*not the last 

one month later ~ seohyun's villa ~ 6:00 p.m

when you are single , you wake up everyday wishing for a better life for yourself ..

when you're a mother , you wake up everyday wishing for a better life for your children ..

when you are a single mother -doing her best to avoid being selfish - you'll end up thinking twice before making a wish for yourself , discarding those unnecessary twinkling fantasies that you've always dreamed of when you were young , the perfect storylines you've always admired doesn't suit your life anymore since you're drowned into the darkest bottom of reality 

-you have to lose something to gain another - that's how reality works , and your only way for satisfaction is to accept it , no .. to actually fall in love with all your stupid choices , boldly confidently all the way until the end ..

i admired my own healing speech and gave myself a supporting nod .. boldly , confidently .. i've done the best i could .. 

however my heart sank ever so slowly with gloomy feels , i gulped my stupid weakness down and hided them back into the deepest part of my soul .. 

pouring my whole attention back to the iPad screen which was already dim black and locked for being inactive for a several minutes now ..

i unlocked it and the screen shined bright again with yonghwa's airport arriving news that i already read a while earlier 

yonghwa arrived korea a while ago along with CNBLUE boys back from japan , they spent the past two weeks in japan performing concerts in tokyo , osaka , nagoya and niigata .. their airport photos documented the fact about it being a hell of tiring schedule with the boys looking like walking dead with their masks covering most of their faces , jonghyun's messy hair , jungshin linking arms with minhyuk and crawling the airport floor in exhaustion.. 

while yonghwa ... the man who looked brand new fresh , excitedly grinning from ear to ear and throwing countless air kisses to fans ! his bright toothy smile was contagious enough for me to smile widely too .. 
it was written all over his face that he'll be here in my apartment by the next hour to check on yonghyun ..

" mommyyyy " yonghyun jumped on my back and clang to my neck 

" hyun~aaah " i held her arms fixed and leaned down suddenly along with her body weight for her to expermint the falling thrill , i heard her cute giggle 

" scared ? " i asked 

" no " she replied boldly , my lips twisted in a smirk thankful for how strong is she , just like how i wished for her to be
i leaned back toward the couch and caressed her squishy arm on my shoulder " i'll show you something interesting , ok ? " 

" call " she said with ego and i giggled 

i showed her a clip from CNBLUE concert in japan last week and pointed at yonghwa's focus who was jumping across the stage energetically " do you know who is that ? " i asked her

she buried her face in my neck as she gazed at the ipad screen nodding , " who is he ? " i re- asked and she pointed at the tiddy bear 

" yeah exactly !! the one who brought you that fluffy fabulous bear , who is he ? " 

" yong ~ " she answered and i palmed my face in disappointment , since he first introduced himself with yong - she's stubbornly refusing to change his nickname for a month now 

" he's appa ~ !! appaaa , mommy and appa ! " i stressed the words and she gave a slight nod

" he'll come later to play with you and bring a lot of amazing toys with him , he'll be REALLY happy if you called him ~ appa ~ once you see him " i explained for her and she thought about it seriously 

" appa ?! " she echoed cutely and my heart lightened hearing the word from her , at this rate it could kill yonghwa with excitement overdose ! i giggled at the thought and let the ipad aside , pulling her from my back to my lap

" you did well hyun~ah , my brainy little angel " i celebrated her little success tickling her hard and she laughed " stop !! " she shouted 

i froze my hands immediately at her word and she cautiously gazed at me catching her breath 

" so what will you call him again ? the nice namja who brought you that bear " i tested her , praying she would get the word as i moved my lips saying it wordlessly as a hint

she smirked at me as she knew what i want to hear , she asked cautiously " appa ? " 

" ooooh that's right !! " i tickled her again and she laughed harder

" mommy , stop " she demanded and i froze at her word again

i froze for several moments so she provoked me , narrowing her eyes and challenging me with a twist " app... stop !! " before she laughs hard at my loss 

" eeeh ! how sneakyy " i acted sulky 

" win " she announced , her every word and reaction is cute , totally unpredictable which made my every day interesting and thrilling 

i hugged her tightly before i print a kiss on her fluffy cheek " mommy loves you sooo much !! " 

" love mommy too " she said and i squirmed with excitement 

the door bell rang at that moment ! seriously how in the world did yonghwa make it here all the way from the airport this quickly 

" looks like appa already arrived , aren't you excited ? " i told her as i went to the door and she jumped on the couch " daebaak " 

i opened the door and barely confirmed that he was yonghwa before he rush into my villa in excitement ..  

