i sat on the couch , my gaze followed seohyun's every move while she was preparing the cold compresses for me in the kitchen ..

i'm not sure what i was thinking exactly when i held her wrist stopping her from leaving earlier but i wanted her to stop crying , i wanted her to do whatever she wants so she would calm down , i can't bear up seeing her in pain ..
since then we didn't talk and it was awkward ..

she finished and came toward me with an ice bowel in one hand and towel in the other , i sighed in disbelief at what we are doing now ! i never asked for a treatment from her , few days ago she heartlessly broke me and now she's worried over a little bruises !!

she sat beside me inches away , really close that i started to get nervous and my heart raced .. she was at my own apartment 1:00 a.m and giving me caring glances so i can't help it but to feel nervous ..

i hardly gulped as i watched her hands preparing an ice cube inside the small towel , then her glance was shifted on me so i abruptly looked away !! i felt her cold hand was placed on my neck side and her fingers over my jaw line to adjust my face direction toward her , i jerked from her touch unconsciously ..

" sorry , was my hand that cold ! " she said worried as she retreated her hand and wiped it on her dress multiple times to warm it , she touched her cheek to make sure that her hand was warm enough now .. she did all that while the reason for my jerking wasn't because of her hand temperature , it's because i'm determined not to fall in her trap again , i learned from my lesson ..

her hand reached for me again as she buried it on my neck side , i directed my face toward her but my glance was looking at a distance ..

she pressed the iced towel against my bruised cheek and my eyes twitched in pain ..

" is it painful ? " she asked warmly , and i shook my head denying , keeping my glance away as my heart raced for her

her fingers on my neck caressed me a little and i frowned not sure loving or hating it , but it was torturing me and i prayed that she would end this quickly

when she placed the towel toward my ear , my hair got in the way , so her fingers passed through my hair to pull it backward , my body shivered and i held her gaze questioning her intention , i'm sure she's not that innocent anymore .. she bit her lower lip as she looked away escaping my glance ..

her hand trembled so she retreated it , she retreated the towel too , and worked her hands in the iced bowel busying herself .. i watched her side profile as her hair fell on her face , as i saw it i remembered that night again , i remembered how it felt to pass my fingers through these luxurious strands of hair !!

she raised her head glancing me to find me looking at her with intoxicated eyes , i glanced her lips , neck line , and hands and got all the memories and heat from that night rushing through my body , remembering the way she passionately acted between my hands made me and i thought if i should ask , plead to her to replay that revenge again !!!

she shrank and retreated her self away getting aware of my sick glance at her

" it's getting late , i think i should leave now " she said as she cleared as her voice was getting rusty

" i suggested that multiple times , but you didn't want to leave " i said as i kept my glance on the nervous her

" ah pabo me , i'll go now " she said as she put the bowel on the table getting ready to leave , i snatched her bag that was beside her to hide it behind my back ..

she got a shock and widened her eyes on me ..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as i noticed his glance getting more serious and deeper , i got worried of his intentions , i've hurt him badly and i'm not sure if he would reply with a reckless action , since i'm here alone late at night at his own apartment ..

" it's getting late , i think i should leave now " i said nervously

" i suggested this multiple times , but you didn't want to leave " he said as he kept staring at me , and i got shivers across my body for his dangerous glance , he's a man after all and i was recklessly inviting his hormones over and over , i kept on awaking his desires ..

" ah pabo me , i'll go now " i said nervously as i put the bowel on the table , getting ready to leave quickly , as i rested my glance on my bag to hold it , he snatched it away hiding it behind his back !!

i gulped nervously at him acting this wild , i thought if i had to , i would leave my bag here and take a taxi instead but i'll not even have money to pay the taxi

" if you wanted to stay that much , i'm sure you have something to say .. since you have exposed your revenge plan to me already , you don't have to hide your feelings from me anymore , right ? " i heard him saying to me as i was thinking of ways to escape from here , he was right though , if i really want us to move on together , if i want to clear things between us , we have to talk

i looked at him for a moment , he looked serious about it so i sat again on the couch , meters away from him ..

he had a smirk on his face while saying " now you got aware that you're in a namja's apartment !! " he said as he glanced our new distance

" i thought we were going to talk seriously , but you're just joking around instead " i said nervously but trying to act composed

" do you think i would joke about it ? you stubbornly barging into people's houses late at night , so i thought either you don't have anything to protect or you are willing to .... lose it ! " he said with a smirk , and i got confused of what has gone wrong with him ! maybe it's his way to trouble me ..

