( seohyun's villa , after MBC event )    i entered my villa , dubu touched my leg and i got startled for a moment that i forgot about her , " hey dubu , you missed omma ? i missed you too " i said as i caressed her ..    i went to the bathroom , opened the water to fill the tub .. i took off my accessories , my gold dress and threw them on the ground , i laid in the tub's warm water ...   staring at the ceiling for a moments , i took a deep breath , closed my eyes and started crying hard , so hard , so soundly , i wanted to cry hard since ever ..    i did it , i hurt him , i broke his heart ... i hurt him because i loved him .. he doesn't love me because i'm his happiness , he wants my happiness so he loved me , he wants me happy to compensate for his sins , even if i told him that i love him too , his world will still revolve about making me happy to compensate for what he did !! that's why he never moved on from me , not because he loves me but because he didn't get my forgiveness , if i really accepted this kind of love i would be totally using him for real , his world would be just about my happiness , what i need , and how he should fulfill it ..   i had no choice but to lie .. that it was a plan , that i got my revenge , that i broke him , he'll get hurt and move on from me being the broken angel , he'll know that we are even now , that i don't deserve his guiltiness , i'm not leaving him for his thoughts , i'll just appear in his life as much as he wants or even more , because i'm the accuser now , i'm the devil who's asking for his forgiveness ..   anyway i was never an angel , i wasn't lying when i said that i used him , i did use him to be happy once again , i wanted to try out the happiness that i longed for , the happiness only him can bring to my life ..   i used changmin too !! i used him when i dated him when i didn't even want to fall in love , however how sweet he was , whatever he has done for me , i didn't deserve any of it , because i wasn't ready to share my life with someone else ..    i have changed and i'm really worse than what yonghwa thinks of me now , i two timed the one i chose with my brain , and clang to the happiness i found with the man i have always loved ..    i just did to changmin , the same exact thing that yonghwa -broke me with- long time ago ..    i thought what happened in the past would give me the excuse to selfishly follow whatever makes me happy even by hurting people ...    i hope yonghwa would hate me , i hope he would find his own happiness away from me  .. i hope i would find my happiness too somehow .. or maybe there are people in this world who will end up as lonely heartless living bodies with a soul and i'm one of them   ---------------------------------------------   ( next day - seohyun POV )    the door bell rang , i was waiting for him  i took a deep breath getting ready for meeting him , my heart throbbed in fear as i was really scared of what's coming , of the cost i have to pay for the sin i have done .. although i'm never regretting it , what i had with yonghwa ..   i opened the door    " juhyunii ~ finally !! " changmin said excited as he saw me , he came closer to me , but i turned my face away   " i need to tell you something " i said seriously as my breathing quickened   " what's wrong ? " he asked worried as he froze and i couldn't look at him , it was torturing me that i'm the one at wrong , that i betrayed him ...    " juhyun~ , why are you quiet ? tell me what's wrong ? are you okay ? something happened to you ? " he asked concerned and worried    the longer he was acting sweet , the longer he gave me his attention and love , the harder my guiltiness was killing me  , i did betray his trust , used him and discarded his sincere love , i asked for someone to love me truly but i ended up betraying him when i found him..    i was so scared so i started crying hard ..    he reached for my arm , but i retreated it " don't " i said as i looked at him    i wiped my tears in a hurry , started calming my self down , and hoped for all what i got of courage to help me say this   " i'm sorry i'm not the girl you thought i would be "    " what do you mean ? " changmin asked worried   " i did betray you .... " i said it ! , cause i really did ..    " what ! how ? i can't understand " he ended up confused    " i'm sorry .. i didn't deserve the love you gave me "    " juhyun !! you are not talking about that involving another man , are you ? " he hesitated while asking , he was ashamed he's asking for such a 0% possibility thing but it really happened and i'm that kind of person    i nodded at him cautiously , he frowned in confusion not believing that he encountered such a worthless person as me , it was a shock for him since he had a huge expectations of me being the ideal girl    his warm eyes flared in anger and my body shivered , it was the first time ever i saw that glare from him    " who ? who's the bastard ? " he asked , it was scary like he was asking for a revenge immediately , i turned my face away refusing to tell him    he clinched his fists in anger and i shut my eyes in fear , i've hurt him , i broke him , it's all because of my selfishness , i shouldn't have dated him if i didn't want to give all my feelings for him , unnies said it's a part from moving on , you should forget about love and live with your brain ... but my heart was still there anyway , i ignored it but it was still beating for that man , the only man in my heart ..   