" hyun~aaaah !! i'm baaaack " he exclaimed as he saw yonghyun , he hugged her tightly and spun around a few times before they both get dizzy ! 

i shook my head watching the overly excited yonghwa who acted as if he came out from a Disney movie , too bright to be real

" i really missed you , i missed you so much !! i almost went insane from missing you " he talked to her seriously as some kind of sick lover 

i chuckled and mocked him " almost ? " 

i caught his attention with my sarcasm , so he turned around glancing me " hey juhyun , how are you ? " 

" good " i replied nonchalantly as i closed the door while thinking about it , i never get his attention unless i throw a sarcastic line as if he was trying hard to ignore the fact that i did exist in this world 

talking about the past two weeks he spent in japan , he would send me a text every night with the same exact words 
(( how is yonghyun today , is she doing well ? ))  

the yes / no question limited my reply to the same exact words every time too  (( yeah , she's doing well )) 

i wasn't really in need for those major supporting texts from him ,since i'm doing my role perfectly fine as i've always done for the past two years all alone ..

" wait ! don't close the door , the boys are coming behind me " he said as he walked toward the door carrying yonghyun 

" the boys ! " i widened my eyes in a shock , don't tell me !!! 

" annyonghesayo " jonghyun asked for attention , and i shifted my glance to him in surprise as i fell speechless , it has been a long time since the last time i saw him 

" hyung ! why did you come out before 3 !! " minhyuk whined at jonghyun as he came from his hideout and jungshin followed 

jonghyun raised his brows clueless " eh , i thought it's already a fail since hyung exposed us anyway " 

my glance met with jungshin's cold gaze , i knew he was disappointed in me since the time i disappeared without telling him anything .. 

" juhyun~ah , how are you ? " jonghyun greeted me 

" i'm fine , how have you been guys ? it has been a while " i said with a warm smile 

" omg ! she's really pretty !! yoeshin yeoshin " jungshin shouted as he noticed yonghyun in yonghwa's arms 

" is that your daughter !!!? " jonghyun exclaimed with such an obvious remark

" then what ?! did i buy her ! " yonghwa replied sarcastically

" hey there little girl " minhyuk waved a hand greeting her , she immediately fell for his smile and hided her tomato face shyly into yonghwa 

" she doesn't like you , ottokeee " the clueless yonghwa acted sad teasing minhyuk

" eh why !! " minhyuk whined with a broken tone

" please , come in " i asked them to have a seat and they went in 

yonghwa let yonghyun on the floor , handing her all the fancy wrapped gifts he brought for her , she checked them out one by one calmly ,giving her whole attention to every detail , color and character within those gifts ..

while the 4 guys kneeled on the floor watching her intensely as some kind of play 

" can i give her a back ride later ? " minhyuk suggested as he helped her out unwrapping the gifts , yonghyun stared at him with a sparkling eyes in admiration 

" wae ? are you her dad ? " yonghwa lectured him with a glare and the boys sighed in pain simultaneously 
i couldn't help but to wonder , why did he even invite them if he's going to act this childish !! 

" her being this pretty " jonghyun started talking with bitter tone , " i understand that she's juhyun daughter , but it doesn't make sense that you're her father " 

yonghwa smirked and glowed with ego " you admitting how pretty is she , proves the fact how handsome i am " 

" aigoooo " jonghyun whined in pain , " now we got another fuel for that annoying ego "

yonghwa sniffed the air as he said " i can smell it, you're burning with jealousy " 

jonghyun wasn't the only one who almost snorted at the ridiculous joke , he got our supporting glances so he calmed down a little 

minhyuk watched her closely " she could end up as an idol when she grows up "