" i thought your broken face will distract you from me , but i guess i was wrong and you're still enjoying your senseless sick comments " i said coldly as i got my senses back , two can play this game and i'm not scared of him

he held my gaze for a moment speechless as he lost the battle , so he started talking seriously

" you are the one who told him about what happened between us at MBC room , right ? " he asked directly looking at me

i nodded at him as i looked away

he let out an angry sigh " wae ? "

" it's up to me , my relationship with him " i said i kept my glance away

" that night .. at MBC , i remember your words ! you said .. - that you found your happiness so why would you love me - , and from the very beginning you kept on talking about how you want to keep changmin " he talked and talked , he thought about it a lot and he just collected all the evidences to expose my lie ..

he continued as he came closer to me , ignoring all the distance i took between us earlier " you telling him what happened , means one of either things .. "

i looked at his deep brown eyes as i gulped and he continued

" either you didn't plan the revenge from the start or you didn't want to keep him from the start ... so what is it exactly ? " he asked clearly and i had no escape but to answer him

" i wanted to keep him earlier , but i couldn't lie , i couldn't continue lying on myself rather than lying on him , i tried to share my everything with him but i couldn't , i couldn't even share my thoughts with him , i wasn't ready yet to have someone in my life .. loving him with my brain was the other meaning of being selfish , if your heart didn't feel it then it's not love , it's nothing at all " i said with a broken voice seriously , he kept his gaze on my eyes shifting it momentarily on my lips then back at my eyes ..

" i thought you said you found your happiness ! " he wondered with a suffocated tone , and i felt the pity through his tone while his eyes were worried

" happiness !! it's a rational thing ! since i didn't hate him it was okay to date him and live normally , there's that kind of happiness that is just an extra spoiling thing , you can live without it , but you know it does exist since you experienced it once before .. " i said honestly as i sighed

i continued " that's why i didn't want you to cover up for me , since i was determined to end that joke i dragged changmin into "

he twitched his mouth in pain as he felt my pain through my broken voice

he talked with a soft tone " but .. i didn't want him to think of you as a betrayer , even if you wanted to breakup with him , i can't allow you being this kind of women in his eyes , i should take the responsibility for the revenge thing , since i'm the one who ma.... "

i interrupted him " i'm already that kind of women oppa , and i really did betray him , it's okay since it's the truth .. " i said as my eyes blurred with tears assuring him , it's the painful truth

" but it was because of me ... " he said with a broken tone , he wanted to add it to his list of things he should blame himself over and over for a life time , and that's exactly why i wanted to be beside him , to move on together , i want him out of that circle he's going through over and over across the years

" if i really wanted him , i wouldn't have acted that way with you even as a revenge !! but i cared about my past with you more than my future with him , so i'm not regretting it .. " i said as i wiped my tear , i told him honestly what wouldn't confuse him , but there are a lot of things more that i craved to say to him ..

such as - that i love him too - but i kept this to myself , so we could move on this time for real , without one of us two suffering or blaming ..

his thumb reached for my cheek gently to wipe a fallen tear " you tears .. why do you let go of them so easily !! " he asked with an aching tone as he smiled warmly

" i'm not sure either , i think i didn't grow up yet " i said as i chuckled

he curved his mouth with half a smile

silence took over the place , and we were awkwardly quiet glancing the furniture

" i have to go , it's past 1:00 a.m " i said as i got aware how the atmosphere will turn out awkward from now on

his hand s around my wrist as he looked at me " stay ... "

i gulped as i saw the passion in his eyes , his touch burned my skin with need , i missed him after all , his gentle intoxicating touch that i got addicted to , i'm not sure what is he thinking exactly right now but if i stayed longer , i may lose it all , i might lose myself to him again ..

" i have to .. " i said with an almost heard tone , i wanted to stay too ..

" then , i'll change and drive you home , it's late " he said with a deep tone still holding my wrist , my heart was racing as i looked at his dark eyes , his lips .. i was reminded of what i felt with him that night ..

" but .. you're tired , your face is aching too , i'll go by myself " i said as i tried to escape his hold but it didn't work

" no , i'm really okay , it doesn't hurt anymore " he said as he pressed his palm along his cheek as a prove , then he hurried grabbing my hand and placing it on his cheek

my heart raced for him , he's so close and my hand was fixed tightly along his cheek yet i couldn't touch him , he buried his cheek lightly in my palm keeping my gaze with his beautiful seducible eyes .. i bit my lip nervously as i tried to maintain my calm breathing ..

if that's continue .. i might just .. lose it , i might just act selfishly and be happy for a while not caring about tomorrow or him ..

my index finger pressed a bruise vigorously on purpose

" ouch !!! " he said frowning shocked

" see !? you're still in pain " i said as i pulled my hand back and stood

" i'm going with you seohyun-ssi , i already took the decision " he said as he stood too

" ohh , gentleman yong made his appearance "

he smiled warmly " wait a minute .. " he said as he went to his room

i walked in the living room checking it out , it was clean from furniture and memories , like a man without a past ..

as i saw a guitar rested on the wall , i traced my hand over it , so he uses this one now - i thought , i felt warm just by touching it ..

" can you play something for me " i heard him saying to me as he saw me tracing my hand over the guitar

" now ! " i was shocked and he nodded

" i'm ... i'm not ready .. i didn't think of something !! " i said stuttering

" anything will do " he said as he came and gave me the guitar between my hands as i sat down on the couch .. he rested his back on the wall crossing his arms and waiting for my song ..

his scent was all over the guitar and that made me feel warmer and less nervous

" i'm not sure th