when i opened my eyes i was getting a disgusted glance from changmin , that's when he took steps to leave ..    but if he left , i will end up all alone again , just like those years i lived as a doll without a soul ...  i wanted to live , have a boyfriend that cares for me , marry him and end up with a lovely family , i never asked for love again but i don't want to be alone    i hurried toward the door " but if you leave , i'll end up all alone again , i don't want to be alone ... " i shouted pathetically as i cried hard    he got a shock of how pathetic i was , frowning in disbelief as he shoved me to make his way out , i lost the strength in my knees so i sat on the floor and cried hard , pathetically , over a man i don't even love ....   ----------------------------------------------- ( flash back - CNBLUE dorm - jungshin POV )    we were sitting watching the tv in our dorm , the night seohyun tried to commit suicide 3 days ago still hunting me , whenever i remember it i get suffocated and nauseas , thankfully she's fine now but i swore to god that i would never tell yonghwa about it ..    if he ever know , that she tried such a thing because of him ! he'll never move on , he'll never forgive himself ..    " hyung , go ask him to come out to have dinner together " minhyuk asked jonghyun    " i'm sure he will refuse again , i'm not sure when will he move on , he never goes out from his room it has been weeks !! " jonghyun said as he glanced yonghwa's room direction    " i wonder if there's some way that we can get them together again , hyung and seohyun " minhyuk wondered and jonghyun started to think too    " there's no way !! it ended anyway " i said seriously irritated !!    " eeeh , how heartless !! are you hitting on her or what !! " minhyuk said to me shocked , i didn't respond and looked away ..    suddenly yonghwa got out of his room , we were all shocked and we wondered where's he going to ?    he went directly to the door .. i went to him    " hyung , where are you going ? " i asked him stopping him from going out    he reached for my hand to hold into with a trembling hand ..    " seohyun , she's at the hospital , she's sick again !! i just heard about it " he said with a trembling voice worried , he kept on looking into my eyes waiting for my assuring words as usual ...    " you shouldn't go .. " i said solemnly as i closed the door again with my hand , yonghwa looked at me shocked ! then he frowned    " you can't stop me , can you !? " he asked with a challenging angry eyes    " stay away from her , it's better for both of you .. and yes i'm not allowing you " i said solemnly with a serious tone    minhyuk and jonghyun glared at me too    " you have no right to stop me " yonghwa shouted angry , as he shoved me vigorously for me to fall on the floor     " calm down guys " jonghyun said    " you lied to me jungshin , you told me that she was all right whenever i asked about her !!! i trusted you but you were lying all along , even now you didn't look surprised knowing about her being in the hospital , you knew all along but never told me " yonghwa pointed a finger at me shouting angry , i was still sitting on the floor , trying to manage my feelings not to say the wrong things , the things that he shouldn't know    i looked away quietly not responding to him    " bastard " yonghwa murmured as he opened the door !! but no i can't allow him to meet her again , seohyun's life in danger .. i can't allow him even if i had to ....   " it's because of you , that she is at the hospital again " i shouted before he goes out .. he froze for a second before he turns around to look at me    my heart throbbed loudly in my ears as i saw his confused eyes , and i thought about what's more serious - breaking his heart or endangers seohyun's life , both were hard for me but .. i clinched my fists    " seohyun .. tried to .. kill her self " i said cautiously as i kept a track of his glance , he looked confused and didn't believe it , he opened his mouth multiple times to say something but he went dead quiet for a moment as he stopped breathing , blinking , just like a mannequin staring at me ..    i knew that if i don't start explaining soon he would keep frozen like that forever    " after you went to her , she had a relapse , and by the time she was left alone at the dorm ... she tried to .. "  i was explaining but stopped when yonghwa gasped and covered his mouth with his palm , he tried to fight for a breathing and i got worried over him , while minhyuk and jonghyun were just frozen shocked at what they've heard .. looking at yonghwa again i got more worried as i stood up quickly reaching for him ..    " she's fine now " i said as i reached for his back patting him assuring as he was deprived from breathing , just like an asthmatic attack but i didn't know how to help him , my eyes blurred with tears as i knew it was me who told him this ..   yonghwa's eyes were blurred with tears too from the shock as he gasped for air vigorously    as i was at loss of what to do , i hugged him assuring and patting his back " breath hyung , breath please "    i begged him to live as tears rolled on my cheeks    then he started crying hard .. " so .. i almost killed her ??!! " he asked shocked as he trembled in fear .. " i did that to her !! " he continued shocked   " no .. she's all right .. she'll move on one day , it will pass , those sorrowful days will just pass " i said assuring him as he cried and gasped ..    ---------------------------------------------   ( the present - yonghwa POV )    i woke up suffocated as my body shivered in fear !!! it was a dream after all , my quickened breathing started to calm down , wiping my forehead sweat with my palm as i pulled my hair backward ..    i reached for my phone in a hurry , it was 10:00 a.m , i called the WGM project manager   " ah , hello yonghwa-ssi , do you need something ? " the manager asked as she answered my call    " actually ... i want to stop what remained from the yongseo projects , i'm so busy i can't keep up with it "    " eh ! but you still need to work on just two more projects , and there's a contract .. it's really hard to .. " the manager whined in agony    " i know .. but i can't "    " that would be considered a breach of contract , it'll cost you a - no joke- amount of money " the manager said trying to warn me    " i know , i'll pay whatever asked "    " mmmm i need to talk to CEO han , maybe he can re-edit your schedule " she said    " please !! keep this between us , i'll pay and compensate for any disadvantages " i said seriously    " mmm , anyway i'll call MBC CEO and take the permission to end it as you're asking for .. " the manager said sighing heavily    " thank you .." i said as i sighed relieved    " i'll ask about the circumstances and sends the details later " the manager said as she ended the call   -------------------------------------------------   ~ seohyun 's building garden ~ jungshin pov ~ 5:00 P.M   seohyun came toward me wearing a shade on her eyes , she sat on the wooden chair ..   " were you busy ? i'm sorry i asked for us to meet so suddenly " seohyun said solemnly    " you know it's okay " i said with a warm smile as i looked at her    she started talking softly " yesterday .. i broke up with changmin , i cried a river over him although i didn't love him "    she continued " i felt that moment how pathetic i was , clinging to who ever man to fill up my emptiness " , her lips curved ashamed    she continued " i lived all the past years as a victim and suddenly i did all the wrong things that you can ever imagine , i'm just so selfish , breaking people hearts and i'm starting to hate my self truly "    her tears slowly rolled on her cheeks , she was suffering and confused , but i didn't understand what happened to her ..    she continued " i just wanted to be happy once again .. but  " she lost her track of thoughts suddenly and stopped talking , she looked at a distance trying to compose her emotions    " was it because of yonghwa ? did he mess up your life again " i asked a little irritated    " if what i had was worth it , i wouldn't have allowed him to mess it up , but what he gave me in those few weeks were worth the whole life i lived away from him " she said    i knew that moment that she still loves him ...    she continued  " anyway i ended up hurting him badly , so i hope from now on , you , unnies , and me would stop blaming him , because i'm just like him - trying to get everything with my hands but i ended up losing my self instead "    " why would you hurt him ? do you think he didn't get enough pain already since what happened ! " i asked her seriously frowning , that's why i wanted them to stay away from each other , because i knew that they'll end up hurting each other again and again ..    " i never knew that i would end up entangled with him again after all those years , i wanted to help him at first but then .. i lost my self to him , and when i got aware i had to hurt him , not sure to save me or him !  "    i moved to the seat edge closer to her " be honest with yourself , and act according to what you really want ... "    " i did ... i really did .. but it was wrong , when i acted according to what i really want , it ended up wrong !!  " she said in agony   i sighed depressed as i couldn't understand what's happening between them ! if she loves him , and he loves her , what's the problem exactly so they end up hurting each othe