" NEVER ! " me and yonghwa exclaimed in sync and ended up looking at each other in a shock

minhyuk both his arms to wash off the goosebumps effect " look at those strict parents, how creepy " 

i cleared my voice as i re-phrased " i mean , i'll let her do what she likes but she has to study hard first " 
with such a quote i tried to detach myself from yonghwa's opinion , i didn't wan't to share even the little things with him such as opinions 

" oooh , that's a wise speech juhyun mommy " jonghyun admitted and yonghwa gritted his teeth in jealousy 

" i would have said the same line too but i thought it's a common sense " yonghwa explained with a bitter tone 

minhyuk giggled " it's okay , good parents are those who are in sync " 

i protested sharply " we aren't in sync , believe me "  

the tension was escalating with each smoment passing so junghshin changed the topic " hyung , can i date her when she grows up ? " 

" miche.....!! " i exclaimed again with yonghwa before we both cut our - are you crazy - foul word halfway for the little girl's echoing talent 

" talk about dating again , and you'll never be allowed to go near her " yonghwa warned with a frown seriously 

" must be the " jungshin murmured in depression and we laughed 

" no it's not the " yonghwa said firmly 

jungshin pleaded for my help " juhyun~ah you'll allow me , right ? " 

" aniya " i replied coldly without a second thought

" see ! even your chingu abandoned you " yonghwa twisted his lips teasing his dongsaeng with a smirk 

" what about my nephew , the is just perfect " jonghyun suggested clapping a hand in excitment

" guys , could you stop matching my daughter with random boys ! i'll never allow her to date anyway " yonghwa frowned in irritation ending the discussion , rather than him being overly protective ; he had a serious internal conflicts defining his new obsession with my poor yonghyun  

" mommy , look .. story " yonghyun approached me as she handed me the colorful story book yonghwa brought for her , i checked out the content and they were all about girlish princess' stories  

i looked at yonghwa and he shyly passed fingers through his hair acting clueless , i gazed at the stories again with a warm smile as i remembered him being there at the park when i told yonghyun about the princess story to stop crying , as always he pays a lot of attention to whatever detail 

" hyun~ah , go and say your thanks " i asked her and she nodded obediently and went toward yonghwa , his face brightened a thousand tones in a moment as he opened his arms super wide to receive her 

just before she steps into his arms and before he bursts with happiness into tiny pieces .. i called for yonghyun again and messed up his moment " hyun~ah come here " 

she came toward me and dumped the poor guy in a blink , the dragon's eyes flared in anger and gritted his teeth that i heard them crashing from my two meter distance .. the boys fell on the floor in a laughing attack relieving their builded annoyance from earlier 

i hugged yonghyun tightly whispering in her ear 

' hyun~ah , remember our talk earlier ? the one who brought you the bear and other interesting gifts is called appa , go kiss and tell him - thanks appa - and he'll be really happy , thanks appaaa ! got it ? '

i broke the hug as i gazed at her and she nodded , i kissed her cheek sealing the promise and pushed her slightly toward yonghwa ..

yonghwa's face was cement stiff frowning in anger tinged with jealousy as he radiated with - i'll kill whoever touches me now vibe - when yonghyun went to him with a slow steps ..
she froze halfway and looked back at me in hesitation , i smiled at her and gestured for her to go .. she was obviously scared , seriously who would want to kiss such a scary face 

" you better ease your face or you'll scare her away " minhyuk said as he nudged yonghwa who let a growl trying to relieve his tensioned face

despite his fail , yonghyun went BRAVELY and kissed his cheek as she murmured cutely
 " i'm sorry , appa " 

we all froze in a shock at the poor girl , she ended up apologizing for him when she noticed how angry he was ! 

