh !! where ? " she said surprised    " i'll teach you how to face your depression as an adult " i said as i dragged her to the elevator , she acted like hating it but she didn't object me anyway    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   seohyun's POV ..   yonghwa drove across the city , and i quietly sat in his car looking through the window , he would stop every now and then and buy things but i acted uninterested and quietly watched the streets  ..    i know it's wrong , going along the flow and sticking to him , but i could never refuse his offers to spend time together , it's a fact that i want to be with him , - moving on - wether it's an excuse or not , i will just accept being with him for whatever reason ..    later he parked the car along han river    " we are here " he said as he unbuckled his belt    i looked around and it was an unknown place along the river , it was late at night and no one walked around , no cars passing by either , however the place was beautifully quiet and relaxing with the bridge lights reflected on the river ..    my door was opened by yonghwa and i looked at him , he looked excited like a kid and his toothy smile just supported that vibe ..    " what if someone saw us ? " i asked worried still sticking to my seat    he leaned toward me and my heart raced not sure what is he thinking , his hand went and unbuckled my seat belt ..   " no one ever knows about this place , except me , and now you too , so it's our little secret " he said smiling and i knew that he started his cheesy lines for tonight , however i was hap