" poor her " jonghyun said in pain , jungshin mumbled " it must have been hard on her " 

minhyuk frowned in empathy " how depressing " 

yonghwa's time stood still as he froze in loss with a full widened eyes , we felt bad for yonghwa next as we imagined how shocking it must be for him to acknowledge that he frightened his own daughter , however we couldn't do anything about it 

" she said ... appa !!! " yonghwa murmured in disbelief 

he fished for our responses in insane happiness " did you hear her everyone , she called me appa~ just now !! " 

we fell speechless watching yonghwa stepping officially into the insanity world , he lifted yonghyun from the floor to the ceiling in celebration " you finally said it ! appaaaa !! it's me appaaa "

" shinnie~ , you heard her right ? " yonghwa asked for jungshin cooperation and jungshin shrugged his shoulders acting clueless " about what ? "

" yaaaaaaaaaah , you heard it " yonghwa's high note rang in the building vibrating the walls  

we just spent the next hour with yonghwa trying to convince us that he is her dad indeed and asking the poor girl to say the word again , the more he asks for it the more yonghyun stubbornly shut down ..
then the boys played with her for a while depriving her whole energy until she fell asleep peacefully ..

~ later , i was at the kitchen with jungshin preparing hot chocolate for everyone ..

" i'm sorry , i couldn't contact you the past two years " i started talking as we waited for the water to get heated 

" i was really worried about you , you should have dropped me a word once in a while , i would've never pressured you to know your hideout " jungshin said frowning , trying to keep his tone low 

" i know , i truly know " i nodded at him , and continued with trembling tone massaging my hands " i didn't want to open the door for my weakness , if i contacted you i might have ended up asking for someone help and i didn't want to depend on anyone but myself " 

he let out a heavy sigh trying to accept my poor excuse , my glance shifted from jungshin to the yonghwa who sat away on the couch , while directing his whole attention on us , narrowing his eyes trying to read our lips , his expressions matched mine along the way as if he sent his soul to spy on this talk

" i'm thankful you returned back safely , and brought yonghyun back to get everyone love " jungshin said and got my attention again 

" she looks really happy here , thanks to you all " i softened my expression , so yonghwa would lessen his aching curiosity

" you should declare that you have a daughter soon , netizens are already aware that you're back "

" i'm telling the whole world about her little by little , until the time i finally reveal her to the media " i had a specific consequence to reveal yonghyun , starting with the closer supportive colleagues and ending up with the cruel media , just like collecting your allies for upcoming war 

" what about your career ? " jungshin asked in concern as he poured the hot chocolate 

the strong aroma of the chocolate lightened up my mood so i smiled widely as i threw my bright surprise " i got a new musical role " 

" really !!! " jungshin exclaimed loudly and i nodded smiling , when i first got that chance i was shocked too , who would ever think i could resume my career again in korea after all what happened and will happen later , by the time i returned back SM were already aware how SNSD members concentrated mainly on their solo activities after sooyoung's marriage last month , so it welcomed my solo activities 

my glance immediately shifted to check out yonghwa and he was signaling for minhyuk some kind of instructions , don't tell me ... ! 

a moment later minhyuk came to the kitchen asking " what's going on here , everyone ? " 

as i noticed how minhyuk was practically here to spy on us following his hyung orders , i ended up laughing hard , really hard that my eyes teared up and my stomach ached ..

he never changes , whatever happens or how many years pass , he's still the same curious yonghwa who's using his dongsaengs as his step ears and eyes !! 
i wiped my tears to clear my vision and met yonghwa's clueless gaze
 ~ you're such a choding ~

-------------------------------
2 weeks later ~ 

" you have to come next week " i asked tiffany on the phone 

" yaaah , is that a request ? are you showing off that you're her mommy " she replied with a loud tone abusing my eardrum 

" i know i know , i'm just reminding you unnie " 

" yonghyun's birthday is engraved in my heart , no need for reminding me " she said acting serious and i giggled

yonghyun was leaning on the window , watching over the street and couting the passing cars " red car .. whooosh black car ..whooosh ..  white ? " 

" is that yonghyun's voice ? she's noisy as usual " tiffany said and i laughed 

" yeah so noisy actually !! " i let out a soft sigh in exhaustion and tiffany laughed 

" let's name her jingii , just like her mom " she suggested and i giggled 

" but i'm happy that she's developing fast now since she's concentrating on korean "  

" aish , what's so good about learning korean ?! you should have just raised her abroad , it's better for her " tiffany said unconvinced 

" you know i tried unnie , but she was missing something " 

" that's because you were just hiding there , if you want to live there officially , my family could watch over you , and you could even ask your family to stay there with you , i don't get why would you want to return back to such a narrow minded netizens and sharp tongued media " she said seriously and i thought about it 

but if we leave korea , it would be hard on yonghwa to check up on yonghyun regularly , he would hate it for sure 

" i'll think about it later unnie , but at least for now i need to establish my career in korea again , so yonghyun would feel proud whenever she's back to korea " 

" arghh juhyun seriously , just live your life ! people will never shut up " 

" don't worry unnie , we're really happy here for now , and the musical is doing fine too " 

" can't wait to watch juhyun mommy performing on stage , i should expect from you a lot since you got an american degree now "

" hehe~ , we already finished the practice and we'll have the press conference next month " 

" aww it's too soon , fighting ~ mommy " 

" thanks ~ " 

" by the way , i heard the handsome single taekyung is the male lead for your musical , right ? " she asked excited and i could sense her ulterior intentions 

" yeah he is , and no he's not interested in a mommy with a daughter , stay tuned for other shabby love life updates " i replied with a mocking tone , guiding her wild imagination back on the reality track

" so what ! he's divorced too " 

" yeah , that's why i'm sure he'll choose wisely this time " i said with a sarcastic tone hoping for her to drop the topic 

" i bet he's interested in our pretty maknae , he's talking about you everywhere you know " 

" that's what's called promotions unnie , for you to finally buy your ticket " 

" ehhh , you aren't even giving me one free " she shouted shocked

i was watching yonghyun , when she rolled her hair between her fingers trying to tie it into a knot ! i panicked as i ran to stop her 

" hyun~ah ! don't " 

" arghhh unnie , i'll end the call for now " 

" ok yonghyun mommy , bye " 

we ended the call and i managed to stop yonghyun before it's too late to save her silky long hair .. 

a message arrived on my phone the next minute

(( we have a musical gathering tomorrow at four seasons restaurant 9:00 p.m , you have to come )) from taekyung  

the fact that it was my first work gathering after 3 years made me a little nervous ! but i had to attend anyway because i'm really grateful for this cast , we practiced for the musical together for the past few months and they were really supportive especially after their acknowledgement for me as a mother , i had to tell them from the very beginning about yonghyun since it was my unpredictable timed bomb that media could blow off any moment , and consequently the musical will be effected too ..

later i asked my mom to take care of yonghyun for the evening and she  kindly accepted -scratch that- , she was really super excited to have yonghyun .. 
----------------------------------- 
next day ~ 8:00 p.m the night of the musical gathering

i arrived my parents building garage and parked the car , i took a look at yonghyun on the seat beside and she was sleeping peacefully , my heart ached as i watched her uncomfortable body posture .. 
we made it into the elevator carrying her , i sensed her body wriggling until she gave up on this uncomfortable nap and wiped her eyes trying to wake up .. 

" my cute hyun~ah is finally awake !! " i said with aegyo tone caressing her back , she moaned being sleepy and furrowed her eyebrows in frustration 

" hey , are you ready to visit your lovely halmoni and haraboji ?? i bet halmoni will make a lot of tasty food and let you mess with her precious piano " i told her as i giggled , she tightened her arms around me and leaned her head back on my shoulder uninterested 

" hey hyun~ah , are you alright ? " i asked her worried as i palmed her forehead and mine trying to find out if she was sick , her temperature was average though !

i opened my parents' apartment door and mom rushed welcoming us 

" ohhh my pretty yonghyun~ah is here " omma exclaimed and took her from me , hugging , squashing and kissing her , yonghyun woke up finally and interacted with omma 

" anyonghyseo apoji " i greeted my dad who was sitting on the couch , watching the TV

he nodded as a reply without throwing me a mere glance .. 
father had changed a lot since the time i ran away , he hated every single decision i made the past 3 years , so he eventually ended up hating me too , ignoring me and builded a steel strong wall between us that i couldn't break however time passed but i could never blame him for what i deserve ..

omma came carrying yonghyun between her arms as she called for appa's attention " yonghyun's haraboji ~" 

" ohhhh , my pretty yonghyun is finally here !! i waited for you al